“Slap Yourself And Don’t Do It”: 30 Social Norms People Hate The Most

Imagine a world where social norms didn't exist. Would it be chaos, or would you finally be able to relax? You would no longer have to worry about watching what you say around colleagues or feel pressure to conform to rigid beauty standards.

While societal expectations can certainly help us navigate through the world with minimal conflict, certain ones might also become the bane of your existence.

Redditors have recently been calling out social norms that they would happily eliminate if they could, so we’ve gathered some of their hot takes below. Keep reading to also find a conversation with sociologist and author Dr. Todd Schoepflin, and be sure to upvote the unspoken rules that you’ve had enough of too!

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Letting kids act like psychotic inmates in public and at school. Because it's super disruptive and ruins everybody else's time, and is sometimes dangerous, and does not bode well for the kids as adults.

ScoutieJer , Stephen Andrews / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

143points

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Mrs.C 1 month ago

"My kid would never" well, your kid abos-freaking-loutley did & here's the video. Parents will look you dead in the eye and still deny their child did anything wrong.

38points

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Not accepting aging. 20yo girls shouldn't be getting "preventative botox". And actresses showing signs of aging shouldn't lose jobs. "Aging like milk" shouldn't be a saying at all. Normalize aging in general.

ktatsanon:

The amount of plastic surgery that young women are getting around here is sickening to me. Beautiful women ruining their looks to look like inflated, smooth faced aliens, is just so off-putting.

lithuanian_potatfan , Anna Shvets / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

129points

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WindySwede 1 month ago

Aging like milk, if the milk have been turned into cheese 🧀 👍

28points

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Videoing everything you do for fake internet points has become normal. No one f*****g cares.

Silly_Importance_74 , Ivan Samkov / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

124points

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Lost Panda 1 month ago

This and narrating their life every few minutes...

25points

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To learn more about the complex world of social norms, we got in touch with Dr. Todd Schoepflin. Dr. Schoepflin is a sociologist, professor, the author of Sociology in Stories, and blogger, and he was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda about the unspoken rules we follow every day.

“As a sociologist I'm obsessed with norms, a foundational concept in my field. Norms guide our behavior,” Dr. Schoepflin shared. “They are the generally agreed on do's and don'ts of everyday life.”

“When students walked into the classroom today and said ‘Good morning,’ a norm was in effect. When students sit and pay attention, and I teach with enthusiasm and do my best to ‘act like a professor,’ we're all following the norms,” he explained.

That whole thing where victims (of bullying, assault or abuse) have to "let things go" to "keep the peace" needs to die. People need to stop covering for a******s and criminals and let them face the consequences of their actions.

MindlessApricot8 , Keira Burton / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

122points

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Mortlemur 1 month ago

Exactly and my school defends the bullies instead of helping the victims

30points

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That as a woman you need to have biological kids or that "you'll never be complete/feel true love without them". Just let us be our own selves.

rock-mommy , Pixabay / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

121points

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Lucifer 1 month ago

This is the position of conservatives( both political & religious). They still view women as property. And property has to produce some tangible results to be viewed as "useful". These people never left the mindset of ancient Greece.

29points

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Circumcision. Such a barbaric thing to do to a literal infant.

eyedaisydoom , Sarah Chai / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

88points

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WindySwede 1 month ago

Stop this now! Even more the mutulation of girls vulvas! 🤬😡

49points

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But what happens if we ignore norms in society? “No one holds the door for anyone. Shoppers leave their carts wherever they want. Drivers take up two spots,” Dr. Schoepflin told Bored Panda.

The expert also pointed out that norms differ place to place. “The norms of the New York City Subway system make for an interesting case study,” he says. “As a different example, here in Buffalo, NY, it violates a norm if we don't eat bleu cheese with chicken wings. We're not supposed to like ranch with our wings here.”

Having to pretend you're “busy” to decline plans - just let me say no without making it a whole thing!

Blake-Faust , Anna Shvets / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

86points

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Michael Largey 1 month ago (edited)

I decline an invitation not because I have something on my calendar, but because I don't want to have something on my calendar.

20points

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Touching a pregnant woman's belly without permission.

fallen_aussie , SHVETS production / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

86points

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Invisible Potato 1 month ago

"i will permint to touch my belly if you hold my husbands balls for 20 minutes"

29points

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Expecting people to be onboard with gender norms is really annoying. Let boys learn home cooking and give girls the opportunity to do yardwork.

Barely_An_Artist , Angela Roma / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

84points

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Nilsen 1 month ago

That should be seen as tools to live an independent life: You don't have to starve, or live in filth, you can both cook and clean. You can change your tires, mow the lawn and cut the hedges, or clean the gutters. These are life skills, not gender roles.

41points

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Dr. Schoepflin also noticed that I’m a native Texan. “I would wonder out loud, if, other than perhaps in Austin, does it violate a norm to be a vegan?” he asked. (It does!)

“I say that living in Buffalo, which I deem to be a meat loving place, and recalling that when my son was briefly vegetarian, he got some grief for it. People attend meat raffles here to have fun and raise money. There aren't salad raffles! So it's always important to think about norms and how they shape our behavior, expectations, and reactions.”

#10

More than 1 please :)
1) it is normal and healthy to be unmarried
2) it is normal to think of entering in a romantic relationship in 30s or beyond
3) divorce is a situation and not a label, once divorced, you are as single as someone single
4) love can be found at any age.

shalini-andwemet , cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

81points

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HeavyMetalHeart 1 month ago

Getting married next year for the first time at the age of 48! I wasn’t in the right headspace/didn’t meet the right person when I was younger, but it all came together in my 40s.

56points

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#11

Tipping.

HeyImBandit , Kelly / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

81points

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blobby 1 month ago

Tipping is fine. Using it as an excuse to not pay your employees a living wage is not.

66points

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#12

The need to be busy or productive all the time. Hustle culture is b******t, we all need and deserve rest time. It’s not lazy, it’s something we all need. My hobbies don’t need to be monetised or marketable in some way to be worth doing.

breadcrumbsmofo , Ketut Subiyanto / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

79points

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Friendly Neighbourhood Hermit 1 month ago

And sometimes I just wanna rot in bed in peace for a whole day.

29points

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But of course, the expert says people defy norms all the time, and we see norms change over time. “Look at the increased popularity of tattoos. The people like tattoos!” Dr. Schoepflin noted.

“Sometimes a public official makes a difference in the norms. I believe Dr. C. Everett Koop impacted norms of smoking when he spoke out about the dangers of tobacco. In my 20s, all the bars smelled of smoke. Now they don't,” the sociologist continued.

#13

Working 40 hours a week until you can hopefully retire at 65.

I see my coworkers more than I see my own family.

Apprehensive_Use2563 , Andrea Piacquadio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

79points

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Friendly Neighbourhood Hermit 1 month ago

Aren't they also increasing retirement age whilst also reducing the pension? Which definitely isn't gonna help.

18points

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#14

Expecting people to be in a relationship, and questioning single people about why they're single. All it does is makes single people feel inadequate.

DeathSpiral321 , ira dulger / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

77points

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Lavern Defazio 1 month ago

I've been single for many many many years and I never felt inadequate.

23points

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#15

Drinking alcohol in almost any social situation.

ThimMerrilyn , Pavel Danilyuk / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

76points

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Nianudd 1 month ago

Started a fight on Reddit once by telling someone tht if they couldn't make it through an event without even a single alcoholic drink, they might have a problem

28points

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“So many gender norms have changed,” Dr. Schoepflin added. “A few generations ago, men smoked cigars in waiting rooms while their girlfriend or wife gave birth. Now, men are expected to be part of the labor process and may even be asked to cut the umbilical cord.”

“Speaking of labor, in 50 years, the share of women in the paid labor force increased from 30 percent in 1950 to 60 percent by 2000,” he says. “I'm going to show my students this example in class: until 1974, women didn't have the right to apply for credit in their own name without a male co-signer. Social movements (feminism, Civil Rights Movement) play a critical role in changing norms, attitudes, and laws.”

#16

Poor driving habits.

- Blocking the left lane.
- Not using turn signals.
- Speeding up to get past, only to slow down once in front.
- Speeding up to block someone from moving over.
- Blocking someone from merging onto the highway.
- Highbeams at night when not necessary.

Poor driving habits trickle down to people gradually becoming a******s to each other. We are in our own little bubble while driving.

Mrcommander254 , JESHOOTS.com / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

75points

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sdorph 1 month ago

Not speeding up to highway speed when coming down the on-ramp

24points

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#17

I would eliminate the social norm that discourages open conversations about mental health. If we could talk about our struggles without stigma, more people would seek help when they need it, and we'd foster a society that's more understanding and supportive.

iiJinn , Nathan Cowley / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

72points

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Lost Panda 1 month ago

I agree, but at the same time I feel that there are a few too many people self diagnosising for "points" or to cover their own behavior. I'm about 50/50 on this one.

30points

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#18

Expecting women to wear bras.

Edit: People commenting that big breasted women would disagree are missing the point. If you want to wear a bra, wear a bra. But we shouldn’t be expected to because our nipples are more sexualized than men’s.

ScribblerJack , Castorly Stock / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

72points

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Jessica Cooney 1 month ago

I gave up caring what most people think about my bra wearing habits long ago. So IF I feel like wearing a bra, I do. I have no problem at all walking around the store sans bra. I figure its not my problem if someone doesn't like the shape of my fully covered chest.

30points

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We were also curious to know if Dr. Schoepflin would like to see any norms changed. “I'm concerned about what I perceive to be an ‘almost norm’ of aggressive driving,” he told Bored Panda. “More and more often I observe people driving like they're in video games, weaving rapidly through traffic, tailgating, and gesturing in a hostile manner when they don't like what their fellow drivers do.”

#19

Shaming people who live with their parents as adults.

ChairmanLaParka:

The amount of people I interact with who, when they find out I, as a middle-aged man, live with my mom, no longer want anything to do with me is pretty high.
The amount of people who still feel that way after I tell them it's because she has mobility issues and has trouble doing basic things on her own is frustratingly high.

Tkinokun , Antoni Shkraba / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

70points

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Cooking Panda 1 month ago (edited)

Agree. There are many reasons why people choose to live with their parents, including the one mentioned above which is exactly what I do too. I'm an only child, mom died a long time ago. When I got married I gave my husband a condition, that is I want to stay in town because I don't have the heart to leave my old man. My husband & me both have jobs & we earn decent money. So it's not necessarily because someone is a jobless slob or couldn't afford rent.

17points

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#20

Women needing to remove their body hair in order to be seen as feminine.

Why? Because I think it’s ridiculous. It’s time consuming, costly, can be painful, can lead to rashes, ingrown hairs, infection and scarring.

I know there is such a thing as autonomy. I am aware that people have their own preferences and their own motivations.

Aequanitmitas , Tima Miroshnichenko / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

69points

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Lost Panda 1 month ago

I agree, you do you. You wanna remove it, go for it. You don't want to don't.

22points

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#21

Not talking about your salary with your coworkers.

If everyone knew what everyone else was earning, wages would go up across the board—which is exactly why it is taboo.

Incredible_Witness , Christina Morillo / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

66points

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R Dennis 1 month ago

I always told people that your salary is your business. If you want to share it, go ahead. I didn't care if my company didn't want them sharing wage information. That doesn't benefit anyone but the employer.

11points

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“I'd love it if, as drivers, we collectively chilled out, slowed down, and reacted in a calm manner when something doesn't go our way,” the sociologist continued. “But it seems to me that we're going down the road of being distracted, impatient, angry drivers. This puts drivers and pedestrians in danger!”

“We've had long standing, effective campaigns against drunk driving (MADD gets some credit for that),” he added. “Perhaps we need more public awareness about the dangers of aggressive, distracted, everyday driving in contemporary society.”

#22

Shaking hands. Let’s just go to a head nod instead. I’m not a germaphobe in the slightest but I know people don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom.

Kid_Named_Trey , fauxels / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

59points

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sdorph 1 month ago

Yes, handshaking faded away for a while because of Covid but now seems to be back again

14points

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#23

Virgin shaming. More specifically making assumptions about a person if they are “still” a virgin (ex: religious, traumatized, weird, question sexuality etc). It could just be circumstantial it hasn’t happened yet, they aren’t ready yet, didn’t meet someone they want to yet. It doesn’t always have to be some exaggerated reason and some questionable trait about a person that they’re a virgin.

RezDerez , Arina Krasnikova / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

57points

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Lavern Defazio 1 month ago (edited)

Overheard three young men I work with talking about being virgins. All in their early 20s. Was not something I wanted to overhear, but I'm glad they were comfortable with each other to talk about it. Good for them.

23points

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#24

I would eliminate the idea of wearing high-heeled shoes.

P44 , Apostolos Vamvouras / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

52points

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Trillian 1 month ago

Feel free to just not wear any? Haven't work a pair in my life.

21points

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#25

Being a workaholic is a kind of = success, and working just to get to live and enjoy life with your loved ones is kinda "stupid".

Life is short, why do I have to spend 12h working in a place to make money for someone else and be a stranger to my kids, stop visiting my parents, and just talk to my wife 20mins before we fall asleep.

bunanita3333 , Ron Lach / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

51points

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keyboardtek 1 month ago

Law firms have this thing about working 12 hour days. Why not just hire more lawyers if the firm has so much work?

13points

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#26

Always needing to have new, fashionable clothing that you cannot wear repeatedly. This is slowly starting to change, but people still look askance if you wear the same thing more than once within a short amount of time even though plenty of people have washer and could easily wash something overnight and wear it again the next day. Fast fashion causes a lot of harm.

AlishaV , Andrea Piacquadio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

51points

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CatFist 1 month ago

Do they though? Maybe I'm an outlier, but I don't think I'd ever notice if someone wore the same think on multiple occasions (including multiple days in a row) unless it happened to be something quite outlandish - though even then I'd not have a problem with it (at least not that that wore it again, though depending on the outfit, I might take issue with it in and of itself 😕)

19points

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#27

Casual racism- it's so common it's just so tiring to hear.

PlayShoddy1467 , Polina Tankilevitch / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

50points

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Lucifer 1 month ago

It takes a special kind of stupid to think one race is better than the other.

24points

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#28

That a woman should be younger in relationship.

Having a younger boyfriend/husband for women should be a norm and not a shocking exception.

Soft_Detective5107 , Emma Bauso / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

48points

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Michael Largey 1 month ago

My wife and I went on a train trip while vacationing in Canada. She qualified for the Senior Citizen rate by two years, and I missed it by two. But I rode for free anyway because I was "escorting a senior citizen". I try not to remind her of this more than once or twice a week.

8points

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#29

Referring to ones spouse as a ball and chain or otherwise joking about your cr*ppy marriage. Your marriage should be strong if it’s going to last and a cr*ppy marriage shouldn’t be socially joked about it as if it’s unfixable.

zvitaledit , TranStudios Photography & Video / peels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

45points

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Any 1 month ago

And there is still divorce if you feel like your spouse is ball and chain....

9points

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#30

This is a new social norm of tween girls being taking to sephora and ulta to buy face serums needs to be eliminated. Dermotologists are horrified, no tween girl skin needs anti aging products. And these products are not cheap. I used to work at kohls and every night there would be a gaggle of middle schoolers and their mom and sometimes dad, buying the products that cost $50+ why be use of tik tok!!!

GongYooFan , Shiny Diamond / pexels(not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

45points

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featherytoad 1 month ago

I'm 53F, and all I do is, wash, exfoliate lightly with a baby washcloth every now and then and moisturize. I've briefly experimented with other things until I found out you have to be consistent and dedicated. F that, I'm to lazy. I don't even wash my face every day. Right now it's fun and exciting for them. As they get older, it's going to feel like a chore.

10points

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Note: this post originally had 62 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.

If you could eliminate one social norm, which would it be and why?

Dirk Daring 1 month ago

Call me a cynic, but can we please put an end to making restaurant waitstaff sing "Happy Birthday" to grown adults? Nobody involved enjoys that. Anyone who genuinely likes having this done to/for them is an attention-hungry narcissist.

Ok, you're a cynic. That is to say, someone inconveniently right.

4points

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Sophia Athene 1 month ago (edited)

If another server shoves a witch's hat on my head and stands beside while I don't move or look at them to get me to ride a broom around b/c it's my birthday, I am going to jail for assault. I wish the w/b***h that is in me now was in me then.

0points

Beak Hookage 1 month ago (edited)

Our local restaurant would play a full choir rendition of the song on the speakers and stick a candle in your dessert. But only if you specifically asked them to.

Beth Wheeler 1 month ago

That and happy anniversary if there are several at the same time UGH

PeTeH 1 month ago

Worshiping celebrities.

Adam Benson 1 month ago

How about adults AND their kids watching iPad/phone videos at an ear-splitting volume in public? One generation of a**holes training the next.

5points

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“Slap Yourself And Don’t Do It”: 30 Social Norms People Hate The Most

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