“AITA For Telling My Sister Her Baby Isn’t A Real Baby?”
Interview With ExpertSharing exciting news with family is a joyous occasion. Who else but your closest people would be as happy for you to hit important milestones or achieve your dreams? That said, not everyone is fortunate enough to have supportive family members who have their back in all walks of life.
Like this woman, who, after telling her sister about her engagement, instead of receiving cheerful congratulations, got accused of her lab-grown diamond ring being fake. Such a comment majorly upset her and she didn’t even notice how an insult about her sister’s baby flew out of her mouth, causing a whole situation.
Scroll down to read the full story and conversation with Matt Harris, gem expert and owner of Matt Harris Designs, and owner of Facets Fine Jewelry, Irina Aran, who kindly agreed to answer our questions about lab-grown diamonds.
Sharing exciting news with family, like engagement, should always be a joyous occasion
Image credits: Joe Eitzen (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately, the announcement of this woman’s engagement turned bitter when her sister started accusing her fiancé of gifting a fake diamond
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
Image source: Empty-Button-6511
Lab-grown diamond is a 100% real diamond
Image credits: Dillon Wanner (not the actual photo)
People looking to buy diamond jewellery can choose between mined diamonds, diamond simulants, or lab-grown diamonds. The first option is a natural gemstone formed over billions of years thanks to unique geological processes. The gemstone is usually found and extracted by workers in mines.
Diamond stimulants only offer the look of a diamond but don’t have the same chemical and physical properties, like durability and reflectivity, and are a cost-effective alternative for those wanting the aesthetic of a diamond. Materials like Moissanite and Cubic Zirconia are often used in place of mined diamonds as they resemble them the most.
Meanwhile, a lab-grown diamond is a 100% real diamond, sharing the same properties and physical appearance as the natural precious stone. “It’s their origin that sets them apart,” explains Matt Harris, gem expert and owner of Matt Harris Designs. “Lab diamonds are created by equipment in a laboratory and natural diamonds are created by Earth and are mined.”
The first batch of lab-grown diamonds was created in 1954 and over the years, scientists have perfected the production process. Currently, the stone is made by either pressing carbon with immense heat and pressure or using carbon-rich gas to crystalize a minuscule slice of diamond with the help of high temperatures.
“With increasing awareness of environmental issues, many folks are leaning toward lab diamonds because they have a smaller ecological footprint. No mining means less disruption to our planet!” said the owner of Facets Fine Jewelry, Irina Aran, to Bored Panda.
Half disagree with the statement that lab-grown diamonds are real
Image credits: Dillon Wanner (not the actual photo)
Due to their more cost-effective, sustainable, and ethical nature, lab-grown diamonds have gained quite a lot of popularity in recent years and now make up about 20% of the diamond market. “Lab diamonds are here to stay,” says Aran. “They offer the diamond and fine jewelry industry a safer and more ethical alternative to mining.”
However, others still remain skeptical about precious stones made in laboratories. De Beers’ 2021 Diamond Insight Flash Report found that 60% of consumers described natural diamonds as ‘authentic,’ while 41% found them to be more romantic. One in three also believed that the possession of natural versus lab-grown diamonds made them feel special. Almost half of the respondents even went as far as saying that they disagreed with the statement that lab-grown diamonds are real.
“In my view, it raises the question: Does having an epidural mean you’re not having a natural birth? You’re expediting a natural process and removing the painful part, making the process your own, with the same beautiful outcome,” Aran said, answering to those who might be still skeptical about lab-grown diamonds.
“If someone gives you a hard time for wearing a lab diamond, they’re the problem, not you!” said Harris. “Unless it’s a close friend that really is curious and wants to have a conversation about lab vs. natural, why even respond? That said, if you feel like engaging, you can mention that labs are identical to natural diamonds,” he suggested.
“Or talk about the price. I’ve heard couples say, “We decided we’d rather spend money on an incredible overseas honeymoon than a natural diamond.” The reality is that the lower prices of lab diamonds have provided the opportunity for many people to enjoy the sparkle of diamonds in much bigger sizes than they could afford if lab diamonds didn’t exist. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with owning a lab diamond, with machine-made bread, or with listening to a song on Spotify.”
The author provided more information in the comments
Some readers thought that the original poster wasn’t in the wrong here
Some also thought that both sisters were acting like jerks
While others believed that the original poster was acting immaturely
Poll Question
What do you think about the comparison made between lab-grown diamonds and IVF babies?
Understandable analogy
Insensitive comparison
Not comparable at all
Unsure about it
Makes me despair for society that so many people didn't understand she wasn't actually arguing that the baby wasn't real, she was pointing out the flaws in her sister's logic.
I understood it to mean: OP was *trying* to get sis to understand - just cuz something is "lab grown" doesn't make it not real.
Load More Replies...Same; I can understand the emotional issue involved due to the fertility; however, OP was using the sister's logic to try and explain how ridiculous that logic was. Overall, justified response.
I agree on the surface, but I disagree that it was a "justified response". I've learned as I've gotten older and more emotionally mature that fertility issues are an incredibly sensitive topic, and for people who WANT children but have fertility issues, it is incredibly hurtful to speak negatively about their fertility journey in any way, even if they were a-holes about something else first. A ring is not a child. I get that OP was "giving as good as she got", but it was still offensive to call her sister's child "not a real baby" since it was conceived via IVF. OP did not "teach her sister a lesson" about logic/ridiculousness - all she did was hurt her sister's heart and remind her that she could not conceive a child normally. OP wanted a lab diamond for moral reasons - fine. OP's sister wanted a baby and could not have one normally. There were no morals involved - sister HAD to use IVF. She had no choice. OP did.
I totally agree. People saying OP was justified are blowing my mind. It doesn't matter if OP didn't mean her sister's baby wasn't a real one, she used it as a comparison and that's just wrong. It's totally understandable that her sister and BIL, having gone through the pain and heartbreak of IVF, would be pissed. As someone else pointed out I'll be shocked if OP is forgiven any time soon, and without an apology they may not be forgiven at all.
A lab-grown diamond is just as real as a blood diamond, as THEY’RE IDENTICAL. It’s just that lab-grown doesn’t cause people to be abused or to rush their lives. I don’t even care for diamonds, but if I’m ever given another, it’ll hafta be a lab diamond for me to wear it.
@Bookworm: The ability to understand sentences and statements is being lost more and more.
As I like to say: "Common sense has become a recessive gene, not everybody has it anymore."
Yeah, it seems like normal sister behaviour, for the types that get along one minute and say stupid shít the next.
Load More Replies...And yet, OP did not "teach her sister a lesson" about ridiculousness - all she did was hurt her sister's heart and remind her that she could not conceive a child normally. OP wanted a lab diamond for moral reasons - that is fine. OP's sister wanted a baby and could not have one normally. There were no morals involved - sister HAD to use IVF. She had no choice since she could not conceive normally (other than just never having children, but clearly she WANTED children.) At 26 years old, OP may not yet have the emotional maturity to realize that fertility issues are an incredibly sensitive topic for those who want children but do have fertility issues. I get that OP keeps repeating "But I didn't MEAN that I don't think my niece isn't a real baby!" but she still doesn't get it. Her words still hurt her sister (who has fertility issues AND a miscarriage) terribly.
I disagree with you entirely and the IVF thing is a non sequitur. Let me explain. I would bet a large some of money on the following scenario taking place if it was provable. OP's sister (OPS) is jealous of OP's ring and the only meaningful way to disparage the ring is that it is lab grown. OP tries to explain how OPS's thought process is illogical with an apt and obvious analogy. OPS, on realizing their entire argument got destroyed, shifts the goal posts and makes it about her disparaging her IVF child when OP did no such thing. Could you explain why you think the analogy was mean? Saying my ring and your kid are both real isn't mean. OPS just had a normal human reaction to being proven wrong. It happens all the time. That is why the IVF thing is a non sequitur. OPS is just using it to plaster over a losing argument and play the victim.
I think it's the things being compared (for argument's let's not argue about a baby being a "thing"). OP could have compared organic and GMO foods, polyester and cotton, chocolate and cacao nibs, but no, she had to hit her sister in what's probably her weakest spot. It just wasn't necessary.
Clearly many commenters merely skim the contents and whip out their two cent opinions in a haze of misunderstanding . Read, people. Read carefully. Consider what was meant before getting whipped up in a dither. And it wouldn't hurt to proofread before hitting "send".
Yeah, I'm gonna say critical thinking isn't a high priority for all these ESH and YTA's folks in these responses. Try logic, people. It does a brain good.
No contact would be a blessing, enjoy the break from the petty lunatic
Why do people hate logic so much? OP was absolutely right in her reasoning. It might not have sat well with her sis, but sis opened the door herself. Why was sis so insistent on the diamond not being a ' real' diamond? She wanted to take her sis down a peg. Why would you want to do that to someone who's proud of her engagement ring? OP's sis has no reason to occupy the moral l high ground in this.
Seems to me the sister was jealous because even though it wasn't a "real" diamond, her sister got a nicer ring. Maybe she wanted a larger stone but that was all her husband could afford. Such a bizarre and stupid fight.
NTA. OP took her sister's 'logic' and applied it to a different related situation to demonstrate the flaws. That's how you test for validity in logical reasoning. Sister started the entire mess, got shut down by her own argument being used against her, and then doubled down on being both ignorant and malicious.
Also, the tag line of the thread is incorrect. OP was not insisting that her sister's baby wasn't real. Just the opposite. Baby is just as real as the diamond. Just because a process had human help doesn't make the end result not real. Is a child less real if it's born in a hospital? Is food less real if it's cooked and not raw?
Everyone who voted YTA or ESH either didn't read the post, or they read what they wanted to read. They can all f**k right off. NTA.
Of course she called you back. Nobody says no to free babysitting.
What a dumb arguement and what a stupid comparison. Don't bring up past trauma (ie infertility struggles) in unrelated arguments. It sounds to me the underlying issue was "Your ring is bigger than mine, and I'm jealous, therefore I will devalue it to make myself feel better." vs "You are devaluing my ring, and I think you are missing the point - it has sentiment and value because my partner and I chose it, so stop gatekeeping 'realness' because it's from a lab." Next time go with "I love my ring, it's exactly what I wanted. It's important to me that it's lab-made, not natural. Whether "Natural" is more valuable or rare matters less to me than my ring being ethical. It's important to me to know that it came from human science, not human suffering."
LilSis is 26 and BigSis is 31. That means BigSis was about 5 when LilSis was born. Not an ideal age if BigSis was an only child. These two have probably been getting up each others' noses all their lives.
I'm positive I'll be downvoted but I'm ok with that. I'm skipping over a judgement because I don't think that's really the issue. IMHO the whole fight is stupid, but I also think OP could easily have used another argument. I put this in another reply, but why not compare organic to GMO food? Or cotton to polyester? Or cacao to chocolate? It's all about a process, right? It didn't need to be about IVF. She didn't need to go there.
Makes me despair for society that so many people didn't understand she wasn't actually arguing that the baby wasn't real, she was pointing out the flaws in her sister's logic.
I understood it to mean: OP was *trying* to get sis to understand - just cuz something is "lab grown" doesn't make it not real.
Load More Replies...Same; I can understand the emotional issue involved due to the fertility; however, OP was using the sister's logic to try and explain how ridiculous that logic was. Overall, justified response.
I agree on the surface, but I disagree that it was a "justified response". I've learned as I've gotten older and more emotionally mature that fertility issues are an incredibly sensitive topic, and for people who WANT children but have fertility issues, it is incredibly hurtful to speak negatively about their fertility journey in any way, even if they were a-holes about something else first. A ring is not a child. I get that OP was "giving as good as she got", but it was still offensive to call her sister's child "not a real baby" since it was conceived via IVF. OP did not "teach her sister a lesson" about logic/ridiculousness - all she did was hurt her sister's heart and remind her that she could not conceive a child normally. OP wanted a lab diamond for moral reasons - fine. OP's sister wanted a baby and could not have one normally. There were no morals involved - sister HAD to use IVF. She had no choice. OP did.
I totally agree. People saying OP was justified are blowing my mind. It doesn't matter if OP didn't mean her sister's baby wasn't a real one, she used it as a comparison and that's just wrong. It's totally understandable that her sister and BIL, having gone through the pain and heartbreak of IVF, would be pissed. As someone else pointed out I'll be shocked if OP is forgiven any time soon, and without an apology they may not be forgiven at all.
A lab-grown diamond is just as real as a blood diamond, as THEY’RE IDENTICAL. It’s just that lab-grown doesn’t cause people to be abused or to rush their lives. I don’t even care for diamonds, but if I’m ever given another, it’ll hafta be a lab diamond for me to wear it.
@Bookworm: The ability to understand sentences and statements is being lost more and more.
As I like to say: "Common sense has become a recessive gene, not everybody has it anymore."
Yeah, it seems like normal sister behaviour, for the types that get along one minute and say stupid shít the next.
Load More Replies...And yet, OP did not "teach her sister a lesson" about ridiculousness - all she did was hurt her sister's heart and remind her that she could not conceive a child normally. OP wanted a lab diamond for moral reasons - that is fine. OP's sister wanted a baby and could not have one normally. There were no morals involved - sister HAD to use IVF. She had no choice since she could not conceive normally (other than just never having children, but clearly she WANTED children.) At 26 years old, OP may not yet have the emotional maturity to realize that fertility issues are an incredibly sensitive topic for those who want children but do have fertility issues. I get that OP keeps repeating "But I didn't MEAN that I don't think my niece isn't a real baby!" but she still doesn't get it. Her words still hurt her sister (who has fertility issues AND a miscarriage) terribly.
I disagree with you entirely and the IVF thing is a non sequitur. Let me explain. I would bet a large some of money on the following scenario taking place if it was provable. OP's sister (OPS) is jealous of OP's ring and the only meaningful way to disparage the ring is that it is lab grown. OP tries to explain how OPS's thought process is illogical with an apt and obvious analogy. OPS, on realizing their entire argument got destroyed, shifts the goal posts and makes it about her disparaging her IVF child when OP did no such thing. Could you explain why you think the analogy was mean? Saying my ring and your kid are both real isn't mean. OPS just had a normal human reaction to being proven wrong. It happens all the time. That is why the IVF thing is a non sequitur. OPS is just using it to plaster over a losing argument and play the victim.
I think it's the things being compared (for argument's let's not argue about a baby being a "thing"). OP could have compared organic and GMO foods, polyester and cotton, chocolate and cacao nibs, but no, she had to hit her sister in what's probably her weakest spot. It just wasn't necessary.
Clearly many commenters merely skim the contents and whip out their two cent opinions in a haze of misunderstanding . Read, people. Read carefully. Consider what was meant before getting whipped up in a dither. And it wouldn't hurt to proofread before hitting "send".
Yeah, I'm gonna say critical thinking isn't a high priority for all these ESH and YTA's folks in these responses. Try logic, people. It does a brain good.
No contact would be a blessing, enjoy the break from the petty lunatic
Why do people hate logic so much? OP was absolutely right in her reasoning. It might not have sat well with her sis, but sis opened the door herself. Why was sis so insistent on the diamond not being a ' real' diamond? She wanted to take her sis down a peg. Why would you want to do that to someone who's proud of her engagement ring? OP's sis has no reason to occupy the moral l high ground in this.
Seems to me the sister was jealous because even though it wasn't a "real" diamond, her sister got a nicer ring. Maybe she wanted a larger stone but that was all her husband could afford. Such a bizarre and stupid fight.
NTA. OP took her sister's 'logic' and applied it to a different related situation to demonstrate the flaws. That's how you test for validity in logical reasoning. Sister started the entire mess, got shut down by her own argument being used against her, and then doubled down on being both ignorant and malicious.
Also, the tag line of the thread is incorrect. OP was not insisting that her sister's baby wasn't real. Just the opposite. Baby is just as real as the diamond. Just because a process had human help doesn't make the end result not real. Is a child less real if it's born in a hospital? Is food less real if it's cooked and not raw?
Everyone who voted YTA or ESH either didn't read the post, or they read what they wanted to read. They can all f**k right off. NTA.
Of course she called you back. Nobody says no to free babysitting.
What a dumb arguement and what a stupid comparison. Don't bring up past trauma (ie infertility struggles) in unrelated arguments. It sounds to me the underlying issue was "Your ring is bigger than mine, and I'm jealous, therefore I will devalue it to make myself feel better." vs "You are devaluing my ring, and I think you are missing the point - it has sentiment and value because my partner and I chose it, so stop gatekeeping 'realness' because it's from a lab." Next time go with "I love my ring, it's exactly what I wanted. It's important to me that it's lab-made, not natural. Whether "Natural" is more valuable or rare matters less to me than my ring being ethical. It's important to me to know that it came from human science, not human suffering."
LilSis is 26 and BigSis is 31. That means BigSis was about 5 when LilSis was born. Not an ideal age if BigSis was an only child. These two have probably been getting up each others' noses all their lives.
I'm positive I'll be downvoted but I'm ok with that. I'm skipping over a judgement because I don't think that's really the issue. IMHO the whole fight is stupid, but I also think OP could easily have used another argument. I put this in another reply, but why not compare organic to GMO food? Or cotton to polyester? Or cacao to chocolate? It's all about a process, right? It didn't need to be about IVF. She didn't need to go there.
31
60