Family dynamics can be complicated, especially when it comes to parenting. A recent post on the subreddit ‘Am I the A**hole?’ has sparked a conversation about how to navigate your closest relationships when you’re expecting a baby.

A man who goes by the nickname u/throwingaway1939 shared a story about how his wife got hurt over her pregnancy during a big get-together. His sister and her wife are also preparing to give birth, and the grandparents were eagerly discussing their impending arrival, leaving the man’s wife feeling left out.

Image credits: Rawpixel (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Anna Guerrero (not the actual photo)

Image credits: throwingaway1939

Vicki Broadbent of Honest Mum thinks that it’s crucial for partners to stick together during their pregnancy

Image credits: honestmum.com

Pregnant couples go through a range of emotions during this period, so conflicts like the one we just read are to be expected.

“Pregnancy is an intense period for couples, especially first-time pregnancy as you veer into the unknown,” writer, director, broadcaster, and founder of the parenting blog Honest Mum, Vicki Broadbent, told Bored Panda. “Fear is natural but it’s important to candidly discuss your concerns and be there to listen to one another/seek resolutions to any worries.”

And whether or not you support the author of the post in this particular situation, I think we can agree that his loyalty to his wife is admirable.

“It’s important the pregnant woman’s partner works hard to empathize with the colossal changes she is experiencing physically and mentally and to understand how tiring growing another human being can be. Showing understanding and being thoughtful and supportive will help both of you. If the relationship feels consistently strained, couples’ therapy can be incredibly useful,” Broadbent, who is also the author of Mumboss: The Honest Mum’s Guide to Surviving and Thriving at Work and at Home, said.

According to her, in practical terms, this can mean a variety of things, from ensuring there will be somewhere comfortable for her to sit and rest to arranging for non-alcoholic drinks and foods she’s able to eat (pregnant women are advised against unpasteurized foods) and arranging for gatherings in the daytime rather than later in the evening when she is likely to be tired.

There’s no rulebook for navigating in-law relationships

Experts say that part of the reason why in-law relationships are often tricky is the fact that families have to define them themselves. It’s not clear how close people should live to their in-laws, how often couples see them, and what responsibilities they might shoulder.

Gretchen Perry, professor at the University of Canterbury, New Zealand, and co-author of the paper In-Law Relationships in Evolutionary Perspective: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, points out that there won’t necessarily be shared beliefs and mutual understanding. While people might have friction with their own families, she says, “it’s more likely you’re going to agree and have common interests with them” and there might be “less of an overlap in common agreement.”

In one Finnish study, researchers found that compared to child-free couples, mothers and fathers were as likely to report conflict with their own parents, but more likely to report individual conflict with their in-laws. Many young adults found in-law conflict increased after the birth of their first child, with the shared interest of a grandchild providing fresh reasons for grandparents to “influence and interfere in the lives of other family members.”

So the key is not trying to avoid fights. On some level, they’re bound to happen. It’s how civil you can make them and come out without destroying your bond with those around you.

Some people think the man (and his wife) crossed the line

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