Some brides want to control how their bridesmaids look down to the most minute detail, while others are just happy to leave it to them. While the internet is chock-full of stories about “bridezillas” who have way too many demands, sometimes they might have a point.

One woman got into hot water with her family for demanding that her sister and bridesmaid actually wear any underwear to the wedding. Her very reasonable request caused a schism in the family, so she turned to the internet for advice. We got in touch with benicenotstupid who made the original post to learn more.

While some brides can be controlling, dress codes exist for a reason

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

One bride had to uninvite her sister and bridesmaid because she refused to wear any underwear

Image credits: AliExpress (not the actual photo)

Image source: benicenotstupid

Later, OP shared an image of a dress which was similar to her sister’s

 

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She said it made her uncomfortable

OP shared an update with Bored Panda

Image credits: Gift Habeshaw (not the actual photo)

Bored Panda got in touch with benicenotstupid and she was kind enough to answer some of our questions. She shared a quick update and speculated on why her sister really thought her actions were acceptable.

“I used some of the suggestions I received and reached out to my sister very politely, giving her facts including that her dressing better is for her own good. She was receptive and sounded willing to consider some outfits I had chosen. My parents raised us to wear whatever and not judge anyone. So they felt that I wasn’t respecting that. But anyway she’s the golden child and never seems to do wrong. I often get blamed for her mistakes,” she shared with Bored Panda.

Later, she gave a significant update. “I wish I had good news…I called off the wedding because I overheard my ex-fiance talking to my sister saying that I was being ridiculous and that she’s welcome regardless of what she wore but that he would prefer it if she wore nothing at all… I pretended I didn’t hear anything and later asked him what he thought I should do regarding the situation and he said and I quote “Babe, that’s entirely your decision.. I support whatever you say, it’s your day, our day”. I was shocked at the hypocrisy and I felt that I don’t know him at all… I just didn’t feel like I could trust him anymore.”

As much as OP’s parents and sister might still insist on the ability to pick and choose what to wear, the bridesmaids coordinating their outfits and colors with the bride is tradition. In the distant past, the bride would take care of all the expenses incurred by the bridesmaids traveling to the wedding, acquiring the dresses, and perhaps participating in any festivities.

While this can still be the case, recent studies have shown that US bridesmaids can sometimes be expected to spend around $1,700. Of course, this is not the case for OP, although one could argue that the sister did have to pay for the dress herself. However, the entire crux of the story revolves around the sister actively choosing a specific kind of dress and refusing to pair it with any underwear.

In the past, the role of a bridesmaid had a lot of ceremonial significance

Image credits: Eric Ward (not the actual photo)

Some anthropologists believe that the tradition of matching bridesmaid’s dresses comes from the ancient world. This way, apparently, evil spirits and jealous suitors would not be able to tell the bride and bridesmaids apart and might attack or kidnap the “wrong” one. So from this perspective, the bridesmaid needed to be completely trustworthy and loyal to the bride.

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However, there is a pretty solid chance that it simply looks better than people’s clothing is coordinated in some way, evil spirits or no evil spirits. Since the happy couple tends to set the theme and “look” of the ceremony, it only stands to reason that the bride would be able to make some demands of the bridesmaids. After all, it’s not just some casual outing, it’s her wedding.

At least, in the end, this family drama was resolved

Image credits: Marc A. Sporys (not the actual photo)

However, fortunately, reason seems to have prevailed, as OP shared in her update above. While it is generally a positive thing to allow people to simply wear what they want, common decency would dictate that not everyone wants to see your genitals at a public event. More importantly, OP told her sister that it made her uncomfortable, which should have been enough to get her to change her mind.

Because, ultimately, the wedding is for and about the two people up at the altar (or wherever else they might choose to stand). For the same reason that only the bride should wear white, OP’s sister should have been more considerate. The surprising part is that the parents so wholeheartedly sided with the sister. Why they would feel so strongly about what their daughter wears at their other daughter’s wedding is anyone’s guess.

Most readers sided with OP and thought her request was perfectly reasonable

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