We are often kind enough to forgive others and ourselves for their mistakes in order to move forward and grow. It is probably this kind of acceptance that Oscar Wilde had in mind when he insisted every saint to have a past and every sinner to have a future. However, letting go of the misdeeds without a person taking responsibility, acknowledging they did us wrong and are willing to change might mean indulging such behavior and enabling them to keep on hurting us, so it is only fair that we refuse to play along and and refuse to “forget”. As did this Redditor when she met her high school bully at a family dinner.

More info: Reddit

A man got angry at his sister for exposing his fiancée for bullying her in high school at a family event

Image credits: Kobe (not the actual photo)

A woman came to meet her brother’s fiancée only to find that her future SIL is her high school bully

Image credits: weddingplabber

Image credits:  Yan Krukau (not the actual photo)

Image credits: weddingplabber

Image credits: TranStudios Photography & Video (no the actual photo)

Image credits: weddingplabber

The woman felt sick seeing her again

Image credits:  Soulseeker (not the actual photo)

Her brother’s fiancée claimed to not remember bullying his sister in high school

This woman had an unpleasant experience of recognizing her high school bully at a family dinner, where her ex-bully wasn’t simply a passerby with not much of an agenda, but quite on the contrary, she was her brother’s fiancée that the family was about to meet for the first time, as no one knew he even had a girlfriend. 

That is not to say that people do not make mistakes, especially with high school being one of the first arenas in many people’s lives where we try various roles that possibly, and to be honest, hopefully, change or evolve as we gain more experience in life. However, as this woman got a chance to talk the issue through with her brother, he brought up that his fiancée’s excuse was that she did not remember doing anything wrong to his sister. 

As the original poster explained, in high school, her interaction with “Annika” wasn’t about just bumping into each other occasionally, but consisted of being close friends until she found out that “Annika” was spreading lies about her, which eventually turned her life into hell right up until they graduated. So much so that after all this time, the woman felt sick seeing “Annika” again. 

Having in mind that both women are in their mid-twenties at the moment, there is almost no way “Annika” truly cannot remember her misdeeds, while it’s quite understandable that she does not want to remember. As neither woman talked or acknowledged each other during the party, it took one question from this woman’s aunt, as she was persistent to make the woman answer it and didn’t let her change the subject, to make her finally snap and spill the truth about the past of her brother’s fiancée as well as about how she felt about it.

The woman’s aunt insisted she share her feelings, so she opened up about their past

Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)

The woman’s brother called her a horrible person for embarrassing his fiancée and insisted she apologize

This led to her brother being angry at her and demanding she apologize for embarrassing Annika in front of the family over “high school drama”. So eventually, the disagreement was about who had to apologize. The woman’s brother was insisting his fiancée could not apologize for something she could not remember and that it was his sister who should apologize.

The woman had a good reason to believe there was no way Annika could not remember, but only wanted it to slide in order to not take responsibility for her actions. However, she refused to let it slide and pretend that there was no history between them without at least being apologized to.

In her study The Psychology Of Offering an Apology: Understanding the Barriers To Apologizing And How To Overcome Them, Karina Schumann noted that after an offense, a person often gets to decide whether to apologize and if so, how to apologize. The decision of whether to apologize and how to apologize often highly influences both people who are involved in a conflict as well as their relationship.

And even though high-quality apologies are extremely effective in getting people to reconcile, people often choose to not ask for an apology, to be defensive, or to only give a pseudo-apology lacking in remorse. For this reason, Schumann lists three barriers to offering high-quality apologies and these include low concern for the victim or relationship, perceived threat to one’s self-image, and thinking that the apology won’t be effective. Schumann suggests that these barriers can be overcome by targeting the problematic psychology behind them.

Redditors agreed this woman was not being a jerk, while some pointed out that “not remembering” is convenient for bullies

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