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Niece Refuses To Invite Aunt To Her Birthday After Wedding Exclusion, Aunt Turns Passive-Aggressive
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Niece Refuses To Invite Aunt To Her Birthday After Wedding Exclusion, Aunt Turns Passive-Aggressive

Interview With Expert Niece Refuses To Invite Aunt To Her Birthday After Wedding Exclusion, Aunt Turns Passive-AggressiveAunt Excludes Niece From Her Wedding, Niece Responds By Not Inviting Her To Her 16th BirthdayAunt Bars Niece From Her Wedding, Teen Gets Back At Her By Blocking Aunt From Her Sweet 16thAunt Doesn’t Invite Niece To Her Wedding, Niece Retaliates By Not Inviting Her To Her Birthday15YO Gets Revenge By Not Inviting Aunt To Her Sweet 16 After Aunt Didn’t Let Her Come To Her WeddingAunt Not Invited To Niece's Sweet 16 As Revenge For Not Letting Her Come To WeddingNiece Won’t Invite Aunt To Birthday After Being Excluded From Wedding, Aunt Gets Passive-AggressiveNiece Refuses To Invite Aunt To Her Birthday After Wedding Exclusion, Aunt Turns Passive-AggressiveNiece Refuses To Invite Aunt To Her Birthday After Wedding Exclusion, Aunt Turns Passive-AggressiveNiece Refuses To Invite Aunt To Her Birthday After Wedding Exclusion, Aunt Turns Passive-Aggressive
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Family friction is the worst. You’re bound to these people by blood, and family feuds have been known to last a long, long time. It’s easy to get caught up in a game of tit for tat, especially if the initial beef caused a lot of strife in the relationship.

One Redditor found herself in an awkward situation after her daughter refused to invite her aunt to her 16th birthday in retaliation for being excluded from her wedding. Forced to put the upset aunt in her place, she turned to Reddit to ask if she was a jerk for doing so.       

More info: Reddit

Aunt and niece shared close relationship until aunt decided to exclude her from wedding

Image credits: lookstudio (not the actual photo)

Aunt told sister she wanted a child-free wedding so she could have the freedom to go wild on her special night and that the niece would get over it

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Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)

Niece was extremely upset, especially since the aunt had always talked about how important her attendance at the wedding would be

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Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)

Niece decided to get her own back by not inviting the aunt to her sweet 16th birthday

Image credits: u/AITA_Kids_Birthday

Mom was forced to put upset aunt in her place by asking her what she expected after the wedding snub

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OP begins her story by telling the community that her daughter grew up extremely close to her sister since the two shared such a small age gap. The sister decided to have a child-free wedding so she could let her hair down on her special day, so she didn’t end up inviting her 15-year-old niece.

This came as a shock to the teen, since the woman had previously expressed how important it would be to her to have her at her wedding one day. Upset, the daughter decided to get back at her aunt by not inviting her to her 16th birthday party.

When the aunt asked her sister what time she should show up, she told her she hadn’t been invited because her daughter was still hurting from being excluded from the wedding. The aunt got upset, and asked the girl’s mom why she was letting her niece punish her for having her wedding her way.

The mom responded by asking her what she expected after excluding the teen and told her that she should have known it would upset her. Now that the party is over, the aunt is still acting passive-aggressive towards her and her husband, leaving OP to think she may have overstepped the mark by putting her in her place. 

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In this scenario, it seems that both the niece and her aunt could benefit from letting go of their grudges before things spiral out of control into a family feud and estrangement.

Image credits: benzoix (not the actual photo)

In her article for Healthline, Courtney Telloian writes that grudges aren’t uncommon – in fact, according to an informal Trustpilot survey that polled a total of 12,000 people from six countries, the average adult holds 7 grudges at once. 

Holding a grudge negatively affects your mental health by making you more pessimistic, isolating you from others, increasing your risk of cognitive decline, and increasing your chances of anxiety and depression. It also boosts your overall stress levels, which can contribute to high blood pressure, heart problems, and lowered immunity.

Instead, the pair would be far better off finding a way to bury the hatchet. In his article for Psychology Today, Steven Stosny, Ph.D. writes that, if you’re in a family, you’ll almost certainly make mistakes. You’re likely to hurt the feelings of loved ones, and they’ll hurt yours, although the hurt may be masked by irritability or resentment. 

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An effective apology makes relationships resilient. Stosny adds that you will find it impossible to apologize adequately if you view it as a submission. According to him, a sincere apology is never submission. In fact, it is one of the more profound forms of human interaction: reconciliation.   

Stosny adds that a sincere apology should state how important your family member’s well-being is to you, how sorry you are that you’ve done something to hurt them, and ideally involve some way of making it up to them. If the aunt and niece were close before, perhaps they can mend the relationship by taking Stosny’s advice and making heartfelt apologies to one another before it’s too late. 

Bored Panda reached out to Dr. Stosny to get his professional opinion on the matter. When we asked him what he thought of the aunt’s exclusion of her niece from her wedding, he had this to say, “The aunt probably had no intention to hurt her niece by not inviting her to the wedding, but we can’t simply evaluate our behavior by our intentions and ignore the effect of it on others. Teens are particularly sensitive to – and often harmed by – perceived rejection.”

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On the point of one piece of advice he’d offer the pair, he added that the skill that makes relationships thrive is binocular vision – the ability to see the perspective of loved ones alongside your own.

What do you think of the situation OP finds herself in? Was she the jerk for telling her sister how it is, or do you think she crossed a line? Let us know your opinion in the comments!

Redditors responded by saying she wasn’t the jerk and that her daughter was rightly entitled to choose her own guestlist for her birthday

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Ivan Ayliffe

Ivan Ayliffe

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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After twenty years in advertising, I've decided to try my hand at journalism. I'm lucky enough to be based in Cape Town, South Africa and use every opportunity I get to explore everything it has to offer, both indoors and out. When I'm not reading, writing, or listening to podcasts, I spend my time swimming in the ocean, running mountain trails, and skydiving. While I haven't travelled as much as I'd like, I did live in !ndia, which was an incredible experience. I love live music, whether it's in a massive stadium or an intimate club setting.

Read less »
Ivan Ayliffe

Ivan Ayliffe

Writer, BoredPanda staff

After twenty years in advertising, I've decided to try my hand at journalism. I'm lucky enough to be based in Cape Town, South Africa and use every opportunity I get to explore everything it has to offer, both indoors and out. When I'm not reading, writing, or listening to podcasts, I spend my time swimming in the ocean, running mountain trails, and skydiving. While I haven't travelled as much as I'd like, I did live in !ndia, which was an incredible experience. I love live music, whether it's in a massive stadium or an intimate club setting.

Monika Pašukonytė

Monika Pašukonytė

Author, BoredPanda staff

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I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

Read less »

Monika Pašukonytė

Monika Pašukonytė

Author, BoredPanda staff

I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

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TribbleThinking
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lol. Fair. The funny bit is that it's the adult who is kicking up a fuss. Nicely handled by the niece, with dignity. Niece 1 - Aunt 0

Paul C
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When told that the aunt didn't invite her niece because she had the wedding she wanted, the reply should have been "and now your niece is having the birthday party she wanted". Actions have consequences.

Major Harris
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

just last week or two, a 19 year old was exlcuded from his brother's "child free" wedding, what is wrong with people?

Fox with a Dragon Tattoo
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It never ceases to amaze and amuse me how entitled and detacted from reality people getting married are. How can they be so shocked when others have the same attitude back

Papa
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They are incredibly self-centered. No one else's feelings count, or are valid.

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-
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She wanted to be able to go wild at wedding... Orgy? Getting falling down drunk? X-rated speeches? Edibles at the desert table?

Vinnie
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She could still have invited the niece to show her a cautionary tale. "Kid, that's what happens when you eat a pile of hash brownies, wash them down with Chablis, and then try spinning on your head in a long gown."

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Yu Pan
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mom missed the opportunity to repeat everything sister said about her wedding back to her. "Why are YOU punishing my daughter for having the birthday party the way she wants it?" "Oh, you'll get over it."

Panda-sized Potato
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sister wanted a child-free wedding, and the daughter wanted an entitled-adult- free birthday party. Both got what they want. Can't have your cake and eat it, too.

Ivy
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When did having a wedding become all about me me me. It’s a joining of two families and a celebration of love. I don’t understand these people that think a wedding is a free pass to do whatever they want with no consequences.

Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There has to be some sort of healthy medium between "put up with family no matter how abusive they are" and "treat your family like theyre completley expendable". Let's all swing the pendulum back just a little.

Jefferson Selvy
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The Golden Rule comes in pretty handy here, but the corollary also applies "you will be treated as you've treated others"

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Stacy Jones
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I'm reading this right, the aunt chose hard partying over her close relationship with her niece. I don't get how she thinks anyone would ever get over that.

T'Mar of Vulcan
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I felt this! I always thought my cousin and I (13 months apart in age) were close like sisters. We went to the same school, have younger siblings, spent a lot of time together. So when she got married I said lightheartedly, "So you're making me a bridesmaid, right?" She said, "You can be my FLOWER GIRL!" Yes, it was a joke. Her attendant was the wife of her husband's best man, and not even a friend of hers. It's been decades and I'm still salty about that. I learnt that we weren't close like I thought, and only go to events with her if she makes the plans, which are few and far between since she and her hubby and kids emigrated. Why run after someone who rejected you?

The Other Guest
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The fact that the aunt said "She'll get over it" shows she is fully aware that her actions hurt her niece. She just doesn't care about it, since she got to "go wild" at her wedding.

Sivi
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get weddings can be hell for those under 10 but if someone from age of 10 can sit still I am sure they can sit through the first part of weddings and then go home after the wedding dinner before drunk dance time starts. Trust me, I was 3 when my parents wed & was sent with my grandparents after dinner.

Shawnna Clement
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get that that people don't want "Cousin Sandi and her 5 kids they barely know". I get that people don't want screaming babies and children during the ceremony. I get that weddings are expensive and "no kids" is an easy way to save money. BUT not inviting your niece, who is like a sister, is just plain wrong. I've been to plenty of childfree weddings where the bride and groom's niblings were invited. I've been to a "no kids under 12" wedding. I've been to a wedding where the kids had their own party/ food in a separate room with a babysitter. Super cool because kids aren't interested in watching a bunch of adults drinking anyways. A wedding is about celebrating with those you love and Auntie made getting wild at her reception more important than sharing her special day with her niece. I like cutting loose as much as the next person, but I didn't drink at my own wedding. Who wants that witnessed by their loved ones AND documented? Nope on rope!

Ephemera Image
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Funny how it's always the victim who 'should get over it' isn't it? Reap what you sow. And that daughter no longer regards auntie as a special person in her life.

Eliseo Lock
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. OP's sister had her wedding the way she liked.The nice had her bday party the way she wanted. Nothing else to be discussed.

Mike m
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's old enough to drive a car to the wedding but not old enough to be invited. That's cray cray

Alexandra
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You're not serious, are you? Your sister wanted the wedding she wanted, you respected that. Your daughter wanted the birthday she wanted and your sister is being a nuisance about it? Your daughter is more grown-up than your sis, just tell her that.

Kartik
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. If it was my petty a*s instead of the dignified niece, I'd be like "It's just a kids party. People who like to go wild in parties wouldn't enjoy,so she'll ge t over it anyway."

Jane Turley
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The armchair therapist is wrong about setting aside grudge in the interest of family harmony. No apology will fix this. The niece owns her feelings and has the right to express them. There needs to be a prolonged period of distance.

AMaureen Dance
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And this needs to be on the 16 year old's timeline, since she was hurt first.

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G A
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seems the teen is more adult than the aunt by a long stretch.

Ge Po
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They could/should have considered a 'no children,' as in only during the after-party and possibly an age-limit for younger children for everything. That way there are no disturbances of crying babies and toddlers pulling glasses off tables, but the teenagers could have been respected/honoured by having them attend the ceremony and possibly meal/dinner.

notlikeyou1971
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well Auntie, you got to have the wedding you wanted. Now because of your actions,your niece gets to have the party SHE wants. Boo hoo! YOU'LL get over it. This birthday party is about her . Not about you. As a grown up, you should have already learned that actions have consequences. You now have to face the consequences of your actions. Your sister can't force her to invite you to her party. It would ruin her special day by seeing you. Would you want the person that hurt you at your birthday? Besides she's 16! That's old enough to choose for herself who she invites to her birthday. The" but family" guilt trip card doesn't forgive what you did. She doesn't have to " keep the peace". I was taught that you don't reward bad behavior. You hurt someone. That doesn't get swept under the rug. She doesn't have to " get over it" . Even if she decides to there's no specific time limit to do it in.

Danielle Kichler
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The "but family" didn't seem to apply when auntie excluded her 15-year-old niece, with whom she supposedly was close, from her wedding.

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Lucie Fairbrother
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What goes around comes around. The Aunt didn't want kids at her wedding, and the Niece returned the favour. I can almost get no kids weddings - but not when it excludes close family. Sure you don't want your colleagues/random kids etc - but close family? Get over it. Ultimately teens don't really want crotchety old fun police at their parties. I call it karma. I hope they can rebuild relationship but an 'adult' started it

Shoshana Sherrington
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Child free weddings are such an obnoxiously aesthetic choice. Embrace the chaos. Embrace the family love (doesn't extend to kids outside wedding party unless specific permission granted). Kids at weddings are a blast. My niece sang let's go fly a kite during my ceremony. It was hilarious and I didn't even notice bc helloooo I was in the moment

cameron cross
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry aunt, this is my party. I want no aunts at my party. You'll get over it.lol!!

Melissa anderson
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like the aunt needs to grow up and get over it. She’s the one throwing a tantrum because she wasn’t invited to her nieces 16th birthday party. The niece showed much more maturity than the aunt did.

AMaureen Dance
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Someone should point out to her that there wasn't any alcohol at a 16th birthday party, since she seems to value that over her niece, anyway.

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Ben Aziza
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Aunt needed to explain the reasoning to the kid sister. "There is gonna be adult themes like drinking and alcohol i don't feel comfortable exposing you to that at this age" That is what works best on teens making them feel respected and included.

Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or aunt could have said the truth: "Drinking is more important to me than you are. I dont prioritize this relationship as much as you do, and now you know."

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Mary Brizendine
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please tell me someone got video of the bride "going wild". Was she falling down drunk? Did she make an idiot of herself?

Reese Yospe
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This isn't about holding a grudge - I'm pretty sure the girl has reevaluated their relationship entirely and is over her

raquel pereira
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

honestly it's what's wrong with the world today, we want to do what we want to do and people but just accept and get over it, but when the tables are turned then it's a problem...Good for that girl for standing her ground! But I do hope they forgive and find a way to be close again....

P.L. Packer
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Auntie didn't want kids at her wedding so she could "go wild at her wedding"....WTF? Isn't that reserved for the bachelorette party? Aunt is a child, hopefully she won't have one until she grows up.

Brenda Sabo
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Brilliant pettiness. And CHILD FREE means child, at 16 she's mature enough to take care of herself at a wedding with out supervision and acknowledge the partying aspect.

Darshan
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Really? And just how hurt would you be not invited to all the weddings once the kids grow up AND move out of town? Pull ur head out of ur

Darshan
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes she will get over it. She should learn and be the adult and invite niece to her next wedding.. oops event... Else someone may not be invited to nieces wedding... In all this did the lil sister turn up 2 days before to help big sis before the party...?

Danielle Kichler
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As others have said, auntie had her wedding the way she wanted, so niece had her b-day party the way she wanted.

Chelsea Ferguson
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The problem isn't that the aunt had a child-free wedding; it's that she built up expectations and then yanked the rug out from under the niece's feet. As for wanting to let loose at her wedding; why did she not just have a child-free reception? I'm assuming she wasn't intending to stumble drunk down the aisle. All that said, I do hope the two reconcile. The niece may need to decide if it's more important to be right or to lose the relationship. I'm praying 🙏 the aunt figures out that being 16 doesn't mean all your feelings are shallow and you just "get over" things.

Chlyri
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i don't think it's about being right for the niece. she just realized that the aunt was full of it when she said she saw her as a sister and si she re-adjusted her view of their relationship and acted accordingly.

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michele mbennett101044@yahoo.c
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Auntie, get over yourself. Not your decision as to who gets to attend HER birthday party. You made your bed, now lay in it. Aww, are your narcissistic feelings hurt? Too damn bad.

Letha Miller
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Since the 16 year old and her aunt were so close, the niece should not only have been INVITED to the wedding, she should have also BEEN A BRIDESMAID in her aunt’s wedding! Very hurtful. Very wrong of the aunt. But Jesus tells us to forgive as He has forgiven us. I hope the aunt and niece repair their rift - beginning with the aunt apologizing to her niece first. And mothers should be honest and truthful with their kids. If the mom really felt that the aunt was hurtful, she should tell her daughter so. If the mom felt her daughter shouldn’t be upset about it, she should tell her daughter that. However, it is the niece who was hurt, so it’s her call and she shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about her decision. Time heals all wounds.

chops jones
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The aunt set the precedent for the future of the relationship. The daughter has learned not to trust even the closet aunt. Good job auntie. You win?

Sarah Léon
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I totally understand childfree weddings. But 16 is not child. IMO child are under 13. Teenagers can manage themselves and don't need a nanny anymore for one night.

Alison Shanahan
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Children in restaurants are 12 and under. Anyone older is considered adult. My daughter had a child free wedding recently. Her husband's teenage relatives were invited, all other children were under 5 years old.

E.g. Hoffman
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA - weddings and bridezillas' entitlement is just out-of-hand. Purposely hurting family members for ONE DAY of your life is short-sighted. Many of marriages that start with these self-centered weddings end in divorce. A wedding should be a celebration not an ego-frst

Craig Reynolds
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This hit all three points on the trifecta of stupid game! 1- Stupid is as stupid does, leading to. 2- F-around and find out, resulting in. 3- Stupid getting what stupid deserves.

Jus
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We were both adults when my cousin invited everyone except me. I'm still hurt. My closest family didn't even tell me about the party. True, we weren't that close, but I was the only one excluded. I kind of don't want to stay in any contact with them. Imagine actually BEING close and excluded.

tori Ohno
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really hate this new trend of "childfree" weddings actually meaning, 18+ only allowed. A 16 year old isn't a child, a 6 year old, yes. But not 16. Good for her.

Caro Doughty
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, that is why even she is 16 it is still a child. A just adult wedding give the chance adult feel free to do many things that with kids you cannot do or even say it. The problem is this kid take revenge over her aunt, that means she is not respect any feelings, she is imposing her desires. Maybe her aunt could talk to her and explain it but it is obvious why none a kid should go. Sadly the kid is not understanding that and she prefer to made a party to hurt her aunt, growing up kid. Mom should teach the respect on this kid, validate feelings or decisions doesn't mean take revenge and let show you mine. That has another name and I don't understand why all people think this is right

Sweet T
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm obviously am going to go against what everyone in the comments for the following reasons 1) For everyone saying 16 isn't a child um they are still minors just not children. 2) The aunt had a valid reason for not inviting a 16yo because I'm sure she knows how the adults she did invite act when they are intoxicated and didn't want her niece around that. 3) Not inviting someone to an event because you are not invited to theirs because they put an age restriction is not as mature as some of these commenters are saying it is. 4) 23 and 16 is not the same age group yes they are close but not the same 5) Everyone forget that there's also her fiancee and they may have decided they want a child free wedding because it's not just the Aunt's wedding.

Chlyri
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

the aunt made it clear that they aren't as close as the niece thought they were, so the niece put up new boundaries. nothing wrong with that. it's a relationship shift, not a petty grudge.

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TribbleThinking
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lol. Fair. The funny bit is that it's the adult who is kicking up a fuss. Nicely handled by the niece, with dignity. Niece 1 - Aunt 0

Paul C
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When told that the aunt didn't invite her niece because she had the wedding she wanted, the reply should have been "and now your niece is having the birthday party she wanted". Actions have consequences.

Major Harris
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

just last week or two, a 19 year old was exlcuded from his brother's "child free" wedding, what is wrong with people?

Fox with a Dragon Tattoo
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It never ceases to amaze and amuse me how entitled and detacted from reality people getting married are. How can they be so shocked when others have the same attitude back

Papa
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They are incredibly self-centered. No one else's feelings count, or are valid.

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-
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She wanted to be able to go wild at wedding... Orgy? Getting falling down drunk? X-rated speeches? Edibles at the desert table?

Vinnie
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She could still have invited the niece to show her a cautionary tale. "Kid, that's what happens when you eat a pile of hash brownies, wash them down with Chablis, and then try spinning on your head in a long gown."

Load More Replies...
Yu Pan
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mom missed the opportunity to repeat everything sister said about her wedding back to her. "Why are YOU punishing my daughter for having the birthday party the way she wants it?" "Oh, you'll get over it."

Panda-sized Potato
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sister wanted a child-free wedding, and the daughter wanted an entitled-adult- free birthday party. Both got what they want. Can't have your cake and eat it, too.

Ivy
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When did having a wedding become all about me me me. It’s a joining of two families and a celebration of love. I don’t understand these people that think a wedding is a free pass to do whatever they want with no consequences.

Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There has to be some sort of healthy medium between "put up with family no matter how abusive they are" and "treat your family like theyre completley expendable". Let's all swing the pendulum back just a little.

Jefferson Selvy
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The Golden Rule comes in pretty handy here, but the corollary also applies "you will be treated as you've treated others"

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Stacy Jones
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I'm reading this right, the aunt chose hard partying over her close relationship with her niece. I don't get how she thinks anyone would ever get over that.

T'Mar of Vulcan
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I felt this! I always thought my cousin and I (13 months apart in age) were close like sisters. We went to the same school, have younger siblings, spent a lot of time together. So when she got married I said lightheartedly, "So you're making me a bridesmaid, right?" She said, "You can be my FLOWER GIRL!" Yes, it was a joke. Her attendant was the wife of her husband's best man, and not even a friend of hers. It's been decades and I'm still salty about that. I learnt that we weren't close like I thought, and only go to events with her if she makes the plans, which are few and far between since she and her hubby and kids emigrated. Why run after someone who rejected you?

The Other Guest
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The fact that the aunt said "She'll get over it" shows she is fully aware that her actions hurt her niece. She just doesn't care about it, since she got to "go wild" at her wedding.

Sivi
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get weddings can be hell for those under 10 but if someone from age of 10 can sit still I am sure they can sit through the first part of weddings and then go home after the wedding dinner before drunk dance time starts. Trust me, I was 3 when my parents wed & was sent with my grandparents after dinner.

Shawnna Clement
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get that that people don't want "Cousin Sandi and her 5 kids they barely know". I get that people don't want screaming babies and children during the ceremony. I get that weddings are expensive and "no kids" is an easy way to save money. BUT not inviting your niece, who is like a sister, is just plain wrong. I've been to plenty of childfree weddings where the bride and groom's niblings were invited. I've been to a "no kids under 12" wedding. I've been to a wedding where the kids had their own party/ food in a separate room with a babysitter. Super cool because kids aren't interested in watching a bunch of adults drinking anyways. A wedding is about celebrating with those you love and Auntie made getting wild at her reception more important than sharing her special day with her niece. I like cutting loose as much as the next person, but I didn't drink at my own wedding. Who wants that witnessed by their loved ones AND documented? Nope on rope!

Ephemera Image
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Funny how it's always the victim who 'should get over it' isn't it? Reap what you sow. And that daughter no longer regards auntie as a special person in her life.

Eliseo Lock
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. OP's sister had her wedding the way she liked.The nice had her bday party the way she wanted. Nothing else to be discussed.

Mike m
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's old enough to drive a car to the wedding but not old enough to be invited. That's cray cray

Alexandra
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You're not serious, are you? Your sister wanted the wedding she wanted, you respected that. Your daughter wanted the birthday she wanted and your sister is being a nuisance about it? Your daughter is more grown-up than your sis, just tell her that.

Kartik
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. If it was my petty a*s instead of the dignified niece, I'd be like "It's just a kids party. People who like to go wild in parties wouldn't enjoy,so she'll ge t over it anyway."

Jane Turley
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The armchair therapist is wrong about setting aside grudge in the interest of family harmony. No apology will fix this. The niece owns her feelings and has the right to express them. There needs to be a prolonged period of distance.

AMaureen Dance
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And this needs to be on the 16 year old's timeline, since she was hurt first.

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G A
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seems the teen is more adult than the aunt by a long stretch.

Ge Po
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They could/should have considered a 'no children,' as in only during the after-party and possibly an age-limit for younger children for everything. That way there are no disturbances of crying babies and toddlers pulling glasses off tables, but the teenagers could have been respected/honoured by having them attend the ceremony and possibly meal/dinner.

notlikeyou1971
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well Auntie, you got to have the wedding you wanted. Now because of your actions,your niece gets to have the party SHE wants. Boo hoo! YOU'LL get over it. This birthday party is about her . Not about you. As a grown up, you should have already learned that actions have consequences. You now have to face the consequences of your actions. Your sister can't force her to invite you to her party. It would ruin her special day by seeing you. Would you want the person that hurt you at your birthday? Besides she's 16! That's old enough to choose for herself who she invites to her birthday. The" but family" guilt trip card doesn't forgive what you did. She doesn't have to " keep the peace". I was taught that you don't reward bad behavior. You hurt someone. That doesn't get swept under the rug. She doesn't have to " get over it" . Even if she decides to there's no specific time limit to do it in.

Danielle Kichler
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The "but family" didn't seem to apply when auntie excluded her 15-year-old niece, with whom she supposedly was close, from her wedding.

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Lucie Fairbrother
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What goes around comes around. The Aunt didn't want kids at her wedding, and the Niece returned the favour. I can almost get no kids weddings - but not when it excludes close family. Sure you don't want your colleagues/random kids etc - but close family? Get over it. Ultimately teens don't really want crotchety old fun police at their parties. I call it karma. I hope they can rebuild relationship but an 'adult' started it

Shoshana Sherrington
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Child free weddings are such an obnoxiously aesthetic choice. Embrace the chaos. Embrace the family love (doesn't extend to kids outside wedding party unless specific permission granted). Kids at weddings are a blast. My niece sang let's go fly a kite during my ceremony. It was hilarious and I didn't even notice bc helloooo I was in the moment

cameron cross
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry aunt, this is my party. I want no aunts at my party. You'll get over it.lol!!

Melissa anderson
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like the aunt needs to grow up and get over it. She’s the one throwing a tantrum because she wasn’t invited to her nieces 16th birthday party. The niece showed much more maturity than the aunt did.

AMaureen Dance
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Someone should point out to her that there wasn't any alcohol at a 16th birthday party, since she seems to value that over her niece, anyway.

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Ben Aziza
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Aunt needed to explain the reasoning to the kid sister. "There is gonna be adult themes like drinking and alcohol i don't feel comfortable exposing you to that at this age" That is what works best on teens making them feel respected and included.

Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or aunt could have said the truth: "Drinking is more important to me than you are. I dont prioritize this relationship as much as you do, and now you know."

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Mary Brizendine
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please tell me someone got video of the bride "going wild". Was she falling down drunk? Did she make an idiot of herself?

Reese Yospe
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This isn't about holding a grudge - I'm pretty sure the girl has reevaluated their relationship entirely and is over her

raquel pereira
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

honestly it's what's wrong with the world today, we want to do what we want to do and people but just accept and get over it, but when the tables are turned then it's a problem...Good for that girl for standing her ground! But I do hope they forgive and find a way to be close again....

P.L. Packer
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Auntie didn't want kids at her wedding so she could "go wild at her wedding"....WTF? Isn't that reserved for the bachelorette party? Aunt is a child, hopefully she won't have one until she grows up.

Brenda Sabo
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Brilliant pettiness. And CHILD FREE means child, at 16 she's mature enough to take care of herself at a wedding with out supervision and acknowledge the partying aspect.

Darshan
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Really? And just how hurt would you be not invited to all the weddings once the kids grow up AND move out of town? Pull ur head out of ur

Darshan
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes she will get over it. She should learn and be the adult and invite niece to her next wedding.. oops event... Else someone may not be invited to nieces wedding... In all this did the lil sister turn up 2 days before to help big sis before the party...?

Danielle Kichler
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As others have said, auntie had her wedding the way she wanted, so niece had her b-day party the way she wanted.

Chelsea Ferguson
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The problem isn't that the aunt had a child-free wedding; it's that she built up expectations and then yanked the rug out from under the niece's feet. As for wanting to let loose at her wedding; why did she not just have a child-free reception? I'm assuming she wasn't intending to stumble drunk down the aisle. All that said, I do hope the two reconcile. The niece may need to decide if it's more important to be right or to lose the relationship. I'm praying 🙏 the aunt figures out that being 16 doesn't mean all your feelings are shallow and you just "get over" things.

Chlyri
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i don't think it's about being right for the niece. she just realized that the aunt was full of it when she said she saw her as a sister and si she re-adjusted her view of their relationship and acted accordingly.

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michele mbennett101044@yahoo.c
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Auntie, get over yourself. Not your decision as to who gets to attend HER birthday party. You made your bed, now lay in it. Aww, are your narcissistic feelings hurt? Too damn bad.

Letha Miller
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Since the 16 year old and her aunt were so close, the niece should not only have been INVITED to the wedding, she should have also BEEN A BRIDESMAID in her aunt’s wedding! Very hurtful. Very wrong of the aunt. But Jesus tells us to forgive as He has forgiven us. I hope the aunt and niece repair their rift - beginning with the aunt apologizing to her niece first. And mothers should be honest and truthful with their kids. If the mom really felt that the aunt was hurtful, she should tell her daughter so. If the mom felt her daughter shouldn’t be upset about it, she should tell her daughter that. However, it is the niece who was hurt, so it’s her call and she shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about her decision. Time heals all wounds.

chops jones
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The aunt set the precedent for the future of the relationship. The daughter has learned not to trust even the closet aunt. Good job auntie. You win?

Sarah Léon
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I totally understand childfree weddings. But 16 is not child. IMO child are under 13. Teenagers can manage themselves and don't need a nanny anymore for one night.

Alison Shanahan
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Children in restaurants are 12 and under. Anyone older is considered adult. My daughter had a child free wedding recently. Her husband's teenage relatives were invited, all other children were under 5 years old.

E.g. Hoffman
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA - weddings and bridezillas' entitlement is just out-of-hand. Purposely hurting family members for ONE DAY of your life is short-sighted. Many of marriages that start with these self-centered weddings end in divorce. A wedding should be a celebration not an ego-frst

Craig Reynolds
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This hit all three points on the trifecta of stupid game! 1- Stupid is as stupid does, leading to. 2- F-around and find out, resulting in. 3- Stupid getting what stupid deserves.

Jus
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We were both adults when my cousin invited everyone except me. I'm still hurt. My closest family didn't even tell me about the party. True, we weren't that close, but I was the only one excluded. I kind of don't want to stay in any contact with them. Imagine actually BEING close and excluded.

tori Ohno
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really hate this new trend of "childfree" weddings actually meaning, 18+ only allowed. A 16 year old isn't a child, a 6 year old, yes. But not 16. Good for her.

Caro Doughty
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, that is why even she is 16 it is still a child. A just adult wedding give the chance adult feel free to do many things that with kids you cannot do or even say it. The problem is this kid take revenge over her aunt, that means she is not respect any feelings, she is imposing her desires. Maybe her aunt could talk to her and explain it but it is obvious why none a kid should go. Sadly the kid is not understanding that and she prefer to made a party to hurt her aunt, growing up kid. Mom should teach the respect on this kid, validate feelings or decisions doesn't mean take revenge and let show you mine. That has another name and I don't understand why all people think this is right

Sweet T
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm obviously am going to go against what everyone in the comments for the following reasons 1) For everyone saying 16 isn't a child um they are still minors just not children. 2) The aunt had a valid reason for not inviting a 16yo because I'm sure she knows how the adults she did invite act when they are intoxicated and didn't want her niece around that. 3) Not inviting someone to an event because you are not invited to theirs because they put an age restriction is not as mature as some of these commenters are saying it is. 4) 23 and 16 is not the same age group yes they are close but not the same 5) Everyone forget that there's also her fiancee and they may have decided they want a child free wedding because it's not just the Aunt's wedding.

Chlyri
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

the aunt made it clear that they aren't as close as the niece thought they were, so the niece put up new boundaries. nothing wrong with that. it's a relationship shift, not a petty grudge.

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