As the YTAs show, most people don't read. My dating profile starts and ends with a very specific rule, and I still get propositioned on exactly that. A lot.

"I did my time. I'm on parole. I have reached the Promise Land." 😂

I feel like the YTAs didn’t even read the whole post. How would she "miss dates because a kid is sick" or how would men have to put up with her "situation" if at this point, her children are adults who have moved out and live their own lives?

"No" is a complete sentence.

I think maybe she simply needs someone in the same situation - with grown-up kids. Either this, or no kids at all. I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to raise any more young children. No idea why those men get so angry.

Last people commenting YTA and poster for even giving them a platform are the AH not her. And any man who would be okay being with a woman who has voiced her opinion on not wanting to be a surrogate mother to his kids is a horrible father willing to set his kids up for potential hurt and awkwardness for his own selfish desires. It's good they outed themselves as jerks and stunted fathers before she gaslit herself into giving them a chance and got roped into a life she didn't want. She deserves the world. And dudes need to take a clue and move on instead of insulting a women who voiced her desires on a stupid date site like its an attack. You cant force her to want you, despite what so many seem to think.

There's endless dating profiles of men saying they won't date women with kids so how is this any different.

She's going against everything that many single dads are looking for - a mother figure to take the responsibility off them; of course they're angry. We all know now just how many people hate women

OP has the right not to want to raise children again. It's easy to find men who don't have children or whose children are grown and live independent lives. She just needs to specify that in her profile on the dating site. At 44, OP shouldn't have trouble finding men in their late 40s or in their 50s who match those criteria.

I was 28 y/o single mom with 2 daughters. When I was ready to date again I got flakes for not wanting to meet men with kids. I knew how potentially difficult it was going to be trying to integrate a man into our little family and how much crazy it could be trying to get kids to get along. Not to mention the intricacies of blending different rules in different homes for different kids attempting to parent someone else's kids trying to juggle pick ups and drop off or holidays and of course dealing with the ex girlfriend/wife. On top of that I am not a fan of other people's kids and what if I didn't like them? They were probably not going to like me or one of my girls, not everyone likes everyone and nobody should have to. When my friends heard all this they thought I was going to be single forever. Wound up meeting a guy, fell into a relationship by accident (long story)even though my criteria had been met I had zero intentions of it being long term and now here we are 25 years later.

OP sounds like she's not really interested in a relationship and that's ok. Everything she said sounds like she's trying to date for her kids not really for herself. Also it's ok to have boundaries that she' doesn't want to get involved with other people's kids - I wouldn't either. As someone who has been super independent dating again is a minefield, but dating just to enjoy someone's company without a view to a long term relationship is ok. She's worked hard bringing up her family she's entitled to have some fun

The YTA people are acting like her kids still live with her and are still young.

When will people learn that having ANY preferences for dating is fine as long as you're not an a*****e about it and not criticise people for not meeting your standards? You can decide to date only 4 fingered men with red hair and it's your choice as long as you're not leading anyone on nor pushing them to get amputations.

She needs to try a different dating app. One specifically for child free or those with adult children; and to look for men in their 40s-60s. Older men that are (hopeful) more mature and whose children (if any) are likely to be adults. Don't bother to respond to anyone under the age of 35.

Stepchildren have a difficult enough time. No need to inflict someone who doesn’t want them upon the kids. Probably would treat them as burdens anyway.

NTA, but why is this even an article? She is looking for someone with specific parameters, which will limit the pool of matches. If someone matches that isn't suitable for any reason, say so, unmatch and swipe again.

Stick to your guns here. Your preferences are yours alone. I am 43 with 2 adult children and I won't date a man unless his children are grown.

That was a long story when you simply could've changed your profile to NO MINOR CHILDREN, NO EXCEPTIONS.

Uncommon Boston

Uncommon Boston

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

Premium

Premium user. Get details.

Many children of divorced parents manipulate their parents and their partners. It is hell. They know how cause pain to get their way. I watch my boyfriend's daughters, 19 and 25, twist the truth to deeply hurt their father. He has crumbled from their vicious games. They have temper tantrums if I am around when they visit. We live in my house! I must leave if they visit. I never imagined people could be so heartless. My mother's new step daughters are 35 and 40. They compared their lives to mine, omitting any challenges, and decided it wasn't fair. They wanted a Boston apartment because i had one. They live in Wisconsin and want to visit often. I lived on Boston full time. They demanded I move. Kids can ruin relationships. Some are fully aware of the damage they cause, others are put in awkward situations by their parents. I would never date a man with kids living at home. Much too much drama. Been there, done that.

Definitely NTA. I think she should date 50 to 60, just be treated with focus. All those other men are looking for part time moms.

A beautifully written piece. Sounds like she did a great job raising kids. However, the real problem is - the fact that society makes her think she needed to explain ANY of that. The only required statement is, "I don't want kids." And - lo and behold - that's the end of the discussion. It doesn't matter if she already raised her kids, or never wanted kids, or anything else. If they get mad, shut the door, lock it, and move on - immediately.

Definitely NTA, but I'm pretty sure most dating apps have a filter for No Kids?

If she already raised kids, she served her sentence and should not have to go back to prison.

The only difference between her decision and Childfree people's decisions is that she had kids. Childfree people get HUGE backlash for saying, "No kids, not even yours" for refusing to date people who have any, not just those who want kids. Breeder males want a woman to dump their kids on and avoid the work themselves. [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74Oqb4mKx5o ]

I don't want kids, don't have any sort of biological clock, so I wouldn't want to date a single father either! I'm not going to parent someone else's kids when I never wanted any in my life to begin with, and NO, the guy WOULD NOT change my mind! I'm sure there are a lot of wonderful men that are single fathers, but I'm not dealing with your baby mamas or your kids, sorry not sorry.

She is in no way whatsoever a hypocrite! She fully understood why men didn't want to date a single mom and is now using the same reasoning for not dating single dads. That is quite literally the opposite of being hypocritical.

The thing is that woman are not able to have children beyond a certain age where as men can pollinate until they die. At 50, I specifically put on a dating profile that men with YOUNG children was deal breaker for me. Whoa! did I get called every name in the book from selfish b**tch to ignorant s**t. Most swore up and down that either, they only see their kids 2x a month or/and their little darling is just that, a little darling and I would fall head over momma from them. No thanks, grandpadad.

It is not hypocritical to be a single parent and not want to date a single parent. For people that don't have kids or have young kids and not not realize it is. But it is VERY different to have adult children that no longer live at home and to have a toddler,school aged or teen child living at home. Even if it is part time. Yes you are still a parent to your children even when they are adults. But you not there present taking care of their day to day life because they are literal children still. Her being a "single parent" to adult children has no impact on a person she is dating at this point in her life. So for anyone saying it's hypocritical to not want to parent a man's minor children(which you absolutely will be regardless of what anyone may think) because they will be expected to live with her situation....what situation though?? A few phone calls a week and a weekly hangout do not impact a dating partner at all. There are two very different situations.

When I was on dating apps, there were always men that said they didn't want kids, but after you talked you found out they were lying. Or lied saying they didn't have kids but figured I'd chance my mind after a couple of date. No kids means no kids, and no one has to justify why they don't want them. My suggestion to the OP would be that she doesn't have to date or have a male partner to have people in her life. Go to meet-ups, local hobby clubs, whatever meets her interests.