Aunt And Her Kids Sent Home From Costly B-Day Party Because Of Not RSVP’ing But Coming Anyway
I’ve written several cat-related posts in the last few days, so it’s no surprise that another “feline” analogy is coming up in my mind. You know how it is – when a cat insistently demands to be let into the room, you open the door – and it sits there and doesn’t even think about coming in. And as soon as you close the door again – it starts meowing demandingly over and over.
Yes, this behavior is typical of cats, but, as it turns out, some people do something similar as well. You don’t believe me? Then voila – this story from the user u/Important-Window-715, whose sister-in-law once behaved in a completely similar way at her niece’s birthday party.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post recently threw a party for his daughter’s birthday and invited the sister-in-law with her daughters too
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The main problem was that this lady could be called unreliable at best, so the man tried to make her RSVP in advance
Image credits: Important-Window-715
Image credits: rawpixel.com / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The first conversation took place a few months prior to the party, then emails and texts followed – but to no avail
Image credits: Important-Window-715
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Finally, the man crossed them all off the guest list and booked the tickets and catering without them
Image credits: Important-Window-715
And then the sister-in-law showed up with her daughters – but the author simply asked the security to eject them
So, the Original Poster (OP) has a 16-year-old daughter, who recently had a birthday party, and it included a private tour of a place she had long dreamed of going to. And the parents rented out a room to have a catered dinner too.
Needless to say, the author needed to know the number of guests in advance, to buy everyone entrance tickets, and to plan the exact amount of food for the caterers. Our hero did everything in advance, contacting all the guests. Well, almost all the guests…
Enter the author’s SIL, who, as our hero notes, is an extremely unreliable person. At best, unreliable. The SIL has a long-standing conflict with the author’s wife, but her two daughters are longtime friends of their child, so the man decided to take matters into his own hands.
A few months before the birthday, the OP had a detailed 20-minute phone conversation with the SIL, during which he explained the situation in detail, and asked for an RSVP beforehand. For both her and her daughters. Then, there were two more emails and three texts with reminders, but both the SIL and the nieces just blatantly ghosted him.
Anyway, when it came time to buy the tickets and order the catering, our hero simply said to himself: “Screw it!” and crossed all three off the guest list. And now fast forward to the party – and guess who showed up unexpectedly? That’s right, the sister-in-law and her offspring!
But then the man decided that the neglect should be punished, and simply told the security not to let them in without a ticket. And so it happened, and all three were forced to go home. True, then a terrible scandal broke out, during which only the wife sided with the OP, and now even his own daughter holds a grudge against him.
So the original poster decided to find out the opinion of people online – how right did he act in this particular situation?
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
“Some people actually try to weaponize their own incompetence, thereby creating a lot of problems for others,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist with whom Bored Panda got in touch for a comment here. “And then, consciously or not, they act similarly in a variety of situations. Taking any possible consequences as an offense.”
“In any case, this woman’s actions could not only cause extra trouble for the party organizers, but also actually put them under additional expenses, because they would have to re-plan their budget. And doing it at the last moment is almost always more expensive.”
“And if such a reaction happens once – it’s a mishap, two or three times – it’s also, perhaps, a mishap, but several times in a row – this is already an unpleasant trend. And the only person, in fact, at whom the birthday girl’s friends should be offended here is their own mother,” Irina concludes.
The overwhelming majority of commenters also sided with the author, arguing that it was his SIL that was to blame for the current situation, and only her. “Incredibly poor behavior – if anything she owes you and your daughter an apology for causing a ridiculous drama,” someone aptly wrote. “Actions have consequences,” another person added wisely.
And the responders also advised the author that next time his now fully grown daughter should throw her birthday party and invite the guests herself. “Next time enlist your daughter who’s 16 to make sure her cousins are attending instead of you or your wife. At 16 she can make sure all her friends are actually coming to the party,” one of the commenters mused. And do you, our dear readers, agree with this point of view?
Most people in the comments sided with the author massively, claiming that it was the SIL who owed an apology to the man
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
Screenshot all texts to the family chat with "How much more spoonfeeding does a supposedly grown woman need to get free tickets?". Then leave the chat. You. don't need another 40 years of arguing with idiots.
Go NC with them and any other shitard family that acts this way - problem solved.
All I know is never in life would my kids be allowed to call me a d*ck. You got me f*cked up!
How exactly do you stop them from saying it? Even if you punish them after, they still said it. I got punishment for cussing, but the shock it caused them made it worth it to my teenage brain. I will also point out that OP never said she wasn’t punished for that.
Load More Replies...My cousins are like this. We were all raised together, so I have no idea how they got like this except for their mother (aunt by marriage). They never say thank you or please and demand whatever they want. Gifts to them and their kids go unacknowledged. I act as though they don't exist now.
The best approach is to send an email with delivery and read receipts and the message "if I don't hear from you by x date, I'll assume you're not coming", or, if payment is required, "if I don't get payment by x date then I'll assume you're not coming".
I don't think it's that he cares what his wife/SIL's family thinks so much as the repercussions it's having on his daughter & her cousins. I absolutely get why the daughter is upset, but once she's calmed down, this is a great teaching moment for OP & his wife to explain to daughter why it's so important to respond Y/N to invites in not just personal life but in the professional world too. Make sure she understands that SIL/cousins weren't kicked out out of spite (I'm sure she knows mom & aunt don't get along), but that b/c SIL didn't RSVP, there were no tickets reserved for them, no catering for them, & no way to change it at that moment. This could've been avoided by SIL simply giving an answer, & daughter needs to understand that the fault lies only w/ her for refusing to do something that would've taken 30 seconds of her precious time.
Load More Replies...Ask the family if you'd bought tickets for her without her confirming to go or not and she decided then not to go, would she have reimbursed you for them? I'd say no and she's kick up a fuss about it. Tell them that's the answer then, - no confirmation, no tickets.
Had this issue a few years ago and "showed kindness" 8yr old birthday party, low-key at a bowling alley but had to reserve tables, lanes, food, etc. 9 kids RSVP'd. 34 SHOWED UP. Thank goodness the Alley was kind and busted their butts to fit everyone and get extra food. However, the 400$ birthday party ended up being almost 2k. 😑
So what? Because it happened a year ago the situation is irrelevant? People can't have a discussion about the universal behaviors surrounding this specific incident?? A back-and-forth about how it's appropriate or not to respond to situations like this?? Unless the subject is about something completely time sensitive, like "I'm having trouble deciding who to vote for in the 2020 election," why does the date this was originally posted have any relevance? And if you're so offended by BP mining old posts from Reddit, you might as well just delete BP & stick with Reddit.
Load More Replies...What was the better way? They didn't have tickets or meals because of their inaction. You have that last part backwards; you show examples of kindness by respecting a simple RSVP. What you are advocating is tolerating rude and toxic behavior and that is a poor example to set for children.
Load More Replies...Screenshot all texts to the family chat with "How much more spoonfeeding does a supposedly grown woman need to get free tickets?". Then leave the chat. You. don't need another 40 years of arguing with idiots.
Go NC with them and any other shitard family that acts this way - problem solved.
All I know is never in life would my kids be allowed to call me a d*ck. You got me f*cked up!
How exactly do you stop them from saying it? Even if you punish them after, they still said it. I got punishment for cussing, but the shock it caused them made it worth it to my teenage brain. I will also point out that OP never said she wasn’t punished for that.
Load More Replies...My cousins are like this. We were all raised together, so I have no idea how they got like this except for their mother (aunt by marriage). They never say thank you or please and demand whatever they want. Gifts to them and their kids go unacknowledged. I act as though they don't exist now.
The best approach is to send an email with delivery and read receipts and the message "if I don't hear from you by x date, I'll assume you're not coming", or, if payment is required, "if I don't get payment by x date then I'll assume you're not coming".
I don't think it's that he cares what his wife/SIL's family thinks so much as the repercussions it's having on his daughter & her cousins. I absolutely get why the daughter is upset, but once she's calmed down, this is a great teaching moment for OP & his wife to explain to daughter why it's so important to respond Y/N to invites in not just personal life but in the professional world too. Make sure she understands that SIL/cousins weren't kicked out out of spite (I'm sure she knows mom & aunt don't get along), but that b/c SIL didn't RSVP, there were no tickets reserved for them, no catering for them, & no way to change it at that moment. This could've been avoided by SIL simply giving an answer, & daughter needs to understand that the fault lies only w/ her for refusing to do something that would've taken 30 seconds of her precious time.
Load More Replies...Ask the family if you'd bought tickets for her without her confirming to go or not and she decided then not to go, would she have reimbursed you for them? I'd say no and she's kick up a fuss about it. Tell them that's the answer then, - no confirmation, no tickets.
Had this issue a few years ago and "showed kindness" 8yr old birthday party, low-key at a bowling alley but had to reserve tables, lanes, food, etc. 9 kids RSVP'd. 34 SHOWED UP. Thank goodness the Alley was kind and busted their butts to fit everyone and get extra food. However, the 400$ birthday party ended up being almost 2k. 😑
So what? Because it happened a year ago the situation is irrelevant? People can't have a discussion about the universal behaviors surrounding this specific incident?? A back-and-forth about how it's appropriate or not to respond to situations like this?? Unless the subject is about something completely time sensitive, like "I'm having trouble deciding who to vote for in the 2020 election," why does the date this was originally posted have any relevance? And if you're so offended by BP mining old posts from Reddit, you might as well just delete BP & stick with Reddit.
Load More Replies...What was the better way? They didn't have tickets or meals because of their inaction. You have that last part backwards; you show examples of kindness by respecting a simple RSVP. What you are advocating is tolerating rude and toxic behavior and that is a poor example to set for children.
Load More Replies...
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