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It can often be pretty difficult to tell whether a couple is actually happy when you're just their neighbor. Or, even trickier, when you went to school with one of them and are now just scrolling through their Facebook profile.

But some romantic relationships are so broken that they're beyond repair, and Reddit user ADTID thinks this can be really evident. So, they made a post on the platform, asking everyone to share what they think are the biggest signs of a couple breaking up.

Immediately, people started sending in their answers. Here are some of the most popular ones.

#1

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) Having a kid to "fix" their relationship.

ThingsOfThatNaychah , Jonathan Borba Report

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Hiro Lee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because sleepless nights, postpartum recovery, added expenses, and realizing you are now responsible for another helpless human being are all wonderful things to add to an already shaky relationship. Sadly it's always the child who is the ultimate loser.

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#2

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) When he smashes her face in the cake at the wedding and she hates it.

A_wild_Mel_appears , Tamara Govedarovic Report

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Ken_Jane
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm just thinking about the effort she took into looking amazing on that day and wanting it to be about their love and all of that gushy stuff. Seems like an unnecessary risk to me. People get divorced for less

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#3

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) I was at a party one time and there was a marriage counselor there that had been working for 20 something years in couples counseling. I asked her what the number one sign was that the couple wasn't going to make it. Without hesitating, she said "If one person shows contempt for the others feelings, it's over!"

Marauder , Nguyen Dang Hoang Nhu Report

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Ken_Jane
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Compassion and understanding go a long way in a relationship. My partner's feelings are one of my priorities

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#4

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) I always think of [the bird theory](https://archive.nytimes.com/op-talk.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/07/11/our-love-affair-with-predicting-divorce/). If one person says to the other, "oh look a bird" and the other doesn't want to connect over the bird (just looking at it and giving a "hey thanks, that's a cool bird") the relationship is not going to go well. Basically you have to be willing to make small every day connections. I find this is true of a lot of relationships outside of romantic or sexual ones as well.

Allredditorsarewomen , Josh Willink Report

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#5

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) I'm a big fan of John Gottman, a researcher on marital happiness and relationship stability. He can predict with over 90% accuracy which couples will make it and which couples will divorce just by observing how they interact. His books have a lot of insight into the little things you can do to build strength and resiliency into your relationship.

According to him, it's criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. I think once you get to contempt, it's difficult to recover.

VicePrincipalNero , Andrew Neel Report

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Missy VanWinkle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

THIS is the real deal. Should be MUCH higher. Gottman rocks -- and with the science behind him to back it up.

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#6

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) Social media addiction. If the person constantly needs to show the world they have an SO, and that they are just soooooo happy together, and then gets mad that the other doesn’t post as much.

Social media addiction ruins relationships

Whitley2001 , Austin Loveing Report

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pug nose curly tail
Community Member
Premium
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This was first thought, the over sharing social media couple. Usually the wife making all of the posts of their "perfect" life/love.

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#7

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) If the relationship started by one of them cheating on their previous partner and then leaving them to be with this new person. I’ve witnessed two of these irl and both of them ended with, surprise, more cheating. Like I don’t know why you’d possibly think starting a relationship with someone who you already know isn’t faithful would be a good idea.

sapphomelon , Ron Lach Report

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#8

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) ‘walking on eggshells’ around your partner in terms of what you can and can’t say. if you feel you can’t disagree with your partner and/or voice your opinion without it turning into an argument.

shelby75R , cottonbro studio Report

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AnnaRachelle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My ex did not want me to speak to the new neighbours. We had just moved in. He would not look at anybody when we were outside. I would smile and give a quick hello. I certainly could not have friends, or even people visit me. When we separated, i started talking properly to my neighbours. Everyone i spoke to within say 6 months of our break up,said he looked miserable and angry. They weren't wrong.

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#9

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) If all disagreements end in arguments. Me and my partner disagree about a lot of stuff. But we can talk, discuss, and even sometimes agree with the other person's side. It'd be weird if you saw eye to eye on 100% of stuff too.

jayhitter , Timur Weber Report

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DBear
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes. Dated a woman for 2 years. Had all of 3 disagreements. She went to the extreme and we broke up each time. After the third I didn't go back.

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#10

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) When one person wants to "fix" the other. If your relationship is a repair project, you didn't fall in love with who they are. You fell in love with what you want them to be.

jiff1912 , Kampus Production Report

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Ace
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Men get married hoping their woman won't change, but they do. Women get married hoping their man will change, but they don't."

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#11

When we lost our child and he told me that he doesn’t believe in depression🙃

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Dancing Armadillo
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don’t think I could ever fill that emptiness…I think my happiness would die and I would be shadow of myself. Many hugs to anyone who has experienced this loss.

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#12

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) When you start calculating how much you give and receive in a relationship.

stma2022 , vjapratama Report

#13

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) The way they speak to each other when they’re not alone.

I noticed this after my divorce and I started dating again, because you speak to these new people with a lot of respect and kindness. Then we’d get around married couples and they’d saw awful things to each other in nasty snappy tones, and it was jarring.

Fast forward ten years and all those couples I noticed doing that are divorced now.

SnoBunny1982 , Kenny Eliason Report

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BluEyedSeoulite
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I noticed this too. Like when people care more what others think of them than what their partner thinks of them. Like going out of your way to help your friend but not doing the same for your partner.

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#14

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) When they argue over insignificant things like buying the wrong type of spaghetti sauce.

Edit: The spaghetti sauce was just an example and honestly I was half asleep when I wrote the original comment. I should have switched "argue" with "full on screaming matches, insults and name-calling." Regardless if someone bought the wrong spaghetti sauce, fights like that would happen in any toxic relationship for any reason.

Elle12881 , Gary Barnes Report

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Brainmas
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom amd her second husband were like this. It was exhausting. He was also a crazy drunk, so s**t got wild.

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#15

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) If they have strongly conflicted plans for their future. Either means they'll break up eventually or one or both of them will end up in an unhappy compromise.

slinkocat , Patricia Prudente Report

#16

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) Opening marriage to fix problems

randomname196 , RDNE Stock project Report

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Parmeisan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Adding a person to your relationship - child, or another partner - is never a way to fix it. You'd better be rock-solid before you consider doing it as it will always just shine a light on the cracks.

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#17

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) In my experience, huge expensive weddings.

sonia72quebec , Al Elmes Report

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Stygtand
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think that boils down to economy. If you are alrdy strugling or walking the line. Going all out on a wedding is just another nail in the coffin.

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#18

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) Breaking up every few minutes and then back together again

Substantial_Pen_4445 , RDNE Stock project Report

#19

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) if one or both of the people are controlling over the other

kristiidf , Gustavo Fring Report

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Debby Keir
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How can both be controlling or do they take it in turns? Just asking as I've only seen one partner be controlling before. If one 'controls' the other, how does s/he then control the controlee.

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#20

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) Sexual incompatibility

Upper-Tradition-645 , Ketut Subiyanto Report

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Mell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is why I am convinced that the no-sex-before-marriage rule in certain (religious) communities are actually extremely harmfull...

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#21

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) Lack of communication.

Discussing every disagreement means screaming over each other, exploding, shutting off Communications and/or running out of the room.

So they won't be able to resolve anything in a constructive manner

Bebe_Bleau , Odonata Wellnesscenter Report

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Ken_Jane
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I remember the first time someone screamed in my face. I was a little black girl. He was a grown overweight Afrikaans man. It was racially motivated. I never want to make someone feel that small. Ever. So to do that to someone you love is unfathomable to me

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#22

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) Being attached at the hip/never allowing your SO to have alone time or hang with other people without you. Had one friend whose GF was like this to the extreme. They spent every day and waking moment together for the first 3 months of their relationship due to her always demanding to be with him/never allowing him any alone time. Usually it comes from a place of insecurity. They lasted 3 and a half months and she went full rage crazy when they broke up.

pianomasian , Thomas Ward Report

#23

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) When she pushes you because "you're being a little b***h" while you're going to ER for probably a broken foot.

It was Broken.

TheNamesKev , Pixabay Report

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AnnaRachelle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get this. I kicked a kitchen unit. That evening, sat having a drink and smoke,he sat forward and grabbed my toes. The pain was so intense. I had told him I thought a toe was broken. I honestly to this day do not know why he did it. Went to A and E. Broken

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#24

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) When both make the atmosphere so uncomfortable when you are in their house.

Big-Nerve-9574 , Nik Shuliahin 💛💙 Report

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Mr. Cinder
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, to be fair here, they could be making the atmosphere uncomfortable because they don't like you and want you to leave.

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#26

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) When one of them posts a giant story on some dating advice sub when the answer is almost always, "You need to talk to your partner about this."

It'll be the most mundane thing being blown out of proportion.

"I (22m) can't stand when my gf (23f) chews with her mouth open. What can I do to make her stop? Should I install a limiter on her jaw so she can't open up as wide? Should I call her mom and tell her she didn't raise her daughter right?"

"Did you tell her?"

"No."

Like wtf!?

Orbnotacus , Leah Kelley Report

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ChexmyLicks/🇯🇵
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

BHAHAAGHAGHAGHAGHGHAGHAGHAGh true doe i saw my friend doing this on facebook then her bf commented then started a heated arguement on the comment section, they r in the ldr. (edit:spelling)

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#27

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) Love, to me, is a selfless thing. I think that for a long-term relationship to thrive, you need to care about your partner at least as much as you care about yourself, and your partner also needs to feel the same way.

Svolashi82 , fauxels Report

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#28

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) In my experience:

* Contempt / mockery
* Lack of communication / respect / empathy for the other person
* Glue babies
* Having a wedding as opposed to making a marriage
* With the exception of children, consistently and habitually prioritising others over their SO

Then there’s the things that for me are default dealbreakers: any kind of abuse, cheating, financial dishonesty, violence, gaslighting. This criteria also applies to their treatment of my children where applicable.

EDIT: Since I don’t seem to have been clear enough about what I meant regarding prioritising the children, what I actually meant was my children are the only people I would ever drop everything and run for, over my partner. In day to day life of course your relationship with your partner is equally important.

EDIT 2: A glue baby is having a baby in an attempt to save a relationship.

PugWitch , Darya Sannikova Report

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Eva
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Having a child to hold the relationship together is just so unfair on the child

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#29

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) The extreme jealousy. The jealous one probably the one will commit breakup things

inductedmelon , cottonbro studio Report

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ChexmyLicks/🇯🇵
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

my online friend hacked into his gf socials then told all her male friends or schoolmate to fck off and more

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#30

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) I heard eye rolling is the most common sign of eventual relationship failure. It shows contempt, which is poison to any type of bond.

Old_Hamster_4218 , Darya Sannikova Report

#31

A pattern that I have noticed is that my friends that spent the very most on their wedding, I'm talking about thousands and thousands of dollars, lasted less than 2 years. My friends that got married cheaply, like me and my best friend, have stayed married. Just an observation.

Edit: typo

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Spocks's Mom
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Courthouse marriages are so nice and unstressful. Imo, we did it right and had more cash for the honeymoon.

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#32

The inability to have a conversation about a hard subject that doesn't immediately devolve into a screaming match.

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David A Paterson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Again, this is an ethnic thing. I've known a couple from India who were always screaming at each other, as their parents had, they wouldn't have wanted it any other way. But in Western culture, a definite no-no.

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#33

Lack of mutual respect

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#34

Talking on the phone/ facetime/ texting 24/7 . Fastest way to codependency. When one of the partners can't pay attention to their phone, the other gets sour. I've seen it a billion times.

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#35

Getting angry at your SO for being depressed

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Lyoness
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think it's OK to get angry. What's not OK is taking that anger out on the partner who's depressed. People don't get to choose how they feel - it just happens. What they do get to choose is what they do with those feelings. It's human to have feelings when the person we love is hurting and sometimes that takes the form of anger. The important thing is not to burden them with that anger but find another way to deal with it. Therapy comes to mind. Or talking to a friend. Or screaming into a pillow. Just don't punish someone for how they feel or for having an illness. Edit : To clarify, what I mean by people being able to choose what they do with those feelings I'm referring to the partner who's angry, not the person who's depressed. Unfortunately when you have a mental illness you DON'T get to choose how you react. It's part of the sickness. And because of that it can absolutely be infuriating to their partner who may think "why can't they just choose to get better?" Unfortunately it doesn't work like that. Depressed people can't just "try harder" and get better. Just like someone with cancer can't choose to get better. Sad but true.

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#36

A coworker got married. He and his wife never stopped partying separately with their friends. He would come to work and tell the same “clubbing” stories he told before he even met his wife.

Some of us had a secret bet on how long it would last.

Surprise, surprise, BOTH cheated on each other and they filed for divorce before their 1st wedding anniversary.

I bet 6 months. They made it 10 months before filing.

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Jessica Bertram
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i mean, i get that watching it is like watching a train wreck happen, but i think it's tasteless to bet on your friends' unhappiness.

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#37

Opening up the relationship after years of monogamy.

I’ve seen poly relationships work when they’re poly from the beginning, but from what I’ve seen amongst my circle, a sudden switch to an open relationship after a decade together is a sign that it’s about to implode.

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Ken_Jane
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ENM requires letting go of conventional ideas about relationships. It also requires more communication than the average person can tolerate. It's a lot of work. And that's not even including the other people you're building relationships with

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#38

"Where are you?"

"Hanging out with my cousins."

"Really? Vc me rn."

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#39

Joint Facebook account

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Seabeast
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Eh... this isn't so uncommon for older couples. One uses it to communicate to extended family, the other doesn't really use it at all but occasionally opens it up to look around.

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#40

If your conflict resolution method is either screaming and insults or completely shutting down.

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Chucky Cheezburger
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sometimes shutting down for a while can be a good thing. It gives you time to collect your thoughts and reset your feelings. Come back later to talk out the problem calmly.

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#41

Going out separately, every weekend. Then having children and the guy not slowing down and still going out every weekend with his friends.

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#42

If they're in their nineties.

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#43

Moving in together after two weeks. Saying I love you after two dates. Basically anything that happens way faster than it feels it should.

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Ace
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, this is not a good indicator. Sometimes you just know. We hardly spent a night apart after we first met in a social situation (had seen each other at work, but not really to know very well), effectively moving in together within just a few days. Two homes were maintained for a while for convenience, one in central London, one an hour's commute away. Marriage had to wait an extra year due to circumstances out of our control, but nearly 30 years on we're still together.

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#44

One sits alone in their car for a while before going in the house. Just… sitting.

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#45

Just arguing all the time. Doesn't matter what about. These things should not be public

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#46

A recent personal experience I witnessed.

The entire immediate family of one side of a wedding said it was a bad idea and less than a month into the marriage one of them stayed at their mom's house for the night because they were fighting.

Also they got engaged as a result of a failed break up attempt...

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#47

Having to explain all your expenses to your partner. Priding themselves in never getting into arguments. Or better, starting a relationship based on lies.

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#48

When they don’t know how to fight! Not fighting in a healthy way or being able to talk about your problems will kill any relationship no matter how much you like them

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Ken_Jane
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You mean talk about their issues in a calm, respectful and rational manner? Yes everyone should know how to do that

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#49

Arguing over the context/content of what a previous argument was. I walked past a couple the other day who had gone out cycling and they were standing there shouting at eachother because the girl had asked the guy to put a helmet on at some point previously and he wouldn’t let it go that she was trying to force him what to do whilst she said she was more annoyed that he wouldn’t drop it. Reminded me so much of me and my ex before we broke up.

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Diolla
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Punctuation please. My brain cannot handle sentences this long without it. Sorry

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#50

"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers) “Happy One Month Anniversary, Baby!”

algaebomb , Jonathan Borba Report

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Meiko Shadow
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I kind of disagree with this one. Might just be me, but my gf and I did small monthly celebrations during our first year together. Granted we are long distance and can't do much together, but it still felt nice.

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