Everyone who’s planning to get married probably has a pretty clear vision of what they want their big day to look like. But when you have a pandemic ravaging the world, it begins to change. Add unreasonable family members to the mix and your picture of a dreamy ceremony turns into a poor scribble.

A couple of months ago, a now-deleted Reddit user found herself in a tough spot. Her parents, who agreed to pay 2/3 of her wedding expenses, started using their financial support as an argument to try and force her to share the wedding with her sister.

Eventually, they got so persistent, the woman felt she just had to put her foot down. So she uninvited her family from the entire thing.

However, after everything was said and done, she wasn’t sure if it was the right call. So she made a post on the platform, describing the situation and asking people whether or not she acted like a jerk.

Image credits: partyhelpgroup (not the actual photo)

Image credits: flignir

Michelle Lew, the owner of Lavender Crown Events, a wedding planning company servicing San Jose, Silicon Valley, and the surrounding areas, told Bored Panda that it’s totally common for parents to help contribute to the wedding budget. “Sometimes it is culturally normal for one side of the family to contribute more (i.e. in Chinese weddings, the groom’s family traditionally pays in China whereas it’s normal for the bride’s family to pay for the wedding in the United States),” Lew explained.

“In most cases that I encounter, parents will determine a set budget for a particular category, such as the bride’s parents paying for the dress or photography. Of course, each family is in a different financial situation from the next, but it is normal for parents to want to contribute towards their child’s wedding like they would help with tuition or co-signing a lease.”

The numbers agree with Lew. For example, in 2016, just 1 in 10 couples paid for their wedding entirely by themselves, The Knot’s annual Real Weddings survey of nearly 13,000 couples revealed. Furthermore, according to a report from marketplace WeddingWire.com, parents of the bride and groom collectively contribute about $19,000 to the wedding, or about 2/3 of the total cost—just like in our story! On average, however, $12,000 comes from the bride’s parents and $7,000 from the groom’s.

Wedding planner Lisa Burton, who has over 14 years of experience throwing weddings abroad, said joint weddings are not common at all. “In over 1,600 weddings, I’ve only planned one double wedding,” Burton told Bored Panda. “It was two sisters who got married in Turkey and from the start, they decided to have a joint wedding. They were incredibly close and so were their partners but the main advantage was the cost-saving. The couples decided between them who would walk down the aisle first, it was all very amicable.”

“I believe in this instance the father of the brides paid for the wedding reception so I imagine he was overjoyed with the cost-saving,” Burton noted. “Whilst I think parents are a great source of advice and I’d like to think that one day my daughter will discuss her plans with me (she’s only 12), I don’t think a parent should ever try to control how a child plans their wedding. A wedding is a wonderful way for a couple to show their style, display their individuality, and decide how to uniquely celebrate the start of their new life together.”

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Burton said the complication comes when a couple accepts financial contributions, in which case it may be hard to keep full control of the plans. It’s not always the case but more often than not, accepting a financial donation from family members may mean they expect a hand in the plans. So beware.

‘It’s YOUR day’ is actually a tenet, guiding Lavender Crown Events. Lew said communication throughout the planning stage of the wedding is very important; the couple lets her know what they want rather than what the parent wants. And should the parents want to pay for the entire wedding and take over all the decisions, she’d be happy to help plan an anniversary or vow renewal with the focus on the parents instead of taking the day away from the couple. And that’s the way it should be!

People think the OP had every right to make this decision

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