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“This Would Ruin Her”: Men Confess The Deepest Secrets They Are Keeping From Their Partners
However honest a life you might think you live, secrets are still an inseparable part of many relationships, whether romantic, familial, or platonic. We all lie or withhold the truth about things to a certain extent—whether we mean to or not.
Reddit user u/socialunsocial sparked a spicy discussion after asking men to open up about the secrets that they’ve been withholding from their partners. We’ve collected some of the most impactful secrets, both wholesome and uncomfortable, to share with you. Scroll down to check them out.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My wife doesn't know that I record her when she cooks. She LOVES to cook. She does a little dance and hums to herself. She's beautiful. Sometimes, when she is having a bad day, I pretend to feel ill and ask for her to make me pumpkin soup, and she lights up. She'll whip up some soup and her mood improves. I've saved the videos and I hope to watch them together when we're old.
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#2
My girlfriend chews her food noisily. She used to have an eating disorder, and so I refuse to ever let her know so she can keep on eating tasty food with me without overthinking it.
#3
After having lots of alcohol together, I mentioned something to my (then future) wife like: I wonder what our future together would be like. Do you think we would ever get married?
The alcohol translated this in her head as: do you want to marry me?
The passion in her ‘YES I DO’ was so cute. It brought tears in my eyes. I knew she liked me, but at that moment she showed she wanted to spend her life with me.
We’re close to 15 years married now, very happy. She is my best friend.
According to research, keeping secrets, whether from outsiders or close family members, is an overwhelmingly common practice.
A good rule of thumb when it comes to secrets is to think about whether or not they directly impact your partner. If it’s something that deeply affects their life, you owe it to them to tell them whatever happened. However, if the secret is something negligible or even wholesome, then you have the choice to keep it to yourself. There’s also a difference between secrecy and privacy. There’s nothing to feel guilty about if you want to keep certain things private, even from your spouse.
#4
I don't give a sh*t about 90% of the TV series 'we' like to watch together. I go along with it because I like her getting into the shows and talking to me about it and having a distraction from the daily stresses.
Crazy Person 11 months ago (edited)
Sometimes I forget men like this exist. I have been surrounded by bad role model men in my life (I'm a female) including my own father. This makes me feel hope that maybe I'll find a love better than my parents.
#5
She snores like a pack of horny, angry bears having some sort of MMA orgy on the back of a semi truck that is trying to downshift too soon. I tease her about that, of course, because I love her. The part I don't tell her is that...that sh*t is my white noise at night. When she is gone for some reason and I have to sleep alone, I just can't sleep as well.
#6
I love hot, spicy food. She used to have almost no tolerance for chili and had a shamefully bland diet. Over a period of several months, I cooked regularly and, starting with a teeny tiny bit of chili, slowly increased the amount in our food. One day in a Thai restaurant, she was so thoroughly enjoying a dish and offered me a bite. It was so hot it blew my head off. Was literally a victim of my own success.
HangryHangryHippo 11 months ago
I did that to myself! My partner loves spicy foods but I couldn't tolerate a bit of chili. Now I can have (and enjoy) a good vindaloo!
Unless you’re a longtime practitioner of radical honesty and your social circle knows what to expect, being brutally open about every single thing you think and do might not be the wisest course of action. For one, it’d be exhausting to fill your partner in on every single detail. On top of that, no matter how much we all say how we value honesty, many of us don’t do well when someone’s overly blunt in their manner.
Now, that doesn’t mean that lying is excusable. But how you phrase something is often just as—if not more—important than the message itself.
#7
My wife misplaces things. I’m extremely organized. So if she asks me to help her find things I pretend to look for a minute with her. If I just tell where the item is, she gets very frustrated because I almost always know where things are. Also, I bought a dozen fingernail clippers and sprinkled them where she can easily find them. I’ve never told her.
HangryHangryHippo 11 months ago
Ohhhh I should do that! There is a designated place for it but my partner always leaves it somewhere else. At this point it's almost a game of hide-and-seek when we need to clip our nails 😅
#8
Back when we were dating, we went out of town with her youngest child. The older boy, 17, stayed behind because he had to work and what not. I left my car at her house along with the keys. Long story short, when we got back I noticed something 'off' about my car. I got in it and realized somebody else was there at some point. So I took a look at the dash cam footage. It's kinda hidden behind the rearview mirror. Hard to see it unless you looking for it. Her son took it for a joyride while we were gone. Nothing crazy, didn't go down the strip doing burn outs and picking up girls. Nice, leisurely drive through the neighborhood. I ended up confronting him about it man-to-man. We settled that and I agreed to never tell his mom about it. She already had a lot going on in her life being a single mom, and it wasn't like there was any harm. He was all around a good kid. I would've gave him the keys if he had just asked. He's 23 now has a lil' family of his own. She and I got married. Still haven't told her, but gonna use it one day at some family get together, lol
Gavin Johnson 11 months ago
When he, the son, inevitably gets a newer, shinier, faster, more stylish car then it’s time for the OP and Mum to go for a gentle cruise in the son’s fancy car and tell Mum all about it 😀
#9
When she tells me I can find something else to watch on TV, I tell her I’m not even paying attention, but secretly I’m very invested in whatever terrible show she’s watching.
Discussing important issues with your partner goes a lot smoother if you know how diplomatic or straightforward to be. Some folks respond better to subtlety. Others need to be told things ‘how they are’ without any sugarcoating.
Whenever you’re discussing these sensitive questions, it’s also invaluable if you practice active listening. This means not just waiting for your turn to speak, but genuinely focusing on what your partner is telling you and how they’re reacting to the info you’ve just shared.
#10
I watch TV shows we both like without her because she likes to talk through them. Then, I watch them with her later and act like I have no idea what's going on.
#11
I have more money than she thinks I have, and I sometimes buy expensive for her, telling her that I found a good deal online. I.e., a really expensive road bike when she was not even looking for a new one because her old, heavy one 'works just fine.' She thinks I’m a genius deal finder when in reality, I just buy the stuff for her because I like to see her surprised and happy. If she knew what I payed for things, she would absolutely not approve and probably refuse any of it.
#12
My wifes ex partner was very abusive, they were together in high school. About a year after we got together, she had believed he had taken a long away job and moved away. Her mom told me not long ago that she saw him out and about in our town. This man really affected my wife, so badly to the point that in the beginning of our relationship she would give me her phone before going to the bathroom because he thought it was "inappropriate."
I told her mom not to say anything. Im not saying im the worlds strongest man but I am not afraid to protect my wife and I HIGHLY doubt we will see him out and about. I just feel like it will be better for her mental health if he continues to not exist. So ive decided to lie and im ok with it. :)
Meanwhile, if you want to avoid an all-out argument, try your best to focus on talking about the specific problem at hand. If you’re going to start attacking each other over every single mistake you’ve both made throughout your relationship, then you’ll never come to any sort of compromise.
Consider whether you want to be right or if your goal is to repair your relationship and solve whatever problem you have on the table in front of you.
#13
The mouse traps she set out didn’t kill the mice, they were tortured all night and I had to kill them in the morning with a shovel.
She has a very tender heart and never needs to know that. I’ll steer her towards other solutions if we ever have mice again.
Laughing Orc (he / him / orc) 11 months ago
Mousetraps are vicious things. Buy humane traps and move the mice out to a field or a park.
#14
I was a sniper in Iraq.
There is a very long list of things she doesn't know and I imagine she doesn't want to know.
#15
My GF came from a super conservative background, and it took her a while to feel comfortable with her sexuality. She spent her late 20's making up for lost time, and she’s super proud of the progress she's made. We’re mostly open about our sexual histories, but a little while ago I mentioned having done something that I thought was pretty innocuous, and she got self-conscious. She said it made her realize how inexperienced she is. But I don’t think she’s inexperienced, I just had different experiences. Anyway, I know this is something she’s self-conscious about, so I’m probably never going to bring up the time I worked in porn.
UncleJohn3000 11 months ago
I regularly use the odd "at least the pornos haven't shown up" to end a conversation.
#16
She's having a really rough time with some family problems so I've been doing more and more with the house and the kids so she doesn't have to worry. I cook almost every night and take care of the kids pretty much every day. Between that and work, I haven't had even 5 minutes to myself in over a year.
I tell her that it's OK and I'm fine, but I'm slowly becoming overwhelmed, I'm exhausted all the time and I don't know how to ask her for help or tell her I'm starting to struggle because then she will worry about me too. She has enough to stress over as it is and I don't want to add to it.
Milady Blue 11 months ago
Should ask friends or family if they can help pitch in. Depending on the ages of the kids, they could pitch in, too.
#17
On Father’s Day and my birthday, the only gift I want is to be alone. It’s not that I don’t love them, but I’d kill for a night home alone to order a pizza, drink beer, and game.
Laughing Orc (he / him / orc) 11 months ago
Just bloody talk to your wife and arrange for a night when you can do this. It isn't hard. I'm a person who needs a lot of alone time, my wife is a very social person who doesn't like to be alone. So we organise for nights when she can go see her friends and I can have some time to myself.
#18
When I buy something for our son, I lie often about the price I paid, so she doesn't get mad. 'He have already a lot of toys and we spend too much, blah, blah, blah.' We are wealthy and it's my revenge on my life for living in poverty when I was a child myself.
Marie Bellwood 11 months ago
Okay but just SAY THAT to your partner. Otherwise you just will appear to undermine their morals.
#19
I hate the way she loads utensils in the dishwasher. I’ll bring it up in her eulogy or die with this secret.
#20
I guess it's not technically I secret I'm currently keeping, because she left me, but my ex never had a lot of close friends or family. So I kinda brought her into my friends and family, and on holidays and birthdays, I'd make sure to tell all of them to wish her happy holidays/birthday but to make it seem like they just knew and thought of her. Not that I told them.
censorshipsucks 11 months ago (edited)
I do this with my current partner. Her family despise her but I tell them all the time say this say that send this message etc etc, so she thinks they can tolerate her. I'm trying to break the cycle.
#21
I have a savings account she doesn’t know about. My wife sees money differently than I do. I like to save, she likes to spend. We have always talked about saving more, but then we do and she will spend it. So I just worked around the problem. I will eventually tell her, but that’s a ways off. I’m not sure how she will take this.
Laughing Orc (he / him / orc) 11 months ago
Just tell her. I'm bad with money and spend it far too easily, my wife is much more concerned about the future and having money put aside. So she keeps a joint savings account that I can't just easily transfer money out of without her knowledge. That way she has savings for the proverbial 'rainy day' and I don't see a chunk of money in my account that I might otherwise be tempted to spend.
#22
My wife killed our old cat by thinking she could give it baby asprin when it was getting more arthritic to help its pain (she was told by someone this was ok.. it was not ok). She loves animals tons, and this would ruin her.
mommamarmar 11 months ago
I fully understand they're trying to protect her feelings, but what happens when this situation potentially comes up again? They get another cat, kitty gets elderly/develops arthritis, and she "knows" a remedy? I feel like she needs to know, in case she accidentally does it again.
#23
I sometimes sneakily eat junk food on the way back from the office...
#24
That pork loin roast she makes that she’s so proud of is drier than the Sahara and is barely edible. So.. extremely lethal.
#25
I bought my wife’s engagement ring on Amazon for around 20 bucks a few years ago. I was poor at the time and couldn’t afford an expensive ring, but I still wanted to propose. She still wears it to this day, and the ring looks fantastic with her wedding ring. She thinks it was a super expensive ring but I’ve never told her the truth. She told me the other day that she doesn’t care how much it cost, she loves it either way. Now that I’m making a significant amount of money, I want to surprise her with a better one.
RiceRiceBaby 929 11 months ago
Why bother? She seems to appreciate the one that holds sentimental value.
#26
That her student loan debt scares the f**k out of me. She has almost $200k and it means I can never retire. She has 3 degrees and is going for her masters and probably her doctorate in education.
Laughing Orc (he / him / orc) 11 months ago (edited)
Talk. About. It. This isn't a cool secret to keep, you're not doing either of you any favours by keeping it bottled up.
Lothar Ohr 11 months ago
People have divorced for less. If you are not married yet know that if it ends in divorce depends where you life you will share the debt as well
Load More Replies... alicia 11 months ago
She already has 3 degrees and wants 2 more? Her $200K in debt should be easily paid with 3 degrees...or are they useless? Does she get bored easily? Or is she addicted to education? Either way...this needs to stop. I fear she'll never stop "going to school".
Joshua 11 months ago
She sounds like a keeper. Just gotta pay off that debt! My wife has three Masters, & encouraged me to get my Masters in Accounting. $200K isn’t a lot of money… It’s the interest rate on it that’s the killer!
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Gardener of Weeden 11 months ago
Sounds like she is afraid to grow up and get into the REAL world. You should not get a degree That your profession can not pay for. Love the arts - But an arts degree will probably NOT land a job that will pay enough to pay it off. Especially now - you really need to be careful with what type of degree you get and what profession you are aiming for.
Joshua 11 months ago
Yikes! Been there! When I met my wife, I was debt free. My wife has three Masters degrees and had a ton of debt. Fortunately, she agreed to work until it was paid off. Seriously… Convince her to become debt free—you’ll both do better financially. We’ve been together almost 11 years, completely debt-free—even our cars & house.
censorshipsucks 11 months ago
Get her to sign up with a german university for her doctorate. It's free. Or maybe a correspondence university in another country.
Poison Ivy/Boo 11 months ago
I know in Scotland, uni is free for citizens and residents, but international students (whether on campus or remotely) have to pay for their courses, so not sure if Germany is the same.
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whiterabbit 11 months ago
Pre-nup. You choose to acquire 200k in debt, that's on you, I'll be retiring when I feel like it.
Mark Rigby 11 months ago
Money matters are so important in relationships. This affects both your finances. Please discuss it with her.
Javelina Poppers 11 months ago
I know a person like this, a professional student who holds a doctorate, has been to Oxford and Harvard and is still taking classes for "continuing education"............he's 79 years old and can't stop like it's an addiction.
Paul Gerrard 11 months ago
What will a doctorate provide in education other than ego trip using Dr. My wife stopped at Masters and is a principal. She cant be a better principal spending $60000 on a doctorate and she knows it
Dainty72 11 months ago
She could have that doctorate in education had she done this in the beginning. Every degree she achieved has done nothing as she keeps going. What if she get those last two and changes her mind? You should maybe post on Reddit, because you will most definitely get honest opinions and show her. Good luck
Dainty72 11 months ago
I have to praise her for what she's studied and passed her finals. The fact that she still wants to go on shows that she doesn't know what she wants to be in her near future. I wonder if this is the US? That amount of debt for an education is absolutely shocking BUT having five degrees may look fab, but she's not followed a single one of the three others. When will it stop? You can't live like this! It unfair to you and it'll crucify your whole life/future. You must talk to her.
Michael Danhauer 11 months ago
If you are both young then be patient... If she is planning on using that PhD then that debt can be taken care of. If you are both middle aged then that's different because it'll take time to erase the debt and save for retirement that you won't have.
#27
I've been helping her win races in Mario Kart for a couple of years now. Keeping other racers off her tail, and trying make sure we finish comps on equal points is a pretty fun challenge.
Avani Gupta 11 months ago
Healthy competition is what makes playing together fun. If my husband were to 'help' me, I'd be very annoyed with him
#28
That I'm really happy for her in that she's found a group of online friends to play games with and watch movies together, but I'm also super jealous because they play all the coop / party games I want to play and watch all the terrible B movies and discuss them as a group but I don't want to impose on her and her group of friends.
I only have a few people to play games with and all they play is cod.
Tldr. I'm lonely. But it's nice to see her happy with some friends. Even if they are online only.
Laughing Orc (he / him / orc) 11 months ago (edited)
Have you tried asking her if you could join in sometimes? I feel like a lot of the 'secrets' on this thread are just people who can't / won't have conversations with their partners ..
#29
I sniff her panties as she's that attractive and her smell just does things to me, when shes not home ill go hunting like a pig lookin for truffles in a french forest.
she would probably not care, laugh and probably get off on it if she found out but its my dirty secret.
#30
I got hit by a car with my bike on my way to work. I am fine, no scratch. Bike wheel and steering wheel was all twister though. Sold my PC for quick cash and bought a new bike. She has no ideal.
I don't want her to worry about me everytime I take my bike.
#31
Every few days when dropping our kids off to daycare, I would get more than just a coffee at McDonald’s. She wouldn’t care, but I feel ashamed.
#32
My wife has physical disabilities that leave me with most of the housework, holding down a job, and caring for three kids six and under. This all started after our youngest was born. None of her chronic conditions are fatal, but I sometimes wish they were so that she can go to heaven and I can have a second chance at a normal, married life. The wish lasts until I realize I would be truly alone with three kids, and so much emotional baggage that no woman would want me. I will obviously take this to the grave.
#33
How much warhammer minis actually cost...
Laughing Orc (he / him / orc) 11 months ago
Good job there's no way for her to find this information out for herself, eh? 😜
#34
Ny partner's weight is a serious turn off, and I think if I told her it would absolutely destroy her self esteem. So I hold that in.
#35
I used to tell her how nice she look in leather pants when in reality I hated them but she liked them so much I was just polite.
#36
I get taken to lunch a lot for work and sometimes lie about where we went so she won’t be jealous.
#38
I....didn't want to ever admit this but....sometimes, when my wife is upstairs, and we agree to eat leftovers.... I order DoorDash 🤫
#39
We actually have 6 old crappy boats and not just the two
What do you think ?
Laughing Orc (he / him / orc) 11 months ago (edited)
So many of the issues (not all, but a fair few) these 'secrets' are about could be resolved, or at least improved, by just having a conversation with their partner. Try communicating sometimes folks!
Astro 11 months ago
There are so many reasons people might have issues communicating their needs (mental health issues, trauma, abuse, abusive partner, etc). Telling someone to “just communicate, it’s not that hard,” is like telling someone with severe depression “just get out of bed and do something, it’s not that hard.” Shaming people with communication issues won’t help anyone. Sometimes all that helps is years of therapy. Please try to be more empathetic, fellow pandas, and don’t just assume that all these people are stupid!
Load More Replies... Helena 11 months ago (edited)
I do not care what your intentions are, or you see it as a positive, if you try to manipulate me or gaslight me in any way, I will never trust you ever again. Have secrets, I won't begrudge anyone that, but not when the sole reason is to mess with my view of reality. Embarrassed about hitting fast food and don't want to tell a spouse? Sad, but go for it. Lie to me about what something costs, or anything financial, lie to me about whether or not i'm actually winning something, or my abilities at anything, no. Absolutely not. So paternal, condescending and gross.
WoodenLion 11 months ago
overall - i agree. with a few relationships under my belt i disagree somewhat. being honest with your partner does not mean telling them everything.. why would i tell my woman her breath smelled like a dead mule when i could just give her a mint?
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WonderWoman 11 months ago
Communication is the key to most of these *secrets*. I would be SO angry to find out my partner was lying about things.
Terry Rex 1 month ago
But if your partner was honest about something you are sensitive about like weight you would crucify him most likely. Down vote for being a typical woman.
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JayWantsACat 11 months ago
My ex had really bad breath way too often. I'm pretty sure it's because she doesn't drink water, which she says she doesn't like taste of (whatever that means, considering you can add a lemon wedge or whatever to). But she also has migraines constantly and takes medication for it. But, to me, the source of both issues is that she's always dehydrated, hence the bad breath and headaches. But I can't and won't tell her to just drunk more damn water since I don't think she would hear it but mostly because we're no longer together. lmao
TheBlueBitterfly 11 months ago
I don't like the taste of water either. I also don't like flat water. I've gotten around this by getting a soda stream carbonator thingy. I add lemon, or a little bit of a strong flavored fruit juice, like cherry, cranberry or pomegranate.
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Krysta Pandoo 11 months ago
What awful relationships these people have. Worst part is that they think they're in good relationships. So many could be fixed by just talking to each other.
Steve Hall 11 months ago
Many of these people just don't realize they are in a short term relationship.
nia not long 11 months ago
Some of the comments under these were just outright exhausting. Not everyone can communicate easily and even more so I have a feeling that these individuals know how their spouse will react far better than randoms on the internet. Were there some that def need to communicate yes, but others sounded as though they were just choosing their battles. Not everything has to be a thing🤷🏽♀️
Wendy Herman 11 months ago
Most of these were really nice & wholesome. I was afraid they'd mostly be like the last one (Yikes!). In such a messed up world, it's refreshing to be reminded that there are still lots of decent guys who *don't* dislike/resent the entire female gender. Thanks for that dose of positivity, BP. 😊
Laughing Orc (he / him / orc) 11 months ago (edited)
So many of the issues (not all, but a fair few) these 'secrets' are about could be resolved, or at least improved, by just having a conversation with their partner. Try communicating sometimes folks!
Astro 11 months ago
There are so many reasons people might have issues communicating their needs (mental health issues, trauma, abuse, abusive partner, etc). Telling someone to “just communicate, it’s not that hard,” is like telling someone with severe depression “just get out of bed and do something, it’s not that hard.” Shaming people with communication issues won’t help anyone. Sometimes all that helps is years of therapy. Please try to be more empathetic, fellow pandas, and don’t just assume that all these people are stupid!
Load More Replies... Helena 11 months ago (edited)
I do not care what your intentions are, or you see it as a positive, if you try to manipulate me or gaslight me in any way, I will never trust you ever again. Have secrets, I won't begrudge anyone that, but not when the sole reason is to mess with my view of reality. Embarrassed about hitting fast food and don't want to tell a spouse? Sad, but go for it. Lie to me about what something costs, or anything financial, lie to me about whether or not i'm actually winning something, or my abilities at anything, no. Absolutely not. So paternal, condescending and gross.
WoodenLion 11 months ago
overall - i agree. with a few relationships under my belt i disagree somewhat. being honest with your partner does not mean telling them everything.. why would i tell my woman her breath smelled like a dead mule when i could just give her a mint?
Load More Replies... WonderWoman 11 months ago
Communication is the key to most of these *secrets*. I would be SO angry to find out my partner was lying about things.
Terry Rex 1 month ago
But if your partner was honest about something you are sensitive about like weight you would crucify him most likely. Down vote for being a typical woman.
Load More Replies... JayWantsACat 11 months ago
My ex had really bad breath way too often. I'm pretty sure it's because she doesn't drink water, which she says she doesn't like taste of (whatever that means, considering you can add a lemon wedge or whatever to). But she also has migraines constantly and takes medication for it. But, to me, the source of both issues is that she's always dehydrated, hence the bad breath and headaches. But I can't and won't tell her to just drunk more damn water since I don't think she would hear it but mostly because we're no longer together. lmao
TheBlueBitterfly 11 months ago
I don't like the taste of water either. I also don't like flat water. I've gotten around this by getting a soda stream carbonator thingy. I add lemon, or a little bit of a strong flavored fruit juice, like cherry, cranberry or pomegranate.
Load More Replies... Krysta Pandoo 11 months ago
What awful relationships these people have. Worst part is that they think they're in good relationships. So many could be fixed by just talking to each other.
Steve Hall 11 months ago
Many of these people just don't realize they are in a short term relationship.
nia not long 11 months ago
Some of the comments under these were just outright exhausting. Not everyone can communicate easily and even more so I have a feeling that these individuals know how their spouse will react far better than randoms on the internet. Were there some that def need to communicate yes, but others sounded as though they were just choosing their battles. Not everything has to be a thing🤷🏽♀️
Wendy Herman 11 months ago
Most of these were really nice & wholesome. I was afraid they'd mostly be like the last one (Yikes!). In such a messed up world, it's refreshing to be reminded that there are still lots of decent guys who *don't* dislike/resent the entire female gender. Thanks for that dose of positivity, BP. 😊
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