Pure gold.

This needs to be way hi er

😂

I had a 90 years old professor emeritus when I went to university, he didn't want to retire because his wife was a "talker" . He had one class a week and the rest of the time he was napping in his office.

awww, what a supportive little bro

Now teach them to say "nevermore".

Believable.

Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons

🤔

Now I need something to help fold them when they're clean & need to be put neatly in the cupboard

Very specific and pretty accurate, well done

Oh, how deeply I hope both of these are true - especially the second one.

OMG! This is hilarious!

happiest thing i've seen today oml

This is otterly cool and adorable

Ha ha

Yeah, but have you seen swans in their non-cuddly phase? It isn't very pretty. Don't ask me to explain; I had a bad experience once.

Paradoxes abound!

I freakin’ love the British 😂💕

Like my brain when I get stressed.

YES! I get so annoyed when people say "kids aren't taught this in school" bc in most cases, we are, people just don't pay frigging attention

*puts my body out with the bins*

Mine does this. All the time. And, guess what? I go to bed.

Best. Parents. Ever.

I used a bidet once with the coldest temperature by accident. Man, I hit the high notes for days.

Cat trap

I understand it...sort of. Just let me get another glass of wine.

Fat bottom girls, you make the rockin world go round 🎶

I'm stealing this

Oof

My mum did this, but with one of her perfumes (Sung by Alfred Sung). Now that I’m adult it’s my main perfume too because it makes me feel nice and cozy when I smell it.

You mean that isn't how they make tiramisu?!

I suspect my horses to use the same technique, I keep getting ads from the feed shop.

Omfg 😂

now put some witch legs with red slippers sticking out from underneath

Was trying to pull the blanket over me last night but it was stuck. Turns out my cat was snuggled up in it.

This explains a lot.

Litterly me right now but not 3 am

We have a queen sized bed but queen blankets are 80 x 80 and don't stay tucked in. So I get a king size which is 80 x 90 and turn it on the side. It makes patterns side ways but who cares.

They'll be getting them in braille soon.

Oh, deer. Good thing Santa staged that intervention before the bullying got out of hand.

Tell her to do another one, just to make sure.

Ya kind looks that way

VINDICATION every underachiever can savor!

But did you pass?

Haha, I heard this on the radio this morning

Where's the slot to insert my CD/DVD?

Nature learned new knitting patterns

How did the comparative taste test go? Which was better - bat or batter?

Poor thing has got Peyronie's disease.