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"As per my last e-mail." "A few things..." "While I understand your urgency..." If you recognize any of these, you're probably familiar with office language. It's clunky. It's repetitive. But once you become fluent at it, you start noticing little nuances that make it a bit more exciting. Like the passive-aggressive phrases people throw at each other to make life harder than it should be.

Recently, writer, producer, and social media consultant Delia Paunescu asked Twitter to list the best/most insufferable work gibberish, and holy coffee-machine-small-talk, did everyone deliver! Scroll down to check them out and upvote your faves!

More info: Twitter

#1

Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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Human #1,232,867
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm on number 4 now, but I love it so much. If only I could use the second part directly instead of a "Just to clarify"

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The confusing maze of office lingo is one of the reasons why an estimated 2.9 billion people of the 3 billion who go to work every day of avoid making small talk with their colleagues. However, this can cost them a promotion.

Jamie Terran, a licensed career coach in New York City, told The New York Times that small talk between colleagues and supervisors builds rapport, which in turn builds trust. “Rapport is the feeling that allows you to extend a deadline, or overlook smaller mistakes, because it makes it easy for you to remember we’re only human. Right or wrong, building rapport through interaction with colleagues could be the thing that gets you the promotion or keeps you in the role you’re in.”

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    #2

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    Daria B
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    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, regardless of that, it sounds indeed like a very anxiety inducing working environment....

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    Luckily, turning your anxiety about making small talk with your co-workers into worrying about not making small talk with your co-workers is definitely possible. Of course, it's easier said than done, but we have to understand that while small talk can be a nightmare, the lack of it can make us miserable as well. I mean, isn't the ability to truly connect with a fellow team member, one that can really understand your daily struggles, something worth working for? Especially when you consider that failure to do so can get you kicked out when the time comes for someone to get sacked. Just some food for thought!

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    #3

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    DforDorothy
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    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Once I forwarded some company bills to accounting BO,after that they asked me to help about some lost bills in person.Went up, accounting staff there,and I told the one I forwarded the mail beforehand that she has them there. Asks me back where. I had to tell her in front of everyone,that since it's not MY email we are looking at,but hers,she should now it. I had to look for the title from my messages on my phone,to help her find it among her emails....it was already read. 😒 From that on, accounting BO believes me when I say I already sent them something. 🙃

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    #5

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    Aldhissla VargTimmen
    Community Member
    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When my husband started working he wondered why the person in the room next to him would send an email for something small instead of just walking two steps and ask or tell in person. After a few incidents where people insisted he never told them about something he now does this all the time himself, just to have proof he did actually tell something...

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    #7

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    Tiari
    Community Member
    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I use it more like „there is respect, but not because you earned it but because I have to respect you or else I have no job“.

    Dilly Millandry
    Community Member
    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes, though it's a change in terminology as it used to be called courtesy instead of respect. Courtesy should be given because politeness makes life easier (mostly) and the other should be earned regardless of what the moron demanding it thinks.

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    Lisa Shelton
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well if you qualify DUE respect, obviously that person is NOT due any respect.

    María Hermida
    Community Member
    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    = I think you are an idiot and I feel like killing you right now, but I can't because you are my boss.

    Imperfekt
    Community Member
    4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The key word is DUE. Means you're giving it what respect you think it's due which in that phrase usually means little to none but you don't know that.

    your_lesbian_friend
    Community Member
    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    absolutely no one: people in star wars all the time: "master with all due respect..."

    deanna woods
    Community Member
    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "I don't respect you, but I have to pretend I do because we are in a professional setting."

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    #8

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    Human #1,232,867
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    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Usually, I keep this way when they own me money, but clearly want to yell at them

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    #9

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    Ripley
    Community Member
    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've worked with people who will send something at 4.45pm and say "I need this for a customer meeting at 9 tomorrow". If you help them once, then they never need to be organised ever again, because they have their patsy. "I'm sorry, but I have a [insert important-sounding appointment] that I just can't miss" works well, followed up with "for future reference, I really need more notice". They don't like it, but they usually learn from it.

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    #10

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    Human #1,232,867
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    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ..Cause I spent 2 hours preparing this quote for you and you did not even dare to say thanks for this offer during the past week ...

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    #11

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    kasa alex
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    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I love 'thanks in advance' - I use it in so many more occasions than just the office haha

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    #14

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    Jon S.
    Community Member
    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh this is a good one, I'm using it today! I didn't know how to say 'I don't understand your words' politely

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    #15

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    PeachesEDM
    Community Member
    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I love this one. I get it a lot regarding a policy the did, in fact, change 4 years ago. But management for other departments is notorious for not consistently communicating this type of thing.

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    #16

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    Dilly Millandry
    Community Member
    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I used to have a boss with the most appalling memory. Did use it once to my advantage by pretending I'd told him something and as he was the worst boss I only feel slightly guilty. His fault in part for never writing things down. He used to think we were still in the 70s during the 90s.

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    #18

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    AlphaPuck
    Community Member
    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How is this passive aggressive? Sometimes the question literally takes 2 seconds to ask. Are there people that really think this has a deeper meaning?

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    #20

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    WilvanderHeijden
    Community Member
    4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Answer: If you need a recap, I suggest you write it and send it to me for approval.

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    #22

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    Katherine Boag
    Community Member
    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In non-US countries to table something means to START discussing it, as in "put all your cards on the table".

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    #23

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    Jenica Thomas
    Community Member
    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My boss is famous for answering YES or NO to questions that are NOT, in fact, yes or no questions. Which forces us to follow up with a "just to clarify" email.

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    #25

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    bryguy
    Community Member
    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I used to do this when working from home, in the other room making coffee until they ask me something. *runs back* "Oh sorry, was talking on mute the whole time"

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    #27

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    Random Panda
    Community Member
    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or it's just a polite way of saying "I hope your day goes well"?? Why is everyone here so paranoid?

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    #28

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    Steve Cruz
    Community Member
    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What's wrong with this, sounds like a recap. "Thank you. I'll proceed with "A" and send you a proof by noon tomorrow. Should I keep going while you're proofing or wait for approval?"

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    #29

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    Seabeast
    Community Member
    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We were actually told to hire the CEO's nephew right from the start, but had to go through the motions of pretending to open the position to everyone."

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    #31

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    Magpie
    Community Member
    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Moving forward.." I am tired of you telling me this story already, I don't need details , can we cut to the chase PLEASE today even??

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    #32

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    Seabeast
    Community Member
    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Could also mean "We don't really have a clear idea of what we want or what the person doing this job will have responsibility for."

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    #35

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    WilvanderHeijden
    Community Member
    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or: "Here's a massive problem that I have created. Good luck with it."

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    #36

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    #37

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    Mewton’s Third Paw
    Community Member
    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Off topic but it bothers me when I see it spelled “huncho.” It’s honcho or hancho, not huncho. That just makes it seem like they pronounce it wrong too.

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    #38

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    #39

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    #40

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    #41

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    Carol Emory
    Community Member
    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Used to have a math teacher in high school that would say "That's an interesting point..but if you put a hat on, nobody will notice."

    #42

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    Mewton’s Third Paw
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    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This used to be my go-to. Basically to mean “Your solution is stupid and time consuming, and wrong. But since you’re the boss, just confirm you want this done the stupid way, so I don’t have to hear s**t from you later when it all goes wrong. Confirm that my time is about to be wasted.”

    #43

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    #44

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    #45

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    Gabi
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    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Now I imagine Captain America saying this instead of "Avengers, assemble!"

    #46

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    #47

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    #50

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    #51

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    #53

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    #54

    Saying-Simple-Things-Corporate-Way-Meanings

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    Paul Mitchell
    Community Member
    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I say that but not meaning anything other than hoping I have helped solve a problem.

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