Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
30 People Share How They Tried To Reignite Their Relationship But Ruined It Instead
No matter how much you and your partner love each other, at some point, you might struggle. Maybe you’re so overwhelmed with your responsibilities that you barely find quality time for each other. Maybe the passion between the two of you has faded a bit. Maybe you feel like you’re drifting apart.
It’s certainly possible to move past this and make your relationship stronger. Unfortunately, not everyone’s successful. What works for some people only makes the situation worse for others. User u/Thedhmy sparked an honest discussion on r/AskReddit after asking everyone to share what they did to reignite their relationships, only to ruin things instead. We’ve collected their powerful stories to share with you, so be sure to read on.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My ex moved out to give us space to figure things out. A few weeks later our 11 year old son commented that the house was so much more peaceful without mom around. A couple weeks later ex was let out of her lease because of maintenance issues and the thought of inviting her back home made my stomach instantly hurt. Now a divorced and healing single dad.
AtMostAFabulist 1 year ago
I have had that feeling of peace when someone leaves. Feels like you can breathe again.
Key Lime 1 year ago
My Mum was always angry about something. I remember as a young child thinking that if she could just calm down, we could all be happy. She ended up with dementia and was actually nicer for her last two years since she wasn't playing head games anymore. I felt a sense of peace when she passed.
Clint McInnes 1 year ago
You may not have dodged that bullet, but you did finally get it extracted. Wounds heal.
Stephanie Barr 1 year ago
Doesn't sound like this ruined a relationship. Relationship was ruined already.
WeeBitOfSumfin 1 year ago
I think this would be the case for me too, except I'm the wife (him leaving). I never know what to expect when he wakes up or returns home. Days are so much calmer when he is not around. Also I think I'd fo him a favor if we got divorced and I'd took the kid with me. He is a narcissist.
Anna Ekberg 1 year ago
True, only the couple knows what goes on behind closed doors but children tend to notice alot of things adults don't think they do.
Load More Replies...
RELATED:
#2
He wanted to open our marriage, encouraged by his polyamorous therapist, which was the tip of a s**t iceberg.
After much back and forth, I apprehensively agreed, and I was in a spiteful "f**k around and find out" frame of mind. The marriage came crumbling down when I not only could score my own pursuit but his as well, meaning it was my fault we failed. The funny part (in hindsight) is I only flirted, whereas he aimed to go further, and he framed it as though I cheated.
It's given me a vehement hatred for open relationships. There is no question after that experience that I am a staunch monogamist.
LilliVB 1 year ago
Open relationship aren't an effective tool to fix a broken monogamous relationship. It takes a lot of trust in your significant other to make them work and a relationship that has issues probably has trust issues already, so the probabilities of the whole opening working are almost not existent
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
Agree, it takes stronger communication and empathy than a monogamous relationship, so if you're already struggling, this is not the path for you.
Load More Replies...
Pyla 1 year ago
Open relationships are the slippery slope of the patriarchy manipulating women: first it's girls getting sexualized at younger and younger ages, then it's "fuucck budies" and "FWB" which largely serves men, then the open relationship double speak. Terribly modern, right? Yet women still loose a great deal of financial footing when marriages break down.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
Why are the seterotyprical couples with open relationships gay if it's about impressing women? And how do FWB situations disadvantage women? Surely it's an advantage to women because you get sex without commitment with someone you know won't murder you. It's safer than random sex, and if you aren't in a relationship, FWB is the best and safest way to get some. I'm all for smashing the patriarchy, but let's not go adding perceived crimes against women to the woefully long list of actual disadvantages.
Load More Replies... ANTIVICTORIA 1 year ago
Does anyone actually know IRL a successfully thriving throuple in a long term (10 years?) relationship?
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 1 year ago
I don't know any poly relationships in general but ik theres happy successful ones out there
Load More Replies... 
Melia Janssen 1 year ago
I don't understand open relationships. If you're so unhappy that you need more than two people in the marriage, then just leave already. I have also read that very few open relationship marriages work.
Belladonna.dreams 1 year ago
Some people can have an open relationship but the key thing is OPEN. It's not just freedom to do who ever they want. It also means being completely open and honest about who is with who and keeping emotions out of it with complete trust. Not many people can do that
Pamela Blue 1 year ago
I've noted that the vast majority of men are the instigators of open relationships. Then they go ballistic when they discover that other men want their wife. I honestly think that these bozos think their wife is going to just sit on the couch and wait for him to come home from his conquests. It just makes my brain spiral. LOL!
#3
Went to therapy. Thought I was “fixing myself.” Discovered that what I’d believed was normal was actually abusive; drew boundary lines like “I said no to sex earlier and you spiked my drink and I woke up in the middle of the night to find you having sex with me; not being able to repeat my no isn’t consent and therefore I will not drink with you anymore.” Things like that! We divorced when I found out about the photos/videos obtained without my consent that were being shared with his buddies.
Kallen Kneeland 1 year ago
To all those who point out that this IS the crime of rape: in the U.S. it only became so in NINETEEN NINETY-THREE! Historically, most rape statutes read that rape was forced sexual intercourse with a woman not your wife, thus granting husbands a license to rape. On July 5, 1993, marital rape became a crime in all 50 states, under at least one section of the sexual offense codes. They've taken back older statutes/decisions recently - think this one won't be on their chopping block soon? Be careful who you vote for in 2024.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
The US Supreme Court only ruled in 2003 that outlawing "non procreative" sexual acts between consenting adults was unconstitutional. Thomas wrote the dissenting opinion and wanted to keep the Texas sodomy laws. They aren't just overturning laws about the right to withhold consent, but the right to give it. 12 states still have sodomy laws on the books and will default to that if Lawrence gets overturned. That would essentially legalize discrimination against same sex couples as they would be criminals.
Load More Replies...
Zull&Panda 1 year ago
What kind of disgusting pile of pig s**t d***s his own wife? Why is this guy not in prison and how in the world he's still allowed to talk to any woman?
SkippityBoppityBoo 1 year ago
If you suspect that you're being spiked? Or have been spiked? Do not cut your hair. "The hair d**g test can detect d***s effectively for a period of up to 6 months."....... Then as much as you would love to take a baseball bat to their knees? It's not recommended
Forbes Advisor, which surveyed recent divorcees, found that the main reasons why people get divorced are due to a lack of family support and infidelity. 43% and 34% cited these as important reasons for the marriage breaking apart, respectively.
Other contributing factors include a lack of intimacy or compatibility (31%), arguing too much (31%), as well as financial stress (24%), and a lack of commitment (23%).
Meanwhile, parenting differences, marrying too young, and having opposing values can also negatively impact a marriage. However, the latter affects only a small portion of couples. For instance, only a fifth of respondents noted parenting differences as being a contributing factor in their divorce. Only a tenth mentioned marrying too young as being important while barely 6% said that their opposing values led to their divorce.
#4
I had a falling out with a close friend. It was mostly because of this girl he started dating that I genuinely thought was a terrible human being and only there to take advantage of his stable income, being quite incapable herself. I figured it was bad enough for him to deserve a conversation and it didn’t go well.
We went a few years without speaking to each other, and one day I see a post online that suggests he’s getting married soon. I notice it’s not the terrible human girl, and reach out to him to congratulate him. He’s happy I did, we talk like it hasn’t been 5 years, I’m excited for him, and we’re making plans.
He shares pictures of the engagement and what not, and I exclaim “thank god it’s not her, I really thought you’d marry her!”. Turns out it is her, she’s just gained weight and changed her hair.
“It is her” is the last thing he said and I was blocked shortly after.
Juanita, the ginger cat 1 year ago
I have been in a similar situation with my best friend. We knew each other since 6 years old and when we were 23 he meet a girl that I already knew and was a horrible person. I told him and he never spoke to me again. Years later a friend told me that they had a daughter, she cheated on him, divorced, he became a c*ke addicted, lost his job and she never let him see his little girl. Since we used to live in the same neighborhood I frequently seen him around, but out of shame he never even look at me.
#5
We moved closer to her family. The only thing that changed was that I gave up my dream job. She was still just as miserable, but now I was also miserable.
#6
I took a solo trip across the county for 6 weeks to reevaluate my life/relationship by taking a step away from it. realized how amazing my partner was and how lucky I had it. Came back and was broken up with :/.
Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
Sounds like maybe you were the issue. Glad you stepped back to work on yourself though! That was wise and will probably help you in future relationships.
The Starsong Princess 1 year ago
Apparently, your partner didn’t think of themself as a toy that you put down when you are bored and pick back up when it suits you.
ANTIVICTORIA 1 year ago
Sounds like neglecting your relationship to think about only you for 6 weeks was just the wakeup call your partner needed.
meeeeeeeeeeee 1 year ago
You f****d off, they probably realised they were better off without you hahaha
Binky Melnik 1 year ago
The hell with his problems; the colors in the accompanying photo make my mouth water! (Speaking of jewel tones … 😉)
According to Forbes, the most common indicators of an imminent divorce include a lack of interest in each other, poor conflict resolution, and avoiding each other.
Healthline points out that even if there’s a lack of passion in your relationship, it doesn’t automatically mean that there’s nothing left to salvage. However, it takes intentional action to change things for the better. For example, you could try to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship, instead of just the negatives. You could spend a week noticing all of the things that your partner does well. Meanwhile, you can show your gratitude by thanking them for all the small things they do right. It’s really heartwarming to be noticed and appreciated.
In the meantime, it’s vital that you start rekindling your passion by having fun. It’s all about becoming playful with each other again. That means setting aside some time dedicated to experiencing new things together. This requires intent. It won’t happen on its own! You could travel someplace new, try out a new restaurant, go to a class, pick up a fun hobby, or go to a fun local event. It doesn’t quite matter what you do, so long as it makes you feel full of energy and gets you out of your rut.
#7
Maybe this isn't the right answer, but here goes. We were having serious problems in our relationship. I decided I can't change him but I could change me, so I tried to be the perfect wife. I read several books and did everything they said even when I thought it was stupid. I didn't get angry about anything, I did everything myself so I didn't have to ask for anything, I took care of everything. For 3 years. All it did was make things so much worse. It's like he needs me to be angry with him at all times so he intentionally does dumb s**t he absolutely knows I hate or other malicious things so that I'm angry and he's the poor victim who tries his best and falls short of my unreasonable expectations. He ramped it all up during the perfect wife phase. What could have previously been explained by ignorance or incompetence or selfishness now can only be explained by intentional malice aforethought. Our relationship is ruined, it can never be fixed.
Pollymere 1 year ago
Was the perfect girlfriend for a while. Didn't stop the abuse - I think it just makes it worse. He was paranoid about this one male friend I had (without basis). Realised friend was lovely so ran off with him and married him instead...
Tom De Paul 6 months ago
I guess his paranoia was justified. Just sayin'.
Load More Replies...
Tommy DePaul 1 year ago
I was a therapist (LCSW) who did a fair amount of couples therapy. I rarely viewed a break-up as a failure.
Clint McInnes 1 year ago
Sounds like my sister's first marriage. She put up with that POS for 19 years. Should have been 9 months. No, scratch that, if she'd gotten to know him before they married, she never would have been with him in the first place. She's well rid of him and now with someone who loves her.
Pamela Blue 1 year ago (edited)
Professional victim who uses weaponized incompetence. Dump him. He's really not worth the trouble. At least you won't have to listent to him whine after you've kicked him out - or left the house yourself. Of COURSE this will all your fault too. (sarcasm off)
The Starsong Princess 1 year ago
Look to his family of origin. This is what he is used and where he feels comfortable.
#8
Tried a new church.
He was advised by his boss that it would be better for our relationship to be closer to God. The sermon was themed "Better Together". It got me thinking that I really didn't think him and I were better together. On the drive home, I initiated a conversation about some boundaries and things I wanted to change, otherwise it just wasn't going to work anymore. The sermon apparently had the opposite effect on him, and he felt that God was telling him we should stay together but keep everything exactly the same.
We broke up before we even got home and it was one of the best decisions I've ever made.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
You're smarter than. Just over 50% of Scotland because you could see Better Together is only true when it's a relationship of equals.
Alexandra 1 year ago
Had to look that one up to see that a majority (55.3%) voted against Scottish independence in 2014. Surprising, given Scotland's history and relationship with England.
Load More Replies... veirdbuttrue 1 year ago
His boss tells them to get closer to god so that's what they go and do? This is just weird. If my boss told me to go to a church to get closer to god I would laugh in his face
Lena Flising 1 year ago
So he thought you'd be better together if you just stayed exactly the same, didn't change a thing? How would that make anything better? Well, perhaps he realized that HE would have it much worse on his own, that HE needed you to be together for HIS sake...
Pamela Blue 1 year ago
How did this marriage story devolve into an England/Scotland political forum. I mean - really?
Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
If you don't feel better together you shouldn't be together, as hard as it is.
#9
We both wrote about 3 things we wanted to change and to bring our relationship back to life. Hers were things about me that I hadn't done in over a year - when questioned, she got really defensive and insisted I still do it and then talked about a situation (that happened a year prior) to prove her point.
My main one was asking for one date night a month. When I told her mine, I basically had to fight tooth and nail to just get her to consider it. We never had any dates, rarely ever saw each other, and I was asking for 2 hours of her time once a month.
After that conversation, I really had to reflect on whether this is what I wanted or not. I was kind of glad when we broke up a couple of weeks later.
Sven Horlemann 1 year ago
Well, in a way, you were able to see clear and make the right decision.
Marriage.com suggests that if your relationship has lost its excitement, you can try to reignite that joy with your partner by spending quality time with each other, without any distractions. So, if you decide to go on a fun date night (the first in a long while!), the last thing you want is to keep checking your phone for messages from work. Be in the moment. Be present! Focus on your partner. There’s a ton of joy to be found in life when we slow down and stop worrying about the future.
Try to remember what it was about your partner that you found so captivating and special when you first started dating. It’s possible that all of those same qualities are still there. But life throws a lot of responsibilities our way. When you’re stuck in a routine and exhausted, it’s difficult to be playful, witty, and romantic all the time.
#10
After a mutual decision that our family was complete, I had a vasectomy at her insistence after being told it was the only way anything would be happening in the bedroom. A year later, she left to have another child with someone else. Because the vasectomy reversal which she demanded I should have was unsuccessful.
SSG49 1 year ago
"Snip, snap! Snip, snap! Snip, snap! You have no idea the physical toll that three vasectomies have on a person!" -Michael Scott
Clown fish 1 year ago
Both. She demands he gets the snip then demands another child which he couldn't give because of snip. So she left and had a child with another man
Load More Replies...
#11
Not me but my ex. We went through 6+ months of no sex because he was treating me horribly and I was just no longer interested in being intimate with him. I told him time and time again that I was unhappy and things needed to change but he didn't listen and instead blamed my lack of sex drive on being stressed about work/school/family. It never had anything to do with him in his mind. It would start fights because he saw our relationship as a "contract" where we were obligated to "fulfill each other's needs." (Unless they were my needs.) One day, I came home from work and he had drawn up a sex calendar. Like, a calendar literally with sex scheduled on it. I'm not thrilled about this, because it doesn't solve the root problem. He insists that once I'm "back in the groove" I'll enjoy sex again. I'd almost be willing to chat about this idea but then he starts giving me "rules" for the sex calendar. 1. Sex has to be scheduled 3/week, atleast. 2. If one of the scheduled sessions didn't happen, it needed to be rescheduled within the same week. 3. I was only "allowed to say no" once per week. I was so shocked I put on my shoes and left our apartment. I could never look at him the same after this because he was ready to force me into sex I didn't want to have and he genuinely didn't see a problem with that, or understand why I would be upset. I left him a few months later. I found out later he actually got the idea from r/deadbedrooms and that community praised the idea as genius.
Alexandra 1 year ago
This only works if a) both partners want sex and b) they are both disgruntled that they can't find the time for it due to other obligations. The key thing is: it's consensual.
Amanda Cruz 1 year ago
And zero to 3 x a week is alot! Should have been 1x a month and double every month till your at an agreed amount pre week
Load More Replies...
Lola July 1 year ago
I have a friend who's husband is a rager. He screams, yells blames her, gaslights etc., She quit wanting intimacy. He said in counseling that he only started all that behavior after she stopped having sex. She gave the sex another try...Only took about a week and Raging over whatever set him off this time. Oh yeah her because it's Always her fault. Guess who won't be intimate again and guess what he's saying again... Guess who is starting to fall for it again? Emotional Abuse.
Pamela Blue 1 year ago
Classic. She doesn't realize she's in the grip of a narcissist. She needs to get out, but won't until she finally realizes what's happening, which, sadly, may not happen for quite a while.
Load More Replies... Lena Flising 1 year ago
Non-consensual s*x is rape whether in a marriage or just casual acquaintances. S*x doesn't start in the bedroom, it's an ongoing process in a steady relationship. It's doing small kind things for each other, making the other feel appreciated all the time. Not huge things, maybe just "I saw this brand of yoghurt in the store, and I know you like it" type of things. Stuff that show that the other's wellbeing is on ones mind all the time. This bloke only thought about himself.
catastrophegirl 1 year ago
man, i'd look him dead in the eye while setting his calendar on fire. even if it is was digital, i would burn the entire device he used to create the calendar. sex always has to be a mutual decision, and even if you plan it in advance you get to say no at any time. making something like that and presenting it to your partner is disrespectful and abusive.
Haywood Jablome 1 year ago
It sounds like the relationship was over 6+ months before the calender was made
SkippityBoppityBoo 1 year ago (edited)
Any sex that isn't consensual with both parties is legally considered sexual assault/rape. It doesn't matter if you're married, boyfriend/girlfriend etc...... This guy though? A contract? He knows exactly what he can do with that and exactly where to shove it.
Jordan Miller 1 year ago
Id agree, and say that it has to be on my terms. Pegging, sounding....whereever my mood takes me.
#12
Took a fancy tropical vacation. First class, all inclusive, even extended it a few days. Still couldn’t stop fighting. Spent most of it alone. I learned a lesson there.
Antonia 1 year ago
Reminds me. A lovely bungalow in Italie. On the seaside. In the evenings I loved to sit by the shore, listening to the waves, watching fishing boats on the sea. He preferred to stay inside, watching television... Such a lonely feeling.
Lyoness 1 year ago
You can absolutely be alone while you're in the same room as your partner. I actually find that lonelier than being on my own.
Load More Replies...A relationship is worth repairing if you and your partner are committed to truly making lasting changes for the better. What’s more, you both have to respect each other and be willing to communicate and look for compromises. In some cases, you may need a couples counselor's perspective to move forward. But remember, asking for help—especially from a professional—is not a sign of weakness.
However, if there’s no longer any trust, love, or willingness to work together, it might be best for the couple to consider moving on separately.
#13
Not me, but I'm a couples therapist and I can name three I see too often:
1) having kids
2) opening up / trying out ethical non-monogamy
3) cheating
The only problem having kid ever solves is the problem of wanting kids. Similarly, the only problem multiple relationships ever solves is the desire for multiple relationships. Both of those two *can* and frequently are very fulfilling things, but neither of them really makes the existing relationship better beyond potentially making the people in the relationship feel like they're living the life they want to live.
Cheating of course is an entire s**t-show, I only mention it because often folks justify it to themselves as something that is helping their relationship in some way (ex; partner has low sex drive so I'm getting my needs met without bothering them).
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
If your communicatuon and relationship are bad enough to need a therapist, of course ethical non monogamy isn't going to work. That takes better communication and empathy than monogamy. Your sample is skewed towards people who are t in a good relationship
digitalin 1 year ago
I disagree with the sentiment that only bad relationships can benefit from couples therapy. Sometimes it's a way for a couple to learn to communicate better, not because things are awful, but because humans and relationships are complex.
Load More Replies...
Hugo Raible 1 year ago
Cheating seems to stabilize relationships, though. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/experimentations/201902/can-infidelity-support-marriage-and-increase-happiness
Tropical Tarot 1 year ago
It's not for everyone. hell it's not for most people but for some people it works. I am one of those people. You have to be up front and honest about everything. We discussed it during the early days of our relationship.
Load More Replies... #14
My ex convinced me that moving back to her s****y little hometown would fix everything because it would be cheaper and less stressful and there'd be no temptations, etc.
Barely lasted 2 months before she f****d some guy she had crush on in highschool, and I was homeless.
Alexandre Yaworski 1 year ago
"there'd be no temptations" If you can't resist temptations without moving geographically, it's just a matter of time before you succumb.
Pamela Blue 1 year ago
No temptations? What is she - 5? These days, temptation is everywhere, but you need to decide in life what you want your life to be and how you are going to live it. You'd think she might have grown up a little before this stage of life.
#15
I had been telling her that it made me uncomfortable she was still texting her exs when I had to dump my good friend whom I dated back in middle school. She blew up and broke up with me two days later.
Stannous Flouride 1 year ago
Because she thought he'd act like her and cheat. Projection.
Load More Replies...
#16
I didn't do it. My ex did. We were years into long distance because of college and he was cheating on me blatantly for years and I was trying to be the "cool understanding girlfriend" and rationalized that if I just took his word for it about the other girls not meaning anything he would choose me in the end... I finally grew some self respect and the writing was on the wall so he proposed. I said absolutely not in front of a good number of folks who were total strangers. It was awful. Then he told his entire family that I left him because I was gay. 🫠.
Lena Flising 1 year ago
Why would you have endured years and years of being cheated on, if you were gay?
#17
Went on a beach vacation. She just wanted to watch tv and smoke pot like we always did. Realized it wasn't gunna work without change and we broke up a few weeks later. It sucked.
Royal Stray 1 year ago
Not really anyone's fault (although I don't get doing a beach vacation if you don't like the related activities), just a difference in personality
SkippityBoppityBoo 1 year ago (edited)
I'm trying to get my head around spending money on a vacation just to do the exact same thing that you do at home! 😄
#18
This is what my partner did, but I am sure he wanted it to revive us: he proposed. It ended the relationship within a month, not because he proposed, but because he did it during an absolute crisis in our relationship, on a ski vacation where he barely said 2 words to me for 4 days until the proposal: he also had no ring and said if I said yes, then we would go shopping for one. I felt so awful, but my gut reaction was so strongly negative that I just felt like I couldn’t possibly say yes and that our relationship was definitely over. It would have been so much better to have had a really deep, open conversation about what was going on with us.
Royal Stray 1 year ago
I get that some people like surprises, but who proposes without having a conversation about it?
Lena Flising 1 year ago
He should have proposed a series of sessions of couple's counselling first. If you don't speak to each other, you are NOT ready to get married.
Jan van den Broek 1 year ago
If the ring is a requirement for a proposal, then I would be doubting the strength of the relationship.
#19
I bought us plane tickets to Prague. The plan was for us to have some intimate bonding time after my work in other parts of Czechia concluded. Prague is one of my favourite cities and it would’ve been his first time in Europe. Despite the disintegrating state of our marriage, I was excited for it. He wound up rage-quitting the trip after blowing up at me for no reason and saying things that really couldn’t be taken back, after which he kept trying to get me to invite him back on it. I said to ask me after a particularly stressful event concluded, but he ignored this and kept pestering nevertheless while gaslighting me throughout (“I didn’t rage-quit, I *volunteered* not to go so you could have some time for self-care”). Yeah, right. I’m not an idiot and have this thing called a memory. On my last night in Prague I called him over FaceTime to divorce him and kick him out. Hung up when he began fake-crying and begging me to accept an “alternative arrangement” where we lived as platonic roommates but I continued to provide for him anyway. No thank you.
Alexandra 1 year ago
Going on a holiday when your marriage is disintegrating is probably not a good idea. Perhaps the money would have been better spent on couples therapy or something? Holidays are usually the occasions where serious cracks in a marriage come to the surface and tempers boil over, resulting in lawyers who brace themselves for an influx of people who file for divorce right after the Christmas Holidays or the Summer vacation.
Pamela Blue 1 year ago
You were providing for him. Therefore he wasn't in control of his life. That caused all the "rage" and the consequent dramas. He hated you for being the breadwinner, but desperately needed you as the breadwinner. He finally f^&ed himself with his carry-on. He got what he asked for but didn't really want. Too bad.
#20
Allowing my then husband and then best friend convince me to become “poly” with them.
It haunts me to this day that I told my ex, “This goes one of three ways - I lose you, I lose her or I lose both of you.” But they told me I was paranoid and was excluding the possibility that it would work. I also made the rule that if one of us was uncomfortable or not into it, we’d stop. He agreed.
He did not stop. I was also very obviously not poly minded. I knew them both. She has a lot of broken parts that make her emotionally hoard people - she has like 7 other partners. My ex is emotionally narcoleptic and would never be able to do two relationships, esp when ours was already failing. I knew enough about myself. It was never going to end well.
I left him a year after when it was obvious he wasn’t ever going to choose me. That they both were essentially gaslighting and abusing me to get to one another. I’d asked them to end their relationship 10 months earlier, they lied and said it was done. It was not - I found out years later and my ex’s face when he let it slip about their anniversary. It’s the day he told me he’d broken up with her.
Anyway, don’t do poly and don’t let your husband f**k your best friend.
Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
This is so messy. OP made the rule they would stop if someone wasn't comfortable when she was already uncomfortable.
meeeeeeeeeeee 1 year ago
She's emotionally hoarding, he's emotionally narcoleptic. I want to know what emotionally thing you are cause you're not stable if you agreed to this.
Michele Brady 1 year ago
What is "emotionally narcoleptic" please? Could you explain without anger & hatred?
LB 1 year ago
It is hard to figure out if they are using it as a real medical term or more as a informal term that they came up with themselves to describe their partners. Medically speaking, it seems like there is some connection between narcolepsy and emotions: "Sometimes narcolepsy also causes a sudden loss of muscle tone, known as cataplexy (KAT-uh-plek-see). This can be triggered by strong emotion, especially laughter." https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/narcolepsy/symptoms-causes/syc-20375497 But I also have a partner who, when things get tough, starts to feel really really sleepy. Almost like a freeze response, I think. Not narcolepsy but it could be that this is what the OP means - it makes having difficult conversations, well, more difficult.
Load More Replies...
Nephaele 1 year ago
Polyamory works if you already have a strong relationship with clear and honest communication.
Cerridwn d'Wyse 1 year ago
Polyamory works if both members of the couple wanted.
Load More Replies... Tropical Tarot 1 year ago (edited)
Well not everyone believes in that particular god. Didn't Abraham have two wives and quite a few other people in the Bible.
Load More Replies... #21
I sprayed perfume on his pillow because I saw someone do it on a film and they said it made the guy love them more. He said it was aftershave and I'd cheated on him, he then printed off old nudes of me and put them all over the neighbourhood telling everyone I was a cheater.
Robin Rush 1 year ago
Yeah, I would have had a migraine! I can’t wear that c**p
Load More Replies... #22
I tried saving my sexless marriage by making it "open." It got exciting for a minute then went up in flames.
Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
If you need to go "open" to save it, I think you already lost it. I feel it would just be better for everyone to break up and start dating other people instead of "including" them in your established relationship.
WeeBitOfSumfin 1 year ago
My husband has literally no sex drive. We had sex two times last year. I'm not even trying to start anything anymore because I've been rejected by him so many times that I can't even count. If it's not a viable reason for cheating then I don't know what else is.
Load More Replies... Ace 1 year ago
The problem here is not addressing the reason it's a sexless marriage. Open relationships can work but only if it's a solid relationship with guaranteed absolute trust, a) that any other partners are never going to be anything more than a bit of fun on the side and b) nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, will be hidden by either party. I did that for ten years with my first wife, it was good. We eventually parted ways amicably enough for other reasons.
Lena Flising 1 year ago
Making a relatively boring relationship "open" usually goes south pretty quickly. The man might want to have lots of women, but no women are interested, while the woman who might have been reluctant at first gets several interested people, and the man then gets jealous, as he really only wanted HIS side open...
#23
Not me, but I had a pair of friends who got married when they were 19-20 and both virgins. 24 years later they decide to open their marriage and "sow the wild oats" they "never got the chance to". This involved them both dating other women, but no other men for her. About a year into it he meets a woman, falls in love with her, and she ends up moving into their home as "their girlfriend". Three years on from that, they're divorced now. And notice I said I *had* a pair of friends; their marriage was far from the only relationship that got ruined in this s**tshow. EDIT -- Before I read this thread I was worried I was putting in too many specifics but now I've remembered how incredibly common and almost boilerplate this kind of thing is. Opening your relationship doesn't work, kids.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
You just don't hear much about the marriages that don't implode because people don''t explicitly bring it up. There's still a lot of stigma and awkward questions.
Amanda Cruz 1 year ago
I think the idea way to have a poly relationship that works is starting off the relationship in a poly group. It's hard to go from 2 to 3 (or more) cause the whole dynamics have changed
Load More Replies...
#24
We got a girlfriend. He convinced me we were in it together, but I was an obvious third wheel and we’ve since broken up. They’re still together though.
#25
Therapy and medication for her depression. Fixed her depression, but not our relationship. She finally figured out what she enjoyed doing, and it wasn't for me.
#26
We went on a swinger's cruise.
#27
We tried both an open relationship and to manage a threesome. I pushed for that stuff and I regret it so much. If only I'd let it die out like that I could have moved on sooner, but all that useless stuff we tried, all the leaving and coming back, all the ups and downs ate us alive.
Today after much time I finally am back on my feet, but the damage we (but mostly I) did during three yrs together will haunt me through all my future relationships, so my advice is to not try anything, if it has to end, let it end.
#28
The series “Californication” ruined two of my relationships. I love that series, so I wanted to introduce it to my boyfriend at the time. He loved it too, and began to think “hot damn, what else is out there?! I am in no way ready to settle down yet!” And because I hadn’t learned the definition of insanity, I started watching it with my next boyfriend, who got the same itch. These relationships would’ve likely ended anyway, the show just was the catalyst. Luckily, my current boyfriend has already seen the whole series and gotten it all out of his system.
#29
I got a job at the same office as her. She asked me to apply and I wanted to be able to see her every day. When we had our blow out fight she said that She started to resent me because I didn’t have to work as hard as her to do well. I started to resent her because she never wanted to hang out anymore. I left the job after 4 months. Didn’t talk to her again for 7 months. We hooked up one last time and that was that.
Lena Flising 1 year ago
At my workplace, there are many couples. I don't know if it's a written rule or just basic common sense, but they don't allow couples to work in the same department. We're almost 3000 people, so there are many departments to choose from.
#30
Asked him to get therapy for his trauma and long history of mental health issues. I had dealt with mine and come a long way, but it got to the point that I felt like I was moving forward and he wasn’t. I asked him if he’d be willing to try therapy since it was impacting our relationship. I gave him a year to work on his mental health, he didn’t. You can’t force someone to get help, but I felt after five years together I at least owed it to us to ask, instead of just leaving when s**t got hard. After I broke up with him after over a year of telling him how things were impacting us and me, he broke down. It’s truly heartbreaking that he wasn’t ready to get help. Based on how the breakup went, I’m not sure he ever will, but I gave it my all.
#31
Went to couples therapy with an ex, He became an ex in that first session.
#32
We opened it up because she was counting on me for the heavy majority of her emotional support and I thought it would be good for her to meet new people. She went on a date with her *therapist*. It unraveled from there.
Alexandra 1 year ago
I'm not sure: do you mean to say that you wanted her to meet new people so that they could take care of your SO's need for emotional support?
Royal Stray 1 year ago
He probably meant that if she got friends she could let some of it out on them instead of him, which honestly doesn't sound like a good idea either
Load More Replies... #33
My girlfriend first attempted to break up with me because she relied on me too much for her happiness (we lived an hour and a half apart). Then she realized she didn’t want to and asked for me back a couple of times. I gave her two weeks with no contact to find a therapist and to write down the pain points in our relationship, and I did the same. We both thought it was a great idea. The day before the two weeks were up, I texted her, “I’ve missed you and am excited to see you.” She asked to meet that day and dumped me, saying she needed to work on herself and that I was the best boyfriend she’d ever had. I think the two weeks ruined it. While she was going to therapy for the first time, it was a volatile period in her life, and she probably needed me there to talk through it. She said everyone in her family loved me and that her mom would probably choose for me to stay in her life if she could. It caught me totally off guard. I asked her to meet up to talk and get some clarity. She said she couldn’t because a family member had passed away, and she needed to cope and was sorry. I have thought about it every day for the last two-plus months and wonder if I will ever hear back from her.
Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
This is sad. It doesn't sound like it was your fault though. Sounds like she really did need to work on herself and you shouldn't blame yourself.
#34
Invited a third into the relationship, and I was quickly forgotten about. Edit: This was many years, and a few more failed relationships behind me. Thank you for the well wishes, though. I'm with a phenomenal woman now and I'm very happy.
#35
I had a friend who proposed to his girlfriend in front of their family members. Then got anxiety about what he just did, started an argument so he can take back the proposal. Ruined the relationship.
Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
This is terrible. At least wait a while for the jitters/anxiety to calm before you take it back.
#36
First wife and I were really on the rocks. Hadn’t had sex in months, didn’t communicate anymore, just no love left. She rented an Airbnb in a snowy mountain resort with the idea of rekindling things. It was nice but the Airbnb kept having disasters. Kitchen sink got clogged, tv didn’t work, fireplace couldn’t be used, etc. seems like minor stuff but it all just added to the stress of trying to rekindle the relationship. Ended up getting divorced a short time later.
#37
Trip to Mexico. I put my phone up and really focused on every moment of the trip. Had a lovely time being present and connecting with my partner. Get home and get accused of hiding something/her because I didn’t post anything on social…ended 3 months later. I didn’t post anything because I left my phone in the room to focus on her. I know it was an excuse and there is more to it or she had already planned to leave but I thought it was hilarious to be blamed for something when that something was being present instead of on screens.
#38
We had an open relationship and I wanted her to choose me. Thought I could leave a lasting impression by having a quiet date before she went to see her other person. And it backfired. She is now with them exclusively. I was an idiot for thinking I could win her over.
#39
Bought new lingerie. Ex husband got upset and asked “why are you always after me like that?!”.
#40
Go live with him. It did make it better in some aspects but I was suddenly having to make life decisions with a person that one of the major problems is that he was stubborn and unwilling to see my side of things. Combine that with financial chaos amplified by his recklessness and my enabling and one can see how well that went. That also ruined other stuff in my life and I'm still fighting to lift myself back up.
#41
I have a low sex drive and my partner's high. Tried to hook up with others to, hoping it might increase my libido. Only to find out that I got STD and my partner left me.
Zedrapazia 1 year ago
How ... I'm baffled, how could they come to think *cheating* would make things any better instead of exploring things with their own partner?
Alexandra 1 year ago
And why would you want to increase your libidio? Why couldn't he lower his?
Load More Replies... 
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 1 year ago
I don't need a lot of sex, so to please my partner who does, I cheated on them.
Load More Replies... #42
Used to visit my previous GF all the time in Brighton from London. About 1h40mins each way. Booked a valentines weekend away in Cambridge and she wanted me to drive to her, collect her from Uni which is the opposite direction, (she had a car and all of daddy’s money) then drive us both to Cambridge. The driving wasn’t the issue but it was at this moment I realised she has never visited me in all the years we’ve been dating, I was the only one putting in the effort. Broke up by text, and took a younger sportier model with me to Cambridge.
Alexandra 1 year ago
Is it me or does anyone else think the phrase 'younger sportier model' demeaning to women?
Jaaawn 1 year ago
I've seen women writing that when leaving their other half. Ive seen gay men say that following the end of a relationship.
Load More Replies...
Anna Ekberg 1 year ago
I was with him until the last sentence, it makes him sound immature, petty and not quite over it tbh.
Kira Okah 1 year ago
I didn't go to uni until my late 20s, a person in my class was in his late 60s. A younger person than someone in uni can be in the full range of 18-100+.
Load More Replies...
Pınar Feltham 2 months ago
who knows maybe she had already found "younger, sportier model" than yourself before you found one and that was the reason that she didn't visit you in London.
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Mr.Li 1 year ago
Welp I know someone whose Girlfriend broke up with him (i dunno the reason why). Well he stalked her then. And when her mother caught him, staying outside their house, he tried to explain that his behaviour is to get her back. Well he stopped after the Police was called
Lena Flising 1 year ago
He had probably seen too many "nerd-gets-the-pretty-girl" movies, and thought if you pester them, they will see "reason" in the end.
Load More Replies... Mr.Li 1 year ago
Welp I know someone whose Girlfriend broke up with him (i dunno the reason why). Well he stalked her then. And when her mother caught him, staying outside their house, he tried to explain that his behaviour is to get her back. Well he stopped after the Police was called
Lena Flising 1 year ago
He had probably seen too many "nerd-gets-the-pretty-girl" movies, and thought if you pester them, they will see "reason" in the end.
Load More Replies... You May Like Woman Is Berated For "Disgusting Reaction" Because She Doesn't Support The Woman Husband Cheated With Guy Refuses To Accept Break-Up With GF After Going On A Romantic Trip With A Female Friend Woman Sees Husband's Coworker Flirting With Him, Deals With It In The Most Petty But Brilliant Way
Ilona Baliūnaitė
Indrė Lukošiūtė
Gabija Palšytė
Related on Bored Panda
