Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
Swearing is a common way for people to express their emotions and frustrations, but it can also be a source of conflict or discomfort in certain social and professional situations. For some individuals, swearing may be explicitly prohibited by their workplace, religious beliefs, or personal values. In these cases, finding alternative phrases or euphemisms can be a useful way to express oneself without risking offense or punishment.
I’m not allowed to swear so I say stuff like "freaking", "shoot" and most notably "fudgeknuckles" to avoid punishment. I’ve heard stuff like "frubida" and have recently adopted "shiitake" and I’m eager to hear what you say. I also wanted to find out what are the other alternatives people use, so I decided to ask the Bored Panda community: “What is the most ridiculous thing you say so you don’t swear?” Scroll down to see what the answers were.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Sometimes, when I'm really pissed, I moo instead of swearing. Don't ask me why, I don't know either.
Final score:
120points
RELATED:
#2
1. Mother-father
2. Dog farts
3. Got-dandruff-some-of-it-itches
4. Son of a biscuit
Final score:
91points
#3
I would imagine someone swearing in medieval languages, like thou art a cookie or something.
Final score:
69points
#4
fudge nuggets, gosh dang nabbit and shiitaki mudhrooms.
Final score:
65points
Kira Trepanier (Submission author) 2 years ago
Dang that was supposed to say shiitaki mushrooms 🤣
#5
Fekkin' is one of my favorites. That and "for the love of ballpoint pens".
Final score:
62points
#6
One time I stubbed my toe in school and went "FFFFFF" and then slowly went "...fructose." The teacher was skeptical. I also really like bull-spit and just any medieval or creative curse, such as beaver dam and God Daniel it.
Final score:
54points
#7
Idiotic brain-damaged booger pickin chicken butt! It’s one sentence.
Final score:
53points
#8
"Monkeyface". Do you want to hear the evolution of why I say that? If not, too bad.
So, when I was little, I liked Spy Kids. The main character, Carmen, says "Oh, shiitake mushrooms" bc she can't curse. So I started saying it until my mom told me it was an actual curse word (oops).
My mom says "shmonks" when she's trying not to curse, which is a derivative of "shiitake mushrooms". So I started saying "monkeyface".And now when I stub my toe I scream:
‘Holy goodness!’, but the ‘monkeyface’ thing was cool for a while.
Final score:
47points
#9
Dirty poodles. Worked in an animal shelter for a spell and also am certified in pet grooming. Ever try to groom a very dirty poodle?
Final score:
44points
#10
This one was completed by accident... Wanted to say 'son of a b**ch' but it came out 'bunny snitches'. Now my go-to!
Final score:
43points
#11
I just try to run out of momentum before I get to the swear words, so something like, "Dirty rotten lousy miserable pathetic excuse for a..." until I eventually give up.
Final score:
41points
#12
I hug my dog instead of swearing. Don't ask why, I don't know.
Final score:
41points
Samia Guled 2 years ago
aww! wish i can do that with my fish, but he a hungry boi and can bite, and tries to eat my hands. yet he de size of my thumb
#13
Pants, shoes, and 'oh for the love of cheese and crackers'.
Final score:
40points
#14
Holy guacamole!
Final score:
39points
I like donuts (Submission author) 2 years ago
I Also say "you! You foul loathsome evil little cockroach!" when someone makes me mad To quote Hermione granger
#16
What in Cthulhu's name and H-E-Single Asgardian Hockey Stick.
Final score:
34points
#18
Sweet Baby Pancakes is my "holy s**t." Also, "son of a motherless goat," which is from the Three Amigos.
Final score:
32points
#19
You absolute- followed by any word you want. Examples are you absolute dishwasher, you absolute fridge, you absolute chicken-headed dog water. If you want actual swearwords substitutes I’m not that helpful since almost everyone just uses the actual word here.
Final score:
32points
#20
Not really bizarre, but I say ‘What the Fred’ and ‘Holy Sharon’.
Final score:
29points
#21
"Frickadoodle"
Final score:
28points
#22
One time I stubbed my toe in school and went "FFFFFF" and then slowly went "...fructose." The teacher was skeptical. I also really like bull-spit and just any medieval or creative curse, such as beaver dam and God Daniel it.
Final score:
28points
#23
I growl deeply. I dunno why, but I do it all the time. They aren't quiet little growls either.
My poor throat. . .
Final score:
25points
Sarcastic Cow 2 years ago
I´m doing this since my childhood - since my parents banned swearing :D
#24
Oh balderdash!
Final score:
23points
#25
"Puppies and kittens!!!" and when that's not enough, "Puppies and kittens everywhere!".
Final score:
23points
Sara Marie 2 years ago
I do this! Was always food but then stared watching A Nation an that's their word for zombies and it works well for just about any situation where cussing may be warranted lol. Confuses people too
#26
Holy crepe
Final score:
22points
Freddy Martin (Submission author) 2 years ago (edited)
Came from my neighbors a few years ago, was friends with their kid and they didn't like it when I said c**p around them, so it became carp and then eventually crepe
#27
Well Spit
Fluff
Where didn't you learn how to drive
Go cuddle a cactus
Final score:
22points
KiwiBubbles 2 years ago
"WHERE *DIDN'T* YOU LEARN HOW TO DRIVE" OHMY LORD THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER
#28
Ahh, Fudgesicles, and Lollipops!
Not sure how my brain came up with it but it works.
Final score:
21points
#29
MotherHell
What do you think ?
Lakota Wolf 1 year ago
Same. XD I swear up a blue streak. My only exceptions are when small children are close enough to hear me - I'll switch to "heck" or "darn" if I mentally catch myself in time. Otherwise, swear words are just words. Acting like they're some kind of FORBIDDEN!!!! thing is stupid.
Load More Replies...
Monday 1 year ago
Evidently I'm not supposed to teach other people's children swear words during their English class.
Load More Replies...
Andy Acceber 2 years ago
I say "good golly." In 2022. I'm a Millennial. I have no idea where I picked it up, but I do sound like I walked out of a black and white cartoon.
Orange Is Aging 2 years ago
I say “excuse me sir what in the frapping dingleberries is going on here?”
Adrian 2 years ago
Baby sat my grandson for a few years - he had a habit of repeating ad-nauseum any thing he found strange or funny - especially swear words. So my wife and I worked out swear words in advance - mine was "GUMMY BEARS" which if said real loud with a great deal of venom comes out quite well. For some weird reason my wife used "mens underpants".
Talitha Jansen 1 year ago
I don't swear, I mostly use sounds for my displeasure. Like if I constantly drop things, I go uuuugh..or I groan. It's not because I don't like swearing or anything, I just don't do it.
Joshua Moore 1 year ago
"Holy Hannah", "Mother of pearl" and "sweet baby jebus" when I'm trying to keep it clean.
Sandy D 1 year ago
I swear way too much. But i also use these, among others: bun-of-a-stitch, rat farts!, oh, for farts' sake!, oh cheese and rice almighty, farg it, farg-nuggets, farg stick, a kinda borderline swear - "futhėr-muckẹr", poppies and tinkles, crąp salad sandwiches, bụtt nugget, instead of "twątwaffle" I'll say "twit-whiffle"
Teatime Thots 1 year ago
I swear like the stereotypical sailor (Because apparently sailors swear a lot, I guess?) but if I have to hide it, I have a few go-tos. I either swear fluently in another language or, if I really need to watch my mouth, "Mother of pearl!"
Load More Replies...
Joan Zatorski 2 years ago
My dad would shout"Schamazzel-kah-FOOT!" when he hit his thumb with a hammer while doing carpentry.
Jane Alexander 2 years ago
Most of my swearing comes up in traffic, I keep it to myself, but it's much better if you do it through a kazoo. You can cuss um out and cheer yourself up at the same time.
ACE PIRATES 4 THE WIN 1 year ago
Frogging frittatas. Don’t ask why, I just blurted it out one day and it stuck
Niall Mac Iomera 1 year ago
I find the concept of swearing so hilarious. Like someone just decided that certain mouth sounds are bad.
Evan not Hansen 1 year ago
My (mormon) mum says 'Flying Flatulence!' a lot, and will just spit random things, it's funny. I swear when I can but around my family I say holy jalapeños.
Noname 1 year ago
So, with my kids, I took a note from "Peanuts" and substituted my curse words with "rats", which my son's friend really liked, because in his household he had heard every curse word possible by the age of 10, and occasionally had asked me what this or that word meant. ("what's a c#nt?" "is everyone forked?") When he heard me using "rats", he asked me what it meant, and I said it was just a polite way to express my frustration. He replied, "I like that. There's a lot of rats in my house." It's a moment when you know the family but worry they've rats their kid.
That_One_Harry_Potter_Nerd 2 years ago
I say Fartnuggets, Barf, Flip, Heck, and many more. If I think of more, I’ll add them here 😂
Nonexistant Shoelace (he/they) 2 years ago
Me: "Farts. Farts, farts, farts." Teacher: "Farts?" Me: "WELL, I CAN'T SWEAR-"
GoddessOdd 2 years ago
The strongest word my grandmother would say was "Land!". My sixth grade teacher would say "Goodness gracious grandaddy me sakes alive!!" and I if I am very upset in a place where I can't swear, have have borrowed that. I call people gumballs and nutbuckets and dipwads, but mostly I just swear a blue streak.
Magpie 2 years ago
Cabbages cabbages cabbages ( from runescape original writers) Cat dirt Cat dirt every where cat dirt ( from Tamora Pierce - i forget which book ) oh my goodness gracious me. ( surprised myself with that one, when i dropped a huge tin of beetroot on my foot, channeling my grandma. )
El is so weird (s)t(he)y 1 year ago
Ffffffffiretruck, butt-faced baboon, vattene affanculo (Italian for go fúck yourself. I don’t speak Italian. My friend who also does not speak Italian taught us) I say fríck and cráp a lot and like shoot, dang it, etc.
El is so weird (s)t(he)y 1 year ago
Also “you flufferknuckle” and “oh hicklesnicklepox” I was really into that book when I was about 8
Load More Replies...
Mary Bricklin 1 year ago
Usually I just swear by I'm also known for saying 'yeesh' and 'egads' around younger- than-16 company.
Stannous Flouride 1 year ago
I picked up "Coño!" from my Venezuelan wife. Though it means (and is as improper in some other Spanish speaking countries) the C-word, in Venezuela among her generation it's the equivalent of "Damn!" in American English. I still use it often, aware that most people don't understand it. And initially I wasn't aware of there being any limitations of its use and on my first visit to Caracas I spilled something at the dinner table and said softly, "Coño!" in front of my in-laws. My wife's siblings were immediately silent but her parents cracked up. Her father said, "We'll make a Venezuelan out of you yet!"
Mi So 1 year ago
All depends on who is around & appropriateness ;particularly children). I curse like a trucker most of the time. Around kids, I’ve been known to pull out “OH, FFFFFFFFFFFFFF…for the love of all that is good & holy!!” When truly exasperated, “”OH COME ON!!” Is in frequent rotation. And oddly enough, as has come up with some rather painful medical procedures…”oh that is so not fun”, said very quickly, emphatically, & forcefully, much the surprise, confusion, & amusement of the med staff. I take no responsibility for what comes out of my mouth when I’m in pain. Especially that. It’s baffling to me too.
Iblowsheep_V3.2 1 year ago
I usually just let it fly. no reservations about long strings of "foul" language (for the record i reject that there is such a thing. there is foul intent, thereby foul usage, but NOT foul language!) but for some odd reason, i will occasionally say "WHAT the FRUIT?" Or "Christ on a Cracker"
Sandra Guistwhite 1 year ago
Spoot- thank you, Angry Beavers Also, "You off -brand Goldfish!". If you've ever eaten off-brand Goldfish, you understand how seriously this expresses displeasure
zovjraar me 1 year ago
fudge muffin, sugar honey iced tea, flip, flippin. mother of a horse. or just gibberish
Will Cable 1 year ago
Although it is swearing but kind of isn't, I say 'Arsicles'..........however a stub of the toe and I still can't say any other word until I say "phook"
Elizabeth B 2 years ago
Stinky Pete! Sometimes it's not about what is being said, but how it feels when you say it.
2022emmam trent 2 years ago
I have a list lolo 1 Frick 2. Doggoneit! 3. Flip! 4. What the fire (With a country accent like mine, pronounced "What the far?")
Lakota Wolf 1 year ago
Same. XD I swear up a blue streak. My only exceptions are when small children are close enough to hear me - I'll switch to "heck" or "darn" if I mentally catch myself in time. Otherwise, swear words are just words. Acting like they're some kind of FORBIDDEN!!!! thing is stupid.
Load More Replies... Monday 1 year ago
Evidently I'm not supposed to teach other people's children swear words during their English class.
Load More Replies... Andy Acceber 2 years ago
I say "good golly." In 2022. I'm a Millennial. I have no idea where I picked it up, but I do sound like I walked out of a black and white cartoon.
Orange Is Aging 2 years ago
I say “excuse me sir what in the frapping dingleberries is going on here?”
Adrian 2 years ago
Baby sat my grandson for a few years - he had a habit of repeating ad-nauseum any thing he found strange or funny - especially swear words. So my wife and I worked out swear words in advance - mine was "GUMMY BEARS" which if said real loud with a great deal of venom comes out quite well. For some weird reason my wife used "mens underpants".
Talitha Jansen 1 year ago
I don't swear, I mostly use sounds for my displeasure. Like if I constantly drop things, I go uuuugh..or I groan. It's not because I don't like swearing or anything, I just don't do it.
Joshua Moore 1 year ago
"Holy Hannah", "Mother of pearl" and "sweet baby jebus" when I'm trying to keep it clean.
Sandy D 1 year ago
I swear way too much. But i also use these, among others: bun-of-a-stitch, rat farts!, oh, for farts' sake!, oh cheese and rice almighty, farg it, farg-nuggets, farg stick, a kinda borderline swear - "futhėr-muckẹr", poppies and tinkles, crąp salad sandwiches, bụtt nugget, instead of "twątwaffle" I'll say "twit-whiffle"
Teatime Thots 1 year ago
I swear like the stereotypical sailor (Because apparently sailors swear a lot, I guess?) but if I have to hide it, I have a few go-tos. I either swear fluently in another language or, if I really need to watch my mouth, "Mother of pearl!"
Load More Replies... Joan Zatorski 2 years ago
My dad would shout"Schamazzel-kah-FOOT!" when he hit his thumb with a hammer while doing carpentry.
Jane Alexander 2 years ago
Most of my swearing comes up in traffic, I keep it to myself, but it's much better if you do it through a kazoo. You can cuss um out and cheer yourself up at the same time.
ACE PIRATES 4 THE WIN 1 year ago
Frogging frittatas. Don’t ask why, I just blurted it out one day and it stuck
Niall Mac Iomera 1 year ago
I find the concept of swearing so hilarious. Like someone just decided that certain mouth sounds are bad.
Evan not Hansen 1 year ago
My (mormon) mum says 'Flying Flatulence!' a lot, and will just spit random things, it's funny. I swear when I can but around my family I say holy jalapeños.
Noname 1 year ago
So, with my kids, I took a note from "Peanuts" and substituted my curse words with "rats", which my son's friend really liked, because in his household he had heard every curse word possible by the age of 10, and occasionally had asked me what this or that word meant. ("what's a c#nt?" "is everyone forked?") When he heard me using "rats", he asked me what it meant, and I said it was just a polite way to express my frustration. He replied, "I like that. There's a lot of rats in my house." It's a moment when you know the family but worry they've rats their kid.
That_One_Harry_Potter_Nerd 2 years ago
I say Fartnuggets, Barf, Flip, Heck, and many more. If I think of more, I’ll add them here 😂
Nonexistant Shoelace (he/they) 2 years ago
Me: "Farts. Farts, farts, farts." Teacher: "Farts?" Me: "WELL, I CAN'T SWEAR-"
GoddessOdd 2 years ago
The strongest word my grandmother would say was "Land!". My sixth grade teacher would say "Goodness gracious grandaddy me sakes alive!!" and I if I am very upset in a place where I can't swear, have have borrowed that. I call people gumballs and nutbuckets and dipwads, but mostly I just swear a blue streak.
Magpie 2 years ago
Cabbages cabbages cabbages ( from runescape original writers) Cat dirt Cat dirt every where cat dirt ( from Tamora Pierce - i forget which book ) oh my goodness gracious me. ( surprised myself with that one, when i dropped a huge tin of beetroot on my foot, channeling my grandma. )
El is so weird (s)t(he)y 1 year ago
Ffffffffiretruck, butt-faced baboon, vattene affanculo (Italian for go fúck yourself. I don’t speak Italian. My friend who also does not speak Italian taught us) I say fríck and cráp a lot and like shoot, dang it, etc.
El is so weird (s)t(he)y 1 year ago
Also “you flufferknuckle” and “oh hicklesnicklepox” I was really into that book when I was about 8
Load More Replies... Mary Bricklin 1 year ago
Usually I just swear by I'm also known for saying 'yeesh' and 'egads' around younger- than-16 company.
Stannous Flouride 1 year ago
I picked up "Coño!" from my Venezuelan wife. Though it means (and is as improper in some other Spanish speaking countries) the C-word, in Venezuela among her generation it's the equivalent of "Damn!" in American English. I still use it often, aware that most people don't understand it. And initially I wasn't aware of there being any limitations of its use and on my first visit to Caracas I spilled something at the dinner table and said softly, "Coño!" in front of my in-laws. My wife's siblings were immediately silent but her parents cracked up. Her father said, "We'll make a Venezuelan out of you yet!"
Mi So 1 year ago
All depends on who is around & appropriateness ;particularly children). I curse like a trucker most of the time. Around kids, I’ve been known to pull out “OH, FFFFFFFFFFFFFF…for the love of all that is good & holy!!” When truly exasperated, “”OH COME ON!!” Is in frequent rotation. And oddly enough, as has come up with some rather painful medical procedures…”oh that is so not fun”, said very quickly, emphatically, & forcefully, much the surprise, confusion, & amusement of the med staff. I take no responsibility for what comes out of my mouth when I’m in pain. Especially that. It’s baffling to me too.
Iblowsheep_V3.2 1 year ago
I usually just let it fly. no reservations about long strings of "foul" language (for the record i reject that there is such a thing. there is foul intent, thereby foul usage, but NOT foul language!) but for some odd reason, i will occasionally say "WHAT the FRUIT?" Or "Christ on a Cracker"
Sandra Guistwhite 1 year ago
Spoot- thank you, Angry Beavers Also, "You off -brand Goldfish!". If you've ever eaten off-brand Goldfish, you understand how seriously this expresses displeasure
zovjraar me 1 year ago
fudge muffin, sugar honey iced tea, flip, flippin. mother of a horse. or just gibberish
Will Cable 1 year ago
Although it is swearing but kind of isn't, I say 'Arsicles'..........however a stub of the toe and I still can't say any other word until I say "phook"
Elizabeth B 2 years ago
Stinky Pete! Sometimes it's not about what is being said, but how it feels when you say it.
2022emmam trent 2 years ago
I have a list lolo 1 Frick 2. Doggoneit! 3. Flip! 4. What the fire (With a country accent like mine, pronounced "What the far?")
Related on Bored Panda
