30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless

Needless to say, many things we do as kids—as grown-ups later in life, even—come from our upbringing and the things our parents instill in us. And while most of them typically try their best at being parents, some of their values or beliefs might be questionable at best.

For instance, telling your child that perfectionism should always be the standard might not be a healthy approach, nor arguably is encouraging them to work day, night, and weekends to show their dedication. These are just a couple of examples millennials shared while discussing the things their parents ingrained in them that they later realized were ridiculous. Scroll down to find more on the list below and see just what bizarre beliefs some parents want their children to follow.

Below you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with a clinical psychologist and a professor of psychology at the University of Mary Washington, Miriam Liss, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions about parental influence.

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30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless That perfectionism is the standard. Things aren't worth doing unless you do them so thoroughly and perfectly that you basically are never done editing. helllllloooooo burnout

trialanderror13 , Alexander Dummer / pexels Report

Final score:

106points

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Tams21 8 months ago (edited)

This is particularly the case for hobbies. Nobody says that if you like baking you have to bake the perfect cake or if you're creative you have to be selling your works. Just having fun is underrated.

52points

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30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless Being a member of the clean plate club is not the badge of honor I was told it was

KirdyB , Vanessa Loring / pexels Report

Final score:

105points

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Ronstantin 8 months ago

To make it worse some parents even use(d) arguments like "Be thankful and eat up, because the poor children in Africa have to starve". Never got the connection …

69points

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30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless My dad convinced me that "unions suck", either because "dues" or "lazy workers" or "they're all left wing"

Then I got into a union, and the monthly dues are a drop in the bucket compared to my old non-union wages, the wages are high enough that everyone is happy to bust a*s if it's ever actually necessary or beneficial to bust a*s, and the group is generally pretty politically diverse.

Union elections matter as much as actual elections once you're in one. I'm far more concerned about who my union stewards and BAs are than actual politicians.

Hahayayo , Sora Shimazaki / pexels Report

Final score:

105points

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Tyranamar 8 months ago

My parents were saying something like unions were outdated. I was walking around parroting them. None of us had any idea what we were talking about.

44points

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Discussing people’s habits and behavior, Miriam Liss, professor of psychology at the University of Mary Washington, pointed out that they are typically shaped by numerous factors, parental influence being one of them.

“Parent influence is significant but not the only significant influence for children. Genetics also matter, as do influences outside of the family; peers, for example,” she told Bored Panda in a recent interview.

“Nevertheless, parents can instill both behavioral patterns and values in their children that can have a long-lasting influence,” the expert continued. “Many aspects of a child’s behavior are shaped by what we expect of them and what behaviors are reinforced by the family.”

“Parents can also impact what is valued by children. Do parents notice and praise how a child looks or are they more likely to give children praise and attention when they are demonstrating kindness to others? Through selective attention and reinforcement, parents can communicate what is important and valued in their family.”

30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless That you must have a "valid" reason for everything you do. "Because I want to" or "because it makes me happy" are not valid reasons.

Pandamonium-N-Doom , Liza Summer / pexels Report

Final score:

105points

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Ru Bee 8 months ago

Yes they are ...because my cat told me too is also valid.

69points

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30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless That I don’t need to learn to cook or do laundry because “my wife will do that stuff when I get married”. I went off to college having no clue how to do laundry and I didn’t learn how to do the most basic of cooking until my 20s. My three year old literally helps with laundry and cooking more than I ever got to do my 18 years of living at home.

anon , cottonbro studio / pexels Report

Final score:

104points

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Blue Mar 8 months ago

Good For You, some man still think that their wife will do it

59points

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While parental influence does play a significant role, as kids age, it is possible for them to break free of certain behaviors instilled in them by their parents. (That’s likely why people who’ve shared their stories in the thread eventually realized how ridiculous theirs were.)

“Children change all the time, so one could argue that they are never fully ‘set’,” Prof. Liss suggested. “We can always change the expectations we make of our children and that is actually appropriate as children age. For example, you wouldn’t expect a young child to help cook a meal or do their own laundry, but you might expect an older child or teen to do these things.”

30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless I was told, over and over, "Just wait until you are a parent!! Then you will understand!!" Now I'm a parent and have fully concluded they were just trying to mask their insecurities with gaslighting.

Additional-Sky-7436 , Monstera Production / pexels Report

Final score:

102points

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Stephanie A Mutti 8 months ago

Now that I'm a parent I have a LOT of questions about choices they made.

42points

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30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless Being called 'mature for my age' / 'old soul' was not a gold star, it was because I had no personality other than gaining the approval of parental figures. I always existed for other people, grew up way too fast, and set impossible standards for myself. My late twenties have been fun as I try to figure out who the hell I am now.

thenorussian , Pixabay / pexels Report

Final score:

102points

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Jack Smith 8 months ago (edited)

same. i also now have a superiority complex I'm desperately trying to shake because people convinced me i was mature and therefore better than others my age. goes great with my gifted kid burnout

37points

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30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless Hmm... The sort of "Sanctity" of family. Like, just because you are blood related, you somehow need to bend over backwards for them. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and that includes the ones I don't see often. That said, some of them are total pricks.. And I would bend over backwards for people I work with that are kind long before I would them. You don't get a pass just because we are related. ^^;

RetroHipsterGaming , Askar Abayev / pexels Report

Final score:

98points

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Jack Smith 8 months ago

family and being blood-related are very different things. you choose your family. sometimes your family IS the people you're related to, and that's great! but sometimes it isn't, and you get to choose the people who make you happy. that's what really matters. that you're happy. don't stick with people you don't like or care about.

23points

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According to Miriam Liss, if a habit has been ingrained and people want to change it, they need to be consistent and calm about it. “For example, if you [as a parent] have allowed your child to snack before dinner and then you decide you don’t want that behavior anymore, your child might object and complain and you might be tempted to give up and let them snack. However, if you are calm and consistent and explain the reason behind the new rule, eventually even ingrained behaviors can be changed.

“Other things may be harder to change, especially if you don’t realize how you have influenced your child. For example, if you have focused most of your praise on how your child looks, your child may put a high value on their appearance and this may be difficult to change,” she added.

However, according to Liss, even such messages are not set in stone, as both parents and children learn and grow. “As children age they will make their own decisions about whether or not they want to keep the values their family has instilled in them or whether they want to value other things.”

30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless Mental health isn’t real.

MrKBC , SHVETS production / pexels Report

Final score:

85points

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Weasel Wise 8 months ago

THIS!!! THIS, THIS, A MILLION TIMES THIS!!! I didn't understand such a thing as mental health existed until my early 20's. Being naive, I mentioned it in front of my parents only one time and was met with being told it was a sign that I need to be attending church and that pumping more Jesus into my life was the fix. 😒😒

38points

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#10

30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless Respect your elders.

A lot of old people are s**t.

Bone_Breaker0 , Pixabay / pexels Report

Final score:

83points

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Phoenix 8 months ago

Reflecting back, there seems to be a correlation between the ones that told me that and the ones that were shít.

40points

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#11

30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless That using public safety net programs made you a bad person. Food stamps, WIC, and Medicaid were for people that were completely morally bankrupt and would never make anything of themselves.

Imaginary_Train_8056 , Julia M Cameron / pexels Report

Final score:

83points

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Tams21 8 months ago

They're not helping people that failed but helping people that society has failed.

64points

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While the things that adults in the family consider important and want to ingrain in their children differ with each household, some are arguably universally favorable. According to Prof. Liss, these include a foundational belief that the kids are loved and a belief that it is OK to try difficult things and that growth can happen through failure.

While expanding on the former, the expert pointed out that parents who are warm and caring can help instill a basic sense that a child is worthy of love and attention. That can help the offspring form a secure attachment style, which can bring numerous long-lasting benefits.

Discussing the latter, Dr. Liss emphasized that some parents communicate to their children that they must succeed at all costs and this can make children averse to taking risks and trying new things. “Instead, parents could try to communicate that people grow when they try hard things and that a lot of learning can come from failing and trying again. This can help children cope with challenging situations with strength and resilience."

#12

30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless Someone’s salary reflects both their intelligence and worth as a person, eg the higher salary the a smarter, better person

VogTheViscous , Dinielle De Veyra / pexels Report

Final score:

82points

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Phoenix 8 months ago (edited)

🐂💩

61points

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#13

30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless College = success/money.

Haaaaaaa!!!

rockinem192 , Gül Işık / pexels Report

Final score:

81points

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Weasel Wise 8 months ago

Two college degrees later and thousands of dollara repaid to my lenders and I'm still doing the same job I did while I put myself through university...and making more money than either my degrees would provide.

21points

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#14

30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless You must conform and appear “normal”, otherwise someone might judge you as “weird” and that’s just the worst thing that could possibly happen .

brilliantpants , Keira Burton / pexels Report

Final score:

72points

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LaserBrain 8 months ago

Well, practically, in many environments not seeming "normal" can make kids a target for bullying.

28points

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#15

30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless Make sure to tell your boss that you want to work all the weekends, evenings and holidays so that they know you really care about your job.

OverallContest6485 , cottonbro studio / pexels Report

Final score:

71points

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WindySwede 8 months ago

Toodelo "C ☕️" (YT reference, wity text on the cup.. )

11points

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#16

30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless That EMTs care about your bra and underwear matching.

WandaDobby777 , Mikhail Nilov / pexels Report

Final score:

67points

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Susie Elle 8 months ago

I'm convinced the EMT won't even be able to recollect the color of shape of your underwear if they've been trying to resusitate you

39points

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#17

30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless Other people's perception of you was always more important than what you wanted or how you expressed yourself. My grandparents pushed that a lot so I understand where it came from, but once I got older I realized how damaging it was.

anon , cottonbro studio / pexels Report

Final score:

66points

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Phoenix 8 months ago

This was pushed because anything and everything "would damage my (mother's) reputation"

32points

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#18

30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless That the beatings she doled out as discipline always hurt her more than how she had hurt us.

Lirael_Grae , Anna Shvets / pexels Report

Final score:

64points

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LaserBrain 8 months ago

I used to hate that phrase (don't remember my parents ever saying it though). But it's entirely possible that some parents think that they have to spank or hit their kids because that's what they were taught, and feel horrible about doing it.

19points

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#19

30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless Gendered chores. My husband and I do not observe those rules

anon , Andrea Piacquadio / pexels Report

Final score:

54points

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Phoenix 8 months ago

I grew up with gendered chores also. I'm female and would much rather do "boys" chores than "girls" chores. Joke's on me though, I'm single and have to do both, lol.

29points

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#20

30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless Saving the best for last.
Whether it's beer, food, or a nice soap someone gave as a gift.
My mom would hoard them until they were ancient and no longer in fresh enough condition to enjoy properly. Now I have the best thing first and enjoy it to its fullest potential.

Emotional__Vampire , Kristina Umaeva / pexels Report

Final score:

54points

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3 Otters 🦦 8 months ago

Grandpa used to say always use what’s best. That way you always have the best. He was right.

11points

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#21

30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless Purity culture

3720-To-One , cottonbro studio / pexels Report

Final score:

52points

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Phoenix 8 months ago (edited)

Yes. I was always told I had to be married before having sex. However I found out later this was complete and total hypocrisy. They weren't even eachother's first. Edit: autocorrect

24points

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#22

30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless My dad had a*s hole humor. Like being a jerk is funny. I was an innocent a*s hole to people for a long time. My boyfriend in college would point it out and I was like “what are you talking about?” And it was literally the only thing that straightened me out.

My dad came from an abusive home as a child and as recently cooled his jets in his older age. I think he was unaware and his mom came from an extremely abusive household. Like- she had red hair and they sent her to a farm away from the family and beat her all the time. The other siblings got to live at home.

My college boyfriend came from an abusive household just like me (his dad was an alcoholic, my mom was an alcoholic) so we kinda understood each other and called out each other’s a*s hole-ness all the time.

My husband and I have also worked on it. My husband came from a religious family who shamed as a form of punishment, also pretty abusive. It’s taken years, therapy, and many books, but I think it’s over.

Coming from a tough family takes so long to realize “hey, that’s not normal. That’s being an a*s hole. No wonder I have no friends!” We’ll be raising our son with kindness and not being AHs.

Also, Reddit. I think getting dunked on by you guys all the time made me realize how much of an AH I was too. It hurts, but it’s needed.

Generational trauma! So fun!

Ihavesomethingtosay9 , Ketut Subiyanto / pexels Report

Final score:

51points

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Stephanie A Mutti 8 months ago

It took me a long time to learn that my mom making me the butt of her jokes EVEN if they were funny WAS NOT the right thing to do to your child.

21points

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#23

30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless Men don't feel emotions 🥲

SereneGiraffe , Kindel Media / pexels Report

Final score:

49points

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"Disembodied voice" 8 months ago

And men don't cry, that's why we don't have tear ducts /j

22points

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#24

30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless My parents engrained in me that I absolutely cannot waste food. So, I have a psychological obsession with eating everything from my plate, even if I was already full. Now, when my children didn't finish their plates, I'd have the urge to finish for them instead of throwing the leftovers away.

It's really unhealthy, literally.

BetterSelection7708 , Kampus Production / pexels Report

Final score:

48points

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WindySwede 8 months ago

Depending on, but it could be stored in fridge for later if much?

16points

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#25

30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless Calling everyday when you apply for a job, totally horses**t but I f****n did it for like 5 years after leaving home. Anything concerning work culture honestly

Fantastic_Art_5663 , Ivan Samkov / pexels Report

Final score:

46points

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Weasel Wise 8 months ago

Ah, yes, being given advice that worked 60 years ago and, today, deems you as annoying and/or pushy.

25points

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#26

30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless Destroying documents. I cant just shred them, i have to run them under water, cover them with soap, and put them in 3 separate garbage cans. Thanks dad.

NYTX1987 , https://www.flickr.com/photos/calliope/104632616/ / flickr Report

Final score:

46points

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Phoenix 8 months ago

This sounds like destroying evidence.

61points

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#27

30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless “Therapists just find ways to blame the parents”

Rough_Elk_3952 , cottonbro studio / pexels Report

Final score:

45points

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Surenu 8 months ago

And car mechanics just find ways to blame faulty parts

64points

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#28

30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless "Work hard and you will be rewarded." And I somehow continued to believe that c**p long after they themselves established a pattern of never rewarding my hard work, while harshly punishing my failures.

In their defense, they've come around to understand both the double-standard they applied to me and the inherent b******t of the saying itself.

N_Who , Mizuno K / pexels Report

Final score:

44points

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Michael Largey 8 months ago

Work hard and you will be rewarded - with more hard work.

26points

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#29

30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless That you will drown and die if you swim after you eat.

orneryoneesan , Juan Salamanca / pexels Report

Final score:

44points

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Blue Mar 8 months ago

It's not wrong advice, people get cramps. Unfortunately my friend from uni despite being super fit and in good shape got cramp and drown in lake. He was pushing inflatable float mattress with his gf on :( he was only 21

10points

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#30

30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless "Washing your hands in the kitchen sink is bad luck." They told me it was from the old country and I didn't learn it was a lie until a few months ago. I told my girlfriend that and she texted my mom to ask if it was true. My mom responded "I just said that to keep them out of the kitchen. Men are so easy to trick!"

Muscle29 , cottonbro studio / pexels Report

Final score:

41points

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Phoenix 8 months ago

This one's funny, as a how to keep your kids out of the kitchen while you're cooking kind of a thing.

20points

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What do you think ?

Kevin J. Henning 8 months ago

The big mistake in passing down these "pearls of wisdom" is forgetting that everything changes over periods of time. What worked for my dads generation certainly won't work for mine and damn well won't work for my son's.

3points

Lisa Delgado 8 months ago

The number of people who don't know that "engrain" isn't a word astounds me.

1point

BlackestDawn 8 months ago

From a quick search I found that some claim "engrain" is the verb form of "ingrain" (adjective) while other say it's different ways to spell the same word. It could be this has it's roots in the difference between british and american english.

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The Original Bruno 8 months ago

That you need to save up 20% down before you buy a home. No, they have this thing called "mortgage insurance." You pay a little extra each month. I mean, it's several thousand total which seems a little like a rip-off if you think about it too much, but it's way better than throwing rent down the toilet. Save up now while the interest rates are high. They'll come back down. Get housemates if you have to. Buy a starter home or a condo. Have a mortgage broker have a good, long talk with your parents. Eat nothing but semolina pasta for a couple of years. Do all four (I know a lot of you will have to.) Do whatever you can, but avoid rent at all costs.

0points

Optimyst 8 months ago

Ah, but again, that particular advice won't work for everyone everywhere. Where I live it's a terrible time to buy into the housing market, mortgage rates have doubled over a couple of years and food and gas are more expensive too. People who have bought houses in the last few years are seeing their fixed interest expire and even with a decent wage are struggling.

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30 Millennials Share The Life Lessons Their Parents Ingrained In Them That Ended Up As Useless

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