Bored Panda reached out to Louise Carnachan to chat about difficult people at work. Louise is a trainer and organization development consultant with 23 years of experience under her belt. She’s worked with companies like Boeing, Starbucks, McDonald’s and many hospitals and medical centers on the West Coast.

In 2022, Louise wrote a book Work Jerks: How to Cope with Difficult Bosses and Colleagues to help people deal with difficult people at work. She’s not only an expert in this area, but has been in the trenches herself. Work Jerks offers practical solutions on how to stop dreading going to work and make it something you enjoy.

When it comes to demands from bosses, Louise says anything that is illegal, unethical or unsafe can definitely be considered out of line. She gives three examples: “Being asked to commit fraud by double billing or billing for services never rendered. ‘Fudging’ numbers to make the department’s production look better than it actually is (or any lying). Being required to do work for patients or customers without the proper credentialing or training.”

Louise provides tips on how to deal with toxic management in her book Work Jerks. She also shared some advice with Bored Panda. It depends on how toxic your boss really is, but there are a few strategies. “If the situation is frequently causing you sleepless nights, you may want to find other employment as soon as you can,” Louise adds.

“The narcissistic leader is probably the most toxic because everything is about their gain,” Louise begins. “They’ll throw you under the bus if they need to divert attention away from their misdeeds. A strategy with them is to stay friendly but do not get caught up in their inner circle. It may not feel as good to stay out of the chosen group but it’s a lot safer.”

“Do not give them any personal information that is important to you because they are not beyond using it to demean or threaten. Don’t gossip about other employees with them. And look for job opportunities away from this person unless it’s clear they’ll cycle through quickly.”

However, annoying behavior from a boss doesn’t always mean grounds for taking action. “There’s a difference between a manager's poor communication style and bullying or harassing behavior,” Louise says. “The former is highly irritating but the latter is illegal.”

“Report harassment through whatever channels are available to employees (union, boss’s boss, human resources, EEOC, whistleblower hotline, ombuds office). Worry about retaliation keeps  many from reporting but if there are enough of you, you can form a coalition,” Louise advises.

What if your manager is constantly looking over your shoulder at work? “Being micromanaged is less toxic but it can make going to work miserable,” Louise admits. “Assuming you know how to do the job, ask what it is you need to demonstrate for them to trust you’ve got this. If it’s a habit they are unaware of (and you have a decent relationship with the boss), ask if you can give them a heads up when they forget and intrude on your work.”

Taking on a leadership position can be daunting as well. Louise invites us to look at things from the perspective of a person doing the managing. “Most people are thrown into leadership positions because they’ve been there a while and were very good at their job – not because they’ve demonstrated competence in leading others, which is a totally different job.”

Leadership, therefore, is also a skill that people need to learn – but few are given the opportunity. “Unless you’ve had a role model to follow, you’re probably at sea about what to do,” explains Louise. “Leadership training and coaching can help immensely but not every organization makes this available. There are many good books and leadership classes you can take on your own or through your professional organization.

The biggest mistake a newbie leader can make is to strive to be liked. “Being loved is a terrible goal for a leader and can lead to all sorts of dysfunctional behavior like trying to be buddies with the staff, gossiping or being too soft on performance,” warns Louise. “The leaders most people say were their best boss ever tend to have similar characteristics, although the personalities may be completely different.”

Louise shares some qualities that a good boss should have: “The commonalities of great leaders are that they ask questions, listen, know something about their direct reports’ lives (as in what’s important to them, not by being intrusively personal)."

“They tell people what they are doing well and what they appreciate, are clear about goals and direction, have high expectations of themselves and their team members, don’t shy away from difficult conversations, and aren’t afraid to admit when they make a mistake,” the author says.

If a leader successfully acquires the aforementioned qualities, the result is more than being loved. “These are people who are not only respected, they often are the role models for future leaders,” Louise explains. “Not surprisingly, former staff members stay in touch with them after they leave because they have been mentors, not just bosses.”