You think you know a person. But then they disrespect your entire family, and the future the two of you swore to share suddenly doesn’t look so promising.

A few days ago, Reddit user Attic-Lights5475 submitted a story to the popular ‘Am I The [Jerk]?’ community, describing a recent barbeque she supposedly threw with her husband.

At first, everything seemed cool and the woman thought people had a nice time but she then learned that her partner demanded her relatives give him $25 each because their home is so luxurious, it’s kind of a “resort.”

His own guests, however, received no such bill.

The woman wanted to remedy the situation and gave everyone their money back but this only made things worse as her husband accused her of disrespecting him. So she asked the internet if it was wrong to do so.

A couple threw a barbeque at their luxurious home and invited their relatives to join

Image credits: Julia M Cameron (not the actual photo)

But the husband decided his wife’s family needed to pay him for the evening

Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)

Coming from humble beginnings is not something to be ashamed of. If parents raise their daughter to be a successful and self-aware person and her husband can’t understand that, of course, she can try to teach him about family values, but is that something a married person has to forcefully learn?

“Any time you feel caught between your partner and your family, it can feel uncomfortable and tense, as though you have to choose sides,” Samantha Burns, dating coach and author of Breaking Up & Bouncing Back, told Elite Daily. “It’s easy to get defensive when talking about this subject, so try not to blame your partner and let them know your hopes, goals, and expectations for family gatherings.”

However, your partner also needs to be willing to reach some sort of compromise — especially if they know how important it is to you that they connect with your family on some level.

To initiate that conversation, Burns suggested positioning yourself as a buffer to help break the ice between your spouse and your loved ones. “Let your partner know it means a lot to you to see everyone get along and ask your partner how you can help build or improve their relationship with your family,” Burns advised.

Claudia Johnson, licensed marriage and family therapist associate (LMFTA) with the PNW Sex Therapy Collective, told the same publisher that your partner shouldn’t act on their dislike of your family without first discussing it with you. “In a partnership, there’s Partner A and Family A. What happens in that family should be addressed by Partner A. For Family B, [it should be] Partner B,” Johnson explained. “What gets really murky is when Partner A feels the need to resolve something for Partner B that is not respecting their own autonomy, that is not allowing them to be a part of the conversation.”

The fact that the couple isn’t currently talking to one another is not doing them any good. Every marriage experiences conflict. But when that dispute continues—day after day and week after week—is when real problems occur. This applies to even the small issues. “For example, your day starts with a sense of frustration from something that happened the night before,” Nicole Rainey, licensed mental health counselor and co-owner of Mosaic Creative Counseling, said. “Then, a small conflict over the coffee pot or dishes links that conflict to the next conflict about dinner plans or who is picking the kids up from school.” Before you know it, you and your partner are bickering more often than not, to the point where you don’t even realize where one conflict ends and another begins.

If little things can grow into huge burdens when unresolved, think of the damage this barbeque poses to the relationship.

People think this was not only really inappropriate but that it’s also a huge red flag for the marriage

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