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“On What Planet Is This Reasonable”: Well-Earning Guy Hopes His Unemployed Girlfriend Will Split The Rent 50-50, She Asks The Internet To Weigh In
Interview
In 1995, a study found that the average American chose finances as ‘the most important thing in life.’ Although things have thankfully changed since then, with people starting to prioritize family and love life over money, it shouldn’t be all that surprising that money is a sensitive topic that can cause many headaches for people in relationships — especially if both partners’ financial situation is as different as day and night.
When this 22-year-old graduate was asked by her much older and well-earning boyfriend to move in with him across the country, it sounded like that could be the next step in their relationship. But then the financial disparity between the two raised some serious concerns for the author.
Confused about whether this is the right idea and how committed her boyfriend really is, both financial and emotional, the author of the story turned to the trusted ‘Am I The [Jerk]‘ community to seek the perspective of others.
RELATED:
Regardless of how happy people are with their significant others, money is a topic that couples consistently disagree on
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
No matter how old you are, all of us probably have heard the Beatles’ famous lyrics: “I don’t care too much for money; money can’t buy me love.” And while that is unarguably true, money, however, can make one’s love life much easier: not only does finances make it harder to enjoy each other, as 1-in-3 couples in America will attest, it’s one of the most common reasons why people fall out of love and eventually divorce.
To understand what role money plays in a relationship, Bored Panda has reached out to Kim Stephenson, a financial psychologist and the co-author of ‘Finance Is Personal: Making Your Money Work for You in College and Beyond.’ One of the first things Kim tells us is that there’s a false misconception that money and wealth is directly linked to happiness. “The fact is, money doesn’t predict happiness,” he said. “Everybody thinks, ‘I’ll be happy when… I get a pay rise, a bigger house, car, better spouse etc. And experience and masses of research show that isn’t true. You maybe feel good for a few weeks and then you figure you need another pay rise.”
As Kim explains, we live in a time when most of us want more of everything, ignore the important things in life, and fail to realize that “money isn’t important until you know what you want the money to do” — hence the titular story. What he suggests is relatively simple: be clear and honest about what money means to you with your partner. Stephenson notes that this line of communication helps to express “values, what is really important to each person – not in terms just of material goods. But in terms of what they want their life to be about, what purpose they see in living and what they want to do with their time, money and other resources.” In other words, if you really love someone — “use your money as a tool to get the life you want [together].”
And when the financial disparity becomes too obvious to be ignored, this can lead to a serious make-or-break situation
Moving in together with your significant other is one of the most nerve-wracking but exciting moments in a person’s life. Still, despite what some relationship experts say — moving in together puts the couple ahead of the relationship game — it’s also linked to greater odds of divorce. Believe it or not, there’s even a name for this phenomenon called the “premarital cohabitation effect.” Over many decades, researchers and academics have found that while living with your partner pre-marriage doesn’t have an effect in the first year of marriage, it increases the odds of divorce in all other years.
Does that mean people should stop living together before finally tying the knot? Well, no. But as the ‘evidence’ shows, moving in can act as a break-or-make moment — especially if the financial disparity between the two is as big as the Grand Canyon. To this, Kim notes, there’s an antidote called communication. “It’s not the money disparity that’s the problem. It’s the relationship and people being honest about what they want, about feeling valued for who they are (not just for how much they’ve got),” he explained. “If people can’t be honest, then all sorts of elephants in the room start appearing.”
For the couple in the story, their elephant was their financial disparity. One was expected to punch above her financial weight, while the partner simply followed the big money. Asked what Stephenson would advise people placed in a similar scenario, he said: “If I were coaching or advising a couple on that, I’d start by getting them to talk to me and to one another. You don’t have to be a financial wizard, or ask for ‘expert’ advice — you’ll know what the obvious solution is,” he told.
The key to a happy, stress-free relationship, Stephenson explains, comes down to basic skills: honest communication and finding out what really matters to you in life. After you sort that out together, nothing will stop you. At least not until the first scandalously expensive rent payment.
People were very concerned with the boyfriend’s intentions and advised the author to reconsider continuing their relationship
In the end, the author filled in the missing gaps by providing some additional information
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What do you think ?
WilvanderHeijden 2 years ago
It's absurd to expect that someone without any money shares the costs of living with someone who allegedly makes $500k per year on a 50-50 basis. It's good to read that the woman already dumped him.
fu yu 2 years ago
The saying, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" springs to mind. I agree that's it's good she dumped his ass.
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Seanette Blaylock 2 years ago
Paying her to live with him? Sure sounds like he basically considers her a hooker. This guy just goes from one extreme of disrespect to another. Glad she decided to unload him.
Otter 2 years ago
No, supporting a spouse or S.O. isn't treating someone like a hooker, sometimes, it's just, well, being supportive! Nothing wrong with someone who's making good money helping their S.O. get their degree, if that's what they both want, investing in someone's future is a loving thing to do. But it really doesn't sound like either of them was committed enough to the other to be thinking that way, it sounds more like he was moving away for a job, and thought it might be nice to take his girlfriend along with no strings attached. NEVER give up your life and move to another state with someone, unless all the strings are firmly attached!
Load More Replies... Dorothy Parker 2 years ago
Interesting he did an about face. A ten year age difference isn't huge. However, the circumstances he originally proposed sound like the next step was he would want to go on expensive vacations and expect her to pay her own way. And yes, sharing rent should at most be a percentage of each one's earnings.
Aria Whitaker 2 years ago (edited)
A ten year age difference CAN be huge depending upon maturity. 17 and 27? Yeah, two very different points in life...43 and 53? Not nearly as much. I think the age is a factor here due to being at very different life points when you are just entering your 20's versus when you have a couple of years before hitting 35. As one of the commenters pointed out, he is probably dating so young because the average 32 year old woman would have laughed in his face and told him to kick rocks if he proposed splitting living expenses 50/50 while he makes a half million dollars and she is unemployed.
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Veronica Sjöberg 2 years ago
I'm glad she broke it off with him. As a lot of people stated: 50/50 only works if both have the same income, other than that it isn't fair if you are a couple. You could pay a percentage of your income instead or something similar to that system. And you always go with the one earning less while looking for a place to live. Honestly it just seems like he was looking for someone to pay to be f****d because that's not a good deal. This is a pretty common problem though, I have several friends who when they get kids and are on maternity leave (get a lower income for a year-ish) and their partner still wants to do 50/50 because "you wanted to be equal right?". So sad. Simple answer: 50/50 isn't always fair.
MrLoufoque 2 years ago
I am 9 years older than my former girlfriend (now fiancée and future wife!). When we moved in together, she was still a student and had a part-time job (15 hours a week) to make some money, while I was employed full time. I paid rent and utilities (except the Internet because she kept her subscription which was a low €13 per month) and we shared the rest without really keeping track. I did not care about the expenses, I just wanted to settle with her. :)
chi-wei shen 2 years ago
In this situation, a 50% share of all expenses doesn't seem fair. While living separated she would not spend so much money on herself and he shouldn't expect her parents to step in. At the end of the day, he wants her to change her life according to his standards and pay by herself, which in my humble opinion is not fair at all.
Kate Jones 2 years ago
I'm not as concerned with the age gap as I am with how he could expect you to pay the same amount when you had no income coming in? I think couples who live together absolutely should share expenses as equally as possible but when one person-male or female- makes a significant amount more then you either have to accept that you will be paying the bulk of the bills for the residence, or you lower your own standards to match what the other person can afford. It sounds to me like he knew your parents were going to cover the bill so he wanted to benefit from that. I read the update so I know it's a moot point now but I would have insisted on living apart and staying over when you want. Let your parents pay for YOUR residence, not toward something he would benefit from in the end. No doubt you would have been the one to leave if the relationship ended since his name would be on the lease and he ends up getting all that equity in the residence your parents helped pay for.
Potato 2 years ago
Or, if you do plan on splitting everything down the middle, find a place with a rent price that both parties are comfortable with!
Load More Replies... Ally MacMann 2 years ago
Splitting expenses is only fair when both can reasonably afford it. A more reasonable compromise might have been a cheaper place or a 70-30 split.
Eric Soliday 2 years ago
Curious how someone who makes 1/2 mil a year has financial struggle and pin it on someone else. More money- more insecurity I guess. If she is going to school especially let it go. I made 45,000 a year and still didn't mind my wife being in college.
Pamda Panda 2 years ago
This is absolutely an abuse tactic. He wants to make her too poor to be able to leave.
Monkey Spunk 2 years ago
My wife's first serious boyfriend did this to her, she held down 2 jobs when they bought a house together so she could pay 50% of the mortgage. Currently she pays 2/5's of our mortgage and I pay the other 3/5's plus all the bills (gas, electric, water, etc), it's split to be affordable for her but also if we ever split she'd walk away with enough to buy herself somewhere.
An Co 2 years ago
1) Not absurd to suggest splitting expenses. 2)It is absurd for him to pick what the expenses are and then ask to split. 3) If you want to split expenses, then the person with the lowest salary gets to pick where you live and what those expenses are. 4) If he doesn't want to live that poorly, he can either man up and pay for the expenses or move out.
Ausrine Ciapaite 2 years ago
I had a friend who's boyfriend was renting a house in London (very expensive) together with his friend. My friend couldn't afford splitting the rent equally. She told her boyfriend that either she pays what she can (which was very little) or she will live elsewhere. They came to an agreement that my friend pays what she can and would keep the house tidy (last point was per her own request as she likes house to be very clean). It worked and everyone were happy. The man from the story probably lived in his old mindset (since he was a poor student himself not too long ago). However, he should have talked things out with her regarding finances before deciding to put things this way. I don't know if breaking up just for a mistake is good enough reason, but if he was pushy then it's a different story.
JayWantsACat 2 years ago
The biggest red flag is him changing his already controlling scenario to one in which she would be PAID to move to live him WTF. There was already going to power dynamic issues and issues of control. But now he would be paying her? It doesn't take much thiking to see how much more controlling he would be in that scenario.
Eepe 2 years ago
Will she be expected to do all the cleaning and household management or will that be split 50/50 too??! 🙄
Christopher Walkies 2 years ago
500k a year and planning on renting, not owning? Needing anyone to share expenses, even on 'principles'? The guy's a bum.
Naesil 2 years ago
While I think that the higher earner is not automatically responsible for all the expenses just because they earn more.. but this is totally unreasonable, who the f can think its okay to expect someone with no income to go halfsies on a 5k rent? And then the update portion showed that he actually wanted full time escort service.. was even willing to pay allowance just to have young woman living with him.
Claire Stanfield 2 years ago
Ditch this guy. Am I the only one who thought it was odd that she didn't have a job and didn't plan on getting one for the next few years?? Not even on break from school? Yikes on bikes.
Mondkatze 2 years ago
In my first relationship I wanted to split everything 50/50 because I had my "pride". I didn't want to appear needy or be "kept" (i don't know, if this is the right term) . It was only later that I realized that the concept was ultimately unfair. It made, that I had used up what little savings I had because he was making far more than I was. Today I share the cost of rent and other expenses as a percentage. Once you have the calculation in the program, you can adapt it at any time.
blatherskitenoir 1 year ago
He was essentially asking her parents to pay for him to have easy sexual access to her. Which is so effing weird in my head. Why would you expect your girlfriend's (or boyfriend's) parents to pay *you* for the privilege of living with their kid? You want to be a grown up with a live in girlfriend, you cover the expenses to make that happen. Was he thinking her parents would be so desperate to have him marry her that they'd view this as an investment?
blatherskitenoir 2 years ago
Can you imagine expecting your girlfriend's parents to pay for the privilege of you getting to live and sleep with their daughter?
Craig Reynolds 2 years ago
I am glad you kicked him to the curb even after he changed his tune and offered to pay you an "allowance". It's not even about the money! His mindset is just plain FKd up. The original request is his truth! He wanted a sugar babe that actually paid him to be his bang 8*tch. When you told him bye-bye, he changed to a sugar daddy and offered to pay you to be his bang 8*itch which is how a real sugar daddy/babe relationship would work if you were into that which clearly, you are not and good for you. Had you accepted his second offer you would be miserable as he would be trying to guilt you over his paying you to be there and possibly even try to make you feel like a prostitute for it. The fact that his changed tune includes a monthly "allowance" and he called it that, makes my skin crawl. That attitude wreaks of certain misogynistic Middle Eastern and Mediterranean male cultural attitudes. I'd be very curious to know his ethnicity.
Katinka Min 2 years ago
Selfish golddigger who is ten years older while she is just beginning her life and needs to go whereever her graduate degree takes her. I am glad she dumped him.
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Jack Jackson 2 years ago (edited)
Hmmm. I am a male student at University, and my significant other works full-time. She makes really good money for what she does, and we live in a place that isn't all that expensive. She could easily afford to support us both, yet she has never once helped me financially during my degree, and neither has my family. I saved up $25000 by working a grueling job in the oilfield for two years so I could afford half of the bills for a year and a half. This lady's story shows an inherent double standard. I would never put such a demand on my partner, but also, I am a man who is expected to make it on their own regardless of the situation. Also, I do most of the housework and cook her a full breakfast every day. I would never ask her to help me, and I would never make her feel bad about it when she doesn't. I am not entitled to her money, and she owes me nothing. Period. This woman dated an older man with money for the same reason most women date older men with money.
Brafne Heiwer 2 years ago
Interesting as we've had articles where the girlfriend dumped the boyfriend because he couldn't share rent. If you're going to live together, you need to be able to pay for it. Otherwise, don't move in.
Aliquid 2 years ago
Yes, it is reasonable to say both people share the rent. But for that to happen, you need to live somewhere that both people can afford. So the solution is that they rent out a place that is within her budget. He asked her to move in with him. Don't ask someone to move in with you if they can't afford the rent, unless you are willing to subsidize the rent for them.
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Adam Jeff 2 years ago
I think the key is that he's asking her to move to a new city. Otherwise, if they were living in the same city and decided to move in together, I would say it is fair enough for him to ask her to share rent and basic expenses 50:50, and maybe just use his higher salary to pay for treats / luxuries. But in this case, he is choosing where he wants to live and then expecting her to pay half even though she had no input.
Seanette Blaylock 2 years ago
And isolating her from family, friends, and other support.
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Mattewis88 2 years ago
I can't quite figure out if it's about her paying such a high amount in rent or if it's about paying rent period. We see too many spongey women online these days and while I sympathise with her not being able to afford that amount - it is perfectly reasonable for him to expect her to pull her own weight. I would never move in with a man and expect him to support me. - That's how abusive, controlling relationships thrive. - easy targets - yay money, but also now you're dependent, you're screwed.
K Witmer 2 years ago
Another gold digger comment from someone I suppose makes a lot of money? She could pay 2500$ a month but it would be a stretch for her and her parents. If anything he was the gold digger expecting her parents to pay half his rent where he chose to live even though he makes a half a million$ a year. He sounds cheap and controlling too.
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Unwelcomed Guest 2 years ago
Hold on hold on she had her living expenses paid for while at college by her family and then mentions he was at that time was a poor phd student. What was their living arrangements then? If he paid half at that time that then I understand his thinking that she should as well now. Also people who have never wanted for their entire life are more likely to refer to other people as poor. I honestly think this guy dodged a bullet as OP is only personally interested in who will look after her now she is getting too old for family dependence.
Kirk Mckeever 2 years ago
Unfortunately, The word "parasite" comes to mind--"I don't plan on making any money for the next few years" says a great deal about YOU and what everyone ELSE does for you, like "my parents pay for everything"....entitled, much?? Will you really get a job --ever??
Controversial Opinions 2 years ago
Maybe people will hate me if I say this but I feel the need to say it: If this article was titled something along the lines of "Girlfriend refuses to pay fair rent when living with boyfriend", wouldn't you side with the boyfriend? Helping people is good but from the opposite pov, wouldn't it seem unfair to be paying other peoples' rent? I feel like it's necessary to look at it from everyone's pov before pointing fingers.
Lurenda Mastromonaco-Gilder 2 years ago
Go to grad school, make your own $500 k, drop the guy.
ImmaKittyJoe 2 years ago
Regardless, of anything else , I don't understand where the problem is in sharing living expenses, if she agrees to move in with him willingly. Isn't it expected? To continue being independent on him, financially? I mean even if he could easily afford to pay for both of them, doesn't mean he has to.
Shelli LotusFlower 2 years ago (edited)
Ten years is not a huge age difference. Wish people would grow up and get over that already. My husband is 20 yrs older and I was the mature one in our relationship at first. He’d not put down any real roots so a wife and toddler were a big jump. Almost 18 yrs later and he’s now mr maturity lol. Age is truly a number. Experiences and lack thereof are the key. Glad she ditched him. $$ split should always be proportional.
K Witmer 2 years ago
That's not what this post said. It was many factors. Age was brought into it bc there were disparities where the age gap played a role in them not being compatible.
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Hugo Raible 2 years ago
What iamnoking said. She's not entitled to his money, but then she'll set the baseline for what they can afford.
Jarrod Nichols 2 years ago
Turn the tables when considering your replies to this article. Had the woman expected the man to pay 50%, you would have been much less sympathetic. Once again proving that a man is only as valuable as his ability to provide while a woman is supposed to be loved unconditionally.
Veronica Sjöberg 2 years ago
Nope, I had not. Regardless of gender you go by the one earning less and what they can afford. Otherwise it's really bad for the dynamic of the relationship and creates a power imbalance. In a relationship you should be a team and you should want the best for the both of you.
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Aliquid 2 years ago
work on your reading comprehension skills. And realize that there are tons of men that live off of mommy and daddy while they are going through university.
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WilvanderHeijden 2 years ago
It's absurd to expect that someone without any money shares the costs of living with someone who allegedly makes $500k per year on a 50-50 basis. It's good to read that the woman already dumped him.
fu yu 2 years ago
The saying, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" springs to mind. I agree that's it's good she dumped his ass.
Load More Replies... Seanette Blaylock 2 years ago
Paying her to live with him? Sure sounds like he basically considers her a hooker. This guy just goes from one extreme of disrespect to another. Glad she decided to unload him.
Otter 2 years ago
No, supporting a spouse or S.O. isn't treating someone like a hooker, sometimes, it's just, well, being supportive! Nothing wrong with someone who's making good money helping their S.O. get their degree, if that's what they both want, investing in someone's future is a loving thing to do. But it really doesn't sound like either of them was committed enough to the other to be thinking that way, it sounds more like he was moving away for a job, and thought it might be nice to take his girlfriend along with no strings attached. NEVER give up your life and move to another state with someone, unless all the strings are firmly attached!
Load More Replies... Dorothy Parker 2 years ago
Interesting he did an about face. A ten year age difference isn't huge. However, the circumstances he originally proposed sound like the next step was he would want to go on expensive vacations and expect her to pay her own way. And yes, sharing rent should at most be a percentage of each one's earnings.
Aria Whitaker 2 years ago (edited)
A ten year age difference CAN be huge depending upon maturity. 17 and 27? Yeah, two very different points in life...43 and 53? Not nearly as much. I think the age is a factor here due to being at very different life points when you are just entering your 20's versus when you have a couple of years before hitting 35. As one of the commenters pointed out, he is probably dating so young because the average 32 year old woman would have laughed in his face and told him to kick rocks if he proposed splitting living expenses 50/50 while he makes a half million dollars and she is unemployed.
Load More Replies... Veronica Sjöberg 2 years ago
I'm glad she broke it off with him. As a lot of people stated: 50/50 only works if both have the same income, other than that it isn't fair if you are a couple. You could pay a percentage of your income instead or something similar to that system. And you always go with the one earning less while looking for a place to live. Honestly it just seems like he was looking for someone to pay to be f****d because that's not a good deal. This is a pretty common problem though, I have several friends who when they get kids and are on maternity leave (get a lower income for a year-ish) and their partner still wants to do 50/50 because "you wanted to be equal right?". So sad. Simple answer: 50/50 isn't always fair.
MrLoufoque 2 years ago
I am 9 years older than my former girlfriend (now fiancée and future wife!). When we moved in together, she was still a student and had a part-time job (15 hours a week) to make some money, while I was employed full time. I paid rent and utilities (except the Internet because she kept her subscription which was a low €13 per month) and we shared the rest without really keeping track. I did not care about the expenses, I just wanted to settle with her. :)
chi-wei shen 2 years ago
In this situation, a 50% share of all expenses doesn't seem fair. While living separated she would not spend so much money on herself and he shouldn't expect her parents to step in. At the end of the day, he wants her to change her life according to his standards and pay by herself, which in my humble opinion is not fair at all.
Kate Jones 2 years ago
I'm not as concerned with the age gap as I am with how he could expect you to pay the same amount when you had no income coming in? I think couples who live together absolutely should share expenses as equally as possible but when one person-male or female- makes a significant amount more then you either have to accept that you will be paying the bulk of the bills for the residence, or you lower your own standards to match what the other person can afford. It sounds to me like he knew your parents were going to cover the bill so he wanted to benefit from that. I read the update so I know it's a moot point now but I would have insisted on living apart and staying over when you want. Let your parents pay for YOUR residence, not toward something he would benefit from in the end. No doubt you would have been the one to leave if the relationship ended since his name would be on the lease and he ends up getting all that equity in the residence your parents helped pay for.
Potato 2 years ago
Or, if you do plan on splitting everything down the middle, find a place with a rent price that both parties are comfortable with!
Load More Replies... Ally MacMann 2 years ago
Splitting expenses is only fair when both can reasonably afford it. A more reasonable compromise might have been a cheaper place or a 70-30 split.
Eric Soliday 2 years ago
Curious how someone who makes 1/2 mil a year has financial struggle and pin it on someone else. More money- more insecurity I guess. If she is going to school especially let it go. I made 45,000 a year and still didn't mind my wife being in college.
Pamda Panda 2 years ago
This is absolutely an abuse tactic. He wants to make her too poor to be able to leave.
Monkey Spunk 2 years ago
My wife's first serious boyfriend did this to her, she held down 2 jobs when they bought a house together so she could pay 50% of the mortgage. Currently she pays 2/5's of our mortgage and I pay the other 3/5's plus all the bills (gas, electric, water, etc), it's split to be affordable for her but also if we ever split she'd walk away with enough to buy herself somewhere.
An Co 2 years ago
1) Not absurd to suggest splitting expenses. 2)It is absurd for him to pick what the expenses are and then ask to split. 3) If you want to split expenses, then the person with the lowest salary gets to pick where you live and what those expenses are. 4) If he doesn't want to live that poorly, he can either man up and pay for the expenses or move out.
Ausrine Ciapaite 2 years ago
I had a friend who's boyfriend was renting a house in London (very expensive) together with his friend. My friend couldn't afford splitting the rent equally. She told her boyfriend that either she pays what she can (which was very little) or she will live elsewhere. They came to an agreement that my friend pays what she can and would keep the house tidy (last point was per her own request as she likes house to be very clean). It worked and everyone were happy. The man from the story probably lived in his old mindset (since he was a poor student himself not too long ago). However, he should have talked things out with her regarding finances before deciding to put things this way. I don't know if breaking up just for a mistake is good enough reason, but if he was pushy then it's a different story.
JayWantsACat 2 years ago
The biggest red flag is him changing his already controlling scenario to one in which she would be PAID to move to live him WTF. There was already going to power dynamic issues and issues of control. But now he would be paying her? It doesn't take much thiking to see how much more controlling he would be in that scenario.
Eepe 2 years ago
Will she be expected to do all the cleaning and household management or will that be split 50/50 too??! 🙄
Christopher Walkies 2 years ago
500k a year and planning on renting, not owning? Needing anyone to share expenses, even on 'principles'? The guy's a bum.
Naesil 2 years ago
While I think that the higher earner is not automatically responsible for all the expenses just because they earn more.. but this is totally unreasonable, who the f can think its okay to expect someone with no income to go halfsies on a 5k rent? And then the update portion showed that he actually wanted full time escort service.. was even willing to pay allowance just to have young woman living with him.
Claire Stanfield 2 years ago
Ditch this guy. Am I the only one who thought it was odd that she didn't have a job and didn't plan on getting one for the next few years?? Not even on break from school? Yikes on bikes.
Mondkatze 2 years ago
In my first relationship I wanted to split everything 50/50 because I had my "pride". I didn't want to appear needy or be "kept" (i don't know, if this is the right term) . It was only later that I realized that the concept was ultimately unfair. It made, that I had used up what little savings I had because he was making far more than I was. Today I share the cost of rent and other expenses as a percentage. Once you have the calculation in the program, you can adapt it at any time.
blatherskitenoir 1 year ago
He was essentially asking her parents to pay for him to have easy sexual access to her. Which is so effing weird in my head. Why would you expect your girlfriend's (or boyfriend's) parents to pay *you* for the privilege of living with their kid? You want to be a grown up with a live in girlfriend, you cover the expenses to make that happen. Was he thinking her parents would be so desperate to have him marry her that they'd view this as an investment?
blatherskitenoir 2 years ago
Can you imagine expecting your girlfriend's parents to pay for the privilege of you getting to live and sleep with their daughter?
Craig Reynolds 2 years ago
I am glad you kicked him to the curb even after he changed his tune and offered to pay you an "allowance". It's not even about the money! His mindset is just plain FKd up. The original request is his truth! He wanted a sugar babe that actually paid him to be his bang 8*tch. When you told him bye-bye, he changed to a sugar daddy and offered to pay you to be his bang 8*itch which is how a real sugar daddy/babe relationship would work if you were into that which clearly, you are not and good for you. Had you accepted his second offer you would be miserable as he would be trying to guilt you over his paying you to be there and possibly even try to make you feel like a prostitute for it. The fact that his changed tune includes a monthly "allowance" and he called it that, makes my skin crawl. That attitude wreaks of certain misogynistic Middle Eastern and Mediterranean male cultural attitudes. I'd be very curious to know his ethnicity.
Katinka Min 2 years ago
Selfish golddigger who is ten years older while she is just beginning her life and needs to go whereever her graduate degree takes her. I am glad she dumped him.
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Jack Jackson 2 years ago (edited)
Hmmm. I am a male student at University, and my significant other works full-time. She makes really good money for what she does, and we live in a place that isn't all that expensive. She could easily afford to support us both, yet she has never once helped me financially during my degree, and neither has my family. I saved up $25000 by working a grueling job in the oilfield for two years so I could afford half of the bills for a year and a half. This lady's story shows an inherent double standard. I would never put such a demand on my partner, but also, I am a man who is expected to make it on their own regardless of the situation. Also, I do most of the housework and cook her a full breakfast every day. I would never ask her to help me, and I would never make her feel bad about it when she doesn't. I am not entitled to her money, and she owes me nothing. Period. This woman dated an older man with money for the same reason most women date older men with money.
Brafne Heiwer 2 years ago
Interesting as we've had articles where the girlfriend dumped the boyfriend because he couldn't share rent. If you're going to live together, you need to be able to pay for it. Otherwise, don't move in.
Aliquid 2 years ago
Yes, it is reasonable to say both people share the rent. But for that to happen, you need to live somewhere that both people can afford. So the solution is that they rent out a place that is within her budget. He asked her to move in with him. Don't ask someone to move in with you if they can't afford the rent, unless you are willing to subsidize the rent for them.
Load More Replies... Adam Jeff 2 years ago
I think the key is that he's asking her to move to a new city. Otherwise, if they were living in the same city and decided to move in together, I would say it is fair enough for him to ask her to share rent and basic expenses 50:50, and maybe just use his higher salary to pay for treats / luxuries. But in this case, he is choosing where he wants to live and then expecting her to pay half even though she had no input.
Seanette Blaylock 2 years ago
And isolating her from family, friends, and other support.
Load More Replies... Mattewis88 2 years ago
I can't quite figure out if it's about her paying such a high amount in rent or if it's about paying rent period. We see too many spongey women online these days and while I sympathise with her not being able to afford that amount - it is perfectly reasonable for him to expect her to pull her own weight. I would never move in with a man and expect him to support me. - That's how abusive, controlling relationships thrive. - easy targets - yay money, but also now you're dependent, you're screwed.
K Witmer 2 years ago
Another gold digger comment from someone I suppose makes a lot of money? She could pay 2500$ a month but it would be a stretch for her and her parents. If anything he was the gold digger expecting her parents to pay half his rent where he chose to live even though he makes a half a million$ a year. He sounds cheap and controlling too.
Load More Replies... Unwelcomed Guest 2 years ago
Hold on hold on she had her living expenses paid for while at college by her family and then mentions he was at that time was a poor phd student. What was their living arrangements then? If he paid half at that time that then I understand his thinking that she should as well now. Also people who have never wanted for their entire life are more likely to refer to other people as poor. I honestly think this guy dodged a bullet as OP is only personally interested in who will look after her now she is getting too old for family dependence.
Kirk Mckeever 2 years ago
Unfortunately, The word "parasite" comes to mind--"I don't plan on making any money for the next few years" says a great deal about YOU and what everyone ELSE does for you, like "my parents pay for everything"....entitled, much?? Will you really get a job --ever??
Controversial Opinions 2 years ago
Maybe people will hate me if I say this but I feel the need to say it: If this article was titled something along the lines of "Girlfriend refuses to pay fair rent when living with boyfriend", wouldn't you side with the boyfriend? Helping people is good but from the opposite pov, wouldn't it seem unfair to be paying other peoples' rent? I feel like it's necessary to look at it from everyone's pov before pointing fingers.
Lurenda Mastromonaco-Gilder 2 years ago
Go to grad school, make your own $500 k, drop the guy.
ImmaKittyJoe 2 years ago
Regardless, of anything else , I don't understand where the problem is in sharing living expenses, if she agrees to move in with him willingly. Isn't it expected? To continue being independent on him, financially? I mean even if he could easily afford to pay for both of them, doesn't mean he has to.
Shelli LotusFlower 2 years ago (edited)
Ten years is not a huge age difference. Wish people would grow up and get over that already. My husband is 20 yrs older and I was the mature one in our relationship at first. He’d not put down any real roots so a wife and toddler were a big jump. Almost 18 yrs later and he’s now mr maturity lol. Age is truly a number. Experiences and lack thereof are the key. Glad she ditched him. $$ split should always be proportional.
K Witmer 2 years ago
That's not what this post said. It was many factors. Age was brought into it bc there were disparities where the age gap played a role in them not being compatible.
Load More Replies... Hugo Raible 2 years ago
What iamnoking said. She's not entitled to his money, but then she'll set the baseline for what they can afford.
Jarrod Nichols 2 years ago
Turn the tables when considering your replies to this article. Had the woman expected the man to pay 50%, you would have been much less sympathetic. Once again proving that a man is only as valuable as his ability to provide while a woman is supposed to be loved unconditionally.
Veronica Sjöberg 2 years ago
Nope, I had not. Regardless of gender you go by the one earning less and what they can afford. Otherwise it's really bad for the dynamic of the relationship and creates a power imbalance. In a relationship you should be a team and you should want the best for the both of you.
Load More Replies... Aliquid 2 years ago
work on your reading comprehension skills. And realize that there are tons of men that live off of mommy and daddy while they are going through university.
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