Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
36 Humorous YELP-Like Reviews And Ratings Given By Customer Service Workers To Their Clients
How convenient is it to find a good cafe, restaurant or shop nowadays - after all, there are many great online services and apps for searching for any business in the area, where you can simultaneously see the ratings by customers and read the reviews.
Of course, no service is immune to poor reviews, written under the influence of an impulse from an unsuccessful evening - but in general, the system itself works fine. Yelp, Foursquare (remember that service?), numerous reviews on Google Maps... But listen, have you ever wondered what would happen if businesses also rated us customers?
More info: Reddit
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Her kids dropped the popcorn so she asked me for a broom to let them clean it up themselves. I said it wasn't necessary but she insisted that she wanted to raise them to be conscious of the fact that when they make a mess someone has to clean it up. Nice lady. 5/5.
RELATED:
#2
Came in. Ordered. Ate their food in silence. Left minimal mess and a reasonable tip. Then buggered off.
My perfect customer.
5 stars.
Rowan Kohler 2 months ago
If all restaurants and their customers remained this contained I may actually think about going out again but people are cray cray lol.
#3
Nice, pleasant man. Always orders the same sandwich every time, making preparing for him simple despite the complicated sandwich. Tips well, never talks longer it takes to complete his order. Also, the only male regular over 50 that doesn't leer at my *underage* coworker. 5 stars.
There is a viral thread in the AskReddit community, the author of which once wrote: "Imagine having a reverse Yelp where we rate customers on their attitudes, manners, and how well they tip. What review would you leave?" And now, as of today, the thread has almost 88K upvotes and nearly 6.6K various comments made up by witty participants.
Some of the reviews there seem like a blatant parody, but most of them reflect the business owners' and employees' experiences, so please enjoy the selection of the best ones carefully made for you by Bored Panda!
#4
Worked in a grocery store years ago..... "Kid keeps running up and down the isle. Turns a corner and smacks right into a corn syrup end cap. What a total mess. Kid is covered in syrup. Mom comes up to me and demands I find clothes for her child to wear. Without skipping a beat, I asked her if she wanted paper or plastic. Would not recommend that mom shopping there again.".
#5
Gah! She practically drinks all the salsa and I keep having to give her refills. Her chip-to-salsa ratio is seriously questionable. Otherwise, she's nice enough.
Edit: uh, I misread the question. I thought it asked what review would someone leave of ME. I am the salsa lover.
#6
She lied about her hair history, wanted white blonde in one session on her "virgin" dark hair that the strand test determined was a lie. Said she could do it herself at home, turned hair orange instead. Came back to get a color correction and after explaining why she couldn't have blonde she said she'd settle for anything but orange and lighter than the dark. Gets a beautiful chocolate/caramel color and cries because it's not blonde and too expensive, and also leaves no tip. -5 stars, not worth my time.
By the way, Yelp is one of the oldest such solutions on the market - it was launched almost twenty years ago, in October 2004. At that time, it was a solution exclusively for the San Francisco service market, but the idea skyrocketed, and in a couple of years Yelp was available in the entire American market.
Moreover, over the last decade, Yelp has expanded to 111 countries, and today it is a large international corporation with almost five thousand employees. I wonder if they leave their reviews too?
#7
The curly haired young guy with glasses and a baggy-skater vibe dress sense.
Clearly smokes hella w**d, comes in high and orders food and is always just so polite, like as polite as a customer can get. Sits on a chair and waits for his order and has this stupid smile on his face staring at nothing like 3 time a week.
I don’t know you but I love you bro.
Edit: I should mention, I’m a stoner myself, so I love the guy extra.
#8
“She walked into the store and complained that outside “smelled of gasoline.” I told her we would address that issue as soon as an employee became available to do so. Customer is apparently unaware they are pumping gas at a gas station when complaining about the scent of gas. Perhaps she could consider NOT huffing it while filling her tank?”
#9
"A middle aged lady insulted the staff, yelled "Valentines day is meant to be about ME!" when she was served a fish 0.000001mm smaller than her husband's in length. Refused to pay for said fish after eating the whole thing. Asked for a finger bowl to clean her fingers, threw a tantrum when she saw there was no lemon with the bowl, I went and personally cut her up some lemon for the finger bowl, when I gave it to her she told me my attitude was disgusting because I smiled too much. Made me sweep away a puddle for her so she didn't get her shoes wet... She could have easily walked around the puddle but no, she insisted "it's Valentine's day! I don't have to walk around the puddle, today is about ME!" 0/10 didn't leave a tip and I hope she never breeds".
Beak Hookage 2 months ago
Sounds like we're about due for another St Valentine's Day Massacre.
"The idea is actually not new - after all, in small, local markets, where everyone knows everyone, this is practiced between business owners and employees," says Vlad Ostrometsky, the administrator of UNIT Cafe in Odessa, Ukraine, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here. "For example, I know most of the employees and owners of cafes and restaurants in my area, and sometimes we share stories from our experiences - without any specifying, of course."
"Yes, the situation sometimes doesn't look very fair in relation to service workers - after all, there can often be some entitled customer who writes negative reviews simply because of a bad mood - and we can’t actually do anything to them. Remember how in the 'Ratatouille' cartoon the chef was literally devastated because of the opinion of the restaurant critic?"
"On the other hand, this is the service industry and its specifics - and, in any case, if the client's behavior is completely outrageous - for example, they make a scandal or fight, then the police will get involved... Although, of course, it would be interesting to see such an application - just out of fun..." Vlad summarizes with a smile.
#10
"Apparently the basic front desk bell is too complicated of a mechanism to operate for this person. Also demanded that I reduce her rate because we ran out of complimentary coffee and she couldn't wait the two minutes it would take me to make a new pot. Insulted the housekeepers, too. 0 stars"
Rowan Kohler 2 months ago
This is why online reviews should not be a thing.nor there should be a process to weed out micro detail whiners.
#11
"Came on opening weekend of one of the biggest movies of the year 5 minutes before the showtime and then was shocked they'd have to stand in line for their concessions. Then complained to management that they 'missed their movie'. Like what did they think was going to happen? Like We'd have a reserved placed in line for them because of their obvious VIP status as King Douchelord of A*sland?".
Rowan Kohler 2 months ago
We had a great theater in AZ that did not allow anyone under 21 and you could order full blown meals or whatever right from your custom reclining leather seat bed that didn’t touch anyone else. I miss that place so much.
#12
A customer walked in the front door of my very closed, curbside only pub today and asked if we had any steak. He had to ignore a giant sign saying PLEASE STAY OUTSIDE WE WILL BRING YOUR PHONE/ONLINE ORDER OUT TO YOU. Zero out of five stars. I almost had a rage stroke.
Edited to add: This is the second time he’s done it.
Well, we'll not detain you any longer in reading these reviews - especially since among them there are real masterpieces of humor and sarcasm. So now feel free to scroll this selection to the end - and who knows, maybe leave your own 'review' of any 'made-up' customer, based on your own experience! That would be really interesting to read, I do believe.
#13
Drunken fool tried to return half bottle of booze because it “tastes off.” Watch him get in his car and promptly called police to report drunken driver.
#14
Guy comes in in the middle of the festival, no reservation, by car, and blames ME because it took him 2 hours to go the entrance of the city to my hotel because there are 200 000 people walking around the streets, and police barages to help the flow of pedestrians.
Then he blames ME again because he did all of this for nothing because we're full. What did he think would happen, walking-in with no reservation during the city's largest festival?
1 star, would not recommend.
#15
"Started out okay, but interaction quickly declined when customer was mildly inconvenienced by new guidelines put in place due to an ongoing global pandemic. Should have spoken to manager about abysmal behavior. Lost faith in customers as a brand, won't be using again - until my bosses make me because their money is more important than my saftey. If I'm essential how come they get to treat me like freshly churned peacock s**t? 0/10 stars, horrible idea, massive design flaws".
#16
Family came into the restaurant today and order a good amount of sushi rolls and some chicken hibachis. There was no problem with their payment or their demeanor at first, but be careful. Looks can be deceiving.
As soon as we provided their kids with forks, they started flinging rice at each other. Parents didn't even bat an eye, like this was a normal thing, so I'm sure they have done this at other places too. They left the area around them looking like the kids were playing Splatoon and trying to cover as much surface area as they could with rice.
Didn't leave a tip for the mess I was left to clean up and didn't even give an apology. Would not recommend serving this family while their inklings are around.
#17
The lady who yelled at me on the second day of my first job over the price of milk can have a solid 1 star.
Rowan Kohler 2 months ago
I chose this place without knowing anything and how dare you charge a price im not willing to pay!
#18
“stupid b***h ordered a Frappuccino with no ice then proceeded to be pissed at us there were no ice in it. When we asked her if she wanted ice she screamed at us and said no. i hope she stubs her toe everyday for the rest of her life and she gets cheated on. I would give zero stars but yelp makes me give one so I guess good job at wasting space.”.
#19
"Shout out to the man that doesn't know what the f**k wontons are in a wonton soup and yelled at me for not taking them out even tho he only said no noodles, which are not wontons, rather the crackers for the soup, you stupid old man I hope you die I cried in the bathroom a*****e." 1 star.
Donkey boi 2 months ago
Mmmm... Wonton soup. If only there was a place near work where I could get some for lunch.
#20
Kelsey brought her entire "tribe" to get tattooed. All 10 of them are turning 18 but only Kelsey is getting a tattoo. She refused to listen to my advice on the size and kept insisting I make it smaller and smaller, specifying she would like it "just a medium size, but really dainty and cute". When it came time to do the tattoo, she wasn't wearing the right clothing even though she'd thought about her horoscope sign for weeks. Her friends convinced her to move it several times before we discovered the initial placement I made was the right one. When it came time to pay, she tried to haggle my price by telling me she had a cousin that got his own "gun", and that he would do it for a third of my price. After all that, even though I did it perfectly, she had no concept of tipping. 0 stars.
#21
This stupid old man threw a tantrum over canned noodles. I told him it was on the shelf, but he insisted there were bags in the boxes ontop. I told him the boxes were full of the same canned brand but he didn't listen and started to cause a scene.
I went to get my card with a step stool on it to show him, but he started hitting his cart yelling "damn it"
I got so angry I ripped the box off the top shelf and cant everywhere. He just said, "guess they were cans" and walked off. 20 minutes later he comes back and buys the cans 0/10.
#22
Had a customer that was on the phone through the whole order while I was trying to make her burrito and kept asking what she wanted in it and she wouldent answer. so I started to wrap it up but then she began to yell at me because she wasent done yet and began to b***h about how I needed to do my job better. Meanwhile she was still talking on the phone and we had 30 other people in line because it was rush hour. 0 stars maybe try not to be such a karen next time.
Jeremy James 2 months ago (edited)
That's when you take out YOUR phone and act like they're interrupting YOU. "Oh, hold up, girl. This b*tch acting like she need something. WHAT?"
#23
This b***h lives in the apartment building all the way at the back of the complex, which spans acres, populated by dozens of the worst speed bumps you can imagine, like they'll tear up your car's suspension if you go over them faster than walk speed. Now she texts me, saying to drop off her food at the door and leave it there because she wants a Contact-Free delivery. Fine. I get to the building, but there is no apartment 109 in this building. Call her, no answer, text, no answer. Why in the name of all that is holy would you not answer your phone after placing an expensive order for food delivery? Couldn't get an answer so I'm having a Thai feast tonight, b***h.
(Usually I give the food to beggars, but yeah, not always.).
#24
Becky and Judy, five stars. After two glasses of temperanillo Judy is going to order a half glass. Ask if she went to physical therapy today for her shoulder. If she did, give her the full glass. Becky will wink at you.
#25
"Stupid c**t kept trying to order a cheeseburger without cheese even though I was trying to save her money by suggesting to instead order a hamburger. Fast forward 30 seconds and she paid for the cost of a cheeseburger, but without the cheese. I hope she choked on it. 1 star".
#26
She only ever tips the coins left from the transaction, usually$0.05. While waiting for her order she loudly explains the most recent conservative talking points to everyone in earshot. On her last visit(which was on the day Shelter-In-Place was announced here in SF) she spent twenty minutes ranting about how only businesses had the authority to close the themselves down. Truly hope never to serve her again. 1 star.
#27
This man cant seem to grasp the basic concept of why films have age ratings and why his 9 year old was not allowed to watch sausage party.
#29
“Stupid bastard didn’t understand that just because the other McDonald’s had something doesn’t mean this one does, sorry we aren’t allowed to sell buffalo sauce here sir, trust me if we could we would. 1 star”.
Rowan Kohler 2 months ago
I briefly worked for those people and in the same town there were private franchisee owned McDonald’s and Corporate owned McDonald’s and we got the cost difference complaints a lot. Our stores were 5 miles apart and one person left because our big breakfast was 10 cents more said he was going there instead. I don’t comprehend the savings when you involve transportation lol
#30
I've talked about this idea many times. It would be so magical.
I greeted the table and they didn't even look at me, they just said "water". So I get their waters and their food order which was difficult because they asked a million questions that could have been answered by reading the menu, that's what its there for. Then when I'm trying to deliver the food no one was paying attention and they couldn't remember what they even ordered. They were just overall kind of rude and annoying but they left 18% so that's better than what I thought they were going to leave. 3/5 stars, can't really recommend.
Montanavanna 2 months ago (edited)
Isn't it so confusing when patrons come across cold but tip just fine. I would rack my brain making up origin stories of how they came to be that way. Was it a test? Did I pass? They ate the food and took the rest with them. What is their deal?
#31
After not reading our "cards only" sign, she tried to pay in cash. After being informed we couldn't take cash, she threw a temper tantrum and cursed us out. 0/5 stars.
Edit: the only reason we're not accepting cash is due to the pandemic. Usually, we really don't care!
#32
A review for me would say “Wouldn’t stop saying/overused thank you every time I refilled her cup, stacked the plates and wiped the table, picked up all the food her daughter threw, and left a note on the receipt with the tip. Mouth full of food every time I checked on her, asked for lots of bread, ate off her husbands plate, and was very loud.”.
Montanavanna 2 months ago
The best note on a tab I got was this, "Not merely fed, I am nourished, thank you". I will remember that til the day I die, it happened some 16 years ago.
#34
“Constantly told me how to do my job which I’ve been doing for ten years. I’m amazed she knew so much that she just didn’t do it herself and saved the labour costs.”
Pro-Tip: The worst private customers to work for in civil construction are generally mid 40’s single women.
Shark queen 🦈🦈🦈 2 months ago (edited)
I'm going to try to save up my money so I can have my dream home built. I am trying to go into civil engineering. By the time I'm able to afford it I'll be my own worse enemy. (Yes I know they are different i just draw to scale layouts for fun and hope to do some of layout design myself or at least help)
#35
"Very polite but also incredibly awkward for some reason.".
#36
Threw a drink at my Lead. 0/10 Get f****d sideways with a poleaxe you f*****g afterbirth.
What do you think ?
Montanavanna 2 months ago (edited)
Grandmother, daughter and baby come to eat lunch. We were a tiny operation (3 of us on a good day, 4 if we were lucky, 2 half the time). But we were famous for what we did and was never short of business during tourist season. Gramma holding baby when I bring their French onion soup over. I place the plate well out of reach of the baby. I tell Gma, "this soup is hot, like crazy hot, Give it 10 minutes at least (they had other food), If this spills on the baby right now it will burn them". "OK". I hover and watch for a second to make sure the baby can't grab it. "It's fine, I got it" she barks at me. OK cool, I got other things to do anyway. I take 5 steps around thelat corner and wouldn't ya know...baby is screaming, Granma is raging,mom is panicking. I escort her to the back so we can get cold water going for her and this woman...has the balls...to bi tch at me because our back sink was full of dishes I had to clear out of there before we could use it. 1/5 stars cuz no litigation.
zovjraar me 2 months ago
when i worked at target in my young 20's, i was in the shoe dept and a lady comes by with some girl's faux leather white running shoes. and she's stroking the shoe, like petting it, and asking if it's "caaaanvaaas" she drew out the word canvas like it was something foreign and exotic. so i take her to the canvas shoes, which are identical to what she's holding except the material, find the size she needs, and i try to get her to take them. but she's still petting the other shoe and asks me like 5 times if i'm sure that one isn't "caaanvaaas". no mam, that is like a fake leather, these are canvas. this is what your daughter needs. she left looking heartbroken. 1/5 for brains but 4/5 for a weird experience. we also had a couple come in and try to have sex in the lingerie section. there was an older guy who would come in Sunday mornings and sniff the ladies panties on the racks. ???? those haven't been worn, sir, not sure what you're trying to huff. retail is wild.
Tomato Smudge 2 months ago
Clearly wealthy middle-aged lady comes in to ask if stickered price is actual price on mylar balloon because she thinks it's too high, she deliberately mishears to be $8USD lower when I verify it and agrees to the purchase, gets mad when screen shows same price on the sticker and "Balloons have always been cheap! This is ridiculous! I would have gotten the 99¢ latex balloons IF SOMEONE WAS AT THE FLORAL" her way through the order and rips the receipt out of my hand. We haven't had that cheap of balloons in years. I know because I put up the prices in this big store and watched it increase over the time. -2/10 Lady is small-scale time traveler who's bad at interacting with staff due to wealth.
Montanavanna 2 months ago (edited)
Grandmother, daughter and baby come to eat lunch. We were a tiny operation (3 of us on a good day, 4 if we were lucky, 2 half the time). But we were famous for what we did and was never short of business during tourist season. Gramma holding baby when I bring their French onion soup over. I place the plate well out of reach of the baby. I tell Gma, "this soup is hot, like crazy hot, Give it 10 minutes at least (they had other food), If this spills on the baby right now it will burn them". "OK". I hover and watch for a second to make sure the baby can't grab it. "It's fine, I got it" she barks at me. OK cool, I got other things to do anyway. I take 5 steps around thelat corner and wouldn't ya know...baby is screaming, Granma is raging,mom is panicking. I escort her to the back so we can get cold water going for her and this woman...has the balls...to bi tch at me because our back sink was full of dishes I had to clear out of there before we could use it. 1/5 stars cuz no litigation.
zovjraar me 2 months ago
when i worked at target in my young 20's, i was in the shoe dept and a lady comes by with some girl's faux leather white running shoes. and she's stroking the shoe, like petting it, and asking if it's "caaaanvaaas" she drew out the word canvas like it was something foreign and exotic. so i take her to the canvas shoes, which are identical to what she's holding except the material, find the size she needs, and i try to get her to take them. but she's still petting the other shoe and asks me like 5 times if i'm sure that one isn't "caaanvaaas". no mam, that is like a fake leather, these are canvas. this is what your daughter needs. she left looking heartbroken. 1/5 for brains but 4/5 for a weird experience. we also had a couple come in and try to have sex in the lingerie section. there was an older guy who would come in Sunday mornings and sniff the ladies panties on the racks. ???? those haven't been worn, sir, not sure what you're trying to huff. retail is wild.
Tomato Smudge 2 months ago
Clearly wealthy middle-aged lady comes in to ask if stickered price is actual price on mylar balloon because she thinks it's too high, she deliberately mishears to be $8USD lower when I verify it and agrees to the purchase, gets mad when screen shows same price on the sticker and "Balloons have always been cheap! This is ridiculous! I would have gotten the 99¢ latex balloons IF SOMEONE WAS AT THE FLORAL" her way through the order and rips the receipt out of my hand. We haven't had that cheap of balloons in years. I know because I put up the prices in this big store and watched it increase over the time. -2/10 Lady is small-scale time traveler who's bad at interacting with staff due to wealth.
Related on Bored Panda
