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Pre-wedding drama is the last thing any couple wants. Unfortunately, these avoidable issues stem from the most shallow reasons, such as unreasonable requests, hurt feelings, and, as this story shows, a dress.
A woman in her 60s was a bridesmaid to her soon-to-be sister-in-law, who was in her late 20s. Her role required her to wear a skimpy dress, which she wasn’t comfortable with. After her requests for a change were repeatedly denied, she took matters into her own hands.
However, her actions sparked so much outrage that she was booted from the wedding. Scroll down for the entire text.
RELATED:
No one wants the stress and headaches of pre-wedding drama
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
A woman’s refused to wear a bridesmaid’s dress for her future sister-in-law and took matters into her own hands
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
The couple now blames her for ruining their wedding
Image credits: Fluffy_Vast_8210
Weddings tend to bring out the worst in people
You may have read many stories about wedding-related lousy behavior on this site, and that isn’t a coincidence. Event planner Julie Bunkley says these supposedly festive celebrations of love can bring out the worst in people, especially among those involved.
“There’s the inevitable stress of making a massive life decision, there’s two sets of family dynamics to balance, there’s money involved, deadlines, expectations,” Bunkley told Brides.
Bored Panda spoke with wedding planner Kaitlin Shea, who explained that some couples tend to act unreasonably before their big day because of the magnitude of the event.
Couples therapist Beverley Andre, LMFT, shared a similar sentiment in her interview with Brides, stating that weddings “give way to heightened emotions” because of the “dreams and expectations,” not only from the bride and groom but also from their families.
“There’s this increased pressure to make the ‘right’ choice, so no one is upset, which tends to undermine the joy of the process,” Andre said.
In this case, the bride pushed for the dress she wanted the bridesmaids to wear despite the discomfort from her soon-to-be sister-in-law, who was much older than she was. The woman also took drastic measures, which caused unwanted drama and may have indeed ruined the big day before it happened.
Trying to satisfy everyone is one of the root causes of pre-wedding drama
Given the numerous guests at a wedding party, at least one person won’t be happy with the setup. Andre says that shouldn’t be a problem.
“Trying to find a balance is commendable, but only sometimes realistic,” she said.
Instead of trying to satisfy everyone, Andre suggests managing expectations. The preliminary decisions must come from the couple before involving the opinions of family and friends.
Should there be disagreements or negative reactions from guests, Bunkley advises couples to let them go. You may find resolution to other issues, while others may linger for a long time.
“It will always be in your best interest to put things behind you so you can focus on your commitment to your fiancé/e,” Bunkley said.
The couple shouldn’t have forced the issue with the author, especially after she opposed wearing a “super sexy” dress. The woman could’ve also bowed out from her bridesmaid obligations if the outfit requirement didn’t suit her. They could’ve arrived at a compromise without causing tension.
The author provided more context by answering some questions
Many readers sided with her
Some blamed everyone involved
While a few faulted the author and thought she was out of line
What do you think ?
StumblingThroughLife 5 days ago
Tell them both to sod off - and don't get them a wedding present - and definitely don't go to the wedding. They both sound like spoilt children and from what I can gather, the teenybop will definitely make you miserable. And BP censored B O O B? Are adults considered as children now?
Dave In MD 5 days ago
Bride is 27, that's almost 30, not a child. Although she is acting like a child.
Gen X Feral 4 days ago
I'm the same age as the groom and my daughter is 34! I was 21 when I had her, to a 55 y.o. person that is a child. I'm gonna go throw up now
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CanadianDimes 5 days ago
I can't get past the age difference between OP's brother and the fiancee. Yuck.
Boo 5 days ago
Agreed. But then it's not my life and has no impact on me, so live and let live. Different strokes for different folks, I guess. At 54 and definitely look every inch my age, I would have just declined to be in the wedding party and just turn up as a guest.
Load More Replies...
Surly Scot 5 days ago
Brother married a woman way younger than him, is desperate to keep her that he'll give in to any demand, including treating his own sisters like c**p. I give the marriage less than 3yrs, and that's a generous estimation. Sue sounds like a pis*y little biatch, I wouldn't send her a gift, i'd send her a bill for the cost for the dress, alterations and shoes I had to buy. This is also why I don't go to anyone's weddings, nothing but childish nonsense.
Captain Grump 5 days ago
I think it was admirable of OP to want to support her brother and try to find a creative compromise (through her own expense and efforts). Modern wedding culture has become f**king awful in too many cases.
Captive 5 days ago
Why is the age gap a huge deal for some? Not like she is forced into this, she chose it. So what?
Becky Samuel 5 days ago
Pandas love to huff and puff over other peoples' relationships and then pat themselves on the back for all being in agreement in their little echo chamber.
Load More Replies...
Schmebulock 5 days ago
NTA. Don't waste your time and money going to a wedding for a marriage that is guaranteed to fail.
Grenelda Thurber 5 days ago (edited)
I bet 10 bucks this marriage won't last 10 years, even if they are in love. In 10 years, he'll qualify for Medicare, she'll be 37. If he has kids, they're probably older than she is.
Abner_Mality 4 days ago
"Please help me celebrate my day!" "I've decided I don't want your help." No problem... If it was help moving a piano (a much easier and less expensive to you task than this wedding drama sounds like) you'd be happy to be off the hook! Be happy... Pro Tip: Use the savings from the flight, food and lodging to treat yourself to a little vacation
UncleJohn3000 4 days ago
I just want to be clear, ageism and sexism are ok when middle-aged women do it?
Shannon Donnelly 4 days ago
Not trying to be obtuse, but I think I missed the ageism and sexism. Definitely the sexism. Can you explain your POV? Not trying to be snarky, UncleJohn. Usually I find your comments spot on, and this time I'm just missing it completely, so I'm curious as to what you're seeing that I'm not.
Load More Replies... Livingwithcfs 4 days ago
Why oh why are people so upset about the age gap? Big age gaps are common in relationships and that is none of our business. But yes pulling out of being a bridesmaid would have been more sensible choice, but she now has a nice evening gown if she needs it.
FlamingRed 4 days ago
Bride selected that dress deliberately, hoping OP and her sister would drop out of the wedding party. OP should tell the happy couple to go pound sand.
Ima Manimal 4 days ago
Several mistakes here. 1) Her brother is marrying an immature child. 2) Shouldn’t have ever said anything about the modifications. Hardly anyone woulda noticed. 3) Spending money to go to that knowing it won’t last 6 months. Hope he has a prenuptial agreement because honey, he’s gonna need it.
Betsy S 3 days ago
Even a wedding dress is expected to be altered to better flatter the bride. The alterations made to the bridesmaid's dress would be barely noticeable if at all and would be far more flattering. Most bridesmaid's dresses also get altered with a hemline or a waistline or a bustline or the height of the neckline. It doesn't take away the effect of matching dresses at ALL. Also, it's reasonable to have two or three styles all in the same colour from the same manufacturer, so that each body type is flattered.
Gen X Feral 4 days ago
ICK ICK ICK a thousand times ICK!!! I'm 55 and my daughter is 34 ffs! 🤮 That's just disgusting! As far as the dress I wouldn't wear a thigh high slit and plunging neckline when I was 24, skinny af and a waitress at a strip club. Not everyone actually enjoys there titts and assses flipping in the breeze.
JLo 4 days ago
I can't get over a 27 year old asking her senior citizen future sisters in law to be bridesmaids. In the past a bridesmaid was an unmarried woman. The OP should have asked if she could have the dress altered and then declined to participate when the bride said no. And if they make a fuss, don't send a gift.
Apatheist Account2 5 days ago
55 is "senior citizen" now? Eek... Marriages with age gaps can work - Michael Douglas and CZJ being an example.
Captain Grump 5 days ago
Just like all the times we see 55 year old accountants, factory workers and hardware store clerks marrying women almost half their age. I have no doubt Michael Douglas would have exactly the same chances of finding love with someone the same age if he drove an Uber or delivered mail.
Load More Replies...
The Starsong Princess 5 days ago
Don’t worry about it. This marriage will have a short shelf life and you can catch the next one.
Rahul Pawa 5 days ago (edited)
My opinion is ESH. Definitely bride is an AH for being completely inflexible on the dress, the alterations sound like a great compromise. But OP also knew the bride was being adamant and had the alterations done anyway. It would have been better to have that discussion with the bride directly. She already asked for a more modest version and that was denied. The next step would have been saying that she would feel more comfortable wearing that dress with a few minor alterations. If that gets denied too (which I'm guessing is what would have happened), then OP should have set a boundary and said she would attend as a guest. Also, it's kinda s****y that she's not going at all because of this. Her reasons don't make sense. No one is gonna think twice about why she isn't in the bridal party. That part sounded self-centered to me.
painttheyellowsubgreen 5 days ago
For the most part I agree with you, but why is the bride an AH for not wanting to change the dress? Bridesmaids all in the same dress has been a tradition for nearly a century. So every bride for 100yrs that wanted all of their bridesmaids in the same dress are AHs? Or is the bride only an AH because OP decided the dress was skimpy and trashy?
Load More Replies...
StumblingThroughLife 5 days ago
Tell them both to sod off - and don't get them a wedding present - and definitely don't go to the wedding. They both sound like spoilt children and from what I can gather, the teenybop will definitely make you miserable. And BP censored B O O B? Are adults considered as children now?
Dave In MD 5 days ago
Bride is 27, that's almost 30, not a child. Although she is acting like a child.
Gen X Feral 4 days ago
I'm the same age as the groom and my daughter is 34! I was 21 when I had her, to a 55 y.o. person that is a child. I'm gonna go throw up now
Load More Replies... CanadianDimes 5 days ago
I can't get past the age difference between OP's brother and the fiancee. Yuck.
Boo 5 days ago
Agreed. But then it's not my life and has no impact on me, so live and let live. Different strokes for different folks, I guess. At 54 and definitely look every inch my age, I would have just declined to be in the wedding party and just turn up as a guest.
Load More Replies... Surly Scot 5 days ago
Brother married a woman way younger than him, is desperate to keep her that he'll give in to any demand, including treating his own sisters like c**p. I give the marriage less than 3yrs, and that's a generous estimation. Sue sounds like a pis*y little biatch, I wouldn't send her a gift, i'd send her a bill for the cost for the dress, alterations and shoes I had to buy. This is also why I don't go to anyone's weddings, nothing but childish nonsense.
Captain Grump 5 days ago
I think it was admirable of OP to want to support her brother and try to find a creative compromise (through her own expense and efforts). Modern wedding culture has become f**king awful in too many cases.
Captive 5 days ago
Why is the age gap a huge deal for some? Not like she is forced into this, she chose it. So what?
Becky Samuel 5 days ago
Pandas love to huff and puff over other peoples' relationships and then pat themselves on the back for all being in agreement in their little echo chamber.
Load More Replies... Schmebulock 5 days ago
NTA. Don't waste your time and money going to a wedding for a marriage that is guaranteed to fail.
Grenelda Thurber 5 days ago (edited)
I bet 10 bucks this marriage won't last 10 years, even if they are in love. In 10 years, he'll qualify for Medicare, she'll be 37. If he has kids, they're probably older than she is.
Abner_Mality 4 days ago
"Please help me celebrate my day!" "I've decided I don't want your help." No problem... If it was help moving a piano (a much easier and less expensive to you task than this wedding drama sounds like) you'd be happy to be off the hook! Be happy... Pro Tip: Use the savings from the flight, food and lodging to treat yourself to a little vacation
UncleJohn3000 4 days ago
I just want to be clear, ageism and sexism are ok when middle-aged women do it?
Shannon Donnelly 4 days ago
Not trying to be obtuse, but I think I missed the ageism and sexism. Definitely the sexism. Can you explain your POV? Not trying to be snarky, UncleJohn. Usually I find your comments spot on, and this time I'm just missing it completely, so I'm curious as to what you're seeing that I'm not.
Load More Replies... Livingwithcfs 4 days ago
Why oh why are people so upset about the age gap? Big age gaps are common in relationships and that is none of our business. But yes pulling out of being a bridesmaid would have been more sensible choice, but she now has a nice evening gown if she needs it.
FlamingRed 4 days ago
Bride selected that dress deliberately, hoping OP and her sister would drop out of the wedding party. OP should tell the happy couple to go pound sand.
Ima Manimal 4 days ago
Several mistakes here. 1) Her brother is marrying an immature child. 2) Shouldn’t have ever said anything about the modifications. Hardly anyone woulda noticed. 3) Spending money to go to that knowing it won’t last 6 months. Hope he has a prenuptial agreement because honey, he’s gonna need it.
Betsy S 3 days ago
Even a wedding dress is expected to be altered to better flatter the bride. The alterations made to the bridesmaid's dress would be barely noticeable if at all and would be far more flattering. Most bridesmaid's dresses also get altered with a hemline or a waistline or a bustline or the height of the neckline. It doesn't take away the effect of matching dresses at ALL. Also, it's reasonable to have two or three styles all in the same colour from the same manufacturer, so that each body type is flattered.
Gen X Feral 4 days ago
ICK ICK ICK a thousand times ICK!!! I'm 55 and my daughter is 34 ffs! 🤮 That's just disgusting! As far as the dress I wouldn't wear a thigh high slit and plunging neckline when I was 24, skinny af and a waitress at a strip club. Not everyone actually enjoys there titts and assses flipping in the breeze.
JLo 4 days ago
I can't get over a 27 year old asking her senior citizen future sisters in law to be bridesmaids. In the past a bridesmaid was an unmarried woman. The OP should have asked if she could have the dress altered and then declined to participate when the bride said no. And if they make a fuss, don't send a gift.
Apatheist Account2 5 days ago
55 is "senior citizen" now? Eek... Marriages with age gaps can work - Michael Douglas and CZJ being an example.
Captain Grump 5 days ago
Just like all the times we see 55 year old accountants, factory workers and hardware store clerks marrying women almost half their age. I have no doubt Michael Douglas would have exactly the same chances of finding love with someone the same age if he drove an Uber or delivered mail.
Load More Replies... The Starsong Princess 5 days ago
Don’t worry about it. This marriage will have a short shelf life and you can catch the next one.
Rahul Pawa 5 days ago (edited)
My opinion is ESH. Definitely bride is an AH for being completely inflexible on the dress, the alterations sound like a great compromise. But OP also knew the bride was being adamant and had the alterations done anyway. It would have been better to have that discussion with the bride directly. She already asked for a more modest version and that was denied. The next step would have been saying that she would feel more comfortable wearing that dress with a few minor alterations. If that gets denied too (which I'm guessing is what would have happened), then OP should have set a boundary and said she would attend as a guest. Also, it's kinda s****y that she's not going at all because of this. Her reasons don't make sense. No one is gonna think twice about why she isn't in the bridal party. That part sounded self-centered to me.
painttheyellowsubgreen 5 days ago
For the most part I agree with you, but why is the bride an AH for not wanting to change the dress? Bridesmaids all in the same dress has been a tradition for nearly a century. So every bride for 100yrs that wanted all of their bridesmaids in the same dress are AHs? Or is the bride only an AH because OP decided the dress was skimpy and trashy?
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