Divorce, divorce, divorce! He sounds awful.

At first I thought he was just obsessive compulsive about money and maybe it was something he could get treatment for. Then he left for the night to hang with his buddies. Nope, control freak a*****e. Maybe that could be treated too but it would probably be better for OP to see if he gets his c**p together after she divorces and gets away from him.

I sense he refuses to allow her to earn her own money, despite what he said about her finding her own money to buy extra things. The way he shouted at her even after returning the shoes and telling her she has no income due to not spending how he wants her to spend, this is total financial control and abuse. No matter what she does that's independent from him he will blow up and try to control her.

People get dependent on their spouse because circumstances happen. People make mistakes by trusting too soon. My parents really encouraged me to have my own income and never be dependent on anyone else. I was lucky enough to be able to do that. It was okay until my health forced me to go on permanent disability and my husband asked for a divorce right after payments kicked in. I kept my 401k (most of the money went to attorney because ex fought me for everything.) I got alimony and part of his pension. I'll be fine.

It can happen that someone loses a job (which she did), but a good spouse is supportive. A breadwinning spouse shouldn't turn the stay-at-home spouse into an employee who needs to be watched like a hawk.

Da's helder!