"You seem to want a boyfriend, I'm a workaholic and can't see that in my life right now." It hurt but I appreciated the honesty.

Creepy_Line3977 , RDNE Stock project Report

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Kangaroo

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Honest, sincere and gentle, that’s all you can ask for.

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The best was a polite "I think we’re on different wavelengths, but I appreciate the chat".

SmallAllyx , Kiran KR Report

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Kangaroo

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8 hours ago

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Nothing wrong with that honestly

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I once heard, "I have a lot of respect for you, but I don’t see us being a match", it was honest without being harsh.

violetrose398 , cottonbro studio Report

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Kangaroo

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8 hours ago

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That’s kind honestly

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Went on a few dates with her after moving to a new country.  She said something along the lines of “I think you’re nice and you’ll do well with the girls here, but I’m just not feeling it.”

We still bump into each other and have a chat and it’s not awkward at all, which I put down to her honesty and maturity.

Oaktreedesk , Priscilla Du Preez Report

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Kangaroo

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8 hours ago

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Sounds like you are both mature!

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She knew I have an affinity for Ancient Greek and composed her rejection in Attic prose. Stung, but how can I not respect that?

LParticle , Uiliam Nörnberg Report

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prashanthemm

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10 hours ago

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What was the prose though

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I felt hopeful for our relationship when they stated, "I appreciate your interest, but I just don't see a future for us together. Can we still be friends?" It was a mature and courteous statement.

LadyinFantasy , Yolanda Suen Report

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Shrek

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8 hours ago

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That is really mature for both of you! I’m so tired of hearing stories about a person being so harsh during rejection!

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"I'd rather have you as a friend i can talk to and feel safe with".

anon , Priscilla Du Preez Report

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Andrew Irish

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9 hours ago

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This is beautiful. I think a lot of people could sincerely benefit from even knowing someone said this once. It is pretty sad that this is unusual. It isn't that someone crushing on you makes them dangerous, of course, but especially for women flirting can be a first signal for something that will turn dangerous. And probably has before. Even if that danger is simply being angry at rejection or not being interested in hooking up as quickly as the person instigating the flirting. I applaud the individual that said this, their introspection and courage, as well as the individual that took it so well as to consider it a positive form of letting them know they were not interested. So much so, they remember it and repeat it.

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(in high school) She told me that she thought I was nice, but her friend liked me and she'd feel bad if we went out, so I should ask her out instead.

I ended up going out with the friend for over a year.

whoisdatmaskedman , Pavel Danilyuk Report

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8 hours ago

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Good then? High school relationships are never serious abyways

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He gave me a blue flower on valentine’s day… blue flowers signify friendship. poetic, yes.

jeni0eee , Naro K Report

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“Wow, I can’t believe someone as great as you would want to date me. Unfortunately, I’m not ready to date at this time, but I’ll let you know if things change.”

I walked away feeling really good after that.

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“I really appreciate the offer, but I don’t want to waste your time if I’m not feeling the same way.” Honest, clear, and no awkwardness.

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Kangaroo

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8 hours ago

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Perfect, kind and to the point.

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The best way for me was that when I asked, she simply told me that she isn't attracted/interested. That way you know you'll never make a chance. If they'll tell you that they aren't in the right place to date right now, sure it's polite, but it's a lie. And this also makes you feel like you'll have a chance some day.

Darker_than_death , Joice Borges Report

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Pittsburgh rare

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THIS. While it might be true that someone isn't in the right place to date, it's become the go-to rejection phrase, as it doesn't make it personal, but it stings when you see them dating shortly after and now "it's not you, it's me" is often taken as an excuse, because let's face it... it's you 😂

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The nicest rejection to the first time I ever initiated interest, was quite an impactful life lesson for me.
A guy who was more of a friendly stranger/acquaintance than anything, I asked him out. He did look really surprised, when I did and took his time to respond. He said he was very flattered but he couldn't as he had just started seeing someone (which was true and I believe they are still together many years on).
But he never stopped being friendly and kind in front of his friends when he saw me.
It was impactful because, I put myself out there, it wasn't the social catastrophe I always imagined in my head by taking that risk and it validated my trust in my own judgement in being able to "pick" a kind person. Definitely put me in a better headspace for when I eventually met my now husband.

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Eastendbird

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4 hours ago

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Gosh, these responses give me a wee bit of hope for the human race.

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She said she wasn't ready for a relationship but that I would be the first person she called if she was ready.

Honestly, when I asked her I don't think I was ready either. I just kind of blurted after we had a few drinks.

The feelings haven't changed, but it was just the wrong time to do so.

Virtual-Chicken-1031 , René Ranisch Report

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Kangaroo

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You can’t just blurt that out after a few drinks. Glad OP is taking the time to grow up too

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I was hired for a brand new hardware store and there was a hot construction worker during the fitout. I mustered up the courage to ask for his number just before the store opened. He said he was flattered but married. We chatted briefly and that was that. He was a nice guy.

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He said, 'you're an amazing person, but I just don’t feel that spark.' Honestly, it hurt, but I appreciated the honesty more than anything.

aprilshills , Quỳnh Lê Mạnh Report

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A girl I liked said "No, you don't want that. I turn into a real b***h in a relationship. And I like you. I can't do that to you." Ok, fine, A+ for originality, but whatever.

Then she dated a friend of mine. HOLY. C**P. I consider her rejection one of the *nicest things anyone has ever done for me.*.

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Skogsrået

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3 hours ago

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Dodged a bullet?

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“If I were straight I’d say yes”.

nvdrz , Anastasiia Chepinska Report

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eric p

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8 hours ago

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Spoiler: they just weren't into you

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He said he wasn't interested and that he looked at me as more of a sister he never had than a girlfriend, which I understood and respected. We're still very good friends to this day.

Aquatarkana , Taylor Smith Report

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eric p

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At least he didn't say that and then try to continue the relationship...

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They gave me a cookie and said, 'I'm not interested, but I appreciate the offer.' That cookie was my closure, and I will forever cherish it.

prettyjaiyieeee , Chris Hardy Report

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'You're nice but just not my type' that was understandable and ok for me. And wayyy nicer than just being ghosted.

SryForMyIncontinence , iSawRed Report

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Someone I was in a performing group with.

Apologised for taking a long time to return my message, complimented me, explained they weren't willing to cross the boundary of dating someone in the group. Very respectful, very kind.

She then dated another member of the group, and later married another one.

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Skogsrået

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So kinda a bs answer then even if wrapped up nicely?

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They just said they weren’t ready for a relationship but valued my friendship.

CleverLuis , Falaq Lazuardi Report

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eric p

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I treasure your friendship

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Asked if she wanted to see me again and she sent me a Simon Cowell gif, "it's a no from me."

It was hilarious.

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After 2 months of dating, I'd been falling for her hard and she knew it, so she sat me down and told me that she didn't have feelings for me yet, and that she was going to start seeing other guys (we weren't exclusive yet). She was willing to keep dating because she really liked spending time with me and knew I'd be a good boyfriend for her, but I suspected it'd just be worsening the inevitable pain so I ended it. After we split she texted me that she thought I was a wonderful person and that I hoped I found someone.

It didn't stop me from being a little heartbroken, but I did feel valued and felt that like she'd really wanted it to work out.

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It wasnt during the time he turned me down, but years later that guy contacted me again (when he was engaged already) and told me he used to have severe attachment issues and that he thought i was too nice of a girl to break my heart so he decided to drop me instead of playing unfair and he just wanted to apologise :)

That felt quite good to hear:).

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I treated my first serious boyfriend pretty badly towards the end of our relationship. A few years later I was dumped by a guy in a particularly nasty way. I contacted my first boyfriend and we went for a drink. I apologised for the way I'd treated him and said I understood now how it felt to be "on the other side" as it were. Years later my mum met an ex-classmate of mine who'd married my first boyfriend. She told my mum that he still spoke warmly about me and my family and that he appreciated my apology. Didn't excuse my bad behaviour but made me feel a little better.

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Many years ago I was backpacking through Australia, moving from town to town to pick up work and staying in hostels along the way. I was making my way up the East coast and wound up stopping at a hostel at a beach town during the offseason. It was cold and rainy without much to do, and the only people staying at the hostel at that time were other backpackers working for accommodation and a small handful of wanderers, like me. I was only meant to stay a night or two but I really clicked with this small group of travelers and I kept extending my stay by another night as I was having too much fun. Every night they would throw me a “leaving-do,” and in the morning I’d extend my visit by another day. I think I was there for a week total.

One of the girls in this small group of backpackers was absolutely gorgeous. She was funny as all hell and I was certain we felt a mutual attraction to each other, but when I tried to make a move, she rejected me. Not the first time I’d been rejected, and at this point in my travels I had gotten used to it, but when I did eventually leave to continue my journey up the coast, she texted me me something to the effect of “I like you and really had a great time with you but I’ve had my heart broken too many times and it’s not so nice a feeling.”

The fact that she texted me at all, and the validation, the closure - I think that rejection text made me feel better than many of the of the opposite variety.

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“You’re just not my type” is the best version of rejection.

It can’t be argued, but it also doesn’t communicate that the person is unattractive in general, just in a subjective manner.

It also doesn’t contain some kind of dishonest compliment.

heyitsvonage , Ron Lach Report

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“I thought I was ready but I’m not emotionally available right now.”

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I was at a bar doing some day drinking in my late 20s. I was there with a large group of people, as one will do in Fells Point, Baltimore. I approached 3 ladies at a bar table, said a few words and got them to laugh. One girl simply says, “We’re sorry, we all have boyfriends.”
I replied with something like, “Oh, that’s cool. Well, you all enjoy our day. It was lovely talking to you.” I said it genuinely and with a smile.
The girls giggled between them then one piped up, “We think you’re cute though.”
I laugh, said thank you, and walked away.

question1343 Report

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"You are lush, but I am gay, let's do coffee though".

Dancinglemming Report

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The best way i got turned when someone respected me a lot and said he will look for me in future but now he isn't ready for marriage. I respected his straight opinion.

Bella_5577 , wendel moretti Report

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It was a simple "i have someone, but thank you for the compliment."

in just those few words she let me know that she didn't think i was a creep for asking, and she recognized that i asked because i liked something about her.

i still remember it, years later.

ETA i don't know if the boyfriend part was true, and it didn't matter. the thanks part, i liked that.

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I had a beautiful girl in one of my lab classes in college (I'm almost 50 now but still remember!) and I finally worked up the nerve to ask her out. I was gentlemanly about it but probably also visibly at least a bit nervous. She looked me right in the eye and said something along the lines of "oh my gosh, that is so sweet of you. but I can't, I'm already with someone." Just a nice combination of being genuine and kind and (presumably?) honest, showing some appreciation for the compliment and not making it weird. She got a compliment and I walked away with my dignity and knowing I at least tried. Could be much worse.

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I asked him out, he said he didn't have any money and wasn't comfortable dating right now.

I didn't care about the money thing, but I appreciate the clear 'no.'

I was around 26, and he was like 31. He had just lost his job. I had money at the time, and I'm not having kids, so I don't care as much about financial security in a partner.

After experiencing not having money, I kinda understand. I think it's a man thing, though. They need money to have self-esteem sometimes because of gender roles.

StrawberryLiberry Report

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Went on a tinder date. Had a nice night out with drinks and a walk along the river.


We exchanged a few texts afterwards. She then sent a text that said something like "I had a nice time, but I didn't really feel a spark, so I don't think this is going to go anywhere. All the best".


It was simple, clear, and I appreciated it. Much better than just slowly fading with awkward chat or ghosting. 

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Simply: "I just don't think about or like you that way, and I'm not really interested in starting, but I do consider you a good friend".

Being respectful of feelings and intelligence without compromising the message. Direct, honest, unambiguous, but not apologetic, and not rude.

My reaction was "Thank you so much for saying so. I'm so happy to have such a good friendo".
She did in fact end up becoming one of my best friends ever.

Rebuttlah Report

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We had been on two dates when she told me that she was working on rekindling things with an ex boyfriend. It wasn't official yet, and as much as she wanted to be "one of those cool people that can date multiple people at once," that wasn't her and she didn't want to hurt me by stringing me along. She rightfully saw that as something important that deserved her focus and was honest with me.

I was disappointed of course, but it gave me a lot of respect and showed her character. If you want to work things out with an ex, you really ought not to be looking around for other people at the same time while you rebuild the relationship.

admdelta Report

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I'd like to be so bold as to answer this question on behalf of that woman that time and say, me.

I was a waiter. One of my customers wrote her phone number on her check. I called her the next day to say I'm really sorry, I have a girlfriend, but if you ever want to come back to the restaurant and ask to sit on my section, you're always welcome (or something like that).

She asked, wait a minute, if you have a girlfriend, why are you even calling me at all?

And I told her the truth, which is that I hate when I give my number to someone and they never call, so I'm calling to explain, if I hadn't called, why not.

She said that was very sweet. It's no wonder I have a girlfriend. Thank you. (I never saw her again.)

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They kindly explained their reasons and wished me well.

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eric p

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8 hours ago

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Boring...

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"I'm sorry I'm not interested.".

-
Short, respectful, to the point and doesn't waste anyone's time. No one needs to explain why and expecting an explanation is its own explanation on why you're not ready for a relationship.

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I saw my friend get rejected yet he was pretty stoked - let me explain. Before a concert we stopped by a small pub to pregame. There was a woman there and somehow he started chatting her up. He's trying to get her number or something, but she said she had a bf in prison. He's in sales so he doesn't quit but he's very smooth about it that it's not creepy. Instead he was hoping for at least a hug, but she refused. And this is her genius move - in her refusal she told him she couldn't hug him or she'd end up f*****g him, but she couldn't because she had a bf. So, that was that. And when we left he was so happy about how she would had f****d him if he could hug her, or so he thought. I was impressed at how she rejected him, but stroked his ego.

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Meadow

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5 minutes ago

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This doesn't make the friend sound "very smooth about it that it's not creepy"... She said "no", dude. Why in the world would you continue to ask for "at least a hug"?

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Chatted up a Bartender on new years eve (I know..) and went the "no b******t" approach, straight up told her I had no pickup line or anything but I thought she was super cute and I wondered if she'd ever would grab a coffee with me. (While several (drunk AF) guys tried to chat her up and she just basically doing the usual bartender stuff of ignoring them)

She told me that she's sorry as she's in a relationship, but over the night kept giving me free drinks, occasionally talking even and later on when she went on a break and passed us, she came over and said hi, talked a bit smalltalk etc.

When we left I went over and thanked her as it was the most chill rebuff i'd ever gotten. Wasn't even mad but rather happy.

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Kalikima

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9 hours ago

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She was working, she had to be nice to you. Never ask out someone who's working and can't just walk away from you if they want to.

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I was dating a girl that lived 2 hours away. She waited for a weekend where she could drive down to me (We took turns driving up/down) to dump me in person, when she could have EASILY just saved the time, money and effort to do it over text. As much as that sucked, I respect her for that.

Bannybear1 Report

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«I think you’re a great guy, and while i would love to date you, i’m still not done getting over my ex boyfriend, and don’t want that to lead you into being stuck in a situationship with me».

ShinyByte96 Report

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You are handsome, but not exactly my type. My friends will love you, though!

Federal_List2570 Report

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She said she wasn't interested in dating anyone right now and just wanted to be friends. It was definitely a white lie but it helped me save face.

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"You are great, cute and a good catch but I already have a boyfriend." And she actually showed me her phone with pictures of him.

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"I'm not interested, but I wouldn't have had the guts to do what you just did, so I'm impressed." I had confessed to my most intense crush ever.

fuckyourcanoes Report

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Slowly walked outta my life. Messages and talks happened less and less, we saw each other less and less every passing month until we just stopped talking.
It's like we both gave each other a chance but it was clear what we both wanted but was afraid of hurting the others feelings.

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This super hot girl was dancing with another girl in this bar and I made my approach.

She stopped, faced me, smiled, took my hands, leaned in, all while maintaining intense eye contact, and in a wonderful voice, said, "Sorry, I only go one way at a time."

Then she winked and turned back to her now furious dance partner.

While a yes would have been better, it definitely gave me the warm fuzzies.

Wheres_my_warg Report

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"I'm sorry, _Weyland_. I enjoy your company, but I don't find you attractive romantically. I'll understand if you don't want to talk to me after this."

And my dumb a*s past self ghosted this girl even though I was genuinely grateful for being so straightforward.

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"I don't date smart people, I find them off putting" At first I laughed and then I was like, ok... person knows their lane and that kind of self realization is something many of us struggle to attain.

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Brenda

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4 hours ago

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I was told something similar once. What stumped me was that they had no real idea how truly intelligent they actually were.

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How about “no thank you”. I don’t think someone needs to give you a reason for not wanting to go out with you.

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Brenda

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4 hours ago

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Not required, but definitely courteous.

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With a very rich kiss, he told me “only because you deserve it.”.

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I once invited a woman to sleep with me and she said "you're too kind".

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Kalikima

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9 hours ago

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Invited? Oh, yeah, she was a lot kinder than I would have been..

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