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Birthday Getaway Goes South When Woman Discovers The Proposal She’s Dreaming Of Isn’t Happening
Relationships come with their fair share of unwritten rules. Some folks say there’s a “timeline” when it comes to big milestones – especially when we’re talking about marriage. And it’s hard to ignore that tiny societal pressure that women should wait for their partners to pop the question. But how long is too long? Seven months? Seven years? At what point does “waiting” start to feel more like standing in an endless line?
One netizen found herself in the awkward position of waiting 7 years for a proposal but being annoyed by her partner’s proposal before he even popped the question.
More info: Mumsnet
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Proposals are like pizza deliveries, when they take too long, you start wondering if they’ll ever show up
Image credits: Mizuno K / Pexels (not the actual photo)
One woman has found herself in an awkward waiting game with her boyfriend of 7 years, expecting a proposal that never seems to arrive
Image credits: VAZHNIK/ Pexels (not the actual photo)
The couple have talked about getting married and even agreed that the woman’s birthday would be engagement day, but the man doesn’t have anything planned
Image credits: Rules Effects/ Pexels (not the actual photo)
The man doesn’t like to plan things, not even choosing a dinner location, and hasn’t organized anything special for the birthday or the proposal
Image credits: Fuzzyhead992
The woman thinks the man will propose last minute and is annoyed by his proposal even before he has had the chance to pop the question
The star of today’s story is one woman who’s, quite frankly, tired of waiting for her boyfriend to whip out a ring. After 7 long years of coupledom, cats, and navigating pandemic pandemonium, she’s got everything she wants – except a sparkly accessory on her finger.
They’ve chatted about marriage, and even circled her birthday on the calendar as the official “let’s get engaged” date. But now, with her special day fast approaching, there’s just one teensy-weensy hiccup: he hasn’t bought the ring. Not even a whisper of a diamond. And honestly, at this point, I’d be tempted to take a DIY approach to ring shopping.
To make matters worse, when it comes to planning things, the boyfriend’s not exactly a take-charge kind of guy. She usually ends up booking the dinners, the trips, the whole shebang – so, surprise, surprise, her birthday weekend was no different.
They’re heading off to a posh countryside hotel, which was totally not cheap, by the way, and who handled all the details? You probably guessed it – she did. You’d think the guy might want to step up for such a special occasion, right? Well, apparently, he left that up to her too. Classic.
In preparation for enjoying the high life at this fancy hotel, our OP (original poster) tried to drop a hint, asking the guy to plan her birthday dinner. But his response was something along the lines of “just do whatever you want.” Ah, yes, the old “plan your own birthday” move. Real romantic, dude!
Even a quick peek into their joint bank account didn’t show any traces of diamonds. No secret jewelry purchases, no surprise dinner reservations, nothing. Nada. Zilch. If it were me, I’d probably just buy my own ring at this point.
Image credits: Gift Habeshaw/ Pexels (not the actual photo)
So, here she is, wondering if she’s out of line for feeling a bit miffed at this situation. Is she getting ahead of herself? Should she be more patient? On one hand, she’s been with the guy for 7 solid years, they’ve talked about getting married, and she’s not asking for some wild, Instagram-worthy proposal. She just wants a little effort. Dude, you don’t have to plan a parade, but at least show up with a bit of enthusiasm.
Psychologists might just have some thoughts here. They say that when one partner is constantly putting in all the effort, like organizing dates, holidays, or even the occasional birthday bash, resentment can start to creep in.
Reciprocity is key in any balanced relationship. It’s not about keeping score but about feeling valued by your partner’s actions. When those efforts are one-sided, even the most patient among us can feel let down.
“In one-sided relationships, it often falls to one partner to arrange everything. Planning trips or dates, picking up food for dinner, checking in when you haven’t talked in a few days— it may seem as if the relationship would collapse entirely if you stopped working to sustain it,” experts explain.
Our OP friend is probably experiencing something called pre-proposal anxiety—it’s real, folks! When you’ve been together for a long time and you know the engagement is coming (because you’ve talked about it a million times), the anticipation can turn into impatience, and yes, sometimes even frustration.
Of course, it’s important to remember that everyone’s idea of a proposal looks different. Some folks want an epic flash-mob style event, while others are happy with a quiet moment in the living room. The OP’s partner could very well be plotting something special – it’s just that he hasn’t shared those details yet. Or, he could just be clueless. Both are plausible.
What’s your take on this story? Do you think our storyteller is overreacting, or is it fair to expect a bit more from a 7-year relationship? Drop your thoughts below.
Netizens say the woman is not being unreasonable to expect a special proposal after 7 years, saying the man should put more thought into it
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What do you think ?
Ace 2 months ago (edited)
FFS Woman, why are you waiting for him to take your hints? First off, why don't you propose to him? Secondly, you should never, _never_ expect a man to be able to read your unspoken intentions, however much you think you've made them obvious. Many of us are simple creatures, relying on actual communications, you know, like words and stuff, to know what other people, including our partners, are thinking.
Broadredpanda 2 months ago
She did use words! She talked to him about being engaged before her birthday. He a man who doesn't give a damn and can't plan the simplest of tasks aaaaand made her pay for half of her birthday weekend away and he makes way more. I wouldn't marry him! They'll end up having children and she'll be a single parent, even with him there.
Load More Replies...
FreeTheUnicorn 2 months ago
Being ok with him not being a planner, is, as they say, the price of admission. You say you love him, want to spend your life with him, but you'd like this one fundamental thing to change. That's not how people work. If you can't advocate for something that's important to you, the marriage is not going to work. This won't be the last thing you fantasize about happening to you that won't magically happen. If you're going to keep getting upset about these things, you'll both be miserable. Either propose yourself or rethink how much you actually want to be married to your partner vs how much you can be arsed finding someone new after 7 years.
Funhog 2 months ago
True. OP states several times that her BF is not a planner and gives examples of this in BF's daily life -- and, yet OP is disappointed that he isn't planning. OP shouldn't expect someone who is not capable of planning to plan something big for her, especially after 7 years of her doing all of the planning. All in all, they could be a good match together if she were to just accept that BF is simply not capable of planning and it isn't part of his love language.
Load More Replies... TribbleThinking 2 months ago
I'm not entirely clear on how your finances are managed as you mention a joint bank account and yet going halves on the hotel. What you describe is a pleasant-ish, very absent, possibly good financial provider. If you think that you will be happy creating a life and family with that, then great. If you think you'd like a few tweaks such as improved attentiveness and surprise courtesies, you'll probably be disappointed a lot through your future together.
CBolt 2 months ago (edited)
"Going halvesies" on any expenses (agreeing with you: can't figure out how this is done if their funds are co-mimgled) is inherently unequal & unfair to the partner with the lower income. Paying half uses a larger % of the lower-income partner's money.
Load More Replies... Ace 2 months ago (edited)
FFS Woman, why are you waiting for him to take your hints? First off, why don't you propose to him? Secondly, you should never, _never_ expect a man to be able to read your unspoken intentions, however much you think you've made them obvious. Many of us are simple creatures, relying on actual communications, you know, like words and stuff, to know what other people, including our partners, are thinking.
Broadredpanda 2 months ago
She did use words! She talked to him about being engaged before her birthday. He a man who doesn't give a damn and can't plan the simplest of tasks aaaaand made her pay for half of her birthday weekend away and he makes way more. I wouldn't marry him! They'll end up having children and she'll be a single parent, even with him there.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 2 months ago
Being ok with him not being a planner, is, as they say, the price of admission. You say you love him, want to spend your life with him, but you'd like this one fundamental thing to change. That's not how people work. If you can't advocate for something that's important to you, the marriage is not going to work. This won't be the last thing you fantasize about happening to you that won't magically happen. If you're going to keep getting upset about these things, you'll both be miserable. Either propose yourself or rethink how much you actually want to be married to your partner vs how much you can be arsed finding someone new after 7 years.
Funhog 2 months ago
True. OP states several times that her BF is not a planner and gives examples of this in BF's daily life -- and, yet OP is disappointed that he isn't planning. OP shouldn't expect someone who is not capable of planning to plan something big for her, especially after 7 years of her doing all of the planning. All in all, they could be a good match together if she were to just accept that BF is simply not capable of planning and it isn't part of his love language.
Load More Replies... TribbleThinking 2 months ago
I'm not entirely clear on how your finances are managed as you mention a joint bank account and yet going halves on the hotel. What you describe is a pleasant-ish, very absent, possibly good financial provider. If you think that you will be happy creating a life and family with that, then great. If you think you'd like a few tweaks such as improved attentiveness and surprise courtesies, you'll probably be disappointed a lot through your future together.
CBolt 2 months ago (edited)
"Going halvesies" on any expenses (agreeing with you: can't figure out how this is done if their funds are co-mimgled) is inherently unequal & unfair to the partner with the lower income. Paying half uses a larger % of the lower-income partner's money.
Load More Replies...
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