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“What Was Your Simple Common Mistake That Entirely Ruined Your Relationship?” (30 Answers)
There are a few key traits we can all agree are cornerstones of a healthy relationship: trust, open communication, love and understanding. While we tend to focus on those to keep our partners happy, it's also wise to be aware of common issues that you might not even realize are harming your relationship.
Redditors have recently been discussing mistakes that couples often make that can be detrimental to their relationships. Whether it’s becoming too comfortable and forgetting to make your partner feel special or focusing too much on the negative aspects of your spouse, we've gathered some of the best insights below. Be sure to take note of any advice that might save your relationship and upvote the info that you wish you had learned sooner!
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#1
Accommodation to avoid any conflict. At the time I was working through a lot of childhood trauma and I didn't know better, now I do. I lost my identity trying endlessly to please him so he wouldn't abandon me, but he was going to do that anyway. You can't and shouldn't have to earn love from people, and them betraying and disrespecting you is a cue to exit, not a sign to "try harder.".
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#2
She expected me to know why she was mad at me without communicating to me AT ALL about what was bothering her. I'm completely open to correcting reasonable things that bother a partner, but I can't do that if you don't tell me what it is. I broke up with her after she was all pissy and telling me I should know exactly why she's mad for TWO DAYS. Eventually she relented and told me she was mad that I watched a new episode of a show we normally watched together. Which, granted, I did do. But that was the final straw in the no communication issues we had.
#3
Not immidiately stopping the wedding when he said "Once we're married, the mask comes off." I stupidly assumed it was a joke.
#4
Focusing on all of the things they aren’t giving you instead all of the things they do give you. (I’m in a happy marriage, but I did used to do this. I became happier and our marriage became stronger when I stopped).
Stephanie Did It 7 months ago
Congratulations on your growth and increasing happiness, we hope you both contributed to it.
#5
I was a “if they want me to know, they’ll tell me” person married to a “if they care about me, they’d ask” person.
#6
Oversharing. I know that with your partner you should be able to talk about everything. But sometimes I should kept my mouth shut.
#7
She kept fallin onto other dudes dongs, I hate it when that happens.
Charlie the Cat 7 months ago
When taking the picture above, couldn't they have cut out the pink toe nails right at the bottom? Also why are they standing on a stool?
#8
Lack of communication, he never told me about what he thought or how he feels about our relationship. Those feelings just compounded over time until he ultimately called it quits.
I wish he talked to me, we could've figured it out together. I was always in the dark and didn't even see the break up coming. Hurts, but I think it was just meant to be.
Communicate with your partner, be transparent. Helps both parties.
Stephanie Did It 7 months ago
That is such a sad position to be in! My ex-husband kept me constantly walking on eggshells, never knowing where our relationship stood or if I could trust him. When he finally said he wanted a divorce, I was ready to pack and had enough money set aside to take care of myself. It was somehow a huge shock to him.
#9
Doing too f*****g much, and getting *nothing* in return.
I did this grown mand laundry, I cooked, I cleaned, I bathed the animals, he did f**k all except cheat on me.
When I asked why he didn't leave because, clearly, he didn't love me. He said "I just loved having someone to come home to.
Now in happily married and we just had our daughter. He still stalks me on social media, I'm sure because he had a million burner accounts and I couldn't possibly remember the names for all of them to block them.
jasper 7 months ago
I'm lucky that my other 1/2 is truly my better half. We divide and conquer. He unloads the dishwasher, I load. We share the laundry. We divide the animal care. The only thing I don't do that he does is mow the lawn and decorate the outside for holidays (he does them all, and loves to do it, which I don't). He shops, I cook. And so on.
#10
Getting too comfortable with doing the bare minimum. Take her on dates and buy her flowers before you wish you could again.
#12
Taking her for granted.
Karen Krause 7 months ago
Taking EITHER partner for granted. Men don't like being taken for granted either. It's a partnership.
#14
He told us we shouldn't talk to our individual friends about our relationship issues because they'll "always take our side". 3 days before our breakup he talked to 2 friends about our relationship issues and yes, they took his side. Meanwhile I'd been telling my friends everything was fine with us when it wasn't, and looking back if I had spoken to friends about it I would've had the strength to break things off a lot sooner.
30ninjazinmybag 7 months ago
That's why he told you not to tell or they would see him for who he was and told you that.
#15
Telling my friends about all of our fights.
Tempest 7 months ago
Getting outside people involved in your private issues is never a good idea. Learnt this the hard way with my ex who, once he lost all respect for me, had all those mutual friends we consulted with for advice, side with him against me. I lost all my friends I had at the time (who were also mutuals with him).
#16
Took a nap one day, she thought I was cheating . Big blowup argument I found out she was cheating on me
#18
Trying to communicate with someone who couldn’t receive or recognize healthy communication, and then not ending things as soon as he turned resentful and cold towards me, but foolishly thinking that somehow we could communicate as to why he was suddenly treating me poorly. Even if you create a safe space for communication, if the other person isn’t willing to do so, it’s pointless. It’s silly now to think that “I ruined the relationship” for being open and transparent.
#19
I’ve tanked a lot of relationships by thinking everything needed to be fixed. I almost did it in the one I’m in. He’s in a bad mood, he’s being snappy with me, we need to fix this, I need to sit down and have a heart to heart, I need to COMMUNICATE that he’s hurting my feelings right now. I’m overly therapised and really thought this was the best way to handle everything.
My current SO and I went through a lot of therapy apart and together ironically to work on this because, with him, this is what happens. He gets angry and stews and stews and will never bring the thing up to me until I coax it out of him. The suggested way to handle this was, surprisingly, less communication.
I feel like we’re in a better place when he can be acting like a total reactive jerk and instead of being like “have I upset you? I must have because you’re treating me really weirdly and you’re in an awful mood. I just want to get to the bottom of this!!” I can be like “You’re vibe is positively a*s, you need to take a nap or something. If I did something to upset you that’s making you act like this I’ll be open to talk about it later today, but right now I think we’re both just annoyed. I’m gonna go do the rest of my day alone, I hope you feel better.”
Then I get home and it’s 50/50 “yeah I’m sorry, you did this thing last week that really upset me and I’ve taken time to think about how I want to address it calmly” and “Yeah I have no idea what that was about, I think I didn’t get enough breakfast and it made me moody. I’m glad you had a good day after that!” but either way we’re both totally calm by the time we talk about it.
#20
Assuming they’d do something that they said they would. Honestly, that’s my bad.
Ephemera Image 7 months ago
This is very important to me. If I say I will do it, I will, but if you say you will and don't... I will have a problem.
#21
Told her the truth about me being bi, and she always held it against me. But my daughter came out as pan and she didn't bat an eye.
#22
Trying to do everything I could to make him more comfortable, to unhealthy extents. He had a short fuse, so I often ignored my own wants and needs in order to not stir the pot. This included not directly telling him when he overstepped boundaries as to not hurt his ego and risk him getting pouty. It meant not having a talk about what I wanted and needed in bed because he had expressed exasperation when what he tried wasn't working for me and I didn't want to further hurt his ego. It included walking on eggshells when he struggled with his mental health. It included doing everything his way (or trying to at the very least), which resulted in an unbalanced relationship and me feeling like I wasn't an equal, which was actually one of the reasons for the eventual break-up.
#23
We had a baby we were both unprepared for.
OhnoI’vebeencensored 7 months ago
I don’t think anything can really prepare you for it - but you have to be willing to step into the unknown together!
#24
Lack of communication from fear of rejection. This pent-up a lot of resentment and hurt and ultimately led to the breakup. I regret leaving.
Green Machine 7 months ago
Self-destructive behaviors are actually pretty common in people with trauma. Becoming aware of it and staying ahead of it is -soo- important. At least you know what you need to be mindful of the next relationship. Good luck.
#25
Choose who you let in to your life carefully. Even people who initially have good intentions can end up taking a lot away from you. Even losing something as simple and intangible as your inner peace can end up being a much longer term thing than initially occurs to us.
#26
In my last relationship, I was with someone who had an addiction. Since I had tried light d***s before, the whole relationship brought me down. When I got out of that relationship and met someone new who was super nice and decent, I messed things up by telling him about my past d**g use upfront. He made it clear that he didn't approve of it. I told him I would stop and that I wouldn't let something silly like that ruin a good relationship. After 3 months of being together, he wanted some space to figure out how to proceed because of his stressful job, frequent travel, and recent divorce. I gave him the space, but then I slipped back into d**g use myself. Long story short: I lost a great man because of d***s.
#27
I was so overly confident that he will not cheat and I trusted him SO MUCH. not good, I got played so bad.
Raquel Mencke 7 months ago
There is nothing wrong with trusting someone implicitly. Why stay with someone who you do not trust? Stay and find out why you don't trust them to begin with.
#28
Constantly asking for bare minimum. You feel like s**t for asking, they feel s**t because they feel that you’re nagging them. The cba attitude is really unattractive and it ain’t your person. Just walk away and have peace for yourself.
#29
Staying quiet waiting for the appropriate time to communicate.
Created an unneeded stressful environment that could have been avoided by just talking it through immediately.
Thought I was doing the right thing by waiting for a better time.
Stephanie Did It 7 months ago
Often one partner is so defensive that bringing up an issue while it's still fresh virtually guarantees an argument. It's important to learn the kind of tact you need to use with your particular loved one, everyone is different. Oh, and never have a disagreement when one or both are hungry!
#30
Putting up with things but complaining about them instead of running from them eg red flags. Because you want a relationship to work. Instead of realising this person is an idiot and leaving. But safe to say that was a very long time ago and I've moved on.
If ur having to ask for human normal decency but think it's just because they abit blind but I'll help them see. Get out and get therapy because maybe you went through something b4 this.
What do you think ?
Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 7 months ago
Left the last one because he wouldn't do anything to improve his own situation. Every day it was come home, bítch about work, bítch about boss and coworkers. Eat dinner, park in front of the computer for the rest of the night. Some folks are only happy when they're unhappy I guess.
Kare Deter 7 months ago
Still married to mine, but as we age I just keep him on the side where my hearing is pretty bad. It is a more tolerable that way. I told him once I couldn't take the constant complaining and ever time he said something negative he had to find something positive to say as well. The next time he said something negative I reminded him, he immediately said "you're hot" (LOL) I told him that's not what I had in mind, but I'd take it. : )
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Steve Hall 7 months ago
Most of these posts seem to be from people who should have gotten to know each other better before settling down. Remember, you can't change the other person, you can only change yourself.
Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 7 months ago
Left the last one because he wouldn't do anything to improve his own situation. Every day it was come home, bítch about work, bítch about boss and coworkers. Eat dinner, park in front of the computer for the rest of the night. Some folks are only happy when they're unhappy I guess.
Kare Deter 7 months ago
Still married to mine, but as we age I just keep him on the side where my hearing is pretty bad. It is a more tolerable that way. I told him once I couldn't take the constant complaining and ever time he said something negative he had to find something positive to say as well. The next time he said something negative I reminded him, he immediately said "you're hot" (LOL) I told him that's not what I had in mind, but I'd take it. : )
Load More Replies... Steve Hall 7 months ago
Most of these posts seem to be from people who should have gotten to know each other better before settling down. Remember, you can't change the other person, you can only change yourself.
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