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Childfree Woman Wonders If She’s A Jerk For Refusing To Help Out Coworker With 5 Kids
When it comes to the debate over who grinds away more at work, few things get people more worked up than comparing employees with kids and without. After all, it’s no secret that working parents have to juggle a lot because creating schedules that find the perfect balance between meetings and field trips is quite a daunting task. But when childfree co-workers have to work harder to pick up their slack, tensions inevitably arise.
This stands at the center of a dilemma Redditor randome_5682984 has recently found herself in. As the 28-year-old non-parent shared in a post on the AITA community, she is sick and tired of her “always pregnant” colleague who uses her children as a free pass to get out of work commitments she’s not inclined to do.
So when the mother-of-five tried yet again to pawn off her tasks on the user, she refused to cover for her — and was met with resentment. Unsure of what to think of the situation, the childfree woman reached out online to gain perspective on whether she was wrong or not. Scroll down to read the story in full, as well as the reactions that followed, and be sure to weigh in on the discussion in the comments.
RELATED:
Recently, a 28-year-old childfree woman shared how her co-worker uses her kids as an excuse to not work as hard as the rest
Image credits: cottonbro
Feeling sick and tired of this behavior, she decided to stand up for herself
Image credits: Matilda Wormwood (not the actual photo)
Image credits: randome_5682984
The share of people without children and who never felt the urge to have children is growing, so conflicts like this might be more common than we think. According to Pew Research Center, 44% of American non-parents aged 18 to 49 said they’re unlikely or “not too likely” to have children — ever. In England and Wales, women who turned 45 in 2018 were twice as likely (19%) not to have children as their mothers’ generation (9%).
Despite these growing numbers, childfree people still encounter unfair treatment at work. Some report being stressed and burned out because they’re expected to do more. At the same time, they face certain barriers. Researchers from George Washington University and the University of Pennsylvania found that analytically-talented, single professional women are disadvantaged even early in their careers.
This happens because they are often stereotyped as lacking leadership abilities and are often seen as too “masculine” for leadership — the same traits that benefit single men. Moreover, according to the study, they also lacked the “communal, relational” leadership qualities expected of women who were coupled and had children.
Erin Spurling, a writer, editor, and founder of Curiously Childfree explained to Bored Panda in an earlier interview that the decision to opt out of parenthood is often hard to grasp for people who see kids as a crucial part of having a fulfilled family. “A very prescriptive view of life has been presented for such a long time. Life is typically seen as — grow up, get married, buy a house, have children. Lots of people don’t consider something outside of that norm,” she explained.
According to Erin, childfree people face double standards at work because they are generally viewed as having more time, no responsibilities, and lots of flexibility. However, people tend to forget that those without children also have other commitments: second jobs, caring for relatives, volunteering, pets, hobbies, and more.
“But there is also an attitude that caring for children is more important than anything a childfree person might be involved with in their life, which can be frustrating. It can make you feel like you’re not valued, your time isn’t important and your choices aren’t respected.”
The founder of Curiously Childfree even mentioned she stumbled upon a job ad that stated parents get an extra week’s leave every year. “That could be hard to accept as a childfree person, but I would argue it might be even harder for a childless person who very much wanted to have children but then couldn’t, and now they find themselves covering the extra workload of those lucky enough to have been successful in their choice to have children.”
She continued: “I do think it can be true that we have more flexibility. … But I don’t think that means we should be expected to cover work for those who do have children.”
One way to try and change these attitudes is to set healthy boundaries, so Erin advised you to stand your ground — but not in a confrontational way. “When you find yourself being judged or devalued because of your choice, it can be easy to quickly become defensive in these situations but discussing it calmly will be far more helpful to both sides.”
“It’s not that childfree people can’t or don’t want to help if a colleague needs to leave because a child is unwell for example, it’s about that help being a two-way street. Sticking to your own boundaries can be tough but once you start doing it, it does become easier, people will adjust and you will feel happier because you’ll be living within your own limits,” Erin concluded.
Readers unanimously agreed the author of the post was being totally reasonable, here’s what they had to say
What do you think ?
marianne eliza 2 years ago
Everyone chooses what is most important to them. And then they must live with the consequences. BTW folks, they know what causes pregnancy now, and how to prevent it.
Omi bub 2 years ago
While I am definitely in the NTA camp I should point out that actually no contraception is 100% effective and with some states making abortion illegal - it does leave women with very few options. (5 unplanned pregnancies does seem very unlikely though!)
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Bubs623 2 years ago
I have 3 children and could not agree with the OP more. Yes, having kids and working is hard. Society expects women to pull double duty and take less pay than men, too. But if we have the same position, then we have the same responsibilities- and the same expectations. You want off to see your kid's play? Ok I'll cover you. But when I want to go see a Broadway show, you cover me. It has to be give and take.
Kathryn Mas 2 years ago
Hubert Martin is a troll and desperate for attention.
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Pittsburgh rare 2 years ago
The OP is not at all responsible for anyone's kids, but the whole post transpired criticism for taking maternity leaves and the things she's entitled to. If the company's so great as she states and she's not doing the other woman's job, what does she care? Someone has a bias on top of the situation.
Nikki Sevven 2 years ago
Honestly, I think OP including the information about her coworker's maternity and vacation leave was just background information. OP didn't seem to take issue with that, but only with her coworker's constant manipulation to avoid doing the parts of her job she didn't like, and using her kids as an excuse. I mean, if an employee is clearly saying, "I can't do my job because of my personal life," then there's a problem, right? The coworker isn't entitled to special treatment because of the decisions she made in her personal life. Nor is she entitled to demand that others cater to her because of those decisions.
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Rachel Smith 2 years ago
To be honest I would dislike OP's coworker as well. Having kids is a personal choice that honestly I don't know think people put enough planning into. If you're going to have 5 kids you should be financially stable enough to get childcare... especially if your partner works as well. Maybe have family help watch them? Like I said getting preggers and having kids is a personal choice and you should be ready for the consequences of that choice, not just always look for the easy options (like trying to load your work on other people)
StrangeOne 2 years ago
I agree with everything AccordingTelevision6 said. No, this coworker is NTA, but the mother co-worker isn't necessarily doing anything against policy, it seems, and if there was that kind of problem I don't think management would let her get away with it. Her personal life should not be the concern of another co-worker. If there's a dispute regarding accommodations it's better to bring the issue to management to work out. Sounds like this line of work is super flexible and generous with employee incentives, so I'm sure a resolution can be quickly found.
Bex 2 years ago
She is if she is pressuring her workmates to take on her duties and not take her turn at more difficult and out of office work.
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tor 2 years ago
Dealing with something similar. A coworker is basically working to have maternity, disability and PTO n unloading all her work on a couple of us. It's not my responsibility as a non mom to work harder n more than you for the same pay so you can have children you can't afford
Tamra 2 years ago
This sounds like the company you're with isn't staffed well. If someone takes time off for illness, maternity leave, or PTO, they should be well-staffed enough to offset the extra work.
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deanna woods 2 years ago
Stories like this always make me think of my mom and how was pretty much a superhero. When she got her associate's degree, she was married, pregnant, had another child at home, worked, and on occasion babysat her younger sister. When she got her bachelor's degree, she was still married, working, and taking her sister to dialysis in another town three days a week. She never complained during any of this and never gave any of her childless co workers a hard time. Having children doesn't give you an excuse to not work hard. In fact, it should make you want to work harder. If this woman's husband is too incompetent to take care of their children, that's an entirely different story and not the OPs problem. I hope the OP doesn't give into this silly pouting from her coworker.
Tina Newman 2 years ago
She "can't leave" her HUSBAND'S children with her HUSBAND?? What in the actual f**k does that mean? She can't? Or he REFUSES to be a parent? Either way...not your problem.
Lee 2 years ago
I was done with people using their kids and their absent husbands who can't be left alone with their own spawn when someone at my admittedly on call job tried to call me in the day after my father was unexpectedly killed on the job. I was in college and an on call position was ideal for that, but there is a limit. They even tried to guilt me into it because "Sally's (not her real name) daughter was sick and her husband does NOT take care of sick kids". I'm not someone who deals with confrontation well, but I SNAPPED. "And my mother needs me because MY FATHER JUST DIED!!" And I hung up on them. It's no one's fault but the parents' if the dad can't be bothered to take care of their own children they helped bring into this world. Especially in 2022. There's no excuse for absentee fathers in this more progressive era.
Ladytron 2 years ago
Well, the mom needs another job. It's really not ideal to work uncomfortable hrs or travel long distance for work when you have multiple kids. It just isn't (I know because I've been there and it makes things unnecessary hard). And this goes for fathers as well. When the kids are younger you need to work together as a team to make it work. That being said - the OP seems mad at her for being pregnant and on maternity leave - and that's NOT ok imo. You are allowed to be pregnant and on maternity leave without getting c**p for it - yes EVEN if you have multiple children.
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
No, she's reasonably upset because this woman hasn't pulled her own weight in the office for 6 years, and expects everyone else (not just the OP!) to do it for her.
Load More Replies... Janet C 2 years ago
Not OP's kids, not her problem. That woman chose to have 5 kids with a man who is apparently incapable of parenting them on his own. None of that is OP's responsibility.
Fuyuuki Fukada 2 years ago
The very same statement of incapable of parenting also goes to that woman. Popping way too many kids she can handle, choosing an (in her own opinion) incapable breeder, not changing jobs that allows her to handle her family life... At the end of the day, she's equally at fault.
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Sunny Days 2 years ago
Why should other people be responsible for her choice to breed? I chose not to have a kid & am so glad I made that choice. I'm not responsible for other people's bad choices.
Boerenhond 2 years ago (edited)
5 kids and a job, my goodness. A single mom in church had 5 kids from 2 or 3 dads and she was pregnant again. We warned her to not marry the first one, who was aggressive, but she did anyway. Oh this new man is gonna help me. Lets get some more. Oh he dumps her too with the kids. I felt so sorry for her. One kid would totally misbehave and she was so fed up. He just watched his ipad with sound during the service or he would go sit there during the preaching and act like a monkey. She was really sweet, but way too soft. My sons helped her by entertaining the kid who made the most trouble. We had a weekend for adults, to get some rest. She really wanted to go. Her mother and aunt did not want to watch the 5 kids though, so she couldn't go. I didn't want to have 8 for a weekend. Sorry. Horrible. 3 is the max.
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Russell Malahowski 2 years ago
I am retired, but my last boss went through a period of having popping kids out like a Pez dispenser too. She let other mothers and mothers to be unload their work on me when they wanted (I am a bachelor). I had to go on road trips because most of them had to "be there" for their families (I was the primary caregiver for my Mom as she was dying with Alzheimer's disease) and was given NO quarter. Even when my Mom died, I had to be at work the next day as there were 2 others out in my department (a department of 3). Whose fault was it, my BOSS, she was too busy doing her own job to be bothered! Yeah, I am glad I am retired.
Rosie Cat 2 years ago
I'm sorry Russell you deserved better. I'm also sorry your mom passed and no one cared about your grief.
Load More Replies... Miss Frankfurter 2 years ago
Of course it is her co worker’s choice to have 5 kids, but the co worker already had 4 children & she knows what’s involved by now & should have made arrangements for childcare before coming back to work. This should have been taken to HR by the mother to explain to them the issue. It is HR’s responsibility, not OP to deal with the situation. I would simply have told her that would be the appropriate way to solve the “problem”. But, as a single, childless woman, I did live with my elderly mom who had health issues. Of course, for those moms, if their child is sick & can’t come in, sometimes the call came in too late to find a replacement, we dealt with it without complaint. One afternoon I got a late call that my mom was being discharged from hospital. I called in late (like moms would sometimes do ) & was told my mom could just take a cab home. I had to come in. I then explained she had been very sick & would need me. Today my mother is my “child”, so I won’t be in.
Jennifer Little 2 years ago
This to me is more an issue about the individual than being a parent. You are a worker or an avoider. This person is using the face that some think child raising is important enough to give her an out. Plenty of parents can prioritize and manage both work and home. I am tired of the shaming! Shaming people for having or not having children or how many you have is ridiculous.
Chantal Guyatt 2 years ago
It's not really about shaming; it's about someone's life choices affecting those around them and that person not taking on their responsibilities and owning their choices.
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Marilyn Russell 2 years ago
You don’t owe anybody anything in life. Learned this the hard way after doing the work of two people when my co-worker went on maternity leave. Do you think my boss ever actually thanked me with a raise or bonus for saving the him the cost of hiring a temp? Nope. In the future I will just do my job (always well and efficiently of course) for which I receive renumeration.
Stringbean 2 years ago
I'm a mom, I work in a demanding career overseeing admin for a large corporation. Some of my staff have no kids, some do. Yes the parents get SOME extra like calling in to go get their sick kids from school, etc. Or more than normal appointments. However, I also give the same respect to my childless staff... As long as the work is done, I'm happy! No one however, gets to use any excuses like kids, to avoid doing their share unless under extenuating circumstances, and again... That goes for both sides. I hate people that act like having kids makes others HAVE to pick up the slack... I chose to have kids, my fifty year old worker didn't, but she gets the same respect.
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
Thank you, on behalf of all childless workers! I might have been childless, but my mother was dying slowly and I occasionally needed to miss work. *I* was warned that too many absences would get me fired--not so the ones with 'families'. What was Mom if not family? And I was the one who cleaned up their messes, too. I never got any thanks for that. I didn't expect any--it had to be done.
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delightfuldragon 2 years ago
Nope, not the AH. They both get paid to do a job. She does her job. If the mother of 5 can't hack it, she should find another job she can do.
Liam Lowenthal 2 years ago
You can respect and be compassionate towards working mother's (or fathers) without claiming responsibility for them. It's a little outlandish to just assume the people around you will help you with your life. And I say assume, because otherwise she wouldn't be pouting. She was expecting it, and when she didn't get it she got upset.
Boerenhond 2 years ago
You can't let others work for you and get money. Most ppl at my job are parents. You have to find an easy job, for which you don't have to travel, work part time, if you want to take care of your kids. Then you get paid less and have to live cheap, but you don't irritate others.
Aretha King 2 years ago
If she can't cope with work and 5 children that she chose to have She should quit and find remote work It's her responsibility Not the colleagues She is the one being selfish!
Loreitta M Tuthill 2 years ago
Her children, her expenses and responsibility. She and her husband should make child care arrangements so she can do her job or she needs to get a different job.
similarly 2 years ago
Nobody is responsible for someone else's kids or their family situation. End of story.
DRinLBK 2 years ago
NTA! It's not the OP's fault that this woman has taken on more than she can handle. In fact, she had these kids KNOWING DAMN WELL what her job requires of her. TBH, my husband & I are childless and both of us are sick & tired of ppl using their children as an excuse to get out of work, which is their responsibility AND the way they support all those kids they chose to have. I completely understand the OP's job, as well. I have worked in the same industry, and yes, it is demanding sometimes, but there's a lot of leniency on where you can work from. It almost sounds like this woman "conveniently" was on some type of leave to get out of handling her work duties, but did not plan ahead this time and so she is using her kids as an excuse. Her husband helped make them, he can help care for them. 🤷🏻♀️
DRinLBK 2 years ago (edited)
Let me add, I do not have anything against ppl with children. I just think it is sad to use them to get out responsibilities and only adds to the kiddo's entitlement & lack of respect for others or honoring their commitments. Great lesson mom! 🤦🏻♀️
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idrow1 2 years ago
That woman is why other women have a hard time getting hired at the workplace. Constantly pregnant, calling in sick all the time, plus her month of vacation. She maybe works 2 months a year and feels entitled to more accommodations. Makes the rest of us look like a bad investment.
Dora Vee 1 year ago
People like her are also used as ammunition by owners/bosses/right wingers to eliminate/reduce worker’s rights/benefits.
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Hey! 2 years ago
I was an internal auditor who had to travel across Canada 85% of my time. Before I took the job, my husband and I had to have a serious discussion - about everything, not just the children. I pulled my weight like everyone else, even when I broke my shoulder or had a pneumonia. It was not easy but I still did it. Apparently my reports were good even if morphine was included in the package. Children are not an excuse. It's like using them for why you're late. Stop blaming the kids, you're the adult.
Ellene Carter 2 years ago
Choices....we all make them. If you choose to be a working parent, the choice is often between your kids and doing your job. Expecting people to trade or take on your assigned duties because they do not have children does not seem fair. She chose to have children ;now she has to choose the balance between job and children. She knows that her job requires odd hours and or going away for periods of time. The coworker that has no children is NTA in my opinion.
Della 2 years ago
I have been treated similarly because I don't have kids. I got the bulk of weekend and evening assignments, and was told " it's easier for you since you don't have kids". I threatened to get myself knocked up pdq ( kidding,of course) but the point was made. Distribute workload evenly. Also, there's one of "those" women everywhere you work. They use their kids as an excuse to not work. As a supervisor, I had one who called in sick because her daughter had her period. I asked her if she needed to hand her feminine products all day, and get in to work. It's not like she couldn't call her during the day and check on her. So, stand your ground, but know they are out there. Do what you think is fair and right, and document.
Brigitte Schultz 2 years ago
My kids were grown when younger parents at my job expected us "childless" parents to coer the overtime they were required to do.we were already doing 12hour days and 7 days a week but they didn't want to do any. We also had to deal with overtime when our children were little but we never expected other people to cover except I emergencies. We knew everyone has a life.
Kathrin 2 years ago
wtf.... she can't leave her kids alone with her husband? did i read that right? maybe she should not get pregnant with his kids in the first place...*rollseyes*
Ladytron 2 years ago
I thought so at first. But then I imagined if my husband said "i'll be away almost a month working now, good luck with the kids" and nope, I would probably demand he got another job. Things like that just don't work, especially with multiple and younger kids. I mean, it's a team effort and you divide who's going to pick up the kid/kids on different days and take them on activities etc. you can't just suddenly abandon that responsibility and expect to have a fully functioning family and relationship.
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Aunt Messy 2 years ago
Does she think her husband is going to what...ritually sacrifice the children if she leaves them alone with him? These are HIS KIDS. He's not "babysitting", HE IS THEIR PARENT. If this silly woman doesn't trust her husband with the kids, then she has bigger problems than being lazy.
Joyce Monty 2 years ago
NTA: her children are not your problem. You seem to have some history with how this lady works: if you chose not to accommodate her, then stick to your guns. Maybe its time she got a reality check.
Hannah Ess 2 years ago
It is the companies problem to find coverage. It is not yours. You do your job. If she can't do hers due to family obligations, the company is responsible for finding a solution.
ask 2 years ago
5 kids... it's almost like our planet isn't dying and it's not overpopulated already!
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DC 2 years ago
Oh my ... that people who have children act entitled sometimes, I think, is normal. There are stressful times in regard to work, to parenting, to everything, and sometimes, you can't help it, it just shows. But, as this seems to be a regularly reoccuring scheme on her part to not work at all, it's not your obligation to cover up her less than sufficient life planning for the upcoming month ... and, according to the description of the situation - it doesn't seem like any about this month is special in any way. She shall get her shid together, including job, kids, husband, and is by no means more - or less, for that matter - entitled to have you help her out than anyone else is.
JellifishQueen 2 years ago
If having five kids is so hard, then guess what! DON'T HAVE KIDS. Least get a job that you can actually work with or be stay at home. At the end of the day, it was her choice to be so busy.
June Ohara 2 years ago
It really annoys me, my son is single, and works every Christmas and New Year. He does this as he is easy going and despite not having any children of his own .he likes children He lives 200 miles away so it’s not like he can pop in .after work. It not only his work colleagues I get annoyed with to be fair I sometimes wish he’d say no. Everyone may not have kids, but everyone is somebody’s child and statistically you have much more time with your kids than older “children” have with their parents
Chantal Guyatt 2 years ago
This is infuriating! The fact that this woman is trying to guilt the OP for HER life choices is astounding. What's more annoying is other coworkers pulling the "you don't have kids, you don't understand" card. I am childless and one of the main reasons for this is how hard I imagine raising kids must be! Kudos to anyone who is doing it and doing it well. However, if you choose to have children (and it IS a choice) you are choosing that responsibility and I hope to the gods that you not only own it but do it with a partner you can trust and rely on! No matter how many kids you have! Saying you cannot leave your brood alone with your spouse is not only an absurd excuse but alarming to boot. Why did you get knocked up by this person?? No thanks. OP is NTA. And this is why I have dogs, which are responsibility enough, but they are MY (and my partner's) responsibility!
Scourge McCloud 2 years ago
Post about this: that being said, she needs to sit down with her husband and figure things out, instead of constantly putting it on her coworkers. It's not fair to them. They probably have family they'd like to go see too, or have other reasons. Everyone needs a break from work every now and then, including people who don't have kids.
Barbara Messenger 2 years ago
So sad when coworkers try blaming and shaming to get their own way. This woman needs to do her own work and stop dumping on Coworkers. If she takes off approx five months per year she should be more than ready to.come back to work and do her job. Let hubby watch the kids. Plus perhaps it's time always needing favors mother of 5 should start trying to do more to positively pay back coworkers who have carried her share of the work many times !
ButterflyMcQueen 2 years ago
Our training supervisor is a single mother who is currently pregnant with her fifth baby. She is amazing! Not only does she train our drivers on the road, and teach classes online, but she also works Dispatch in the mornings if we are short staffed. I love her to bits as well as respect her. I've also met her kids, idk what they're like at home but in public they are polite and well behaved, so kudos to her! No sympathy for OP's coworker.
JellifishQueen 2 years ago
If you have it that hard, it's simple. Don't be a mom. Seriously, 5 kids? That's on you man, don't know what to tell you
Ricky Namara 2 years ago
Choices have consequences. She chose to have 5 kids, so she needs to deal with the consequences. Also, does she not know babysitters exists for this very reason?
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
Mommy doesn't want to pay them. "It would take more than I make." Bah!
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Steven Livingston 2 years ago
She needs to tell that breeder sow to pound sand. People should be licensed to breed and, if they must torque out multiple vile little hellspawn crumbsnatchers, then limit them to no more than two.
HappinessHealthPeace 2 years ago
Birth control is a good thing. People need to accept thier choices in life and work it out instead of asking coworkers to co parent. People choose to not have kids for a reason another person can not choose for them. I had a similar experience at work.
Amused panda 2 years ago
It reads like OP thinks her co-worker is getting pregnant just as an excuse not to do shadowing duties at the places they're auditing. I can't work out if the suggestion is the co-worker is scheduling leave to avoid having to go away, or it's just been coincidence. The implication about the doctor's note is that she takes sick leave to avoid going away...possibly so, or possibly she has an underlying health condition OP isn't aware of or just had unlucky timing with illness. However, OP shouldn't be made to feel bad by colleagues for not agreeing to a swap. If the co-worker's childcare situation prevents her from doing an important element of their job, going to the company that hired them to shadow workers for the necessary period, then it seems either mom of 5 has to find a way to make it work with help of family/friends, find a new job, or speak with their employers about if she can amend duties so she only works in the office (though if agreed, that might well involve a pay cut).
Fuyuuki Fukada 2 years ago
If she DOES have a medical issue, shouldn't she avoid pregnancy at ALL costs? Instead she's popping kids like popcorns??? Maybe she IS sick. INSIDE HER HEAD.
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Adeline Bennett 2 years ago
If you agree to it once, believe me she will keep asking every time it's her turn to go on site. Let her figure out her situation.
Stylishsidewaysbird 2 years ago
I always d see truffle when I comes to people with children expecting /getting more hours/breaks. I’m childfree currently and my previous job as a medical assistant it was paid by the hour and we all had 4 set days and occasionally a 5th day depending on demand and scheduling. The 2 single moms ALWAYS got first priority for those extra hours and if they didn’t want them then it went to the single ladies. If they needed time off to catch a soccer game or parent conference they got it, but heaven forbid I need to make a doctors appointment. It was super frustrating because on one hand I get it. They are parents and kids are expensive and hard. But that’s also not my problem. I have bills and student loans and had just as much right to the extra hours. At the least they could have had a rotating schedule or something.
She-Ra 2 years ago
If she can't travel for her job even though it's part of her job description then she needs to move on. Or give up the kids 🤣, I would definately be replacing the useless sperm donor, if he is in fact useless, she's probably lying. Anyway not OPs problem, tell lil miss 'but mah kids' to go pound sand.
Antonia Baker 2 years ago
I was a single mum with nine children working full time. I would never expect anyone to pick up the slack for me. I worked for a company for two years before anyone even knew I had children, and it was only because I'd earned an OS holiday two years in a row that I kept declining, that they found out. If you can't do the job then leave. Equally sad that the childrens father can't care for his own children. Im glad you stood your ground. She choose to have five children and they are her responsibility, not yours.
James Hash 2 years ago
I'm married and have a family. Raising a family is a team effort between married partners. Not coworkers. Its not you're responsibility to help her figure it out or bail her out. You're not a jerk. Stand firm and ignore her passive aggressiveness. Report her to HR or management if she harasses you. You don't have to put up with it. If she doesn't want to do the work then she should quit. Or find a job that can work for her work life balance. People need to remember as an employee you get paid to work. Then you work and not pass off your work to others because your personal life interferes with your job. Stay Strong!
Lura Bickford 2 years ago
I have five kids, now grown. I agree with the OP. It is not the job of my coworkers to accommodate my chosen life. If I ask to trade with someone, I make sure that I offer to trade a shift for them. I work my share of holidays. Our family always celebrates Thanksgiving a week late, because I work it. I used to trade for Halloween with childless coworkers, but I made sure to work New Years Eve for them, so they could party. If you choose to have kids, you also need to choose a job you can handle with kids. And, those without kids should think about how they would want to be treated if they have kids down the road. Taking maternity leave is not "getting out of work."
Vivienne L'Or 2 years ago
So if the author had kids herself, would her coworker have still asked her to swap? The author is NTA.
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
Actually, probably! The whole office is covering for this entitled guppy.
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Briana Landers 2 years ago
I wonder if she's religious. No shade but. Not being able to trust husband even though you made more than 2-3 kids with them is usually a stronger sign. No shade on the beliefs. Just. Sometimes lifestyle turn out wrong when you don't evaluate what all your most passionate about in life. She loves family and sounds like someone who should stay home or work from home. If husband vent do childcare. He should work. Ik it's not the same for everyone but it's like that here
Cory Tollman 2 years ago
I'm impressed OP's employer is staffed so well. One of the issues that turns up with maternity leave and even regular PTO where I work in the US is management likes to whine about coverage. Our natural staffing is understaffed (not according to management though) so even covering incidental call outs can be stressful. People being gone for longer periods can be extra stressful because then there aren't as many people available to fill in the gaps or deal with problems. I saw something online once about a business owner who always hired slightly more people than he needed so he could be flexible. It cost him a bit in profits on a base level but he also had set up good work place so workers tended to stay working for him long term.
Scourge McCloud 2 years ago
Back story post: In 1930, my dad was born into a family that wound up having 8 siblings. Also the mindset about things was different back then. My dad's mother took care of all 8 and worked around the farm on top of what was considered her duties back then. I don't have any plans of having 8 kids, but I was named after her (mom wanted a unique name and Julia was really popular at the time, which is what Dad wanted to name me, that'd be easier to find in a crowd). She passed away sometime before I was born so I never got a chance to meet her. Dad always spoke highly of her, she must have been a good person (his father on the other hand, not so much. Dad didn't want to talk much about him except what he did for a living). As for my mom herself, she was raising two boys on her own before meeting my dad. She never had to leave work unless it was an emergency, because Dad took care of us while she was away working.
Boerenhond 2 years ago
My mother is the youngest of 9 kids. My dad worked. She stayed home until I was 4. Then she worked part time in the evenings and weekends and he took care of us. My kids are with their dad when I work.
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Helen Taylor 2 years ago
When I was working, there was no space given for having children. When I needed to switch evenings to go to parent teacher conferences my boss said “none of us have kids. How is that my problem?” I replied, that “for a good future society, people who have kids, should do their best to support them with parent teacher conferences and school programs etc.” However, I never felt like that meant I got to work less. I’ve never felt like that meant I got to ask someone to travel for me or anything else. I am happy that women now get some more consideration for having children when they’re in the workplace and I hope that it improves. However, it sounds like this woman is taking entitled, overreaching privilege because she chose to have five children. Five children are not an accident. She needs to either change jobs, or put her boots on and do the job. If her choice is a religion or belief system that will not allow her to use birth control, then she needs to reevaluate her life.
Shawnna Clement 2 years ago
Who wouldn't want to work 7 months per year and also dump their work on others?
Lenore Sandoval 2 years ago
So I’m on both sides of this. I have been a single person most of my life with no desire to have children. 7 years ago that changed and I am now a step parent to 4 awesome kids. When I was that single person I worked every holiday, “Because I wasn’t a Parent”. The one time I requested Halloween off I got hassled by management and other staff. Another staff member in my department wanted Halloween off to be with her kids and even though I had made the request months before her I should give it up because, I have no kids. I said no and was snubbed for the next few months. After becoming a parent I had to make some adjustments. The job I was currently in was not conducive to being a parent. So I left and found something that would be. Redditor NTA for setting boundaries, and her coworker should find a job that works for her and her family without having to put her responsibilities on others.
Dora Vee 1 year ago
I love the vast majority of the comments here. I can’t stand people like that mother. I’m not bothered by slackers unless they’re causing trouble which the mom in this case clearly is. Paid the same? Well, I got mine, but the moment someone wants to interfere with the lives of others is the moment they can kiss any good will good-bye. That being said, watch out for people who’ll use the “slacker” as an excuse to take away worker’s benefit/rights. They love to take the actions of a few as an excuse to exploit the many more than they already are. Needless to say, I detest those who think that single/childless people should do more work or be forced to give up parts of their lives for someone else’s gain. It should never be expected.
millac 1 year ago (edited)
This seems to be a case where the coworker no longer fits her job, but doesn't want to leave because the company, the money, and the benefits are so good and allow her to get away with bad behavior and taking advantage. Expecting any spouse to provide full-time childcare for 5 (one of whom is apparently an infant, and most are under 5) on their own for 3 months straight is ridiculous. And fairly impossible, given he has his own job. Any job requiring strange hours and a lot of travel is incompatible with her current life situation, and she should realize that and find a new one before things catch up to her and she's fired. I do suspect that if the OP sticks to her guns and doesn't swap, and neither do any of the other teammates, then the issue will resolve itself. Either the woman's experience will be so rocky, she will willingly find a new job, or she will fake a 3 week illness to get out of work and the OP will be able to push back to their manager with solid evidence that the coworker is unable to complete her job duties and needs to be fired or transferred.
Leesa DeAndrea 2 years ago
My mom & her husband belonged to a church that required the younger women to help out in the Sunday daycare area. When her husband informed me of that rule, I was so thankful I didn't attend that church.
Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
I worked with a woman who was like this. I swear she was out once a week because one of her kids was sick (I think she had 3). Well, guess what? I've got 2 in daycare myself, still manage to get to work everyday, do MY actual job and still attend classes 3 nights a week (oh and I was a single parent). No sympathy whatsoever. You are definitely NTA. It is not your responsibility to cover for her (obvious) laziness OR to accommodate her poor life choices, 5 kids AND an inept husband - NOT YOUR PROBLEM.
Elissa H 2 years ago
I think the biggest problem here is the coworkers attitude. She can take all the time the company allows her. But, she sounds like she isn't pulling her fair share of the work when she is there. That is just not okay. Being a working parent is hard - and many don't have a choice but to work. I think it is okay to make things easier on them if you choose to. But it is not a requirement for non-parents to make up for or make it easier on parents. And the guilt trip thing? Never okay. I hope stands her ground. Personally, I think she should let a manager know this person is doing the guilt trip thing. Not to get her fired, but it makes a very uncomfortable work situation & that is a valid complaint.
Annie Steele 2 years ago
Her kids are her problem... I'm 55 with no kids and made sure that my husband was at home for Christmas as it's my favourite time of year. The amount of people who asked him to swap because they had kids was ridiculous, he always said No!
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
I am childless, and in the job I worked at for a while, which needed to be covered 7 days a week, I'd work holidays so the people who had kids could be with them. It gave them time with their kids, and my mother time to work out her fidgets before I came there. (A win-win in my view!) All I asked was one specific holiday, so they could fight among themselves for that one.
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Angela Knight 2 years ago
I am a working mom of 2 wonderful boys and the hubby and I make it work. NTA
David Blair 2 years ago
What's really telling is that the mother hasn't offered to accommodate her inconvenienced coworkers. I worked for a large bank in my early twenties where I was the youngest employee and the only childless one as well. My awesome coworker had 3 small kids and I was going to college at night. My manager arranged it so that I could leave early to make class on time, and I reciprocated his help by working every Saturday for 5 hours. My colleague got to relieve some of her family insanity, I got my degree and we were better for the compromise. I worked in that office for 3 years without any complaints or resentment, just gratitude for my colleagues that encouraged my success. I've learned that kids are a simultaneous joy and horror at the best of times, but there is usually some kind of balance to be had. It may not be perfect, but most considerate folks will recognize and appreciate the attempt. It's when you're taken for granted and abused that even harried parents get upset.
Rasheeda Shaheen 2 years ago
All these ppl talking about those who doesn't want kids needs to get a griped on life. Please show me where does it say in the Bible every woman have to have a baby. All about saying something about adoption ppl needs to mind their business. There are about $400,000 children in the foster care. How about everyone who is against abortions go and adopt some kids first before more ppl put more kids in the system and messed them up more. Do you know how many foster parents and adoptive parents are out here abusing these kids? I hate ppl who haves no ideal the stress of parenting. Being pregnant changes a woman's body in a crazy way. My sister went from 20/20 to blind as a bat. I had never had sinuses problems until I got pregnant with my daughter. Back is still mess up and my child is 20. These are the same ppl talking about how people is on public assistance. Well the more kids they have and can't hold a job down leads to public assistance. Than their are kids being abuse so much more
Rasheeda Shaheen 2 years ago
Now than ever before. Being killed by parents or moms boyfriend. Being raped who wants to go threw that. Having kids at this point puts a drain on you. So much going on you are constantly worrying about your child. So many horrible ppl in this world.
Load More Replies... Rasheeda Shaheen 2 years ago
My grandma has 19 kids plus 2 foster kids and 1 adopted kid. My mom is the baby.y grandparents had a farm my grandma work hard on her farm. They sold it and moved to the city when my mom was 5. My grandma opened up her own store. She raised her 19 kids 2 foster and 1 adoptive. Plus she raised 5 grandchildren and 1 great grand child. Her husband didn't speak a lick of English. She did all of this on her own and never complained.
Someone Important 2 years ago
NTA...you had the kids, not me, I am not obligated in any way to contort my life to accommodate yours. Having a family entails additional obligations to the parents, not the neighbors, friends and especially not coworkers.
Hope Tirendi 2 years ago
I have 4 kids (grown now) and I NEVER expected anyone to do my work. I pulled my own weight not someone else. She needs to get fixed if she can't handle all these kids. It's not rocket science
Chris Wood 2 years ago
When growing up my grandmother worked and still had time to take care of the house, the grandkids and have supper of the table. She didn't have all the conveniences they have today. Single people such as my self aren't selfish if we don't want to,have kids. Frankly its more selfish to have kids and not being responsible for them. It would have been nice if the co worker helped the other out, but she is not obligated to. And I find it offensive that the job has to accommodate these women who decided to get pregnant. Its their choice, they can save up their time, not the company's responsibility to give them more time off.
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
The OP has been doing her work for 6 years, while she was busy adding to the overpopulation of the country. What she's objecting to is the woman's assumptions that she *still* doesn't have to do her own work 'because I have children'.
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Seth NoWai 2 years ago
Yeah, that woman definitely should not make 5 kids if that is a problem for her. Plus where is the father? Did she make them with random guys who all vanished? Like seriously, kids are parents responsibility and not everyone has to bend over to their demands just because of kids. You nade them, now accept your responsibility type of thing. As for vacation, maternity leave,... she does have right to that, though by the sound of it, it dies feel like she is abusing it to the max. So I can kind of feel annoyance of that. Though I wouldn't complain about it unless I knew for a fact that it is abused. Like getting sick notice and leave, then you see them doing be stuff that they weren't supposed to or weren't supposed to be able to. And yeah, I saw that. But it can be extremely hard to legally prove it, depending on local legislation.
Conan Maschingon 2 years ago
F**K that co worker if you have a husband then you don't need a babysitter while my wife is at work i watch my kids during the day because I work graveyard and she watches them when she gets home, you make it work.
Hollie Marie 2 years ago
NTA I've had this plenty of times. Thankfully I'm in a job where the majority of us don't have kids now. It's interesting though cuz I still see people from school with kids of their own and they look miserable.
Michael Capoccia 2 years ago
First you do not have an awesome team leader. If this coworker does not do thier job this should go to the team leader tk divvy up. The us why there is a team leader. The leader is the one to take into account PTO job limitation etc , not fellow coworkers. If the one w the kids is not doing their job then the team leader needs to know. The rest is drivel. .
Tamara Horyza 2 years ago
God why do people even post these situations.So stupid and I would say once not my kids,not my problem.
R.D. Whitaker 2 years ago
Did you knock her up? If not,I'm fairly certain that none of this is your problem : )
Joe massie 2 years ago
Of course everyone is blaming the husband for some reason. No one knows anything about the guy but its his fault for some reason. Just close your eyes and imagine a man whos about to leave his wife with 5 kids to take care of by herself. Does that p**s u off? See you are a hypocrite
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
If she literally took off (like the man who gave his wife a back eye, a broken front window and took off with the check for 5 kids and two adults (which I managed to cancel before he could cash it!) and showed up later with two 17 year old bimbos as his new 'daughters' I'd have a few things to say. But hubby appears to be doing nothing more for those kids except sitting around and providing sperm. She *can't* leave them with him? (Her stated reasoning.) That sounds like she has 6 kids, one very large!
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Sue Pendleton 2 years ago
I have another idea. If the OP is available to do the pregnant mother's assignment, maybe she could tell her face-to-face that she will do it THIS LAST TIME and that the mother needs to figure out if she can do the job as needed and if not, might want to look for another job.
Microwave Chef 2 years ago
NTA OP, keep your boundaries with work. She knows what her job is and she will figure out a way to do it and make sure her kids are taken care of.
Nitka Tsar 2 years ago
Im torn on this one. If the Mother really does all those things, then she is just plain lazy and deserves OPs behaviour. But, we do not know if she does it on purpose. It might be just a big coincidence or imagination on OPs side. Because: does anyone really think the woman got pregnant 5 times just to get out of work? 2nd: when you are pregnant, you really should not do heavy lifting. So desc job it is. 3rd: depending on the type of husband she has, she really might not be able to leave the kids alone with him.
Tina Newman 2 years ago
Then she should have thought about that before she took a job that would take her away from home. You don't get to put your failure to plan on somebody else's plate. She chose to squirt out kids and and it is nobody's fault but her own.
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Yoga Kitty 2 years ago
I am 43, female, happily childfree and single, have coworkers and a boss with still school-aged children and I think the OP sounds very much like an AH! You may chose what to do with your life, somebody else makes different choices. The coworker has every right to take her maternity leave and her personal time off. At least in my country, she will also get a doctor's notice if any of the children is sick and she has to stay home with the kid. That is the law, that is her right - you do not get to question that. OP said they are even overstaffed so I assume she is not working herself to death if she covers for her colleague - you would also have to do that if somebody else falls ill. In my opinion, the mother of five should talk to the employer and try to get a change in her contract that she will be working "backoffice only" and does not travel or work nightshifts. That way she will be working an equal amount but does not have to rely on somebody's empathy to switch with her.
Fuyuuki Fukada 2 years ago
Does that gives her the ticket to dump OFFICE work at coworker while EVRYONE is in the office?
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serena barnes 2 years ago
I agree with poster...not her problem in the least. But the assumptions.s people are making about the nom of 5 are ridiculous. Who said the dad is not honoring his responsibilities...maybe he just cannot be off work. Also no one knows this mom's situation...anything from religion, to familial expectations, to just bad family planning could be the reason she has.5 kids but no one should judge. She is totally within her rights to ask and poster is within hers to say no...end of discussion...no judgment!
Little Wonder 2 years ago
Being childfree in one of my previous jobs meant being second on the list when asking for annual leave, and first on the list to stay back if something needed doing. It was a case of "Well, you've applied for Christmas week off, and you've applied first, but we'll see if someone else wants it to spend time with their kids".
Henry Wiley 2 years ago
NTA, however bashing her for taking the vacations she is allowed or being pregnant seems a bit pity as is the sick days. If she does have doctor I assume it's a legit reason. However she wants to have kids it's her responsibility to handle situations and not expect others to face the consequences of her actions.
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
The whole point is she hasn't done her job for 6 years! She just wants to continue doing only the easy stuff. I don't blame the OP for complaining about that. She never complained about the maternity leaves or vacations, only the current situation.
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Trillian 2 years ago (edited)
I don't like the contempt that OP obviously has for her co-worker. And she easily works as hard, raising kids is no picnic and it is also not just a personal hobby (most societies rely on certain birth rates). But yes, there should be a better solution that asking co-workers for favors and switches. That is uncomfortable for both. She should try and have her job modified to a stay-in-office one or change jobs or find a solution within the family (husband).
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
Contempt? No. Exasperation? Oh, yes. And frustration. This mother hasn't done her job in 6 years, and obviously has no intention of starting now. Time to stop patting her on the head for popping out children and make her work or Quit!
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K80.127 2 years ago
I think soft YTA. It seems the only reason she doesn't want to switch is because she is bitter/angry at this lady for having 5 kids. She is bitter and petty about the time off for pregnancy, bitter and petty about her coworker taking her vacation, bitter and petty that her coworker uses sick leave... I think the OP just needs to knock it off. She really seems to be "grudging", ridiculously jealous or something. The only reason she gives for not switching is that she doesn't like this lady. Lol
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
Read it again. It's not the fact that the breeder took off, it's that she doesn't do her job when she's there! She wants the easy jobs, not what she was hired for.
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Shoshana Sherrington 2 years ago
You don't have to cover for her but I think your attitude towards her life sucks. Having kids is not looking for excuses not to work and I totally sympathize with her that moving out for 3 weeks is not compatible with family living. It's not something the company should be having her so. Their system should operate more on employees electing to be eligible for that kind of work with added benefits involved. Then you have a home division and a travel division
S Mi 2 years ago
I'm going to yeah but here. I don't think OP should accommodate the coworker. But I do think we, as a society, need to start looking at children as a shared responsibility. We need them and the more supported parents are, the more likely their children are to be healthy, the better for all of us. The coworker shouldn't be facing astronomical childcare costs (or only have 4 months leave)
R.D. Whitaker 2 years ago
"Shared responsibility "? I'm not responsible for someone else's mistakes. Getting knocked up 5 times was her choice and hers alone.
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Bisces 2 years ago
If family and kids are ao important, then the mom needs to find a job where she can be with them more instead of trying to make her childfree coworker take care of them.
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Tamra 2 years ago
Women are capable of successfully being mothers AND being outstanding in the workplace - yes, simultaneously! The woman mentioned here may not be doing it well, but millions of other women do.
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Ozacoter 2 years ago
BP is also full of articles about kid centric things like "parents share s**t that their kids say". I dislike them. You know what i do? Don't click on them to whine about it...
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marianne eliza 2 years ago
Everyone chooses what is most important to them. And then they must live with the consequences. BTW folks, they know what causes pregnancy now, and how to prevent it.
Omi bub 2 years ago
While I am definitely in the NTA camp I should point out that actually no contraception is 100% effective and with some states making abortion illegal - it does leave women with very few options. (5 unplanned pregnancies does seem very unlikely though!)
Load More Replies... Bubs623 2 years ago
I have 3 children and could not agree with the OP more. Yes, having kids and working is hard. Society expects women to pull double duty and take less pay than men, too. But if we have the same position, then we have the same responsibilities- and the same expectations. You want off to see your kid's play? Ok I'll cover you. But when I want to go see a Broadway show, you cover me. It has to be give and take.
Kathryn Mas 2 years ago
Hubert Martin is a troll and desperate for attention.
Load More Replies... Pittsburgh rare 2 years ago
The OP is not at all responsible for anyone's kids, but the whole post transpired criticism for taking maternity leaves and the things she's entitled to. If the company's so great as she states and she's not doing the other woman's job, what does she care? Someone has a bias on top of the situation.
Nikki Sevven 2 years ago
Honestly, I think OP including the information about her coworker's maternity and vacation leave was just background information. OP didn't seem to take issue with that, but only with her coworker's constant manipulation to avoid doing the parts of her job she didn't like, and using her kids as an excuse. I mean, if an employee is clearly saying, "I can't do my job because of my personal life," then there's a problem, right? The coworker isn't entitled to special treatment because of the decisions she made in her personal life. Nor is she entitled to demand that others cater to her because of those decisions.
Load More Replies... Rachel Smith 2 years ago
To be honest I would dislike OP's coworker as well. Having kids is a personal choice that honestly I don't know think people put enough planning into. If you're going to have 5 kids you should be financially stable enough to get childcare... especially if your partner works as well. Maybe have family help watch them? Like I said getting preggers and having kids is a personal choice and you should be ready for the consequences of that choice, not just always look for the easy options (like trying to load your work on other people)
StrangeOne 2 years ago
I agree with everything AccordingTelevision6 said. No, this coworker is NTA, but the mother co-worker isn't necessarily doing anything against policy, it seems, and if there was that kind of problem I don't think management would let her get away with it. Her personal life should not be the concern of another co-worker. If there's a dispute regarding accommodations it's better to bring the issue to management to work out. Sounds like this line of work is super flexible and generous with employee incentives, so I'm sure a resolution can be quickly found.
Bex 2 years ago
She is if she is pressuring her workmates to take on her duties and not take her turn at more difficult and out of office work.
Load More Replies... tor 2 years ago
Dealing with something similar. A coworker is basically working to have maternity, disability and PTO n unloading all her work on a couple of us. It's not my responsibility as a non mom to work harder n more than you for the same pay so you can have children you can't afford
Tamra 2 years ago
This sounds like the company you're with isn't staffed well. If someone takes time off for illness, maternity leave, or PTO, they should be well-staffed enough to offset the extra work.
Load More Replies... deanna woods 2 years ago
Stories like this always make me think of my mom and how was pretty much a superhero. When she got her associate's degree, she was married, pregnant, had another child at home, worked, and on occasion babysat her younger sister. When she got her bachelor's degree, she was still married, working, and taking her sister to dialysis in another town three days a week. She never complained during any of this and never gave any of her childless co workers a hard time. Having children doesn't give you an excuse to not work hard. In fact, it should make you want to work harder. If this woman's husband is too incompetent to take care of their children, that's an entirely different story and not the OPs problem. I hope the OP doesn't give into this silly pouting from her coworker.
Tina Newman 2 years ago
She "can't leave" her HUSBAND'S children with her HUSBAND?? What in the actual f**k does that mean? She can't? Or he REFUSES to be a parent? Either way...not your problem.
Lee 2 years ago
I was done with people using their kids and their absent husbands who can't be left alone with their own spawn when someone at my admittedly on call job tried to call me in the day after my father was unexpectedly killed on the job. I was in college and an on call position was ideal for that, but there is a limit. They even tried to guilt me into it because "Sally's (not her real name) daughter was sick and her husband does NOT take care of sick kids". I'm not someone who deals with confrontation well, but I SNAPPED. "And my mother needs me because MY FATHER JUST DIED!!" And I hung up on them. It's no one's fault but the parents' if the dad can't be bothered to take care of their own children they helped bring into this world. Especially in 2022. There's no excuse for absentee fathers in this more progressive era.
Ladytron 2 years ago
Well, the mom needs another job. It's really not ideal to work uncomfortable hrs or travel long distance for work when you have multiple kids. It just isn't (I know because I've been there and it makes things unnecessary hard). And this goes for fathers as well. When the kids are younger you need to work together as a team to make it work. That being said - the OP seems mad at her for being pregnant and on maternity leave - and that's NOT ok imo. You are allowed to be pregnant and on maternity leave without getting c**p for it - yes EVEN if you have multiple children.
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
No, she's reasonably upset because this woman hasn't pulled her own weight in the office for 6 years, and expects everyone else (not just the OP!) to do it for her.
Load More Replies... Janet C 2 years ago
Not OP's kids, not her problem. That woman chose to have 5 kids with a man who is apparently incapable of parenting them on his own. None of that is OP's responsibility.
Fuyuuki Fukada 2 years ago
The very same statement of incapable of parenting also goes to that woman. Popping way too many kids she can handle, choosing an (in her own opinion) incapable breeder, not changing jobs that allows her to handle her family life... At the end of the day, she's equally at fault.
Load More Replies... Sunny Days 2 years ago
Why should other people be responsible for her choice to breed? I chose not to have a kid & am so glad I made that choice. I'm not responsible for other people's bad choices.
Boerenhond 2 years ago (edited)
5 kids and a job, my goodness. A single mom in church had 5 kids from 2 or 3 dads and she was pregnant again. We warned her to not marry the first one, who was aggressive, but she did anyway. Oh this new man is gonna help me. Lets get some more. Oh he dumps her too with the kids. I felt so sorry for her. One kid would totally misbehave and she was so fed up. He just watched his ipad with sound during the service or he would go sit there during the preaching and act like a monkey. She was really sweet, but way too soft. My sons helped her by entertaining the kid who made the most trouble. We had a weekend for adults, to get some rest. She really wanted to go. Her mother and aunt did not want to watch the 5 kids though, so she couldn't go. I didn't want to have 8 for a weekend. Sorry. Horrible. 3 is the max.
Load More Replies... Russell Malahowski 2 years ago
I am retired, but my last boss went through a period of having popping kids out like a Pez dispenser too. She let other mothers and mothers to be unload their work on me when they wanted (I am a bachelor). I had to go on road trips because most of them had to "be there" for their families (I was the primary caregiver for my Mom as she was dying with Alzheimer's disease) and was given NO quarter. Even when my Mom died, I had to be at work the next day as there were 2 others out in my department (a department of 3). Whose fault was it, my BOSS, she was too busy doing her own job to be bothered! Yeah, I am glad I am retired.
Rosie Cat 2 years ago
I'm sorry Russell you deserved better. I'm also sorry your mom passed and no one cared about your grief.
Load More Replies... Miss Frankfurter 2 years ago
Of course it is her co worker’s choice to have 5 kids, but the co worker already had 4 children & she knows what’s involved by now & should have made arrangements for childcare before coming back to work. This should have been taken to HR by the mother to explain to them the issue. It is HR’s responsibility, not OP to deal with the situation. I would simply have told her that would be the appropriate way to solve the “problem”. But, as a single, childless woman, I did live with my elderly mom who had health issues. Of course, for those moms, if their child is sick & can’t come in, sometimes the call came in too late to find a replacement, we dealt with it without complaint. One afternoon I got a late call that my mom was being discharged from hospital. I called in late (like moms would sometimes do ) & was told my mom could just take a cab home. I had to come in. I then explained she had been very sick & would need me. Today my mother is my “child”, so I won’t be in.
Jennifer Little 2 years ago
This to me is more an issue about the individual than being a parent. You are a worker or an avoider. This person is using the face that some think child raising is important enough to give her an out. Plenty of parents can prioritize and manage both work and home. I am tired of the shaming! Shaming people for having or not having children or how many you have is ridiculous.
Chantal Guyatt 2 years ago
It's not really about shaming; it's about someone's life choices affecting those around them and that person not taking on their responsibilities and owning their choices.
Load More Replies... Marilyn Russell 2 years ago
You don’t owe anybody anything in life. Learned this the hard way after doing the work of two people when my co-worker went on maternity leave. Do you think my boss ever actually thanked me with a raise or bonus for saving the him the cost of hiring a temp? Nope. In the future I will just do my job (always well and efficiently of course) for which I receive renumeration.
Stringbean 2 years ago
I'm a mom, I work in a demanding career overseeing admin for a large corporation. Some of my staff have no kids, some do. Yes the parents get SOME extra like calling in to go get their sick kids from school, etc. Or more than normal appointments. However, I also give the same respect to my childless staff... As long as the work is done, I'm happy! No one however, gets to use any excuses like kids, to avoid doing their share unless under extenuating circumstances, and again... That goes for both sides. I hate people that act like having kids makes others HAVE to pick up the slack... I chose to have kids, my fifty year old worker didn't, but she gets the same respect.
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
Thank you, on behalf of all childless workers! I might have been childless, but my mother was dying slowly and I occasionally needed to miss work. *I* was warned that too many absences would get me fired--not so the ones with 'families'. What was Mom if not family? And I was the one who cleaned up their messes, too. I never got any thanks for that. I didn't expect any--it had to be done.
Load More Replies... delightfuldragon 2 years ago
Nope, not the AH. They both get paid to do a job. She does her job. If the mother of 5 can't hack it, she should find another job she can do.
Liam Lowenthal 2 years ago
You can respect and be compassionate towards working mother's (or fathers) without claiming responsibility for them. It's a little outlandish to just assume the people around you will help you with your life. And I say assume, because otherwise she wouldn't be pouting. She was expecting it, and when she didn't get it she got upset.
Boerenhond 2 years ago
You can't let others work for you and get money. Most ppl at my job are parents. You have to find an easy job, for which you don't have to travel, work part time, if you want to take care of your kids. Then you get paid less and have to live cheap, but you don't irritate others.
Aretha King 2 years ago
If she can't cope with work and 5 children that she chose to have She should quit and find remote work It's her responsibility Not the colleagues She is the one being selfish!
Loreitta M Tuthill 2 years ago
Her children, her expenses and responsibility. She and her husband should make child care arrangements so she can do her job or she needs to get a different job.
similarly 2 years ago
Nobody is responsible for someone else's kids or their family situation. End of story.
DRinLBK 2 years ago
NTA! It's not the OP's fault that this woman has taken on more than she can handle. In fact, she had these kids KNOWING DAMN WELL what her job requires of her. TBH, my husband & I are childless and both of us are sick & tired of ppl using their children as an excuse to get out of work, which is their responsibility AND the way they support all those kids they chose to have. I completely understand the OP's job, as well. I have worked in the same industry, and yes, it is demanding sometimes, but there's a lot of leniency on where you can work from. It almost sounds like this woman "conveniently" was on some type of leave to get out of handling her work duties, but did not plan ahead this time and so she is using her kids as an excuse. Her husband helped make them, he can help care for them. 🤷🏻♀️
DRinLBK 2 years ago (edited)
Let me add, I do not have anything against ppl with children. I just think it is sad to use them to get out responsibilities and only adds to the kiddo's entitlement & lack of respect for others or honoring their commitments. Great lesson mom! 🤦🏻♀️
Load More Replies... idrow1 2 years ago
That woman is why other women have a hard time getting hired at the workplace. Constantly pregnant, calling in sick all the time, plus her month of vacation. She maybe works 2 months a year and feels entitled to more accommodations. Makes the rest of us look like a bad investment.
Dora Vee 1 year ago
People like her are also used as ammunition by owners/bosses/right wingers to eliminate/reduce worker’s rights/benefits.
Load More Replies... Hey! 2 years ago
I was an internal auditor who had to travel across Canada 85% of my time. Before I took the job, my husband and I had to have a serious discussion - about everything, not just the children. I pulled my weight like everyone else, even when I broke my shoulder or had a pneumonia. It was not easy but I still did it. Apparently my reports were good even if morphine was included in the package. Children are not an excuse. It's like using them for why you're late. Stop blaming the kids, you're the adult.
Ellene Carter 2 years ago
Choices....we all make them. If you choose to be a working parent, the choice is often between your kids and doing your job. Expecting people to trade or take on your assigned duties because they do not have children does not seem fair. She chose to have children ;now she has to choose the balance between job and children. She knows that her job requires odd hours and or going away for periods of time. The coworker that has no children is NTA in my opinion.
Della 2 years ago
I have been treated similarly because I don't have kids. I got the bulk of weekend and evening assignments, and was told " it's easier for you since you don't have kids". I threatened to get myself knocked up pdq ( kidding,of course) but the point was made. Distribute workload evenly. Also, there's one of "those" women everywhere you work. They use their kids as an excuse to not work. As a supervisor, I had one who called in sick because her daughter had her period. I asked her if she needed to hand her feminine products all day, and get in to work. It's not like she couldn't call her during the day and check on her. So, stand your ground, but know they are out there. Do what you think is fair and right, and document.
Brigitte Schultz 2 years ago
My kids were grown when younger parents at my job expected us "childless" parents to coer the overtime they were required to do.we were already doing 12hour days and 7 days a week but they didn't want to do any. We also had to deal with overtime when our children were little but we never expected other people to cover except I emergencies. We knew everyone has a life.
Kathrin 2 years ago
wtf.... she can't leave her kids alone with her husband? did i read that right? maybe she should not get pregnant with his kids in the first place...*rollseyes*
Ladytron 2 years ago
I thought so at first. But then I imagined if my husband said "i'll be away almost a month working now, good luck with the kids" and nope, I would probably demand he got another job. Things like that just don't work, especially with multiple and younger kids. I mean, it's a team effort and you divide who's going to pick up the kid/kids on different days and take them on activities etc. you can't just suddenly abandon that responsibility and expect to have a fully functioning family and relationship.
Load More Replies... Aunt Messy 2 years ago
Does she think her husband is going to what...ritually sacrifice the children if she leaves them alone with him? These are HIS KIDS. He's not "babysitting", HE IS THEIR PARENT. If this silly woman doesn't trust her husband with the kids, then she has bigger problems than being lazy.
Joyce Monty 2 years ago
NTA: her children are not your problem. You seem to have some history with how this lady works: if you chose not to accommodate her, then stick to your guns. Maybe its time she got a reality check.
Hannah Ess 2 years ago
It is the companies problem to find coverage. It is not yours. You do your job. If she can't do hers due to family obligations, the company is responsible for finding a solution.
ask 2 years ago
5 kids... it's almost like our planet isn't dying and it's not overpopulated already!
Load More Replies... DC 2 years ago
Oh my ... that people who have children act entitled sometimes, I think, is normal. There are stressful times in regard to work, to parenting, to everything, and sometimes, you can't help it, it just shows. But, as this seems to be a regularly reoccuring scheme on her part to not work at all, it's not your obligation to cover up her less than sufficient life planning for the upcoming month ... and, according to the description of the situation - it doesn't seem like any about this month is special in any way. She shall get her shid together, including job, kids, husband, and is by no means more - or less, for that matter - entitled to have you help her out than anyone else is.
JellifishQueen 2 years ago
If having five kids is so hard, then guess what! DON'T HAVE KIDS. Least get a job that you can actually work with or be stay at home. At the end of the day, it was her choice to be so busy.
June Ohara 2 years ago
It really annoys me, my son is single, and works every Christmas and New Year. He does this as he is easy going and despite not having any children of his own .he likes children He lives 200 miles away so it’s not like he can pop in .after work. It not only his work colleagues I get annoyed with to be fair I sometimes wish he’d say no. Everyone may not have kids, but everyone is somebody’s child and statistically you have much more time with your kids than older “children” have with their parents
Chantal Guyatt 2 years ago
This is infuriating! The fact that this woman is trying to guilt the OP for HER life choices is astounding. What's more annoying is other coworkers pulling the "you don't have kids, you don't understand" card. I am childless and one of the main reasons for this is how hard I imagine raising kids must be! Kudos to anyone who is doing it and doing it well. However, if you choose to have children (and it IS a choice) you are choosing that responsibility and I hope to the gods that you not only own it but do it with a partner you can trust and rely on! No matter how many kids you have! Saying you cannot leave your brood alone with your spouse is not only an absurd excuse but alarming to boot. Why did you get knocked up by this person?? No thanks. OP is NTA. And this is why I have dogs, which are responsibility enough, but they are MY (and my partner's) responsibility!
Scourge McCloud 2 years ago
Post about this: that being said, she needs to sit down with her husband and figure things out, instead of constantly putting it on her coworkers. It's not fair to them. They probably have family they'd like to go see too, or have other reasons. Everyone needs a break from work every now and then, including people who don't have kids.
Barbara Messenger 2 years ago
So sad when coworkers try blaming and shaming to get their own way. This woman needs to do her own work and stop dumping on Coworkers. If she takes off approx five months per year she should be more than ready to.come back to work and do her job. Let hubby watch the kids. Plus perhaps it's time always needing favors mother of 5 should start trying to do more to positively pay back coworkers who have carried her share of the work many times !
ButterflyMcQueen 2 years ago
Our training supervisor is a single mother who is currently pregnant with her fifth baby. She is amazing! Not only does she train our drivers on the road, and teach classes online, but she also works Dispatch in the mornings if we are short staffed. I love her to bits as well as respect her. I've also met her kids, idk what they're like at home but in public they are polite and well behaved, so kudos to her! No sympathy for OP's coworker.
JellifishQueen 2 years ago
If you have it that hard, it's simple. Don't be a mom. Seriously, 5 kids? That's on you man, don't know what to tell you
Ricky Namara 2 years ago
Choices have consequences. She chose to have 5 kids, so she needs to deal with the consequences. Also, does she not know babysitters exists for this very reason?
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
Mommy doesn't want to pay them. "It would take more than I make." Bah!
Load More Replies... Steven Livingston 2 years ago
She needs to tell that breeder sow to pound sand. People should be licensed to breed and, if they must torque out multiple vile little hellspawn crumbsnatchers, then limit them to no more than two.
HappinessHealthPeace 2 years ago
Birth control is a good thing. People need to accept thier choices in life and work it out instead of asking coworkers to co parent. People choose to not have kids for a reason another person can not choose for them. I had a similar experience at work.
Amused panda 2 years ago
It reads like OP thinks her co-worker is getting pregnant just as an excuse not to do shadowing duties at the places they're auditing. I can't work out if the suggestion is the co-worker is scheduling leave to avoid having to go away, or it's just been coincidence. The implication about the doctor's note is that she takes sick leave to avoid going away...possibly so, or possibly she has an underlying health condition OP isn't aware of or just had unlucky timing with illness. However, OP shouldn't be made to feel bad by colleagues for not agreeing to a swap. If the co-worker's childcare situation prevents her from doing an important element of their job, going to the company that hired them to shadow workers for the necessary period, then it seems either mom of 5 has to find a way to make it work with help of family/friends, find a new job, or speak with their employers about if she can amend duties so she only works in the office (though if agreed, that might well involve a pay cut).
Fuyuuki Fukada 2 years ago
If she DOES have a medical issue, shouldn't she avoid pregnancy at ALL costs? Instead she's popping kids like popcorns??? Maybe she IS sick. INSIDE HER HEAD.
Load More Replies... Adeline Bennett 2 years ago
If you agree to it once, believe me she will keep asking every time it's her turn to go on site. Let her figure out her situation.
Stylishsidewaysbird 2 years ago
I always d see truffle when I comes to people with children expecting /getting more hours/breaks. I’m childfree currently and my previous job as a medical assistant it was paid by the hour and we all had 4 set days and occasionally a 5th day depending on demand and scheduling. The 2 single moms ALWAYS got first priority for those extra hours and if they didn’t want them then it went to the single ladies. If they needed time off to catch a soccer game or parent conference they got it, but heaven forbid I need to make a doctors appointment. It was super frustrating because on one hand I get it. They are parents and kids are expensive and hard. But that’s also not my problem. I have bills and student loans and had just as much right to the extra hours. At the least they could have had a rotating schedule or something.
She-Ra 2 years ago
If she can't travel for her job even though it's part of her job description then she needs to move on. Or give up the kids 🤣, I would definately be replacing the useless sperm donor, if he is in fact useless, she's probably lying. Anyway not OPs problem, tell lil miss 'but mah kids' to go pound sand.
Antonia Baker 2 years ago
I was a single mum with nine children working full time. I would never expect anyone to pick up the slack for me. I worked for a company for two years before anyone even knew I had children, and it was only because I'd earned an OS holiday two years in a row that I kept declining, that they found out. If you can't do the job then leave. Equally sad that the childrens father can't care for his own children. Im glad you stood your ground. She choose to have five children and they are her responsibility, not yours.
James Hash 2 years ago
I'm married and have a family. Raising a family is a team effort between married partners. Not coworkers. Its not you're responsibility to help her figure it out or bail her out. You're not a jerk. Stand firm and ignore her passive aggressiveness. Report her to HR or management if she harasses you. You don't have to put up with it. If she doesn't want to do the work then she should quit. Or find a job that can work for her work life balance. People need to remember as an employee you get paid to work. Then you work and not pass off your work to others because your personal life interferes with your job. Stay Strong!
Lura Bickford 2 years ago
I have five kids, now grown. I agree with the OP. It is not the job of my coworkers to accommodate my chosen life. If I ask to trade with someone, I make sure that I offer to trade a shift for them. I work my share of holidays. Our family always celebrates Thanksgiving a week late, because I work it. I used to trade for Halloween with childless coworkers, but I made sure to work New Years Eve for them, so they could party. If you choose to have kids, you also need to choose a job you can handle with kids. And, those without kids should think about how they would want to be treated if they have kids down the road. Taking maternity leave is not "getting out of work."
Vivienne L'Or 2 years ago
So if the author had kids herself, would her coworker have still asked her to swap? The author is NTA.
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
Actually, probably! The whole office is covering for this entitled guppy.
Load More Replies... Briana Landers 2 years ago
I wonder if she's religious. No shade but. Not being able to trust husband even though you made more than 2-3 kids with them is usually a stronger sign. No shade on the beliefs. Just. Sometimes lifestyle turn out wrong when you don't evaluate what all your most passionate about in life. She loves family and sounds like someone who should stay home or work from home. If husband vent do childcare. He should work. Ik it's not the same for everyone but it's like that here
Cory Tollman 2 years ago
I'm impressed OP's employer is staffed so well. One of the issues that turns up with maternity leave and even regular PTO where I work in the US is management likes to whine about coverage. Our natural staffing is understaffed (not according to management though) so even covering incidental call outs can be stressful. People being gone for longer periods can be extra stressful because then there aren't as many people available to fill in the gaps or deal with problems. I saw something online once about a business owner who always hired slightly more people than he needed so he could be flexible. It cost him a bit in profits on a base level but he also had set up good work place so workers tended to stay working for him long term.
Scourge McCloud 2 years ago
Back story post: In 1930, my dad was born into a family that wound up having 8 siblings. Also the mindset about things was different back then. My dad's mother took care of all 8 and worked around the farm on top of what was considered her duties back then. I don't have any plans of having 8 kids, but I was named after her (mom wanted a unique name and Julia was really popular at the time, which is what Dad wanted to name me, that'd be easier to find in a crowd). She passed away sometime before I was born so I never got a chance to meet her. Dad always spoke highly of her, she must have been a good person (his father on the other hand, not so much. Dad didn't want to talk much about him except what he did for a living). As for my mom herself, she was raising two boys on her own before meeting my dad. She never had to leave work unless it was an emergency, because Dad took care of us while she was away working.
Boerenhond 2 years ago
My mother is the youngest of 9 kids. My dad worked. She stayed home until I was 4. Then she worked part time in the evenings and weekends and he took care of us. My kids are with their dad when I work.
Load More Replies... Helen Taylor 2 years ago
When I was working, there was no space given for having children. When I needed to switch evenings to go to parent teacher conferences my boss said “none of us have kids. How is that my problem?” I replied, that “for a good future society, people who have kids, should do their best to support them with parent teacher conferences and school programs etc.” However, I never felt like that meant I got to work less. I’ve never felt like that meant I got to ask someone to travel for me or anything else. I am happy that women now get some more consideration for having children when they’re in the workplace and I hope that it improves. However, it sounds like this woman is taking entitled, overreaching privilege because she chose to have five children. Five children are not an accident. She needs to either change jobs, or put her boots on and do the job. If her choice is a religion or belief system that will not allow her to use birth control, then she needs to reevaluate her life.
Shawnna Clement 2 years ago
Who wouldn't want to work 7 months per year and also dump their work on others?
Lenore Sandoval 2 years ago
So I’m on both sides of this. I have been a single person most of my life with no desire to have children. 7 years ago that changed and I am now a step parent to 4 awesome kids. When I was that single person I worked every holiday, “Because I wasn’t a Parent”. The one time I requested Halloween off I got hassled by management and other staff. Another staff member in my department wanted Halloween off to be with her kids and even though I had made the request months before her I should give it up because, I have no kids. I said no and was snubbed for the next few months. After becoming a parent I had to make some adjustments. The job I was currently in was not conducive to being a parent. So I left and found something that would be. Redditor NTA for setting boundaries, and her coworker should find a job that works for her and her family without having to put her responsibilities on others.
Dora Vee 1 year ago
I love the vast majority of the comments here. I can’t stand people like that mother. I’m not bothered by slackers unless they’re causing trouble which the mom in this case clearly is. Paid the same? Well, I got mine, but the moment someone wants to interfere with the lives of others is the moment they can kiss any good will good-bye. That being said, watch out for people who’ll use the “slacker” as an excuse to take away worker’s benefit/rights. They love to take the actions of a few as an excuse to exploit the many more than they already are. Needless to say, I detest those who think that single/childless people should do more work or be forced to give up parts of their lives for someone else’s gain. It should never be expected.
millac 1 year ago (edited)
This seems to be a case where the coworker no longer fits her job, but doesn't want to leave because the company, the money, and the benefits are so good and allow her to get away with bad behavior and taking advantage. Expecting any spouse to provide full-time childcare for 5 (one of whom is apparently an infant, and most are under 5) on their own for 3 months straight is ridiculous. And fairly impossible, given he has his own job. Any job requiring strange hours and a lot of travel is incompatible with her current life situation, and she should realize that and find a new one before things catch up to her and she's fired. I do suspect that if the OP sticks to her guns and doesn't swap, and neither do any of the other teammates, then the issue will resolve itself. Either the woman's experience will be so rocky, she will willingly find a new job, or she will fake a 3 week illness to get out of work and the OP will be able to push back to their manager with solid evidence that the coworker is unable to complete her job duties and needs to be fired or transferred.
Leesa DeAndrea 2 years ago
My mom & her husband belonged to a church that required the younger women to help out in the Sunday daycare area. When her husband informed me of that rule, I was so thankful I didn't attend that church.
Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
I worked with a woman who was like this. I swear she was out once a week because one of her kids was sick (I think she had 3). Well, guess what? I've got 2 in daycare myself, still manage to get to work everyday, do MY actual job and still attend classes 3 nights a week (oh and I was a single parent). No sympathy whatsoever. You are definitely NTA. It is not your responsibility to cover for her (obvious) laziness OR to accommodate her poor life choices, 5 kids AND an inept husband - NOT YOUR PROBLEM.
Elissa H 2 years ago
I think the biggest problem here is the coworkers attitude. She can take all the time the company allows her. But, she sounds like she isn't pulling her fair share of the work when she is there. That is just not okay. Being a working parent is hard - and many don't have a choice but to work. I think it is okay to make things easier on them if you choose to. But it is not a requirement for non-parents to make up for or make it easier on parents. And the guilt trip thing? Never okay. I hope stands her ground. Personally, I think she should let a manager know this person is doing the guilt trip thing. Not to get her fired, but it makes a very uncomfortable work situation & that is a valid complaint.
Annie Steele 2 years ago
Her kids are her problem... I'm 55 with no kids and made sure that my husband was at home for Christmas as it's my favourite time of year. The amount of people who asked him to swap because they had kids was ridiculous, he always said No!
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
I am childless, and in the job I worked at for a while, which needed to be covered 7 days a week, I'd work holidays so the people who had kids could be with them. It gave them time with their kids, and my mother time to work out her fidgets before I came there. (A win-win in my view!) All I asked was one specific holiday, so they could fight among themselves for that one.
Load More Replies... Angela Knight 2 years ago
I am a working mom of 2 wonderful boys and the hubby and I make it work. NTA
David Blair 2 years ago
What's really telling is that the mother hasn't offered to accommodate her inconvenienced coworkers. I worked for a large bank in my early twenties where I was the youngest employee and the only childless one as well. My awesome coworker had 3 small kids and I was going to college at night. My manager arranged it so that I could leave early to make class on time, and I reciprocated his help by working every Saturday for 5 hours. My colleague got to relieve some of her family insanity, I got my degree and we were better for the compromise. I worked in that office for 3 years without any complaints or resentment, just gratitude for my colleagues that encouraged my success. I've learned that kids are a simultaneous joy and horror at the best of times, but there is usually some kind of balance to be had. It may not be perfect, but most considerate folks will recognize and appreciate the attempt. It's when you're taken for granted and abused that even harried parents get upset.
Rasheeda Shaheen 2 years ago
All these ppl talking about those who doesn't want kids needs to get a griped on life. Please show me where does it say in the Bible every woman have to have a baby. All about saying something about adoption ppl needs to mind their business. There are about $400,000 children in the foster care. How about everyone who is against abortions go and adopt some kids first before more ppl put more kids in the system and messed them up more. Do you know how many foster parents and adoptive parents are out here abusing these kids? I hate ppl who haves no ideal the stress of parenting. Being pregnant changes a woman's body in a crazy way. My sister went from 20/20 to blind as a bat. I had never had sinuses problems until I got pregnant with my daughter. Back is still mess up and my child is 20. These are the same ppl talking about how people is on public assistance. Well the more kids they have and can't hold a job down leads to public assistance. Than their are kids being abuse so much more
Rasheeda Shaheen 2 years ago
Now than ever before. Being killed by parents or moms boyfriend. Being raped who wants to go threw that. Having kids at this point puts a drain on you. So much going on you are constantly worrying about your child. So many horrible ppl in this world.
Load More Replies... Rasheeda Shaheen 2 years ago
My grandma has 19 kids plus 2 foster kids and 1 adopted kid. My mom is the baby.y grandparents had a farm my grandma work hard on her farm. They sold it and moved to the city when my mom was 5. My grandma opened up her own store. She raised her 19 kids 2 foster and 1 adoptive. Plus she raised 5 grandchildren and 1 great grand child. Her husband didn't speak a lick of English. She did all of this on her own and never complained.
Someone Important 2 years ago
NTA...you had the kids, not me, I am not obligated in any way to contort my life to accommodate yours. Having a family entails additional obligations to the parents, not the neighbors, friends and especially not coworkers.
Hope Tirendi 2 years ago
I have 4 kids (grown now) and I NEVER expected anyone to do my work. I pulled my own weight not someone else. She needs to get fixed if she can't handle all these kids. It's not rocket science
Chris Wood 2 years ago
When growing up my grandmother worked and still had time to take care of the house, the grandkids and have supper of the table. She didn't have all the conveniences they have today. Single people such as my self aren't selfish if we don't want to,have kids. Frankly its more selfish to have kids and not being responsible for them. It would have been nice if the co worker helped the other out, but she is not obligated to. And I find it offensive that the job has to accommodate these women who decided to get pregnant. Its their choice, they can save up their time, not the company's responsibility to give them more time off.
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
The OP has been doing her work for 6 years, while she was busy adding to the overpopulation of the country. What she's objecting to is the woman's assumptions that she *still* doesn't have to do her own work 'because I have children'.
Load More Replies... Seth NoWai 2 years ago
Yeah, that woman definitely should not make 5 kids if that is a problem for her. Plus where is the father? Did she make them with random guys who all vanished? Like seriously, kids are parents responsibility and not everyone has to bend over to their demands just because of kids. You nade them, now accept your responsibility type of thing. As for vacation, maternity leave,... she does have right to that, though by the sound of it, it dies feel like she is abusing it to the max. So I can kind of feel annoyance of that. Though I wouldn't complain about it unless I knew for a fact that it is abused. Like getting sick notice and leave, then you see them doing be stuff that they weren't supposed to or weren't supposed to be able to. And yeah, I saw that. But it can be extremely hard to legally prove it, depending on local legislation.
Conan Maschingon 2 years ago
F**K that co worker if you have a husband then you don't need a babysitter while my wife is at work i watch my kids during the day because I work graveyard and she watches them when she gets home, you make it work.
Hollie Marie 2 years ago
NTA I've had this plenty of times. Thankfully I'm in a job where the majority of us don't have kids now. It's interesting though cuz I still see people from school with kids of their own and they look miserable.
Michael Capoccia 2 years ago
First you do not have an awesome team leader. If this coworker does not do thier job this should go to the team leader tk divvy up. The us why there is a team leader. The leader is the one to take into account PTO job limitation etc , not fellow coworkers. If the one w the kids is not doing their job then the team leader needs to know. The rest is drivel. .
Tamara Horyza 2 years ago
God why do people even post these situations.So stupid and I would say once not my kids,not my problem.
R.D. Whitaker 2 years ago
Did you knock her up? If not,I'm fairly certain that none of this is your problem : )
Joe massie 2 years ago
Of course everyone is blaming the husband for some reason. No one knows anything about the guy but its his fault for some reason. Just close your eyes and imagine a man whos about to leave his wife with 5 kids to take care of by herself. Does that p**s u off? See you are a hypocrite
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
If she literally took off (like the man who gave his wife a back eye, a broken front window and took off with the check for 5 kids and two adults (which I managed to cancel before he could cash it!) and showed up later with two 17 year old bimbos as his new 'daughters' I'd have a few things to say. But hubby appears to be doing nothing more for those kids except sitting around and providing sperm. She *can't* leave them with him? (Her stated reasoning.) That sounds like she has 6 kids, one very large!
Load More Replies... Sue Pendleton 2 years ago
I have another idea. If the OP is available to do the pregnant mother's assignment, maybe she could tell her face-to-face that she will do it THIS LAST TIME and that the mother needs to figure out if she can do the job as needed and if not, might want to look for another job.
Microwave Chef 2 years ago
NTA OP, keep your boundaries with work. She knows what her job is and she will figure out a way to do it and make sure her kids are taken care of.
Nitka Tsar 2 years ago
Im torn on this one. If the Mother really does all those things, then she is just plain lazy and deserves OPs behaviour. But, we do not know if she does it on purpose. It might be just a big coincidence or imagination on OPs side. Because: does anyone really think the woman got pregnant 5 times just to get out of work? 2nd: when you are pregnant, you really should not do heavy lifting. So desc job it is. 3rd: depending on the type of husband she has, she really might not be able to leave the kids alone with him.
Tina Newman 2 years ago
Then she should have thought about that before she took a job that would take her away from home. You don't get to put your failure to plan on somebody else's plate. She chose to squirt out kids and and it is nobody's fault but her own.
Load More Replies... Yoga Kitty 2 years ago
I am 43, female, happily childfree and single, have coworkers and a boss with still school-aged children and I think the OP sounds very much like an AH! You may chose what to do with your life, somebody else makes different choices. The coworker has every right to take her maternity leave and her personal time off. At least in my country, she will also get a doctor's notice if any of the children is sick and she has to stay home with the kid. That is the law, that is her right - you do not get to question that. OP said they are even overstaffed so I assume she is not working herself to death if she covers for her colleague - you would also have to do that if somebody else falls ill. In my opinion, the mother of five should talk to the employer and try to get a change in her contract that she will be working "backoffice only" and does not travel or work nightshifts. That way she will be working an equal amount but does not have to rely on somebody's empathy to switch with her.
Fuyuuki Fukada 2 years ago
Does that gives her the ticket to dump OFFICE work at coworker while EVRYONE is in the office?
Load More Replies... serena barnes 2 years ago
I agree with poster...not her problem in the least. But the assumptions.s people are making about the nom of 5 are ridiculous. Who said the dad is not honoring his responsibilities...maybe he just cannot be off work. Also no one knows this mom's situation...anything from religion, to familial expectations, to just bad family planning could be the reason she has.5 kids but no one should judge. She is totally within her rights to ask and poster is within hers to say no...end of discussion...no judgment!
Little Wonder 2 years ago
Being childfree in one of my previous jobs meant being second on the list when asking for annual leave, and first on the list to stay back if something needed doing. It was a case of "Well, you've applied for Christmas week off, and you've applied first, but we'll see if someone else wants it to spend time with their kids".
Henry Wiley 2 years ago
NTA, however bashing her for taking the vacations she is allowed or being pregnant seems a bit pity as is the sick days. If she does have doctor I assume it's a legit reason. However she wants to have kids it's her responsibility to handle situations and not expect others to face the consequences of her actions.
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
The whole point is she hasn't done her job for 6 years! She just wants to continue doing only the easy stuff. I don't blame the OP for complaining about that. She never complained about the maternity leaves or vacations, only the current situation.
Load More Replies... Trillian 2 years ago (edited)
I don't like the contempt that OP obviously has for her co-worker. And she easily works as hard, raising kids is no picnic and it is also not just a personal hobby (most societies rely on certain birth rates). But yes, there should be a better solution that asking co-workers for favors and switches. That is uncomfortable for both. She should try and have her job modified to a stay-in-office one or change jobs or find a solution within the family (husband).
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
Contempt? No. Exasperation? Oh, yes. And frustration. This mother hasn't done her job in 6 years, and obviously has no intention of starting now. Time to stop patting her on the head for popping out children and make her work or Quit!
Load More Replies... K80.127 2 years ago
I think soft YTA. It seems the only reason she doesn't want to switch is because she is bitter/angry at this lady for having 5 kids. She is bitter and petty about the time off for pregnancy, bitter and petty about her coworker taking her vacation, bitter and petty that her coworker uses sick leave... I think the OP just needs to knock it off. She really seems to be "grudging", ridiculously jealous or something. The only reason she gives for not switching is that she doesn't like this lady. Lol
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
Read it again. It's not the fact that the breeder took off, it's that she doesn't do her job when she's there! She wants the easy jobs, not what she was hired for.
Load More Replies... Shoshana Sherrington 2 years ago
You don't have to cover for her but I think your attitude towards her life sucks. Having kids is not looking for excuses not to work and I totally sympathize with her that moving out for 3 weeks is not compatible with family living. It's not something the company should be having her so. Their system should operate more on employees electing to be eligible for that kind of work with added benefits involved. Then you have a home division and a travel division
S Mi 2 years ago
I'm going to yeah but here. I don't think OP should accommodate the coworker. But I do think we, as a society, need to start looking at children as a shared responsibility. We need them and the more supported parents are, the more likely their children are to be healthy, the better for all of us. The coworker shouldn't be facing astronomical childcare costs (or only have 4 months leave)
R.D. Whitaker 2 years ago
"Shared responsibility "? I'm not responsible for someone else's mistakes. Getting knocked up 5 times was her choice and hers alone.
Load More Replies... Bisces 2 years ago
If family and kids are ao important, then the mom needs to find a job where she can be with them more instead of trying to make her childfree coworker take care of them.
Load More Replies... Tamra 2 years ago
Women are capable of successfully being mothers AND being outstanding in the workplace - yes, simultaneously! The woman mentioned here may not be doing it well, but millions of other women do.
Load More Replies... Ozacoter 2 years ago
BP is also full of articles about kid centric things like "parents share s**t that their kids say". I dislike them. You know what i do? Don't click on them to whine about it...
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