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“We Can’t Favor One Child Over The Other”: Mom Wants To Punish Her Son As He Got To Go To Disney World While His Sister Didn’t
Most family psychologists, when talking about raising children in large families, always note how important it is for parents not to choose favorites. This is absolutely correct advice, and it really helps to raise a psychologically healthy person – unless, of course, parents abuse the principle of equality per se.
Unfortunately, in reality, things are not so easy, and often parents, in pursuit of absolute equality and impartiality in relation to all their children, actually offend one of them. And if one of the spouses stands up for the child, this could lead to family drama and growing misunderstandings.
Like this dad, for example, whose post on the AITA Reddit community recently got nearly 32K upvotes and about 3.4K various comments. Events here developed almost exactly as we described above. However, let’s start from the very beginning.
More info: Reddit
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The Original Poster lives with his wife and their two children, a son and a daughter
Image source: danuv (not the actual photo)
So, the Original Poster lives with his wife and two children, a son and a daughter. By his own admission, the family is now experiencing some financial difficulties, so they cannot afford expensive entertainment for their children, unlike their friends.
Image source: FairIsNotFaire
The son’s friend had a birthday party and invited him to Disney World but the mom hesitated as to whether it would be fair to let him go
So, one of the friends of the OP’s son recently turned thirteen, and in his family, reaching this age means a big holiday (apparently, we are talking about Bar Mitzvah – reaching religious age in Judaism). So the boy’s parents arranged a big party, to which, in particular, they invited the OP’s entire family, and also sent their son to Disney World – and he, in turn, invited his best friend with him.
The OP’s wife hesitated to allow the boy to go – because, according to her, it would not be fair to his younger sister, as she also loves Disney and princesses very much. The husband objected that their children will not always have equal opportunities, so it is not worth punishing a boy who is not guilty of anything.
Image source: FairIsNotFaire
The boy bought some souvenirs for his sister, but when she saw him in the Star Wars shirt, she burst into tears
Moreover, it was the OP’s son who was invited, and not his sister, because it was he who was friends with the neighbor’s kid. In general, the husband managed to convince his wife, and their son went to Disney World. The OP also gave him some money to buy souvenirs for his sister.
The boy did so, and besides, his friend’s parents also bought a gift for the girl. However, when she saw her brother in a Star Wars T-shirt and a Mickey hat, she burst into tears. The mother said that it was a huge mistake, and it was not worth letting her son go on the trip.
Image source: FairIsNotFaire
In some time, mom decided that the son shouldn’t go with them on their family vacation, just to “even the score” with his sister
After some time, their BIL invited the OP’s entire family to come to his beach house, which he rented for a summer send-off. And then the wife suggested to the OP that their son should stay with his grandpa for this time in order to “even the score.”
The OP was upset with such an idea and said he strongly disagreed. According to him, they can not give any preference to one child over another, and their son is completely not to blame that a friend invited him to Disney World, and not his sister.
Image source: Steven Miller (not the actual photo)
Moreover, as the man said, it will be a family vacation and he is shocked that his wife even came up with such an idea. The OP stated that he would not allow this and, although his wife was angry with him as a result, he did not care. Although he is, of course, upset that everything ended in a family drama, he is not going to punish his own son for just being lucky.
Most commenters said that the woman definitely has a clear favorite of her two kids and that looks really awful
People in the comments were very surprised and upset by the woman’s behavior. Some even suggested that she was the boy’s stepmom, because she behaved exactly like the evil stepmothers in fairy tales. The man replied that she gave birth to both children, which further discouraged some readers.
According to commenters, everything looks as if the wife has a clear favorite of their two children and is not even afraid to show it. In any case, according to most people, the husband did exactly the right thing, the boy should go on the vacation, and his wife should probably talk to a family psychologist.
We believe that you’ll definitely have something to say about this story, so feel free to write your comment. And perhaps you have some wholesome advice for the Original Poster on how to deal with this problem in his family.
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Kusotare 2 years ago
Your wife is clearly the AH. I understand how the daughter feels - been there, done that, didn't get the t-shirt - but the wife's solution is only going to make things worse down the line. Dad is right: friends and opportunities don't come equally, but that doesn't make it unfair, it just makes it part of life.
LEGOPernille 2 years ago
YES!!!! Otherwise you get one superspoiled child. We can't give our children all... thank god for that....
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Iifa A. 2 years ago
This is a moment when you teach your daughter that we celebrate other people luck and success even if we are angry to miss out, because that's what we do as humans and family. Next time she gets to invited to somewhere and son learns same lessons. Especially since he brought back his sister souvenirs and didn't forget already shows he has some maturity in behaviour. NTA. Wife needs to stop taking scores and balancing experiences. Would she say same if one of the kids becomes a doctor, artist or goes to college and other won't. One doesn't have as many friends as the other and you will force other to give up relationships just to keep it balanced. Toxic. My best friends had 5 siblings, they were invited to birthday party all, but only two of my best friends joined my birthday activity. Nobody felt left out. We were way younger
Kusotare 2 years ago
Your wife is clearly the AH. I understand how the daughter feels - been there, done that, didn't get the t-shirt - but the wife's solution is only going to make things worse down the line. Dad is right: friends and opportunities don't come equally, but that doesn't make it unfair, it just makes it part of life.
LEGOPernille 2 years ago
YES!!!! Otherwise you get one superspoiled child. We can't give our children all... thank god for that....
Load More Replies... Iifa A. 2 years ago
This is a moment when you teach your daughter that we celebrate other people luck and success even if we are angry to miss out, because that's what we do as humans and family. Next time she gets to invited to somewhere and son learns same lessons. Especially since he brought back his sister souvenirs and didn't forget already shows he has some maturity in behaviour. NTA. Wife needs to stop taking scores and balancing experiences. Would she say same if one of the kids becomes a doctor, artist or goes to college and other won't. One doesn't have as many friends as the other and you will force other to give up relationships just to keep it balanced. Toxic. My best friends had 5 siblings, they were invited to birthday party all, but only two of my best friends joined my birthday activity. Nobody felt left out. We were way younger
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