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“Family Comes First”: Man Refuses To Help Parents After They Give Their House To Sister
Favoritism within a family usually does more harm than good. However, some parents can be oblivious to its detrimental effects, or worse, that they’re doing it in the first place.
A man experienced such treatment from his folks, who were heavily biased toward his sister. He’d accepted it his entire life, but the breaking point came when they gave her their old house.
Feeling hurt and left out, the author declined to do a favor for his parents. While he eventually changed his mind and agreed to help them, he now asks the AITAH subreddit for advice on moving forward.
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Parental favoritism can cause strain and ill feelings among family members
A man felt his parents’ blatant bias towards his sister when they decided to give her their old house
The parents later asked the author a favor, which the latter rejected
The author provided an update on the ongoing family drama
Image credit: Silent-Incident7619
The reasons for parental favoritism may range from improper stress management to the child’s physical appearance
The author didn’t elaborate on his parents’ favoritism towards his sister. However, studies mention several causes, one being improper stress management.
According to the Survey Center on American Life, favoritism usually happens when possible marital problems and financial worries pressure a couple. It’s also more common among families where the parents are divorced.
Others can be as harsh as showing more attention to the better-looking child. Research by the University of Alberta in Canada found that parents allowed their “less attractive” children to wander further away in a supermarket.
Head researcher Dr. Andrew Harrell stated that the study aimed to prove that parents use attractiveness as a predictor of behavior, even if they don’t admit to doing so.
Any form of favoritism may make the less favored child feel lonely growing up or, worse, abuse illicit substances.
The author seems to have lived a responsible life through adulthood, but he does harbor resentment toward his parents.
Validating a child’s feelings about parental favoritism is the right approach
The author’s parents denied playing favorites, as many couples do. According to family therapist Michele Levin, genuinely validating their child’s feelings should be step one, followed by problem-solving.
“Specifically asking the child what they need will give them the chance to tell you,” Levin told Healthline in an interview.
Pediatrician and mother of four Dr. Shelly Flais shared a similar sentiment, adding that parents should not ignore their child’s complaints and dismiss them as unnecessary outbursts.
“When things calm down, it’s good to listen to what your child is trying to tell you,” Dr. Flais said.
As for the author, having a proper avenue to deal with his resentment toward his parents may be a good start.
In an article for Choosing Therapy, licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist Keisha Henry suggested finding a safe space to process through journaling or with the help of a support group. But if all else fails, Henry suggests seeking professional help.
What do you think, readers? How should the author move forward?
Many people in the comments sided with him
A few also shared similar experiences of parental favoritism
Others, however, blamed him and everyone involved
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What do you think ?
Emma S 3 months ago
The people saying he's the one who is wrong were clearly the favourite child growing up.
Skogsrået 3 months ago
This! They know they are wrong that's why they got defensive at once.
Load More Replies...
BrownEyedPanda 3 months ago
Here we go again with the ESH and YTA comments. 🙄 Obviously, there are a lot of golden children out there, who see nothing wrong with screwing one or more children over in favor of the exalted one. Playing favorites with children and bosses never ends well, as OP'S parents will find out soon enough. If a financial or health issue should happen, most likely Lily will not lift a finger to help, which will result in them turning to OP for help. I hope that he has the wisdom to politely refuse. After all, fa-a-a-a-mily should help fa-a-a-a-mily, but OP has been treated as anything but, meaning that in fact, he ISN'T fa-a-a-a-mily. So why should he expend himself for them? Just my take on the situation.
TribbleThinking 3 months ago
"Family comes first" and "Move on". Your parents and Lily are literally telling you that you're not family and to go away. If you keep hanging around, yes, you're handy and will be used. You do know you're going to be ordered to do renovations to Lliy's new home in six months' time and to stop moaning and that family comes first, don't you?
Emma S 3 months ago
The people saying he's the one who is wrong were clearly the favourite child growing up.
Skogsrået 3 months ago
This! They know they are wrong that's why they got defensive at once.
Load More Replies... BrownEyedPanda 3 months ago
Here we go again with the ESH and YTA comments. 🙄 Obviously, there are a lot of golden children out there, who see nothing wrong with screwing one or more children over in favor of the exalted one. Playing favorites with children and bosses never ends well, as OP'S parents will find out soon enough. If a financial or health issue should happen, most likely Lily will not lift a finger to help, which will result in them turning to OP for help. I hope that he has the wisdom to politely refuse. After all, fa-a-a-a-mily should help fa-a-a-a-mily, but OP has been treated as anything but, meaning that in fact, he ISN'T fa-a-a-a-mily. So why should he expend himself for them? Just my take on the situation.
TribbleThinking 3 months ago
"Family comes first" and "Move on". Your parents and Lily are literally telling you that you're not family and to go away. If you keep hanging around, yes, you're handy and will be used. You do know you're going to be ordered to do renovations to Lliy's new home in six months' time and to stop moaning and that family comes first, don't you?
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