I am getting so sick and tired of people using religion as a justification to mistreat other people, especially their family members. These same people that spout all of their hateful bigotry don't seem to understand that Jesus was Jewish, dark skinned, and from the Middle East. He was also friends with tax collectors and a prostitute. He didn't judge their lifestyle or mistreat them. This young woman does not owe her parents anything. To the Christian community:STOP USING RELIGION TO JUSTIFY BEING AN A-HOLE!!! You are making the rest of us look bad.

I really appreciated the idea of sending them a one time gift and walking away guilt free. Particularly if their health and/or lives are endangered (ie, if they are American without health insurance). Them OP can give them the boost they need to help themselves (or not) and not feel awful if/when something happens.

NTA. Let their god help them out, after all he/she must be so proud of the choices they've made as "Christians". Maybe the real God is trying to teach them a lesson, obviously one they need to learn the hard way since it wasn't abundantly apparent to them as it is to others that you should love your children even if they aren't miniature versions of yourself.

nta,those parents are scummy people and are real cowards crawling back to the daughter THEY disowned.

I personally believe that while your argument to not help your parents may have pretty strong legs to stand on, in the end it all boils down to who you are and the fact that you arent doing anything because of who THEY are, but truly and simply because if who YOU are. Okay, youre still hurt by thier small minded rejection of the path for your life that was right for YOU when they had to recognize that you had come of age and sink or swim, this is how you want to try to become your own, competent and autonomous. The question now becomes this: as competent and confident as you have become, as an adult who has struggled to find yourself and walk your road without shame, would you be able to be as petty as you felt they were then AND still be able to look yourself in the eye in the bathroom and find no fault in YOUR actions? Don't ever think you need to do anything for anyone based on who THEY are. ALWAYS do everything because of who YOU became. Yours is the ONLY opinion that matters.

the fact that she used their own convictions as a basis to refuse is not only correct with some fundamentalist views but brilliant. if they ignored her for 9 years and have only attempted to reconnect now due to financial issues then she is NTA. exotic dancers/sex workers get a horrible rap from family/society. i have a family member who worked as an escort where she met her hubby. when her abusive hubby attempted to blackmail her w/"i'll tell your mom", she told her mom herself. when i found out about it i didn't think anything negative with the exception that i wanted to pound the crap out of the then hubby. she did what she needed to do to survive/make a decent living. only thing she has shared with me is that it was a decision and not driven by addiction or a pimp as a way to get on her feet.

NTA. Though I would have handled it differently. I'd have helped them out financially, then given them a shot at being back in my life. WHEN they started spouting the religious junk and how being a striper was against gods will, that's when I'd nail them with their hypocrisy. You didn't have a problem with striper money when you needed it.

I'd send some money with a note saying "every dollar you spend is a dollar I earnt by someone admiring my nearly naked or naked body (I'm not sure tbh) better not put any of this in the church's donation box!" But I understand the moral obligation we as children feel towards our parents and how the parent sometimes feels entitled to assistance which blows my mind how someone can feel so entitled to help when they've been an aggressive, narcissistic wanker 🤷🏻‍♀️

You are definitely NTA, but only you know in your heart what you should do. If you can't sleep at night wondering whether you should help them, then help them. If, OTOH, you feel they really are strangers to you, don't feel bad about ignoring them. After all, they had no problem ignoring you.

If she's asking, she's obviously going to have regrets down the road. They disowned her and I think we'd all understand if she walked away, but not everyone is easily hardwired like that especially when it comes to your parents. I would want to visit with them again, maybe give them some money, but also have them understand that it is a one time thing until they are ready to open up a dialogue about how hurtful they were. If family helps family, why didn't they want to help her when she wanted to go to school and had trouble paying for it? What about everything she went through in those 9 years. She will be more satisfied if she tries to have a talk going forward instead of shutting down for good. Will it work? No, probably not, but when they die she will at least say she was the better person for trying.

If OP has the money to spare, a one time gift (especially if she can get them to sign an agreement not to contact her for money ever again)might be an idea. Not because she 'owes' them, but for her own peace of mind/closure. Sometimes doing a kindness can be a way to let go of a relationship and stopping holding on to animosity or resentment. Not letting them back in her life, just saying 'Go in peace'.

I think you are right. Do the right thing, help them out with a one-time payment. It will make you feel better and (if it's any satisfaction) probably make them feel even worse - embarrassed and possibly ashamed for how they treated you. That could really close that chapter for you all - you would definitely be the bigger person, religious or not. It's about human compassion in the end isn't it? Your family could learn a thing or two!!!

You are not the AH. But I agree with those that say take the high road. Give them the money and tell 'em to never knock on your door again. You can rub their nose in it some but in the end, you'll feel better giving them some bucks.

Your not the AH, but I’d still help them just cause I can and maybe that will help them change and be better people?

Is the author an only child? If not, where are those kids to pitch in? No apology to her for the heartache she must have gone through when this first happened. The parents probably felt pretty smug and pleased with the outcome until things went sour for them. Then, they sought her out to ask for money. Wow. I couldn’t treat my kids like that, and anyone who does, you didn’t deserve them.

I agree with one commenter there: would they be speaking to you if they didn't need help? After almost a decade of silence suddenly they need something. And it would keep going. They wouldn't speak to you again except to ask for money. I have nothing against stripping, if I had the body I would have chosen it too, it's good money. It's your money. You were comfortable enough to earn it that way, you get to use it how you see fit. And you made great choices with it. They wouldn't have come to you at all if they didn't need anything. They probably would keep asking for money, all while criticizing and such. Their love for you was contingent, don't let them drag you down after doing so well.

You have the chance to show them that you are the better person, so help them. Bonus: you'll make sure they won't make it into heaven, so win/win 😂

Out of courtesy, I think is ok to send your parents a one-off payment as a thank you gift for raising you. But you are not obliged to do so, they disowned you first and never apologize.

Forgiveness and reconciliation can be a treacherous path. It only works when all parties have healthy and rational minds and are authentic people. It sounds like one of the parents, or both of them have a personality disorder. If that is the case, reconciliation and forgiveness will not work and will you'll only be letdown yet again. What I find revelatory is that the parents are prepared to jettison their absolute and infallible beliefs to accept cash that was earned by 'sinful' means to get themselves out of their financial hole. My advise would be to steer clear and don't let them back in your life, otherwise you will get hurt again.

Should tell them to go hit the pole if they're hurting that bad.

I'm sure their church can help them. You're making great money and a life for yourself, they didn't want any part of it. So they shouldn't have any part. Life lessons are hard learned.

Conditional love much, parents? Tell them to pray on it.

No.

NTA, they disowned you, you owe them NOTHING.

If and I mean IF I were feeling guilty I might send the one month of money just to ease my conscious but I would make it painful by enclosing a card saying this is a one-time gift of Satan's money, may your soul survive your affront to God. P.S. Do NOT ever contact me again.

If i were her i would send them money once, with some message that even tho they disowned me I'm still a good person supporting people in need, even if they wouldn't help me if i needed that. But also would ask them to stop contacting me as it was their decision to disown, and they have to live with the consequences of their choices. With super religious people it's better to kill'em with kindness but also cut ties, they aren't usually good at learning

Not the a*****e but not the better person either. The parents are hypocrites, but they are dying hypocrites and I do think, blood is thicker than water. Unless I was worried, that I would be pestered for money, again and again, I would just pay my mom's meds and sleep better at night.

NTA. They threw you away. What kind of truly religious parent does that? Yet it seems like you are conflicted, which I think is a normal response in such a situation. In my opinion, look at both choices (ignore them or help them out) and determine which will give YOU the greatest peace of mind.

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This is one of the many reasons people are turning away from religion. Hypocrisy, misogyny, controlling other's lives, hatred, etc. Stand your ground, don't give them a penny. It's very telling that their religious relatives won't help them.

I'm 61, and a christian. My parents died few years back when they were both in their '90s. They were both very strong christians, going to church every Sunday morning and night, and on Wednesday nights when I was young. My parents never did and would never have disown any of us children, no matter how much they may have disapprove of our decisions. And I would never disown my children either.

Sending a one time payment could backfire however and give the parents the proof they want to show they did a great job raising OP after all, when really OP did a great job raising herself.

It is what it is. These people expected you rush to them with money in hand. If you decide to help them, just know as soon as they pay their way out of the ditch that they put themselves in, they will disown you once again. There is an old saying " screw me once ,its their fault. Screw me twice its your fault." Your choice .

NTA!

Man, I wish I had cultivated the body of a stripper. I don't know if I would have wisely invested my income or not, but it sounds nice. As it is, I don't know how many people would want to see a sweaty, early-30s smoker get winded halfway through "Stayin' Alive". Unless it's for charity, I would strip for charity.

It's absolutely her right not to help her parents. Ironically, if she had chosen to help, she would have shown them how religious people are *supposed* to act.

NTA, they cut off the ties to OP themselves. Let them pray for some money, that’s their usual method of getting help