Gaining independence from their parents is something that nearly every teenager wants. They think that the second they turn 18, independence will magically be granted to them. Well, for some, this might actually happen. However, others aren’t so fortunate. 

Just like the young woman from today’s story. She thought that learning to drive was the only way for her to gain freedom from her parents. Yet, even this chance started to slowly drift away when her folks decided to teach her a lesson about smiling at church.

More info: Reddit

Some parents come up with disproportionate discipline tactics that, instead of disciplining the child, scare them off

Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)

An 18-year-old wanted to learn to drive so she could get freedom from her parents

Image credits: Polina Sirotina (not the actual photo)

At first, one of her parents was teaching her to drive, but one day, they decided to end these lessons

Image credits: Peter Fazekas (not the actual photo)

They said they wanted to discipline the young woman for not smiling at people in church and for having an attitude

Image credits: u/Direct-Cheesecake772

So, they came to Reddit to ask whether this kind of discipline made them a jerk

At the time the original post was written, the OP’s daughter was 18 years old. And she wanted to learn to drive. For this, she had a driver’s permit (or, as some others call it, a learner’s permit) issued to her. Typically, it is given to a person who is learning to drive but isn’t skilled enough to obtain a driver’s license. 

To get this permit, future drivers have to either pass a written or a basic competency in vehicle test. In some cases, both can apply. After that, they’re issued said permit for a certain amount of time. 

In the state where the author lives, one must have a learner’s permit for at least 30 days or 6 months at most. Their daughter was right in the middle of this period – she had it for 3 months. With this permit, one of her parents, the OP, used to teach her to drive. But then, they decided that they no longer wanted to do that. And the reasons for this were kind of controversial. 

Well, the main thing that bugged her parents was her behavior. Let’s just say that the young woman acted quite differently from what her parents wanted of her. They even viewed it as her being indifferent to their feelings. 

One of the examples of such behavior was not smiling at people who greeted her while at the church. Well, technically, there isn’t a set of rules on how to act in church. It all comes down to being respectful. For example, not making too much noise, paying attention, not arriving late, and so on. 

Communicating politely with other church attendees can be understood as a rule of respectfulness, too. Some people tend to build communities with their church peers. Treating your community members nicely is essential to good relationship building. 

So, if the OP and their spouse tend to build relationships with other church attendees, their daughter not smiling at them can be upsetting. On the other hand, instead of getting so upset over the missing smile, they could ask their daughter why she responds this way. Maybe she doesn’t want to go to church? After all, she’s a full-blown adult, and if she feels that religion is not for her, she shouldn’t be forced to go. This kind of coercion could even scare her away from religion in the long run. 

The lack of a smile in church wasn’t the only thing that frustrated the parents. The daughter also said that she’ll be working on Christmas Eve instead of spending it with them. Besides, she always came off a bit prideful when her parents addressed her. And so, they thought that restricting her driving lessons would teach her to be more humble. 

Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)

Understanding that her parents wanted to teach her a lesson, the 18-year-old expressed that she would rather have her phone taken away instead of driving lessons. At the end of the day, it’s quite a common way for parents to punish their children, even though its effectiveness is debatable. Still, this daughter would prefer this discipline method over the one she got. 

Apparently, learning to drive was her way to freedom, and she didn’t want to give it up. Well, from the context we got from the post, the parents seem to be a tad overly controlling. In fact, we could also say that by limiting driving lessons, they’re trying to manipulate their daughter into acting the way they want. Well, that kind of sounds like a sign of toxic behavior, yet we don’t want to speculate about strangers too much. 

Nonetheless, a young woman wanting to leave a household where her behavior is deemed too prideful sounds quite normal. The parents prioritizing their principles about discipline instead of their daughter’s wishes probably just added to her feeling this way. 

That’s what people online seemed to think, too. They also pointed out that these parents kept talking about respect for their daughter, but they didn’t respect her themselves. This annoyed some of the netizens so much that they dubbed the OP a hypocrite and a failure of a parent. Sounds kind of harsh, but maybe it isn’t that far from the truth, especially when you put everything into context. 

Well, let’s just hope that since the post was written, the family was able to figure out their relationship and aren’t in such a toxic place with each other.

The people in the comments not only called them a jerk for this excessive punishment but also a hypocrite and even a terrible parent

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