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Mom Expects A Childfree Coworker To Cover For Her Whenever She Wants, Can’t Handle A “No”
Parents have their fair share of challenges, but it doesn’t make them superior to those who aren’t. Yet, some people perceive having a child as an advantage they can hold over someone’s head.
A woman experienced this behavior in her workplace after refusing a favor from a colleague who had to attend to parental obligations. She was criticized for supposed “laziness” and “having it easy” because she did not have children.
The author expectedly felt terrible and wanted to seek answers from the AITAH subreddit if she was indeed being selfish. Scroll down for the entire story below.
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A woman was criticized by her coworkers for “having it easy” because she did not have children
Image credits: DragonImages/Envato (not the actual photo)
AITA for refusing to cover my coworker’s shifts after she called me lazy for not having kids?
“I (28F) work full-time in retail, and as anyone who’s worked retail knows, it can be pretty exhausting. I’ve got a busy life outside of work, trying to balance my hobbies, taking care of my apartment, seeing friends, and just taking care of myself. You know, normal adult stuff. I don’t have kids, but that doesn’t mean I’m lounging around with endless free time.
One of my coworkers, Sarah (32F), has two young kids. She’s always asking people to cover her shifts, which I understand because being a mom is hard, and things come up. Over the past year, I’ve covered for her quite a few times when she had to leave early or couldn’t make it in because of some kid emergency.
I did it out of kindness because I get that life can be unpredictable, and I wanted to help her out. But I’ve started to notice that I’m one of the only ones she asks to help cover her shifts. It’s like she expects me to do it just because I don’t have the same responsibilities as her.
Last week, she asked me again to cover for her because her kid had a school event. Normally, I’d try to help, but I already had plans to spend the day with my sister, who I hadn’t seen in a while. I told Sarah I couldn’t this time, and she just sighed and said, ‘Must be nice to have all that free time. You don’t have kids, so it’s not like you’re busy with anything important.'”
Image credits: valeriygoncharukphoto/Envato (not the actual photo)
“I was pretty taken aback. I told her, ‘Just because I don’t have kids doesn’t mean I don’t have a life. My time is important too.’ She kind of rolled her eyes and walked away, but I could tell she wasn’t happy with me.
Now she’s been telling our other coworkers that I’m selfish and don’t understand how hard it is to be a mom. A couple of them have started acting a bit distant toward me, and I overheard one of them saying something like, ‘She has it easy, no wonder she doesn’t get it.’ I didn’t realize not having kids made me less deserving of respect at work.
What really gets me is that I’ve always tried to help when I could. But just because I don’t have kids doesn’t mean my life is suddenly stress-free or that I can drop everything at a moment’s notice. I feel like Sarah doesn’t respect my time at all, and that really bothers me.
I ended up mentioning it to my manager, hoping for a little understanding, but they just said it’s a ‘personal conflict’ and didn’t want to get involved. So now I’m stuck feeling like the bad guy because I said no for once.
I honestly don’t think it’s fair to expect me to cover her shifts all the time just because I don’t have children. I have responsibilities too, and I deserve to have a life outside of work. But some of my coworkers seem to think I should be helping out more because Sarah’s a mom and I’m not.
Am I being selfish here? AITA for finally standing my ground and refusing to cover her shifts after she basically called me lazy?”
Credits: CraveHalo
There is a growing number of women who don’t want to have children
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages/Envato (not the actual photo)
While the author didn’t specify her desire (or lack thereof) to have children of her own, many other women are opting for voluntary childlessness.
A July 2024 survey by the Pew Research Center revealed that 32% of American women 50 years old and above said they never wanted children. 25% were unsure, while an undocumented demographic claimed they “frequently felt pressure” to have kids.
Between 2018 and 2023, women under 50 stated they were unlikely to have children. The number grew from 37% to 47% within the five-year period.
There are several reasons why these women chose to go childless. As 32-year-old Chicago-based project manager Cecilia Sanders told CNN in 2023, not only was the idea of having a kid scary, but she was overwhelmed by the responsibilities.
24-year-old Tulsa resident Yana Grant shares a similar sentiment. She believes motherhood can be too taxing for women, which she doesn’t see among men.
“As soon as you find out that you’re pregnant, you have to be a mother first and then a woman,” Grant said.
Then, there is the financial aspect. As clinical psychologist Dr. Catherine Aponte explained in an article for Psychology Today, taking parental leave can be burdensome for women as it can cut their salaries by 20 percent.
“Women with children are more likely to be unemployed or to work part-time,” Dr. Aponte noted.
Empathy may not be the strongest suit for parents who judge people who aren’t
Image credits: Pixabay/Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author isn’t the only non-parent who gets called out for being “selfish” for not having children. Norfolk resident Terri Fuller experiences the same criticism from other women.
“Other women have told me that not being a mother is going against God’s will for women, that I should be ashamed,” Fuller told HuffPost.
As explained by licensed marriage and family therapist Michelle Turner, society tends to perceive people who decide not to have children as “out of the norm.” Therefore, casting judgment instead of empathizing can be a knee-jerk reaction.
Realizing that people likely won’t put themselves in your shoes is one way to ward off the bad vibes. After all, these are unwarranted disparagements.
It can also help to remind yourself that a person’s value isn’t measured by being a parent or the number of kids they have. As psychotherapist and clinical social worker Deborah Duley points out, children don’t determine someone’s worth, despite what society dictates.
“If a woman can acknowledge and accept that children don’t define us, it’s a game changer,” Duley said.
The author did not deserve to be shamed for not having children. Her colleagues were either too judgmental to look at things sensibly or had a misguided belief about having children. Either way, she doesn’t owe anyone an explanation, nor should she feel bad about her decision.
What’s your take, readers? Is there any other approach the author could take?
Most commenters sided with her, as some gave their suggestions on how she should get back at her co-workers
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What do you think ?
Marcos Valencia 2 months ago
Maybe this is a cultural approach. But where I see the problem is in the whole system. I've been a manager for a long time. If a worker needs to be absent from work, and the reason is acceptable, it's MY JOB, as a manager, to find how to deal with the absence. It's not that the worker needs to do my job, because, indeed, you can incur in asking always the same people, overcharging them. People have children, and we have to cover them from time to time. But they also have exams, or a sick dog, or a sister is marrying, or their mother is at the hospital... We cover all them, but it's my job doing it properly.
Bat cat in a hat 2 months ago
I agree, if I needed a day off I'd speak to a manager/supervisor and they would arrange cover. Yes I'd let coworkers know I'd be off, but just out of courtesy, wouldn't even need to give the reason
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Libstak 2 months ago
All these woe is me, I have kids, give me your time people are the selfish ones. What if the childless one wants kids but can't have a social life to get into a secure relationship with anyone because everyone keeps stealing their opportunity to do so? It's bullsheet, you take responsibility for your own choices and do not enslave others to continue getting what you want at their expense in the process.
Daniela Lavanza 2 months ago
Definitely NTA. Your choice not to have kids deserve the same respect as your coworker's to have children. How in the world are you here to support her choice?!? Being understanding of a parent's situation doesn't mean YOUR time is here to cover for THEIR problem. Whatever you do outside work (friends, family, hobbies, volunteering, or even doing nothing) is up to you.
Marcos Valencia 2 months ago
Maybe this is a cultural approach. But where I see the problem is in the whole system. I've been a manager for a long time. If a worker needs to be absent from work, and the reason is acceptable, it's MY JOB, as a manager, to find how to deal with the absence. It's not that the worker needs to do my job, because, indeed, you can incur in asking always the same people, overcharging them. People have children, and we have to cover them from time to time. But they also have exams, or a sick dog, or a sister is marrying, or their mother is at the hospital... We cover all them, but it's my job doing it properly.
Bat cat in a hat 2 months ago
I agree, if I needed a day off I'd speak to a manager/supervisor and they would arrange cover. Yes I'd let coworkers know I'd be off, but just out of courtesy, wouldn't even need to give the reason
Load More Replies... Libstak 2 months ago
All these woe is me, I have kids, give me your time people are the selfish ones. What if the childless one wants kids but can't have a social life to get into a secure relationship with anyone because everyone keeps stealing their opportunity to do so? It's bullsheet, you take responsibility for your own choices and do not enslave others to continue getting what you want at their expense in the process.
Daniela Lavanza 2 months ago
Definitely NTA. Your choice not to have kids deserve the same respect as your coworker's to have children. How in the world are you here to support her choice?!? Being understanding of a parent's situation doesn't mean YOUR time is here to cover for THEIR problem. Whatever you do outside work (friends, family, hobbies, volunteering, or even doing nothing) is up to you.
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