Finding reasonable, quality, and available child care is something many working parents struggle with. To make matters easier, some turn to their relatives for help, which is certainly a more convenient and affordable option. However, this can quickly backfire when such a privilege is taken advantage of.

Just like what happened to this woman who was babysitting her niece and nephew while their parents were searching for a new daycare. This arrangement was supposed to be temporary, but after two months, she was still looking after them out of her pocket. Having enough, she requested payment for her services, which majorly upset them, causing family drama.

Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with childcare and nanny coach Shannon Parola, who kindly agreed to answer a few questions on the topic.

Asking relatives to babysit can be a great option for parents struggling with childcare

Image credits: LightFieldStudios / envatoelements (not the actual photo)

However, this couple overstepped all boundaries when they left their kids at SIL’s house to babysit full-time for free

Image credits: LightFieldStudios / envatoelements (not the actual photo)

Image credits: anon

“Providing relief by taking care of someone’s kids for free can be monumental for young families, but the reality is that some people can’t afford to”

Image credits: Prostock-studio / envatoelements (not the actual photo)

The benefits of using family as childcare is undeniable. The first one that childcare and nanny coach Shannon Parola mentions is familiarity. “You know these people well and often trust them very much. In most cases, this also means lower-cost or no-cost childcare,” she says. “Families [also] get to make memories and have extra time together.”

However, there’s also the other side of the coin, when asking for such favors can negatively affect relatives’ relationships. Parola names three scenarios that can cause tension or change in family dynamics. First, “The parents disagree with how the family member handles certain childcare situations or fails to meet expectations.”

The second is when “the caregiver is being unappreciated and overworked, and they reach their breaking point,” says Parola. The third one involves a caregiver, usually a grandparent, who “unexpectedly can’t care for the child anymore due to illness, injury, or general aging. In all these situations, the parents depend on the family member for childcare, and when it doesn’t work out, it can take time to find a new childcare method that comes at a higher price.”

“Providing relief by taking care of someone’s kids for free can be monumental for young families, but the reality is that some people can’t afford to,” says etiquette expert Lizzie Post, who’s not a parent but frequently babysits her nieces and nephews. She often voluntarily offers to watch them so she doesn’t charge for it. However, she mentions that this can vary depending on what works for certain people and their families. 

Experts believe that parents should provide some kind of compensation if the family member is taking care of their child weekly

Image credits: deriabinanatalia / envatoelements (not the actual photo)

When it comes to compensating relatives for their childcare services Parola believes that parents should provide some kind of reimbursement if the family member is taking care of their child weekly.

“I know some grandparents refuse or will put the money in an account for the kids for a rainy day. The main point is that appreciation needs to be shown regardless of family members who give up their time for your family. I always tell clients to ask the provider what they are thinking.”

If parents can’t offer a competitive hourly rate, they can think of more affordable alternatives, like a $50 gift card to a salon, so they can treat themselves. When that’s not possible, Posts encourages them to be open about their circumstances by saying something like, “Things are tough for me right now, and I could really use some relief.”

Despite parents’ budgets, Post says that it’s good etiquette to show appreciation for relatives by making things easier for them. This means delivering the kids fed and/or with snacks, diapers, toys, and planned activities (if possible!).

What’s important to keep in mind is that every childcare arrangement is nuanced and worth discussing before to avoid any feelings of underappreciation or resentment from building. Parola encourages parents to do this even before the baby arrives.

“We’ve seen in the news stories about parents being upset over grandparents not watching the kids. Parents can not ASSUME that their family members (mom, dad, sisters, brothers, aunts, cousins, etc.) will help with childcare unless they ASK. By asking ahead of time, they can either rest assured they have family help or start looking for alternative childcare options,” she says.

Most readers agreed that the author wasn’t a jerk for asking for compensation for her service

Meanwhile, some believed that both sides were wrong

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