There is no one right way to do weddings. Each couple’s celebration of love is unique, especially if people put a lot of thought and personal effort into it. There are, however, some unwritten rules all wedding attendees might be expected to follow.

This redditor was surprised to learn that her brother’s fiancée wanted to break one of such rules and wear a wedding dress on her future sister-in-law’s big day. The OP said no to the idea, but started to feel bad about it, as the dress belonged to the guest’s mother who she recently lost. Scroll down to find the full story in the bride’s own words below.

Wearing a wedding dress to someone else’s wedding is a big no-no in some etiquette rulebooks

Image credits: bristekjegor / Freepik (not the actual photo)

This bride-to-be had to tell her brother’s fiancée that she can’t wear her late mother’s wedding dress as a guest

Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Reddit User

Wedding guests are usually expected to follow certain rules

Image credits: lookstudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)

Many people think or dream about their wedding day, sometimes even decades in advance. They might think about the type of venue they would like to celebrate in, the people they would want to have around during the special moment, maybe the kind of cake, or music, or flowers they would love to have, too.

A study delving deeper into Americans’ wedding wishes and aspirations found that the average age people start to seriously think about their big day is 21. And even though in popular culture, women seem to be portrayed musing over their dream wedding more than their male counterparts, in reality, men are reportedly more likely to think about what they want their wedding to look like while they’re dating.

Bearing in mind the significance of the day, it’s not at all surprising that people put so much thought into it. Neither is the fact that some might have a certain vision and want to stick to it, which might mean having to set a dress code or share other requests with the guests.

But some requests don’t even have to be shared – most people are familiar with the fact that there are certain dos and don’ts in regards to weddings that go without saying. According to the BRIDES magazine, etiquette rules wedding guests should always follow entail everything from RSVPs (derived from the French “Répondez s’il vous plaît”, meaning “Please respond”) to (not) calling the happy couple on their special day.

When it comes to RSVPs, it’s important to respond by the deadline. As for calling the couple – just don’t; that’s what the experts advise, saying that you should contact someone else at the wedding in case of an emergency. (The couple likely has enough on their plate already). Other etiquette rules include not showing up with a plus one or children if they weren’t invited, drinking responsibly (no one wants to take care of the sloppy drunk uncle, aunt, or anyone else, for that matter), and—most importantly, according to some brides—choosing your attire wisely.

It’s important for guests to choose their outfits wisely

Image credits: rawpixel.com / Freepik (not the actual photo)

Choosing the right outfit as a wedding guest can be a pain in the neck. And not only because of the etiquette – choosing outfits in general is a headache. But it is true that the aforementioned dos and don’ts for wedding guests limit their choices in regards to what to wear.

Laying the groundwork for what every guest should avoid wearing to a wedding, BRIDES started with “anything white”. According to the magazine, choosing the color that typically belongs to the bride is out of the question, and people seem to have that ingrained in their brain – a YouGov survey revealed that six-in-ten Americans say that it’s inappropriate to wear white at a wedding.

Even worse than wearing white in people’s eyes is wearing something more extravagant than the happy couple or dressing casually despite a formal dress code, both of which eight-in-ten survey respondents deem inappropriate.

It’s rather safe to assume that the dress the OP’s brother’s fiancée wanted to wear was white, which would traditionally make it an unacceptable choice. The bride-to-be thought it was inappropriate, too, which is why she gently asked her guest not to wear her late mother’s wedding dress on the big day. But that caused a rift between the family members, and put members of the AITA community into camps as well, as while most didn’t think the woman was a jerk for saying no, others believed she was being selfish.

Netizens shared advice in the comments, some suggested uninviting the brother and his fiancée

Many people didn’t think the bride-to-be was a jerk in the situation

Some, however, sided with the brother and believed that the woman was being selfish

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