It’s virtually impossible to belong to a family without getting the short end of the stick. There’s so much compromise that someone inevitably has to sacrifice.
But when Liya (who’s known on Reddit as Ayumi_Doll) was unexpectedly put in a position to babysit their nephew despite having a hectic work schedule, and a multitude of other obstacles, they couldn’t.
Faced with the dilemma of balancing personal responsibilities and their family’s expectations, Liya chose the former and unloaded the boy to his grandparents, but as they explained in a post on ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘, that sparked significant backlash.
This person’s sister pressured them into babysitting her toddler
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
But they just couldn’t do it
Image credits: Sarah Chai (not the actual photo)
Image source: ayumi_doll
Many parents choose to include relatives in the everyday care of their child, but there have to be limits
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Grandparents are becoming an increasingly important source of child care in many places around the world.
In the United States, for example, research by the University of Chicago notes that 60 percent of them have looked after their grandchildren during a 10-year period, and 70 percent of those who did provided care for two years or more.
“Our findings show that different groups of grandparents are likely to provide different types of care. Importantly grandparents with less income and less education, or who are from minority groups, are more likely to take on care for their grandchildren,” said Linda Waite, the Lucy Flower Professor in Sociology at UChicago and an expert on aging.
So the fact that Liya and their sister’s folks wanted to take a break from it is completely understandable. But pressuring your sibling into it without any heads up is not.
The primary solution to their frustration is to start drawing boundaries and only care for the kid when it suits them, and for their parents to do likewise. Maybe this would finally compel “Risa” to find a sustainable plan B for when all family members are unavailable.
Let’s hope the family will find an arrangement in which everyone feels their needs are being met. Otherwise, they run the risk of building resentment and animosity towards one another, with the child ending up caught in the middle of their conflicts.
As people reacted to the story, its author provided more information to them
The vast majority said Liya did nothing wrong
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Amazing. Saying no because you want to watch Netflix is fine, but saying no because you need to work, are still sick, hyperfocus and don't have a child safe house is not fine. How can OP even entertain the idea that they might be the a*****e? I'd never babysit little nephew again.
Saying no because you want to watch Netflix is okay, too. You don't have to have a reason to say to to someone when they ask a favor. No should have been the end of the conversation. Not her kid, not her problem.
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Not your child, not your responsibility - if your parents want to be mad at someone it should be your sister
Exactly. People who say "It takes a village" are people who try to saddle someone else with their responsibility. It doesn't take a village: it just takes two parents who take responsibility for their child. All the rest is just a bonus.
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As someone who is 100% WFH it really annoys when people think I can do anything I want anytime at home. I'm working!
Yep, they seem to think because you don't work in an office you can drop everything at anytime! I do have breaks to do house chores or go for a walk, but I also work evenings and weekends to make up the hours
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Amazing. Saying no because you want to watch Netflix is fine, but saying no because you need to work, are still sick, hyperfocus and don't have a child safe house is not fine. How can OP even entertain the idea that they might be the a*****e? I'd never babysit little nephew again.
Saying no because you want to watch Netflix is okay, too. You don't have to have a reason to say to to someone when they ask a favor. No should have been the end of the conversation. Not her kid, not her problem.
Load More Replies... Not your child, not your responsibility - if your parents want to be mad at someone it should be your sister
Exactly. People who say "It takes a village" are people who try to saddle someone else with their responsibility. It doesn't take a village: it just takes two parents who take responsibility for their child. All the rest is just a bonus.
Load More Replies... As someone who is 100% WFH it really annoys when people think I can do anything I want anytime at home. I'm working!
Yep, they seem to think because you don't work in an office you can drop everything at anytime! I do have breaks to do house chores or go for a walk, but I also work evenings and weekends to make up the hours
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