To all the YTA: It's okay to admit you're selfish and don't want your life to revolve around a kid. Honestly, it's better to refuse taking in a baby if both you and the baby will be miserable. So many people have kids, not realizing how hard and exhausting it is, and end up ignoring, neglecting, or abusing them. Some people weren't made to be parents and I'm proudly one of them.

I'm thinking the YTA people should apply for adoption.

To the YTA people, it's isn't this young woman's responsibility. Feel free to put your money where your mouth is and adopt this baby yourself.

The original poster will probably never see this but here's my 2 cents: I was in my early 40's when I call CPS (Child Protection Services) on my younger sister for the same reason. I fostered my 2 nephews, and it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I had financial help from the government but the time and energy it took to teach a young boy to do homework and how to have proper hygiene was a nightmare. I was with him until 9 at night because his mother didn't bother with their schoolwork. She did get off d***s and eventually they went back to her. DO NOT, I state, DO NOT take this child in. Let it go through the system and find a loving family to take it. You are just starting your life and eventually you'll resent both your family and the child and it's not fair to the child. Best of luck.

Don't adopt her. For so many reasons but clearly because your family is not stable and is not realistic about putting the baby's best interests ahead of their fantasies about happy families. They'd also likely pressure you to give her to your sister when she's out of jail, no matter how she is doing.

The OP is definitely not the AH. I've seen someone do this same scenario and adopt their sister's baby. Years later after she sacrificed and raised the child the sister gets off d***s and comes round making her life hell demanding she get "HER baby" back. This situation isn't the same as a closed adoption where it's a done deal and the druggie mother can't find out who has 'her baby'.

One thing about this situation that no one has considered: what's to stop OP'S sister from popping out another baby in a year or so? Will OP be expected to adopt THAT one, too? Where will it end? OP is actually taking the high road by declining to adopt her niece. She's only 21, just starting life in the real world, with not a lot of money. Taking on an infant (especially one with medical issues, courtesy of a d**g-addicted mother) will drain her savings in no time. The toll on her mental health would be staggering. Of course, she would receive absolutely no help from her fa-a-a-a-mily, but she would still be expected to step up because, after all, they're fa-a-a-a-mily. I never thought I would say this, but in this case, foster care with the possibility of adoption would be best for all concerned.

Don't let your sister ruin you life too. If it's not something you want and are feeling good about, don't do it.

If she agrees to adopt this baby, I'm sure there will be more babies to be adopted in the future. I''m guessing that a heroin addict doesn't always use reliable birth control. This is a life sentence of being crushed by her sister's bad choices. It will never end.

OP should reach out to her community and tell them of this special needs baby that will be going to foster care because no one in her family is on a position to take the child, including her, though for different reasons from the rest of the family. The worse they can do is attempt a guilt trip while saying no.

40m here. I'm a father of a 4yo. Being a parent was and still is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. I can't imagine a 21 yo trying to take the whole responsibility of a baby all alone. Plus, the baby is addicted. Too much burden that is. The OP is obviously NTA, but a solution must be found for the poor baby.

Stand your ground. Taking care of an addiction is bad enough. But an infant? Not only will you lose your job, home and sleep, but 24 7 with that child will put you in the crazy house. She needs professional care. And when it's time, a loving adoptive family. Ignore all those moronic haters. And your parents need to stay out of it. Or adopt the baby.

Where is the child's father and his family in this story? Also, it's shortsighted for the people pressuring OP to do this. OP seems to have the best chance to make better life for all of the family by using her degree to both reach her own goals and help her sister, but it will take several years.

Hi OP, I'm struggling for you on this. It's unfair, unreasonable and unrealistic for your family to put this amount of pressure on a 21 year old whose life has just begun!! You may on paper seem the perfect choice, but you don't know how to look after a child, and especially a child with special needs. It can take a very long time for a baby to recover from addiction and that's not the end when they do. A lot of other things come with a born addicted baby. I think it's awful what this baby is going through, but you shouldn't be kept awake at night because of the pressure from family to "do the right thing" It's not the right thing! You've barely experienced life yourself and these people expect your life to stop! So wrong. I think you'll be a fantastic aunt and you could put a little away for her future. You shouldn't be/feel forced to do anymore. Others need to come forward now, because it's so wrong and my heart hurts for you! I wish you nothing but good luck and peace for you!

She needs to reach out & reconnect with her nation or tribe or clan. that larger community should be able to find care within their culture

This child is best to be far away from this family. FAR FAR AWAY.

NTA. Your parents lost the Dene community support, not you. They will be proud of how you've worked hard to have a better life. If they don't take your niece, then she can be in foster care. Perhaps after your sister is released from prison she can get her back. No one has mentioned health issues. My friends adopted a heroin baby who turned out to be severely autistic. She is a forever a child. Their lives have been getting the right meds, school, mental healthcare for the child, who can never live independently. I don't know what my friends have planned after they die, but the girl will always need care. Your life will no longer be yours, even if by some miracle the baby is fine, she'll be your responsibility forever. It's a huge ask, and not one to take lightly.

To the YTAers: are there adoptive families within the nation to take this baby? The ICWA is an important part of this sad story. As an adult adoptee I would rather see the child raised in a family that knows the issues around d**g addicted infants, AND staying within the child's cultural surroundings, with a future lifeline to the family of origin. No one has said anything about the father's family.

That‘s just crazy. Why can‘t the family come together and try to find a solution together instead of pressuring one young person? This is a special situation. Maybe there will be a way to have the baby at experienced foster parents first and OP can still keep in touch with the child since it seems like she does love her niece.

You do not hsve to explsin anything to your family - a simple NO is enough. This child is not your responsibility, if they do not want to put her up for Adoption (which would probably be best ss nobody seems to keen on raising a child) or else they can tsje her in...

Haven't read don't care, its NOT the OP's baby, so choosing NOT to adopt it does NOT mean she is 'abandoning it', unless her sister died and made her the kids godmother, and made it clear she meant it as choice to legally give custody to in event of her death. and even then, the OPS still has the right to refuse to adopt the kid, the parents wanna pull the you're family its your responsibility c**p, well THEY'RE family too, its just as much their duty. trying to FORCE a person who doesn't want kids to adopt a kid is a stupid move, they will resent the kid, some people chose to be childless because they KNOW they are not cut out to raise kids from a child safety viewpoint. enough said. No one can FORCE her to ADOPT the kid, the right thing is to suggest temporary fosterage to see how they get on or don't get along NOT adoption right out of the gate.

How could she adopt? Yes, she has a job making $45K now... but taking care of an addicted baby is far harder than a healthy baby... when would she work? How could she work? She would lose her apartment, and with zero preparation for taking in a child...? No you are NTA. If "Family" means so much, Grandma and Grandpa would straighten themselves out and take in their Grandchild. OP did not get knocked up, she's doing things right by going to school, working, having her own place. She needs to contact the Elders of her Tribe directly and give them the straight skinny. I think if approached with respect, the tribe would take the child in and give the baby a foster home or adopt her into a family.

at some point i get the YTA, but OP is still a young, if she doenst want to be parent, she sould have option not to.

you are not responsible for someone elses life choices. im sorry an innocent child is dealing with all of this but thats not your job to fix. lets put it this way. me and my husband are both established in our fields, we both work, both over 30 and we still could not afford daycare costs. no way a young lady fresh out of college who hasnt even had a chance to get into her career is going to be able to handle all of tht without some serious help behind her which she very clearly isnt going to get since her parents cant even keep their own house in order physically and metaphorically. im not saying the system is all good but theres a chance it will be better for the baby than being with a young person who has stated she isn't equipped to raise a kid or two people living in a hoarding situation.

What's DENE and ICWA?

I would reach out to your community, do not adopt your niece if you do not wish to do so, you would end up resenting her and as you said she has gone through enough, NTA, you are doing the right thing it is not selfish you're young and have worked hard to get where you are, what's wrong with your parents if they that desperate to keep her in the family let them adopt her, however it would be good for to be adopted inside her own cultural background if possible. I wish you all the best for your future, you've worked hard to get where you are hats off to you, you are not selfish !

A huge NTA. Ur mom has no right to pressurize u in this aspect bcz she is actually the main reason this happened in the first place. She did not parent ur sis properly due to which ur sis got addicted to d***s. So she is the person who should take responsibility for the consequences of her negligence and take ur neice in. I understand that ur parents house is not suitable for a baby but that is their headache to figure out. They cant behave irresponsibly and throw the consequences on u. U can show this comment to ur mom to make her realize what she did and what she is doing now.

Your parents can apply to foster their grandchild without adopting her; that way the government would pay them a stipend for the child's care and also provide medical coverage.

That last comment is so rude lmao I hope u/sad-atmosphere-8555 has a horrible day

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I am confused. She says she and her family are Dene, which is a Canadian first nations group of people. But then she also says the is covered by ICWA, which is an American law and doesn't apply to the Dene. I guess she meant Dine' (Navajo) but why didn't she correct herself? I suspect this is all made up.

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Talk about racist, fork the ICWA, what is in the best interest of the child is to find an good adoptive home. If they're not from the same ethic background so what. If know one in the tribe wants the baby, what other options is there. I'm sure they are many good families that can't have children of there own that would love to adopt a child. And give her a good home.

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I was one of the people who messaged OP about adopting the baby. She was extremely rude and offensive. My husband and I are registered foster parents in her state. We have experience with d**g related special needs and the financial means to take in another child. We genuinely wanted to help her. At no point did I offer her money for the baby, but I did offer to pay all legal fees associated with the adoption. She called me a piece of 💩 human trafficker and said she hopes Family Services takes my kids away.