Parents Accuse Daughter Of Abandoning Sister’s Baby After She Refuses To Adopt Her
Most of us would do just about anything to help our family. But is there a limit to how far we should be expected to go?
That’s the dilemma one woman on Reddit found herself in. Fresh out of college and starting her career, she had her life on track. But everything changed when her drug-addicted sister gave birth and her family demanded she adopt the baby. Now, she’s struggling with the difficult decision of whether to take on the responsibility. Read on for the full story.
The young woman had just finished college and was excited to start her new job and adult life
But her plans were turned upside down when her family demanded she adopt her drug-addicted sister’s newborn baby
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: KamranAydinov / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: InvisibleThrowRA
Addiction has a serious impact on families
Family can be one of our greatest sources of security and support, so it’s incredibly difficult to see a loved one struggle with addiction, as the woman in the Reddit story did, and feel powerless to help.
It’s especially disheartening when you realize just how many people are affected by drug addiction. In the U.S., over 21% of people aged 12 and older have used illegal or misused prescription drugs in the past year. More than half of people in this age group (around 138.5 million) have used drugs at some point in their lives, and about a quarter of those who have used illegal substances develop a drug disorder.
According to Alberta Health Services, when one family member struggles with substance abuse, the entire family often develops ways to cope. Often, there is less communication, as the family tends to avoid talking about the issue or hide their feelings. Many families try to keep the addiction a secret from others. Some members might even take on extra responsibilities that the person with the addiction has neglected or offer financial support.
Substance abuse can also cause tension and frequent arguments between family members. They might feel a mix of emotions like loneliness, frustration, fear, or guilt as they try to deal with their loved one’s addiction. Over time, they may even start to believe that the situation is hopeless.
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / Pexels (not the actua photo)
One of the most concerning effects of addiction is that it can be passed down to other family members, particularly children. According to Current Drug Abuse Reviews, children who grow up in homes where one or more adults abuse alcohol or drugs are about twice as likely to develop addiction issues themselves. They are also three times more likely to suffer physical, sexual, and emotional abuse.
The good news is that recovery is possible. A 2020 study by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) found that 3 out of 4 people who struggle with addiction are able to overcome it.
What’s most important in helping people recover from addiction is offering support without judgment. Research shows that many people with substance abuse issues hesitate to seek help because they fear disappointing others, losing the secrecy of their addiction, or being seen as a failure.
By creating a caring and understanding environment, we can make sure those dealing with addiction feel safe reaching out for the resources they need to get better.
In the replies, the woman explained that she’s from a Native American family, so the baby should ideally stay within the community
Most commenters supported the woman, agreeing that she shouldn’t be forced to raise her niece
But some users blamed her for not immediately putting the baby up for adoption
To all the YTA: It's okay to admit you're selfish and don't want your life to revolve around a kid. Honestly, it's better to refuse taking in a baby if both you and the baby will be miserable. So many people have kids, not realizing how hard and exhausting it is, and end up ignoring, neglecting, or abusing them. Some people weren't made to be parents and I'm proudly one of them.
A friend had an aunt (now dead) who fostered addicted babies and that is a nightmarish job. I don't know how she kept her sanity. Those kids were in really bad states to a one. The one with their head screwed on straight is the OP. She needs to tell the folks demanding she take that child to pi$$ off or take the baby themselves.
Load More Replies...Never seen a more obvious nta before. No one should be forced to have kids - she was nta from the title alone and the post just made it more clear that she's nta
And apparently the poor OP grew up in a house with someone who has a hoarding disorder who is now pressuring her to take this baby rather than getting help for their own issues so that the grandparents can step in. And there is likely going to be another baby in the same condition unless her sister manages to get clean. It’s so tragic…but also this poor young woman being guilted by people who won’t deal with their own issues.
Load More Replies...God no. I wouldn’t want any innocent kid to end up with a******s like that.
Load More Replies...I have some experience with adoption and indigenous populations and OP is so much NTA. She might be the most stable one in the family, but that is not saying much. Yes, sister is in such active addiction that she used while pregnant, but look also at the grandparents -- at odds with their own community, badgering and pressuring their daughter, and living in unsafe hoarding condition. They are no position to demand anything. So, OP doesn't have the age/experience, the income, AND lacks helpful family support AND is estranged from community cultural supports thanks to her parents. If OP wanted to help in the name of ICWA, maybe she could be the member of her family to rebuild some connection to her cultural community so that someone there could start fostering the baby. (But the onus is still mostly on the social worker and community outreach workers, naturally.)
I think this was very well said. The idea of a child staying with their family and culture is the best case scenario, but thats not the case here at all. The OP is not just alone, shes alone and being dragged down. This is not the best case scenario for the baby or the OP.
Load More Replies...To the YTA people, it's isn't this young woman's responsibility. Feel free to put your money where your mouth is and adopt this baby yourself.
The normal age minimum to adopt a child is 25 years for a reason. The op shouldn't give in to the pressure. she's too young and her and the child would struggle financially for the foreseeable future.
The original poster will probably never see this but here's my 2 cents: I was in my early 40's when I call CPS (Child Protection Services) on my younger sister for the same reason. I fostered my 2 nephews, and it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I had financial help from the government but the time and energy it took to teach a young boy to do homework and how to have proper hygiene was a nightmare. I was with him until 9 at night because his mother didn't bother with their schoolwork. She did get off d***s and eventually they went back to her. DO NOT, I state, DO NOT take this child in. Let it go through the system and find a loving family to take it. You are just starting your life and eventually you'll resent both your family and the child and it's not fair to the child. Best of luck.
It’s always sad when nature beats nurture. Why do they always go back?! Thanks for trying, at least.
Load More Replies...Herartbreaking but NO. Again NO. If it is wrong for you, it is wrong for the child.
Don't adopt her. For so many reasons but clearly because your family is not stable and is not realistic about putting the baby's best interests ahead of their fantasies about happy families. They'd also likely pressure you to give her to your sister when she's out of jail, no matter how she is doing.
Or at least have too many opinions on how OP should be raising the child.
Load More Replies...Babies in the foster system are the most likely to be adopted through a public adoption (if this is US). That's the best outcome for her. As you've seen private adoptions are often transactional and are less well regulated, so there are a lot of creepy people buying children. There are plenty of reputable and responsible agencies, but you have to rsearch. The state will be working with their own agency or with agencies that have been vetted. The younger the child the quicker they are usually adopted, and the state can make sure she's placed with someone ready for any medical issues from the addiction etc. Stalling this process just makes it more likely that she won't be in a stable home, either from family interference or because you'd have to research and vet agencies yourself. Don't complicate the life of this littlengirl whose life is already off to a difficult start.
A stranger, as long as they're qualified for the needs of this child, would be for the best. Especially if it can be closed. Then the adoptive parents won't get hassled by the mother from jail or the grandparents from their hoard.
Load More Replies...To all the YTA: It's okay to admit you're selfish and don't want your life to revolve around a kid. Honestly, it's better to refuse taking in a baby if both you and the baby will be miserable. So many people have kids, not realizing how hard and exhausting it is, and end up ignoring, neglecting, or abusing them. Some people weren't made to be parents and I'm proudly one of them.
A friend had an aunt (now dead) who fostered addicted babies and that is a nightmarish job. I don't know how she kept her sanity. Those kids were in really bad states to a one. The one with their head screwed on straight is the OP. She needs to tell the folks demanding she take that child to pi$$ off or take the baby themselves.
Load More Replies...Never seen a more obvious nta before. No one should be forced to have kids - she was nta from the title alone and the post just made it more clear that she's nta
And apparently the poor OP grew up in a house with someone who has a hoarding disorder who is now pressuring her to take this baby rather than getting help for their own issues so that the grandparents can step in. And there is likely going to be another baby in the same condition unless her sister manages to get clean. It’s so tragic…but also this poor young woman being guilted by people who won’t deal with their own issues.
Load More Replies...God no. I wouldn’t want any innocent kid to end up with a******s like that.
Load More Replies...I have some experience with adoption and indigenous populations and OP is so much NTA. She might be the most stable one in the family, but that is not saying much. Yes, sister is in such active addiction that she used while pregnant, but look also at the grandparents -- at odds with their own community, badgering and pressuring their daughter, and living in unsafe hoarding condition. They are no position to demand anything. So, OP doesn't have the age/experience, the income, AND lacks helpful family support AND is estranged from community cultural supports thanks to her parents. If OP wanted to help in the name of ICWA, maybe she could be the member of her family to rebuild some connection to her cultural community so that someone there could start fostering the baby. (But the onus is still mostly on the social worker and community outreach workers, naturally.)
I think this was very well said. The idea of a child staying with their family and culture is the best case scenario, but thats not the case here at all. The OP is not just alone, shes alone and being dragged down. This is not the best case scenario for the baby or the OP.
Load More Replies...To the YTA people, it's isn't this young woman's responsibility. Feel free to put your money where your mouth is and adopt this baby yourself.
The normal age minimum to adopt a child is 25 years for a reason. The op shouldn't give in to the pressure. she's too young and her and the child would struggle financially for the foreseeable future.
The original poster will probably never see this but here's my 2 cents: I was in my early 40's when I call CPS (Child Protection Services) on my younger sister for the same reason. I fostered my 2 nephews, and it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I had financial help from the government but the time and energy it took to teach a young boy to do homework and how to have proper hygiene was a nightmare. I was with him until 9 at night because his mother didn't bother with their schoolwork. She did get off d***s and eventually they went back to her. DO NOT, I state, DO NOT take this child in. Let it go through the system and find a loving family to take it. You are just starting your life and eventually you'll resent both your family and the child and it's not fair to the child. Best of luck.
It’s always sad when nature beats nurture. Why do they always go back?! Thanks for trying, at least.
Load More Replies...Herartbreaking but NO. Again NO. If it is wrong for you, it is wrong for the child.
Don't adopt her. For so many reasons but clearly because your family is not stable and is not realistic about putting the baby's best interests ahead of their fantasies about happy families. They'd also likely pressure you to give her to your sister when she's out of jail, no matter how she is doing.
Or at least have too many opinions on how OP should be raising the child.
Load More Replies...Babies in the foster system are the most likely to be adopted through a public adoption (if this is US). That's the best outcome for her. As you've seen private adoptions are often transactional and are less well regulated, so there are a lot of creepy people buying children. There are plenty of reputable and responsible agencies, but you have to rsearch. The state will be working with their own agency or with agencies that have been vetted. The younger the child the quicker they are usually adopted, and the state can make sure she's placed with someone ready for any medical issues from the addiction etc. Stalling this process just makes it more likely that she won't be in a stable home, either from family interference or because you'd have to research and vet agencies yourself. Don't complicate the life of this littlengirl whose life is already off to a difficult start.
A stranger, as long as they're qualified for the needs of this child, would be for the best. Especially if it can be closed. Then the adoptive parents won't get hassled by the mother from jail or the grandparents from their hoard.
Load More Replies...


































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