I sent a kid to the office because he told an incredibly funny joke and I wanted the dean to hear it. He thought it was great and sent the kid back.

The joke was: Why are Catholics glad Jesus was crucified instead of stones to death (with rocks)? Because now they go (make the sign on the cross) instead of (punches himself randomly about the head and chest). To this day I have never laughed at a student's joke as hard as I did with this one.

Spodson , DegrooteStock Report

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I’m a middle school teacher. I had a student sneak a gas cooker and his moms pork chops into school in a large backpack. He cooked pork chops for his friends at lunchtime, he was sent to the office for unsafe behaviour, his mom was PISSED he took her pork chops she was preparing for dinner.

swanathonjon , Yvette S Report

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I’m not a teacher but am a school psych. I don’t send kids to the office, but some of my teammates sure have… some highlights.

Had a kid hop onto the counter the onto the big whiteboard case, and straight into the drop ceiling. He climbed around up there yelling and screaming, knocking down ceiling tiles, before we finally coaxed him down.

One girl took a class chair and shattered a window in a classroom’s back office. On another day, this same girl gave the assistant principal and me a watercolor paint shower. I was lucky… I was standing just behind the AP and only got a few splatters on my jacket while she ended up getting the full blast.

I lied… I guess I have sent a few kids to the office… once… and all at once. It was last year, and I pull into the parking lot of the junior high school I work at. I get a text and pull up my iPad to reply when I realize something is happening in my peripheral vision. I look up to see five students surrounding one other student who is on the ground getting the s**t beat out of him. I’m an ex hockey player. I liked scrapping when I was a middle and high schooler. I have a very high standard for what I even consider a proper fight. This was a one sided gang beat down.

I go flying out of my rig, and charge up to them. “OY!!!” I shout in a kid’s face, startling him. He was wearing a hooded sweatshirt and a mask, so I could only see his eyes, which were wide with shock. Glad I had that effect, as I was woefully outnumbered, I just kept shouting like a drill instructor… “STAND UP!! GET IN LINE!! MOVE!!” Having asserted moral authority, I quite literally marched this line of kids to the office. The victim of that assault was bruised but otherwise okay. I’m kinda glad it was me who came across it and not the majority of my peers. I’m a relatively tall guy in good shape. I can be intimidating if I need to be, and in that situation, I needed to be.

The_Best_Yak_Ever , pure julia Report

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My Dad gets offered like 16 times the pay to be a professor in Pretoria...so we move to South Africa and he has this student who is just scoring like 8 out of a hundred, then 11, and then 7. At the end of class one day he calls this young lady by name and asks her to stay behind for a second. She walks forward and she is stunningly beautiful. My older sister explained she looked exactly like this Vendela Thommessen who was a sports illustrated swimsuit model....my Sis was with him that day, but behind the screen his projector was being displayed on and peeking around listening. My Dad says "I am afraid this work is a bit too advanced for you. I seen that you have taken the prerequisites and received A's in the classes...is something affecting your performance"?

Now this girl has no idea my sister is behind the screen and this beauty says to my Dad "Well, I earned those A's the same way I am going to get an A in your class...on my knees". My Dad walked her to the Dean's office and when he returned my sister was crying and told my Dad he was a jerk for not praying with her. My sister was 10...

Cannotakema , Priscilla Du Preez Report

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Not a teacher, but in middle school they pulled my kid into the office for "running a slime racket" - she was selling baggies of slime for kids lunch money. Later that year she was pulled into the office and told to stop "illicit sales on school grounds" - turns out she was selling pencils for a quarter and pens for fifty cents, which was half the price you could buy them from the school directly lol.

Same kid, different middle school the next year, got pulled into the office on suspicion of vaping. She wasn't. They held her for three hours in the office with the principal and SRO trying to coerce her into confessing. She told them to search her bag and locker - *they refused* - she started to get pissed off and winged her backpack toward the SRO and said, "Just f*****g search it so I can go back to class." They called me for cussing at the SRO. I absolutely tore into the principal for keeping her out of class half the day and then having the audacity to only call me because she used the f-word and was "being disrespectful" when they could have just looked through her stuff and been done with it.

tamarainspace , Pressmaster Report

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I had to write a kid up during Remote School during the pandemic because he used a smoke machine to pretend his room was on fire and then he abruptly dropped out of the zoom for the rest of the day

Badloss Report

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A grade 1 student came up to me on the playground telling me another student was making her sick. She pointed to another student about 10 metres away, looked at me, and projectile puked on the blacktop.

Went to the other student...he had found rabbit turds on the ground and stuck them in his mouth and was chasing kids around.

I then puked. I didn't go to the office. But rabbit turd kid did.

mollymuppet78 , voronaman111 Report

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I had to send a kid out of my room for an actual live wild rabbit in her backpack! She freaking caught it before she came to class. Fast 5 year old.

Pomegranate_1328 , delightfully_chaotic_me Report

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I had a student that cried every time I would try to encourage her to answer questions in front of the class. I stopped calling her to the board as I feared maybe she was facing pretty bad trauma or anxiety. So I let her do individual work. One day I find out she, during class time, kept sending inappropriate insulting texts around the class about some classmates and myself. When I emailed her mother about this, she went as far as to use her mother’s account to send me an email back saying “just leave her alone”. The next morning she made a remark that I was very inconsiderate for giving out homework when some students work, I was surprised seeing she suddenly spoke loud and interrupted me during class. She attempted to name other students that work after school just like her, but one of them, Aiden, stood up saying “So? I still get my homework done, except I don’t waste time gossiping about others and using crocodile tears when it comes to showing my understanding in class”. She was shocked, stood there for a little bit, and started crying, which clearly felt forced. I sent her straight to the office, from there called her mother to verify who sent the email, and had her come over for a long discussing.

TheRedditDatabase , drazenphoto Report

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Kid shows up to class 10-15 minutes late to a 40-minute period. 7th grade. Shawn: “Sorry Ms. G I was in a bad mood and I didn’t want to bring it to class.”
Me: “Hi Shawn, I will still have to count you tardy. You’re extremely late and I need to know where you are for safety reasons. In the future there’s a counselor request form on my GoogleClassroom page you can fill out.”
Shawn: “Okay thanks”
Things went normally for about 10 minutes, until another student shot a rubber band. It didn’t hit anyone but Shawn decided to take justice into his own hands. In the middle of me giving instruction he gets up, walks slowly across the room (I assumed for a tissue) and smacks the other student across the face.

Pretend_Dog_2253 , LightFieldStudios Report

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Was sitting at my desk one day and a student calls out “hey mister watch this” and then brandishes a bottle of listerine mouthwash and chugs it down in 5 seconds. He then burps and asks if he could go to the nurse so I kindly sent him on his way.

Charming_Tax_4317 , Mike Mozart Report

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Got into a fistfight with their mother outside the classroom door.

jl_theprofessor Report

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A student repeatedly getting on tables and singing Gucci Gang in the middle of class. Every. Day. For. Weeks.

CorieMcP , Ann_Mishel Report

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Tossing a chair at a fellow student's head because they didn't want to let them cheat. Then the follow up with the lovely mother who could not grasp that her kid was being suspended and that she would have to pay medical bills. The other student had a deep gash on his shoulder and I was bruised on my left side from trying to intervene.

lianavan , Pixabay Report

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It was the second day of my first year teaching (5th grade). A student refused to do a writing assignment because she said she forgot how to write in English. When I asked what language she knew how to write in, she said, "I only know Japanese."

Listen... it is plausible a student at my school would be proficient in writing in Japanese. HOWEVER, I had already seen her files. I knew her dad was in a Mexican street gang and that she was being raised by her blind grandmother who was a native Spanish speaker. The likelihood that she knew was fluent in Japanese was a bit far-fetched.

She eventually told me she also speaks Japanese, so I called her out by asking her to say, "I don't want to come to school today" using her newfound foreign language skills. This 11 year old LITERALLY responded with, "Ching chang chong!"

I sent her to the dean's office for refusing to work and man, OH MAN, did it work out perfectly. She sat down with the dean who tried to pry more information from this student...

Only for the dean to explain to the student she herself is half Japanese and attended school in Japan. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall when the student heard the dean speaking ACTUAL Japanese to test the students' knowledge of the language.

The student eventually said she only knew a few Japanese words, which devolved into her admitting the entire story was a lie to get out of doing an assignment. On the second day of school. And lies like this went on allllllllllll year long. So many hilarious, yet equally sad, stories from that year that I still laugh at eight years later....

8MCM1 , valeriygoncharukphoto Report

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One kid kept stabbing another kid in the neck with a needle. The kid getting stabbed *didn't feel it*, but I saw it. The stabber was sent to the office, and the other kid was none the wiser.

Sparklersstars , Dan Cristian Pădureț Report

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When my sister was a substitute teacher a kid ate the dead class fish. It was Monday so it might’ve been dead all weekend

natsugrayerza , MART PRODUCTION Report

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School Counselor here who is forced against their will to mostly remediate behavior.

2nd grader coming back from suspension shouting I’m back mother f**kas upon returning into the room.

4th grader calling other students parents to tell on them. (I thought it was pretty creative despite everyone else being up in arms).

3rd grader having a meltdown about getting parents called. Not in itself a big deal. But the student then shouts, “and they take all their parenting advice from Britney! I hate BRITNEY!”

2nd grader kicking the cane out from beneath an elderly sub.

4th grade gambling ring based of the schools token economy.

5th grade “snack bandit” who covertly sold snacks because the schools food is so bad. (Again not sure why everyone was up in arms).

I can go on…

Cardboard_dad , Denny Müller Report

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I was in my final trainings to be a teacher and working at an elementary school, first grade class and one of my duties was helping kids struggling with their reading.

One girl named Taylor told me that her mom told her that she was too pretty to know how to read. She was dead serious. I end up calling her mom to get this sorted and she comes to the school after the kids had left and tries to f**k me to get her daughter better grades.

TittyMaster310 Report

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South Side Chicago: There was some kid munching down on a T-Bone steak in class. The succulent, delicious meat was distracting the other students, so they sent him to the office to finish it off! Unclear if he was going for the name "T-Bone". No idea how this errant T-Bone was obtained, but it look and smelled like it was freshly made.

ooo-ooo-oooyea , Hanxiao Report

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Jesus my mom. There was a stench in the classroom but they couldn't figure it out for months. A boy was making POOP balls in his desk. Rolling up his turds and putting them where pencils would go on the sides. She has completely blacked out this whole thing.

Necessary_Sir_5079 , Erik Mclean Report

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My moms been a teacher for many years. Apparently one of her middle school students had been coming in day after day just absolutely filthy wearing the same dirty clothes. She notifies the office and they talk to her and the parents. Apparently the family has been living in an RV with no running water (I’m not sure if this is due to homelessness or what-we’re in a rural area and it’s not uncommon to see people living this way). The school offers to let the girl shower at school and they even have a special “shop” of sorts (free to the students of course) for clothing and things like hygiene items. The only issue is the school needs the parents permission to let her shower there at the school and the parents won’t grant it. I’m not sure why. And yes CPS has been notified several times, but they must be deeming the family’s dwelling habitable in some way, though I’m not sure how the parents are getting away with such horrid obvious neglect. My mom says the kid is just so sweet but she smells bad and looks even worse and she’s afraid the bullying will start soon :/ the area I live in is absurdly poor and very rural so sadly such instances are not unusual.

OMEGA__AS_F**K Report

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Not a teacher, but my dad was a bus driver, and one day, this kid gets on the bus, sprinting, and nearly knocks himself out on the chair. When my dad goes over to see what's happened, he realises the kid had no pants on. The mother, who drove off in her car extremely quickly, had literally sent this poor kid to school with no pants on. My dad got a student he knew really well to sit next to this kid and comfort him, and also make sure everyone else wasn't a******s. My dad, when he finally got to the school, walked this kid into the office and asked for a spare pair of pants. Poor kid. That mother was an a*****e.

bananaboy65 , Yanapi Senaud Report

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2 stories:

taking a test, a student sighed and I smell alcohol on his breath. Asked him if he'd been drinking... he said no he had liquor flavored gum...I said at can I have some... he said he'd left it in his car.. go to the office and tell them you need to go to your car. Called to make sure he stayed at school and didn't drive off

Again during a test a student decided he wanted to see what would happen if he put a paper clip in an outlet, there was a flash, the paperclip clip flew across the room and my clock shorted out. Had a quick lesson about electrical current, then off to the office

keenr33 Report

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Kid in boarding tried to cook a whole raw chicken with like 5 minutes in the microwave. A whole chicken.

Deet1950 , Karyna Panchenko Report

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One student bit another student in the arm. He was shocked that I kicked him out because he was "just playing". He left teeth marks in her arm.

This was a 9th grader.

Gneissisnice , Samson Idowu Report

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He stole a door.

RascalCreeper , alexandrabeganskaya Report

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Caught a kid playing LoL on his laptop during evening study. Moved to confiscate it (per school policy) and he slammed it shut, leapt onto the table, dashed over several computers like a f*****g spider to the window and tossed his own damned laptop outside. We were on the third floor so of course it shattered.

It wasn’t the last time he smashed his own property rather than give it up for an evening. He was 17 at the time.

lmeridian Report

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My wife is a high school teacher. She was teaching a lower-level math class, and she had a student who was probably too smart for the class, but too lazy (or too "cool") to take a harder class.

One day, out of boredom, he was throwing his pencil up at the ceiling. On the third or fourth try, it got stuck. So he threw a pen to try to dislodge it. Didn't work. He then threw his notebook at it. Missed again.

So he stands up on the desk-chair-combo, takes his notebook, jumps in the air, and swats at the pencil. Pencil fell to the floor.

He lands on the desk, which (if you remember those desk-chair-combos) is not supported by the chair's center of balance. He falls off the desk and lands on the floor.

Oh wait, did I mention the lock box on his ankle? I think I left that out. The lock box pops off and lands on the floor.

He looks for a second, says "OMG Mrs Hymie0 I have to go to the office the police are coming to get me," grabs the lock box, and sprints out the classroom door.

hymie0 Report

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