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Women Are Sharing The Worst Things They’ve Seen In Guys’ Apartments That Instantly Set Off ‘Red Flags’ For Them (30 Answers)
Interview
It’s incredible how telling the places we inhabit can be. It is human nature to shape one's surroundings, to form it to one's taste and needs. No wonder that over the course of time, your apartment home will mirror your personality.
This may become especially useful when we want to find out more about someone without asking them or spending hours getting to know each other. And when you take a good look around a person’s home, things can take an unexpected turn. What if it has some red flags you should be careful about?
This illuminating thread reveals what particular things women saw in a guy’s apartment set off their alarm bells, and below are the most interesting responses.
We also reached out to Emily Freeman, a dating and attraction coach who empowers driven men to go from confused to confident in their love lives, who shared some very useful and interesting insights about what women look for in a man’s place. She also shared some great tips to make sure you have your place ready before bringing in your date.
“Bringing a woman back to your place for the first time can be exciting and also nerve-racking. Remember she’s likely just as nervous as you. But if she’s graciously accepted your invite to come over, it’s because she’s into you,” Freeman told Bored Panda. Scroll down below for the full interview!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
According to this thread I am a f*****g catch. I own multiple forms of soap in different locations. I own a vacuum cleaner. I have 2 pillows on my bed. Nothing grows on my carpet. My toilet paper comes off a roll and not a daily nudes calendar. My kitchen is accessible and not filled with dirty dishes.
Ladies, please form a single file line.
Emily Freeman has a wide range of diverse programs and expertise areas built to help ambitious men find the missing piece in their life, their dream woman and partnership. “It’s my mission to help men realize their true potential in dating & relationships. To free themselves of lines and tactics and become authentically confident connecting with high-value women.”
“My formulas and approaches to dating have helped hundreds of men release deep-rooted insecurities and discover who they are to attract their dream woman. I focus on getting quickly to the root of my clients’ issues so they can transcend them and experience completely new realities in dating,” the dating coach explained about her job.
Throughout the years, Freeman has helped hundreds of CEOs, public figures, physicians, entrepreneurs, and high-performing executives and professionals release their dating blocks, step into their most empowered selves, and get the woman of their dreams, so she surely had some insights to share with us.
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#2
Having worked with social services, if the bathroom lock looks like it’s been replaced several times, leave and don’t go back.
#3
If there's plastic over the furniture, that can only mean one of three things:
1. He has extreme OCD
2. He's repainting
3. You're about to have your organs harvested
First of, Freeman noted that women notice small details. “They notice the way your place looks, smells, and feels. They take it all in.”
According to the dating coach, women open up and want to get closer to a man when they feel safe. “They’re looking to see if you have a clear vision and plan to get there. The way you live tells her what you value and if you consider her desires and needs,” Freeman explained.
#4
The Confederate flag
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 1 year ago
On a hat, on a shirt, on a tattoo, doesn't matter, that flag is a hate symbol on par with the swastika.
#5
I've gone on two separate first dates where I've gone back to his place, only to find an array of BDSM equipment laid out neatly on his bed in anticipation -- once to be used on him, once to be used on me. (It wasn't used on either of us, either time.) These were *first dates.*
I'm down, but there has to be a conversation first, you know? You can't just spring that on someone.
Having said that, Freeman assured us that women don’t expect a man’s place to look like a Pinterest image. “They get that design and details aren’t necessarily your forte, though it’s always a bonus if your place looks polished.”
#6
I like to follow the advice of one of my favourite quotes:
"We need to make books cool again. If you go home with somebody and they don't have books, don't f**k them."
-John Waters
#7
Once went on a date with a guy. Went back to his studio apartment and there was a “security” camera on the wall that had the bed and whole living area in view. Didn’t know him very well, didn’t fully trust the camera was off. Red flag
However, there are some big red flags men should avoid when bringing their date home. “But when your place is messy, there’s no bedframe, or there are signs of other women, her guard can go up. She’s less likely to want to get into your bed sheets if they aren’t fresh.”
This is important because when a woman is looking for a partner, she is searching for signs of what her life will be like with a man, Freeman explains. “She wants to know you can take care of yourself. When your place is clean and organized, it shows her you can plan and lead. In other words, she'll sense you could be a great potential teammate and want to get closer to you.”
#8
I once dated a guy who had a six-inch marijuana plant growing from his damply disgusting bathroom carpet. It wasn't so much the weed that put me off, it was that he had shag carpeting *in the bathroom.*
#9
No soap in the bathroom to wash your hands.
Joshua David 1 year ago
I have a best friend who will have a Christmas celebration and not put soap or towels in the guest bath. It's odd.
“A tidy and furnished home tells her that you are ready for a long-term relationship. That you know how to plan ahead, not only for her arrival but for the relationship moving forward,” the dating coach explained.
When asked how you should prepare your home before bringing your date home, Freeman said that a woman will notice if your place is clean and tidy. “She’ll look at your floors, countertops, and bed. She’ll notice if there are crumbs, clothes and shoes lying around, or if your bed isn’t made.”
#10
I went to a guys (late 20's) apartment and he had spongebob squarepants sheets and the entire collection of ICarly on dvd. He did not have kids.
Edit: I realize that these things alone could be harmless. These were just the initial red flags though. I stopped talking to him after he showed me a picture of his 13 year old sister that he carried around with him and talked about how "sexy" she was and how he didn't understand why his mom wouldn't allow him to come visit her.
#11
No cleaning supplies. No toilet cleaner, dish soap, dish rack, mop, broom, vacuum, dirty dishes in the sink (like a pile that hasn't been done in a while), no trash bag in the trash can. lots more but can't think of all of them right now
General Anaesthesia 1 year ago
Waiting for that "I'll go on a second date but first I'll have to clean your place up" person.
What’s also important is to help a woman feel comfortable and relaxed. Freeman’s tip is to have something refreshing to offer her. “And a clean glass to put it in!”
Moreover, she’ll also notice the lighting, the dating coach says. “Lighting can either make a woman feel relaxed or want to run for the hills. Ditch any fluorescent bulbs for soft white light. Dimmers are always a plus!”
And last but not least, Freeman reminds men eager to make a great impression on their date not to forget about the bathrooms. “Have clean towels hanging and put the toilet seat down for her.”
#12
Cat s**t smeared around the litter box and ground into the floor. Anything having to do with s**t, p**s, and mold not being cleaned up/taken care of.
It just baffles me, like if this is what you're willing to show me the first time I ever visit your apartment I can't imagine what horrors await me when we really get to know each other.
Edit: in addition to this, your cat having constant diarrhea in addition to everything above is a huge red flag that you not only can't take care of yourself, but you also can't take care of the one other life that you are in charge of
#13
Pee in water bottles.
Walked in. Took a look and walked right the f**k back out.
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 1 year ago
WHY?!? Why not just use the bathroom? why are people like this?
Now, if you want to take a step further and make sure that your place really makes an impression, then there are some tricks to try. Freeman’s advice is to have scent sticks or a diffuser to make the place smell like a high-end department store or hotel. “Candles are always a nice touch too. Just make sure there aren’t so many that she wonders if you have expectations of where the night will go,” she explained.
#14
He has much more stuff than he can realistically afford to own. And I don't just mean unmanageable debt. Let's say he has no debts but he's consistently vague or dodgy about what he does for a living. "I'm into imports". FLEE.
#15
Sheets that smell and look dirty.
No soap at the bathroom sink.
Skid marks
Clear evidence that he eats straight out of the pot or pan. Edit- eating out of the pot, ok, efficient. My true objection was that there were always multiple pots with food left lying around his place. Accidentally stepping into a pan of cold pasta is never an experience I want to repeat.
Sink full of dishes growing their own life forms.
Huge gaming computer with trash all around it, literally thrown on the ground and never dealt with.
Soap scum in the shower so thick you can run a nail through it to the tiling.
This is all one guy. I should have noped out faster, but was ignorant of men being decent creatures. Tbf- I was 19.
Edit- spelling. And clarification regarding pots.
Moreover, “It’s always a good idea to have a stash of extra, unopened toothbrushes,” Freeman argues. “But don’t go too above and beyond to have extra toiletries. This may give her the idea you have frequent female visitors,” she warned.
“When she walks into your bedroom, there should be two bedside tables — one for you and one for her on each side of the bed.”
#16
Too many mirrors.
Erotic art.
A half completed suit made of human skin on a tailors dummy.
#17
A closet full of empty alcohol bottles presented as an achievement
Most importantly, Freeman suggests “instead of focusing on the outcome or her opinion of you, shift your attention to how it feels to have her in your place.”
“How does she walk into the place? Does she offer to take off her shoes? Do you feel like she’s respectful of your stuff? Does she thank you for offering her a beverage?”
#18
Crispy socks
That Bi Book Lover 1 year ago
I did not know how much two words could make me gag. Thank you for that mental image.
#19
Holes in walls. F**k no.
EDIT: I was talking about holes he punched in anger (or for fun, which is crazy behaviour)
EDIT 2: I'm SO SORRY to all the guys and girls out there with anger management issues that they are working on. I didn't mean to belittle your situation. I was thinking of the type of person who smashes walls, furniture, windows and people without giving a damn what happens next. I was thinking of legitimate A******S. Anger issues does NOT make you an a*****e by default (I struggle with this sometimes too, though not to the extent that others have mentioned, so I get how it messes up your self-esteem and ideas about what kind of person you are). For all of those people who are struggling with this type of issue and are trying to fix it, you deserve utmost respect. That s**t is HARD. Sorry for the blow to the self-esteem, that's not fun when you're already struggling. ):
Even more important than how your place looks, Freeman added, is how you two feel in it. “If she seems nervous, stay in the common areas and help her feel more relaxed by sitting close to her while leaving breathing room,” the dating coach concluded.
#20
Decorates with beer logos and pics of weed culture.
A person so into their alcohol and drugs that they decorate their apartment with it is just not going to be a quality relationship.
Edit: Okay, clarification of my intent is needed lol. I'm talking about the apt of someone out of college, who has plastered his walls with PBR flattened cases (for soundproofing, man!), has pyramids of beer bottles (because it's cool, man!). Many posters of Bob Marley with weed, Cheech and Chong with weed, pictures of weed leaf everywhere, has beer logo bath towels, beer logo drinking glasses, has a couch throw that is weed leaf designs, the massive bong, water pipe and 8 lead hookah are the star attraction in the living room. THIS is the type of manchild I am referring to.
#21
No hand towels/paper towels/anything to dry my f*****g hands on in the bathroom after I wash my hands.
#22
Plates and/or silverware crusted with old food.
Bonus points if they're plastic.
Extra bonus points if they're in the bedroom.
Extra extra bonus points if they're in the sink with the dishwasher empty.
#24
One often overlooked thing is *too different from yours*. If it's too dirty or too clean compared to how you keep yours, get ready to deal with the difference. A messy person will always leave a mess, and a clean one will nag you about yours.
Then there's in-depth hobbies. It's not necessarily a bad thing if someone has anime figurines or sexy calendars, but the question always is, do you? If someone likes something enough to have it around and buy associated merchandise, it's a major hobby. If you can't enjoy it together, it will stand between you.
Animelover14 1 year ago
Hobbies don’t stand between people. You each can have your own hobbies and find new stuff you enjoy together
#25
A bathroom sink and floor so covered in hair you’re not sure what color the sink is/was.
A bedroom filled with so much s**t it looks like a hoarder house.
No couches. No sitting area. Just a tv and a lawn chair for gaming.
I walked out within 10 minutes and regretted A LOT.
Edit: spelling because typing is hard.
#26
Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue tearouts all over the walls by their twin bed, when they are a 25yr-old adult.
#27
I once met a girl who had a wedding dress in her apartment, she said she was saving it for a special day.
I left quickly after that.
EmbersAreOut 1 year ago
I mean, if she got the dress from someone, or it was on sale and she new she would like the style in the future, i would not find that a problem. If she just bought a full-price wedding dress for no reason, that might be an issue. Also did she ever mention having a previous partner? Maybe they were going to get married but it ended after she had gotten the dress.
#28
No toilet paper. Sick full of dishes. Stank. Crunchy hand towels. BEDSHEETS TACKED UP FOR CURTAINS AND YOUR A*S IS OVER 22.
Not owning a hammer is weird too but that's all genders and I might be the weirdo there. Unsure.
#30
Roommates who don't ask your name or really even say hi. This usually means he has girls in and out of the apartment and they don't feel like putting the effort in any longer.
What do you think ?
TheDag 1 year ago
Ladies I don't mean to brag but I can actually put the toilet roll on the correct way and my bed has not 1 or 2 but 4 pillows with a duvet set that matches XD In all seriousness though, a persons home tells you a lot about themselves. If your disgusted by their living conditions your probably going to be disappointed down the line
Fembot 1 year ago
Depends on what you call the correct way of hanging the toilet roll buddy 👀 (‘over’, obviously). But yeah, have an upvote
Load More Replies...
Debbie 1 year ago
In my opinion, red flags is an overused term nowadays for any flaw someone has. Not being good at cleaning doesn't mean a red flag as person. People aren't perfect. We get different advice: Don't hold yourself up to those picture perfect images of houses and families you see - sometimes 80% is enough. (in parenting, cleaning etc). But reading most of these "red flags" posts sound like people DO expect others to be picture perfect regarding househould, personal life, etc. I am not a housewife. My house is cluttered, I try to keep it clean, I try to keep everything stocked, I try to keep up with laundry (I am divorced, 3 kids, work 36hrs a week, have kids every other week and have hobbies). I am more than just a cleaner or mom, so I would like to spend time on me being a person (as in, relax, hobby,sport,socialize etc). The big question with all these "red flags" is self reflection - what bad habits do you have? Those red flags used to be called flaws/ bad habits. Everyone has them.
Happy_Pandalover 1 year ago
Some of this is really specific, as in some people having bad experiences with one person. Other than that we could sum up: Bad smell, dirty, lack of hygiene equipment, photos/ personal belongings of (ex) girlfriends are bad signs for most people.
NY Rat27 1 year ago
Yeah, bdsm s**t laid neatly on the bed is also pretty bad
Load More Replies...
TheDag 1 year ago
Ladies I don't mean to brag but I can actually put the toilet roll on the correct way and my bed has not 1 or 2 but 4 pillows with a duvet set that matches XD In all seriousness though, a persons home tells you a lot about themselves. If your disgusted by their living conditions your probably going to be disappointed down the line
Fembot 1 year ago
Depends on what you call the correct way of hanging the toilet roll buddy 👀 (‘over’, obviously). But yeah, have an upvote
Load More Replies... Debbie 1 year ago
In my opinion, red flags is an overused term nowadays for any flaw someone has. Not being good at cleaning doesn't mean a red flag as person. People aren't perfect. We get different advice: Don't hold yourself up to those picture perfect images of houses and families you see - sometimes 80% is enough. (in parenting, cleaning etc). But reading most of these "red flags" posts sound like people DO expect others to be picture perfect regarding househould, personal life, etc. I am not a housewife. My house is cluttered, I try to keep it clean, I try to keep everything stocked, I try to keep up with laundry (I am divorced, 3 kids, work 36hrs a week, have kids every other week and have hobbies). I am more than just a cleaner or mom, so I would like to spend time on me being a person (as in, relax, hobby,sport,socialize etc). The big question with all these "red flags" is self reflection - what bad habits do you have? Those red flags used to be called flaws/ bad habits. Everyone has them.
Happy_Pandalover 1 year ago
Some of this is really specific, as in some people having bad experiences with one person. Other than that we could sum up: Bad smell, dirty, lack of hygiene equipment, photos/ personal belongings of (ex) girlfriends are bad signs for most people.
NY Rat27 1 year ago
Yeah, bdsm s**t laid neatly on the bed is also pretty bad
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