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29 Things That May Set Off Blaring Alarm Sirens In Your Head But Are Actually The Greenest Of Flags
Interview With Author
I think more and more often, we hear phrases like ‘green flags’ and ‘red flags’. There are plenty of discussions online where folks share what their red flags are, what, in their opinions, are red flags that their partners do, or what they consider a ‘red flag’ in other people. The same goes for ‘green flags’, just as you may understand - those are actually good things.
However, have you ever had a discussion about the actual ‘green flags’ that at first may seem like red ones? For example, being too kind - it often may look like it’s impossible to always be happy and makes us think that something must be wrong with this person, but it also can be quite the opposite. Or quick texting - again, we are so used to these ‘rules’ we have created that we have to wait a certain amount of time before answering so we won't seem desperate - but let’s be clear, not playing games and sharing one's thoughts is way better.
So, guys, dive into these ‘green flags’ that are often misinterpreted as ‘red flags’, upvote your favorites and share your thoughts below!
More info: Reddit
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#1
I have one that I’m pretty certain of and girl I’m seeing disagrees. I don’t think you should meet a woman’s children from previous marriage until a month or so into it. Like make me earn the right to meet your kids. Girl wants me to meet her kids on day three and I’m like “no” and SHE thinks it’s a red flag. Girl you don’t know me, if you want to f**k me on the first date that’s fine, but keep me away from your kids until you know I’m not a crazy person.
Sweet Taurus 1 year ago
I wish more people thought this way! Kids get attached to people and their little minds don't understand how a breakup works.
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#2
Having good friends of another gender. A lot of people think guys having female best friends (or vice versa) is a red flag but personally it shows me that you view women/men as people rather than mere objects of attraction.
“The recent surge in popularity of ‘red flag’ and ‘green flag’ discussions, particularly on TikTok with its playful filters, piqued my curiosity,” shared the creator of this thread with Bored Panda. “As I matured, I recognized that not all flags are as clear-cut as portrayed. This sparked my desire to explore the nuances of these labels through my Reddit thread.”
#3
I thought my husband was full of s**t because he was so nice to me while dating. 6 years later it turns out he’s just genuinely a good person.
#4
Being quiet/reserved. It can easily be interpreted as someone being boring, not fun, unintelligent, etc. But it can also be that someone is mature, has good internal guidance, or just humble.
LaserBrain 1 year ago (edited)
I had a friend who many people thought was stuck up because she didn't talk to people much. In reality she was just shy. Also quite attractive, which is why people thought she was stuck up.
#5
Close relationship with a parent. Yes I’ve met “momma’s boys” but also sons who are attentive to his mom. Or dad. Same for daughters.
The author noted that the overwhelming engagement with his thread, especially given its newness, genuinely surprised him.
“One particularly unique comment, suggesting colorblindness as a misinterpreted ‘green flag’, left me pondering its deeper meaning, whether serious or humorous.”
#6
When my wife and I met she thought it was a major red flag I had only been in one serious relationship before that. Turns out getting to know and love yourself before anyone else is a good thing.
#7
I’ve backed down and/or laughed off other guys’ attempts to fight me, and have been told by (ex-)girlfriends that it dampened their attraction to me. Conversely, I’ve had women tell me their attraction to me skyrocketed after witnessing me get into a confrontation. Apparently de-escalating (or just, not escalating?) a situation can make men look weak.
I’ve played hockey for half my life and am perfectly confident in myself physically, but in the USA you never know what someone might be carrying. And even besides that - fighting does not make you cool, or tough, or a “real” man. They are ex-girlfriends for a reason, but I do worry about the type of men they may have ended up with.
BarkingSpider 1 year ago
Definitely a green flag. The macho thing is not only annoying, it's dangerous. If they will hit a stranger, will they hit me? Even if not, accidents happend and people die, then you go to jail. No thank you.
We then asked OP to share the most surprising or insightful responses that he received, and he emphasized that one of them highlighted the misinterpreted "red flag" of personality shifts during personal struggles.
“The comment explained that someone being less bubbly around you compared to others may not signal displeasure, but rather, trust and comfort in expressing vulnerability. This insightful perspective truly shifted my understanding,” he said.
#8
Quick/responsive texting. None of this wait as long as or one day s**t. Got something to say then please do. No games
DennyS (denzoren) 1 year ago
I usually respond quickly because my phone is next to me most of the time. I'm not always on it, but if something pops up I'll check it.
#9
A big "Green Flag" that could be misinterpreted as a "Red Flag" is someone being extremely cautious and slow in entering a romantic relationship. While it may seem like they're not interested or are being distant, they might just be taking their time to ensure a healthy and stable foundation for the relationship, which can actually be a sign of maturity and commitment in the long run
#10
Clear boundaries. If you come in with emotional immaturity, boundaries can seem cruel, arbitrary, and alienating
Finally, OP emphasized that he believes misinterpretations arise when ‘green flags’ like extroversion or independent singlehood are perceived negatively. “Someone naturally engaging with others shouldn't be deemed manipulative, and an attractive individual choosing to be single shouldn't be labeled a player.”
He notes that judging such aspects without context overlooks valuable personality traits and personal choices.
And guys, don’t forget to check out his YouTube channel, Instagram, Snapchat and Reddit profiles! Feel free to follow him and create further discussions!
#11
I had a girlfriend flip out on me for comforting one of her friends who was going through a bad breakup. GF demanded to know if the friend and I had something going on; I was just trying to be a good listener.
#12
Overly kind. Someone that loves and appreciates you like a golden retriever. Some people distrust happy and warm people
#13
Being thrifty with how you spend money can be misinterpreted or appear as being cheap but having a partner who is financially responsible is always a good thing.
DennyS (denzoren) 1 year ago
I always have to explain this, I'm not cheap, I'm just very careful with the way I spend. It doesn't mean I don't get nice things and stuff, I just don't spend wildly or carelessly. I know what it feels like to be completely broke, I'm not ending up there again.
#14
One I only discovered recently. When a person going through some difficult stuff is less friendly and cheerful around you than they are around other people, it can make you feel defensive. You might think it means they're upset with you, but sometimes it can mean this person feels safe expressing their more vulnerable emotions around you.
It's really counterintuitive.
EDIT: Didn't expect much traction with this one, but I wanted to add some good points responders are making. If the person is like this all the time that's not a green flag, that's a straight up red flag. And if they are verbally or otherwise abusive that's also a red flag. What I described above is strictly about a person being less friendly and cheerful (not aggressive/abusive) while they are going through some difficult stuff (as opposed to all the time).
#15
In the case of my own marriage:
My wife grew up abjectly poor. I was raised -- not rich, but decidedly middle class.
Her interest in my financial stability was a self-serving way to make sure I could take care of her in a *stable* way, rather than her being a gold-digger. And she *never* saw me as a way to replace her own financial contribution.
#16
One time a human resources person at a job interview asked me why I applied. I said that a manufacturing company who lists a gym for employees in the ad must be a great company. The person recoiled and said something like we're hiring people to do the job, not work out in the gym.
I couldn't believe how badly they missed the point.
A. I didn't post a gym in the ad, the company did
B. I was simply using it as an example to say how impressed I was with the company
The person misconstrued the goodness on the part of their company and miscontrued the level of attention I was paying to the job ad as being alarming red flags.
I've always felt that human resource types are the worst people to hire others. I always feel like they know nothing about their company and product and judge people on whether they bow down to them.
DB 1 year ago
My work green flag/red flag is being pessimistic. Most companies don't like people who point out the flaws in their business practices or see the potential problems in a new product or procedure. I just get told I'm being too negative. And you're right about HR people being the worst qualified to hire others. Too many have little or no experience outside of HR and see themselves as experts on how the company works.
#17
Not having any social media
#18
Had a coworker saying that the way I talk about my ex is both a red and green flag. Because I speak very highly of her it seems like I’m still hung up, but it’s also good that I’m not someone constantly talking s**t on my ex
#19
Sharing your insecurities. If you are comfortable enough with a partner to explain what makes you tick, I'd say that flag is greener than a traffic light
BrownTabby 1 year ago (edited)
Again, if you’re turning people off then you’re doing too much talk and not enough action. It’s normal to do SOME talking about your insecurities, but at the end of the day YOU need to be the one to overcome them. I can’t do that for you.
#20
Being able to own up to and speak to personal faults and failings could easily be misread at the beginning stages of dating.
#21
Still being friends with exes
Lots of people take that as a red flag for getting into a relationship
Alternative view: you mean every previous relationship you've had has ended toxically? Seems to be one common factor here....
LaserBrain 1 year ago (edited)
To me, if people can still be friends after they are no longer lovers, it's a sign of emotional maturity.
#23
Driving a cheap car. Are they broke or do they just use their money for more important thing than a car?
DennyS (denzoren) 1 year ago
I have a cheap old car. However, it is well maintained and gets me everywhere. It costs a fraction of what my colleagues pay to service/repair their vehicles. Also, less fancy stuff to go bad lol
#26
They are cautious and silent, and go off the grid for a day or two randomly.
#27
They always smile, seem chipper, always give compliments. They aren't afraid to speak or socialize.
#28
Being overly interested in you.
DennyS (denzoren) 1 year ago
As an introvert and a not very trusting person that would have me on my guard at first but once you're cool, sure, ask away. Lol
#29
Android user
Java Addict 1 year ago
I need something to make calls, text, and browse the internet. I do not need something that costs a thousand bucks to do that.
What do you think ?
DB 1 year ago
My green flag that is often seen is a red flag is being pessimistic. Being aware of the potential pitfalls in any given situation can save you from disaster. But I get told that I'm too negative even when it turns out I was right.
Aiden Brough 1 year ago
Perhaps we need stop thinking everything is a red flag and maybe, just maybe, there isn't some ulterior motive behind everything?
David Paterson 1 year ago
One thing that people frequently take as a red flag but is actually a green flag is immaturity. Immaturity is a necessary prerequisite for marriage. Maturity should be seen as the red flag. Maturity in too young a person is a sign of permanent trauma, maturity in an older person tends to be a sign of being emotionally manipulative.
DB 1 year ago
My green flag that is often seen is a red flag is being pessimistic. Being aware of the potential pitfalls in any given situation can save you from disaster. But I get told that I'm too negative even when it turns out I was right.
Aiden Brough 1 year ago
Perhaps we need stop thinking everything is a red flag and maybe, just maybe, there isn't some ulterior motive behind everything?
David Paterson 1 year ago
One thing that people frequently take as a red flag but is actually a green flag is immaturity. Immaturity is a necessary prerequisite for marriage. Maturity should be seen as the red flag. Maturity in too young a person is a sign of permanent trauma, maturity in an older person tends to be a sign of being emotionally manipulative.
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