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If you’ve ever ventured into the dating arena, and at some point we all have, you’ve probably either done it or had it done to you, or both. Yup, we’re talking about ghosting — a deep urge to cut off all communication and vaporize into thin air — which has been a part of the modern dating vocabulary for years.
This simple, silent adieu can strike daters at virtually any time. You might realize you have nothing in common by the end of the third date. Or you may discover there’s literally zero chemistry between the two of you right before the three-month mark. But as it turns out, sometimes all it takes is one rude, infuriating, and straight-up creepy conversation.
Several days ago, user Bock314 reached out to the women of 'Ask Reddit,' inviting them to share the things men do that make them "ghostable." And as soon as the responses started rolling in, their tales show just how bad things can get. Women opened up about the wild situations where men went too far, which made ghosting seem acceptable, healthy, and even necessary. We’ve gathered some real-life stories that tick all the boxes for what you should never do while pursuing love. So continue scrolling to check everything out, and don't miss the chat we had about ghosting with Canada-based dating coach Sally Heart.
Psst! After you’re finished with this list, take a look at our earlier pieces featuring men making questionable decisions right here.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I met a guy at a bar once. He seemed like a nice guy and we exchanged numbers.
The following week, he asked me out. I told him I couldn't that night, but I was free tomorrow.
Why? He asked. I told him I had a funeral tomorrow morning and just didn't feel like going out. "What time is the funeral?" he said. "I won't stay too long, please I really want to see you..."
He wouldn't take no for an answer, and to me that is a HUGE red flag. I ghosted him after that.
Guido Pisano 2 years ago
when someone asks "why" it is just a red flag. You don't have to justify. If you can't you can't. Whatever is the reason...
RELATED:
#2
The last guy I went on a date with before I met my husband comes to mind. This guy and I clicked pretty fast and had a wonderful all-day adventure as a first date. He lived 1.5 hours away from me.
We were messaging for a day after the date and everything seemed to be going well. He then asked if I wanted to meet him that weekend for his friends' New Year party. I told him sorry I had plans to go to one with my friends, but I'd love to meet up the next day.
After about 10 minutes he called me. I answered all happily, thinking we were going to plan the next date. He sounded pissed and said forcefully, "You're not going with your friends to that party." "......um. why not...?" "Because other guys will be there. And you're with me." "Hey you know, I enjoyed our first date but I don't think this is going to work. " "YOU F*****G B***H. YOU'RE NOT EVEN THAT HOT ANY..." *click.*
He starts sending apology texts and after 3 back to back, I blocked and ghosted. Ew.
Had a blast at my party!
#3
Went out on a coffee date with a guy. He admitted that he placed a GPS tracker in his ex's car to track her without her knowledge.
Immediately no.
Octavia Hansen 2 years ago
I BRIEFLY dated a man who was driving by/stalking his latest EX when he wasn't with me. I thought he might do this to me when he gets his next girlfriend -- a never ending cycle for him . . .
To gain more insight on the topic, we reached out to dating coach Sally Heart who aims to help women build the necessary mindset and strategy to find and attract the love they truly deserve. Being the creator of a free online dating safety course called Safety Hacks for Online Dating that’s designed to keep women safe from the dangers of online dating, she was more than happy to share her thoughts on the matter.
Knowing the ins and outs of the dating pool, Heart told Bored Panda that sometimes finding yourself in unfortunate situations comes down to bad luck, a lack of awareness, or a lack of seeing the warning signs that could’ve prevented these scenarios to begin with.
#4
When you've known them for a whole 10 minutes and they're already making sexual comments.
CatWoman312 2 years ago
This is the standard today it seems. I don’t understand why they think that’s okay. It’s creepy, predatory even.
#5
Being rude to the service staff. There is no excuse for it, and it means you are just an a*****e.
#6
Any hint of violent tendencies or general anger management issues. Immediate block, not dealing with that. If I feel threatened, your feelings about being ghosted do not supersede mine of feeling safe.
Vasana Phong 2 years ago
Scary ones are the ones that are nice in the beginning, then some time in, their true behavior/ characteristics come out
But as you’ve probably noticed from the examples featured in this list, nightmarish dates are all too common. A 2020 study by Pew Research Center found that around one-third of women using dating apps have been called an offensive name. And, alarmingly, six-in-ten women under the age of 35 reported men continued to pursue them after they said they were not interested. That’s double the rate that men experience.
"Often dating horror stories and tragedies happen when a woman takes herself out of public space and into a private one, where the man is in control," Heart explained. "The key is to be aware of potential dangers so you can avoid them completely."
If you’re able to pick up the signs beforehand, "the worst-case scenario becomes just a bad date who was rude to the waiter or made you feel uncomfortable with his presence or conversation — not such a horror — just a regular bad date."
#7
Talk about how they treated their exes, children, and employees in a way that demonstrates they are clearly controlling and toxic w/o realizing it.
#8
If he isn't wholeheartedly and actively supporting abortion rights and bodily autonomy then that would be it for me.
#9
Telling me you like me better with X or you’re glad I don’t do Y like some girls. Complimenting me by putting others down is a no for me dog.
But how can you know that a guy sitting in front of you is capable of such awkwardness, rudeness, and discomfort? Well, dating coach Heart was eager to offer some of the most common red flags women should look out for. Or consider ghosting if they’re already present.
"If the creep factor is there, like weird or insidious comments that make you feel uncomfortable or even scared, things that cause a genuine concern for one’s safety, it’s enough to make women want to ghost."
"Other men are just so overtly rude or despicable that women don’t want to have to explain or even deal with the fallout of saying 'I’m not interested,'" she added. "Many of us have seen how rejection can escalate bad behavior from men, which is why some women feel safer to simply ghost."
#10
Send unsolicited nudes and still have the audacity to ask if I want some of it
#11
Back when I worked night shift at the hospital. Guy I was newly dating wanted to hangout that night before my shift, around 5pm. I tried to explain that I would be sleeping until my shift, and that 5pm was like 5am to me and I did NOT want to hang out. He didn't get it. He proceeded to ignore my wishes and let himself into my apartment to "surprise" me by tickling my feet while I slept. I definitely ghosted him, and also changed the locks.
Nikki Sevven 2 years ago
Why on Earth did he have access to your apartment if you were "newly dating?"
#12
Giving attitude or guilt trips before even meeting. Had one guy who when I didn’t respond fast enough to his liking started in with the ‘ok well I guess you don’t want to talk then’ passive aggressive comments. Instant no.
Stephanie Cunningham 2 years ago
Yes! During my VERY brief time using online dating apps, I had a guy get really upset with me because I wouldn't meet him to go hiking during the height of the pandemic. Sorry bro, I have relatives who are dependent on oxygen and I can't risk making them sick for some rando from Bumble.
Of course, ghosting is an easy and not-so-scary way to cut all ties with your date — way less daunting than having a frank conversation or typing out what’s on your mind, as well as your heart. In fact, getting ghosted is now simply a fact of life in the modern dating world. A survey by the dating site Plenty of Fish found that 78% of single Millennials — people on the site between the ages of 18 and 33 — have experienced it at least once.
#13
The second a guy suggests I'm upset just because I'm on my period I am gone.
#14
Call me nicknames like “sweetheart” or “baby girl” when I’ve never met them before.
#15
One guy texted me after our first date that he wanted to put me in a pokeball so he could keep me forever and only take me out when he wanted me… and then texted a load of abuse when I didn’t reply immediately (I was trying to figure out wtf to even say to that!)
So yeah, that.
SheamusFanFrom1987 2 years ago
As a Pokemon fanboy growing up, I wish I could have walked around with 6 friends surrounding me rather than in their Pokeballs. That monster deserves to be charred by Charizard's Fire Blast... Smh...
But as anyone who's been on the opposite side of the fence knows, being ignored hurts, is confusing, and leaves you with countless unanswered questions. "It’s always recommended by me to be upfront and tell someone that you’re not interested," Heart noted.
"That said, if a woman is genuinely concerned and creeped out, it may be best to just block a number and move on. This is especially true when someone has been threatening your safety in some capacity," the coach suggested.
#16
Making demands thinking they’re being suave or manly(?)
I went out for a drink with a guy once. When the bartender came by, he ordered some drink for me that I knew I wouldn’t like. I said “No I’ll have-“ and he just interrupted me and said “NO, you’re drinking what I ordered you”.
Another time, an old friend found out I was going to be in his town and sent me a message saying “ok we’re going to hang out”. I was going there for a funeral so I said ‘no, I won’t have time and don’t feel like it’. He wrote back “LOL no we’re hanging out, you don’t get a say”.
I end up never speaking to them again.
TheAquarius1978 2 years ago
To be fair, on the second story i'v done that to friends and they to me, never was an isue, if the other person can't he/She just hás to say it " no dude i really can't, " and that is it, we do it as a joke, not as a comand.
#17
Negging or other forms of “c’mon, I’m just joking” forms of devaluation. I have absolutely no tolerance for it anymore. Men if you are reading this and you do it, understand it is a form of emotional abuse and you are giving off abuser red flags.
#18
Not respecting boundaries. Instant no.
genevieve.delangie 2 years ago
i had a “boyfriend” who was telling everyone he was going to kiss me. i didn’t want to do that since i wasn’t ready and he still kept trying. broke that one off immediately.
Even when we all know that the online dating game is not for the faint of heart, and we have all experienced a simply disastrous date at some point, the dating coach wanted to remind you it can also be fun and lead to wonderful and even long-lasting relationships. "Don’t let one bad apple ruin the bunch, so to speak. The best thing to do is to learn how to do it effectively and safely."
"The main thing to remember is that these men are strangers and should be treated as such in the beginning. I advise anyone to take my free safety hacks online dating program to be sure that they are safeguarding themselves from risk to personal safety and scammers," Heart concluded.
#19
When they come on strong sexually from the jump.
Years ago when I was on tinder men would message asking if they’d correctly guessed my bra size before even saying hi.
Or they’d ask my favourite sex position, or if I swallow, or if I’m flexible, or if I thought I could handle their d***s.
Like Jesus Christ what would compel anyone to respond to messages like that?? From someone apparently 1km away from me? Of course I’m ghosting.
And blocking.
And reporting.
#20
I got covid and had to cancel a date. I sent him a picture of my two positive tests, just to reassure him it wasn’t anything he’d done to make me cancel. Honestly he’d seemed a bit insecure when we’d talked prior to this and instead of heeding that red flag I had just offered him reassurance up to that point. He said he had a crappy ex who made him feel insecure and I felt some sympathy for him. Well, he accused me of not being interested and faking covid to get out of a date with him. As if I wouldn’t just tell him the truth and cancel? We’re in our 30’s.
I think he thought I was going to fawn all over him and beg him to hang out or tell him it wasn’t really covid or something. But instead I called him out on his sh**ty behavior and he quickly tried to backpedal and say he was just kidding (he wasn’t. It was obvious.) I left him on read and ghosted. He happened to see me on a dating app about a month later and tried to hit me up like nothing had ever happened. I ignored him.
The funny thing is, is that he had to cancel our original first date planned the week before because of a work commitment and I was totally understanding about it. S**t happens. Guess he couldn’t extend that same courtesy to me when I got sick.
Another red flag I ignored was him telling me that “girls don’t want nice guys like me, they want bad boys who treat them like s**t and that’s why I’m single, I’m too good of a guy to them.” Ugh. Glad I ghosted.
#21
Persist in asking me “what are you wearing” every. single. f*****g. day.
Clothes, ok buddy? I’m wearing f*****g clothes.
#22
When they only compliment you and don't let the conversation flow. Example
-You have the most beautiful smile
-thank you, you too. How's your day?
-you look sexy in that pic
-haha thanks, I see you like playing the guitar, how long have you been playing
-Your eyes are like....
Like goddammit cut the b******t
#23
i’ve ghosted guys that have had crazy road rage while in the car with me. if you scream and curse at the top of your lungs and hit your steering wheel etc just because someone didn’t merge fast enough for you I don’t want to be around you lol.
#25
Spamming you with messages. Anything past 5 in a row is creepy
I once had a guy spam me with 300 voice notes when I went on holiday and couldn't be on my phone 24/7.
2picklesinabun 2 years ago
I hate how people think that just because you have a cellphone means you have to be available 24/7. NO! F that
#26
I was on a date once when I was much younger where I realized the guy was manipulating and lying to me in order to have sex with me, and pushing my physical boundaries way too much despite my very clear protests (e.g. "I'm not going to take my shirt off." Then the guy sticks his hands up under my shirt). It took way too long to convince him to get away from me so I could leave, while having to be polite out of fear of what he might do in retaliation. I sincerely feared I was going to be date r*ped. It was a shame because we'd actually been having a fairly nice time up until then.
So... yeah, that. Naive go-with-the-flo even felt bad about not returning his texts for a while.
EDIT: Oh, just remembered this fun nugget he dropped while trying to pressure me into going further --- "But that's what fun girls do!" Bro.
Tobias Reaper 2 years ago
thats what fun girls do how did that not convince you seriously though what a cockwaffle
#27
Being dismissive of creepy behavior among their friends. I recently separated and went out with some girlfriends when I met a seemingly decent guy who shared my nerdy interests. He was out with his friends too, and one of his buddies crossed several lines with mine. The Creepoid snatched my friend’s phone and immediately started messing with her settings/contacts, then he stole her drink before offering her another. When I mentioned this to the guy I was talking to, he just brushed it off like… “yeah, he’s just like that.” Ok then, we can’t hang out unless everyone feels safe. Bye.
ETA: This should be considered a gender-neutral standard to avoid creeps, it’s not just for women. This particular story is simply told from my perspective. Everyone be safe out there and look out for your friends!
#28
Yeah, I used to try and make sure I don’t ghost people because I felt it was “more mature”.
WRONG. I’ve had guys go absolute postal even after only talking for a month. I’m talking insults, threats, using multiple numbers, using their friends accounts to talk to me, etc.
If I have ANY indication that you cannot handle rejection; ghosted.
#29
I was messaging with a guy who had asked for my number. I was trying to get to know him by asking him basic questions and trying to engage in conversation, but he kept turning the conversation back around to how beautiful he thought I was. I appreciate a compliment, but if all a guy is doing is complimenting me and not actually trying to get to know me, then it is clear he just wants to get in my pants.
One of the reasons I ended an actual relationship is because of overcomplimenting. Every other thing he said was a compliment to me. It was sweet at first, but it quickly became draining, and the compliments lost all meaning and sincerity.
To summarize: Occasional, genuine compliments are nice. Excessive overcomplimenting is annoying at best and creepy at worst.
#30
Someone that doesn’t try to maintain a conversation with you. Like you’re basically talking to yourself.
#31
When you can't say anything to them without them trying to make it into sex talk (when you're in the getting to know each other stage).
If you say you're just going to hop in the shower and they start getting excited, asking to join, sending winky emojis.... I'm out.
#32
Disrespect. If a man continues to call you a “pet name” because he thinks it’s cute even after you’ve politely asked him to stop? Bye.
#33
Assumptions. They make you seem really controlling.
"I bet you only like guys who go to the gym. You're probably one of those people who orders appetizers. You probably only go to the club on the weekend. You probably believe in astrology. "
Context matters, but to just come out and say some things makes me second-guess myself, which is the first step to controlling my behavior.
#34
I had a guy over to hang out one day. He put an Adam Sandler movie on the tv and kept asking me if I liked it. I said, “not really” and he just kept playing it and intermittently asking if I liked it.
After the movie ended he wanted to do karaoke, so he pulled up a Frank Sinatra song and sang at me… it was uncomfortable.
After the awkward “karaoke”, we made out for a bit and he asked me if we could f**k. I said no, and he replied “well I’m not even attracted to you anyway, you just looked like you wanted to f**k”.
He then gave me unsolicited advice on how to get rid of acne.
We sat in silence for a minute before he asked me, “do you want to debate politics? What are your thoughts on abortion?”.
After he left I immediately blocked/ghosted him.
#35
When they get too intense, let's say I'm talking with them for a week and they already telling me I'm the love of their life, the most beautiful women in the world, that they love me are huge red flags for me. I feel like they like me for what they want me to be and not who I am. How can you know all this after knowing me for a week? I get suspicious when they get too intense.
#36
* Treat me like I’m auditioning for the role of your wife/surrogate mother (Asking if I can cook, clean, stay at home right out of the gate)
* Treat me like I already am your wife just because I showed interest in you
* Assume that I’m obsessed with marriage and babies just because I’m a straight woman (If you’re a commitmentphobe, say that, don’t blame me)
* Insult my intelligence
* Insult how I look
* Immediately suggest that I must correct something you don’t like about me.
* Immediately act possessive and try to interrogate me about other men in my life (I can’t ‘cheat on you’ if I’ve only met you once)
* Call me bitter, crazy or resentful for just acknowledging that I’ve had relationships before
* **If my gut senses that you’re a threat to my wellbeing**
Octavia Hansen 2 years ago
I sing in bars and clubs. Any man I meet there tells me I can quit and stay with them. No, I LOVE performing and don't want to give it up to do your dishes and laundry. They are already planning my life . . .
#37
Random, constant calling.. I'm at work dude!!!
#38
If he makes me feel unsafe in any way...NOPE. Making r*pe comments, spiking of the drink comments, kidnapping comments...My favorite one to date was: "I could fit you in my pocket and nobody would even know!"...Um...no thanks....I'ma just go crawl out the bathroom window now...(never actually did that but definitely thought about it)
Anyways...I don't date so I don't have to ghost people. Problem solved!
#40
Not being able to carry a conversation in person and text. Just because you ask me how I'm doing 5 times a day doesn't make you a cunning linguist.
What do you think ?
Mary Jeffries 2 years ago
One New Years night I found my husband drunk and laying on the floor in a tux petting the dog saying how much he loved the dog. Knew he was the right one for me.
Hatred Pony 2 years ago
Met a guy online, he lived 3 hours away. Went on a date, everything was fine. Came home from work one day and he was parked in my driveway. I freaked out on him and asked him to leave. Later asked my neighbor how long he was there and she said he showed up an hour after I left for work. He sat in my driveway for 7 HOURS? Nope. All the ghosted, haunted af. Bye.
Mad McQueen 2 years ago
I think I've dated half the guys mentioned here. If a guy tries to control a situation before asking your opinion it's a red flag. If they compare you to someone without saying "I didn't realize it could be x way until I met you" it's a red flag. I mean like if you can just talk without yelling that's good but if you just yell because you want to be the loudest that's stupid. Only talking about themselves. One upping everything you mention. Nothing in common and not willing to try new things. Or forcing you to do x when you say you're not interested. I don't like red wine so don't give me red wine. I don't eat fish don't give me fish. I don't like heights so I'm not into going climbing. I have a bad hip. Oh you need oils and turmeric. No I need surgery. Men please just be yourself with open minds and try to know us like we are trying to know you. And stop with the d**k pics. If we want to see it then we will be in a bed. Don't expect butt sex. We aren't porn stars.
Mary Jeffries 2 years ago
One New Years night I found my husband drunk and laying on the floor in a tux petting the dog saying how much he loved the dog. Knew he was the right one for me.
Hatred Pony 2 years ago
Met a guy online, he lived 3 hours away. Went on a date, everything was fine. Came home from work one day and he was parked in my driveway. I freaked out on him and asked him to leave. Later asked my neighbor how long he was there and she said he showed up an hour after I left for work. He sat in my driveway for 7 HOURS? Nope. All the ghosted, haunted af. Bye.
Mad McQueen 2 years ago
I think I've dated half the guys mentioned here. If a guy tries to control a situation before asking your opinion it's a red flag. If they compare you to someone without saying "I didn't realize it could be x way until I met you" it's a red flag. I mean like if you can just talk without yelling that's good but if you just yell because you want to be the loudest that's stupid. Only talking about themselves. One upping everything you mention. Nothing in common and not willing to try new things. Or forcing you to do x when you say you're not interested. I don't like red wine so don't give me red wine. I don't eat fish don't give me fish. I don't like heights so I'm not into going climbing. I have a bad hip. Oh you need oils and turmeric. No I need surgery. Men please just be yourself with open minds and try to know us like we are trying to know you. And stop with the d**k pics. If we want to see it then we will be in a bed. Don't expect butt sex. We aren't porn stars.
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