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“Having kids wouldn’t suit my lifestyle or personality type,” says a Redditor. “Kids require more engagement than I have mental capacity for,” another one adds. Both of these — and many more — are valid reasons not to have kids. And even though as much as one in five adults simply don’t want children, some people might still wonder why.
The user ilovenosycats relied on the AskReddit community to find some answers on why you shouldn’t have kids, and people were open about their opinions and experiences. Some of them shared sharp remarks, while others provided more complex and personal reasons not to have children, all of which you will find on this list.
Bored Panda has reached out to the u/iovenosycats, and she was kind enough to answer some of our questions. Scroll down to find her thoughts on the topic below.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I don’t want to be a parent. That’s a perfectly valid reason.
3 Owls In A Coat 2 years ago
This! Pure and simple. I don’t want to be a parent. Parenting a child does not interest me.
Tamra 2 years ago
It is, indeed, a perfectly good reason, and the only explanation that people deserve, frankly. I look forward to a day when women aren't questioned, criticized or hounded for their reproductive choices.
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LeighAnne Brown-Pedersen 2 years ago
We don’t need a reason… or none of your business … reasons enough.
RavenTheCat 2 years ago
Im waiting for the comment "YoU sAy ThAt NoW" like, no i dont say it now! I myself am happily with my boyfriend and do not want kids, there's enough poor ones in orphanages from abandonment or other reasons, im not im against people having kids i just hate when they act like im obligated to
Betty Wood 2 years ago
I'm 72, me and my hubby decided when we were in our 20's not to have children .. do we regret it? nope!
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Alun Jones 2 years ago
The absolute greatest thing a human can do to make this planet greener, cleaner, carbon neutral, healthier to live in, happier to live in is to not have kids. Global over-population is the root cause of our environmental disaster. Think about it......
RELATED:
#2
isn't 8 Billion People enough?
Lauren S 2 years ago
So I always pictured having at least two kids. It took me almost a year to conceive my son. We tried for several years to have another baby and couldn’t get pregnant. We’ve been talking about fostering or adopting but we haven’t made any decisions yet. Any BPs have experience with either of these areas?
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LynzCatastrophe 2 years ago
This planet and its resources can only accommodate 10 billion. It only took a decade to go from 7 to 8. And yet it took centuries to get to 7. Life before birth control! We're doing something very wrong. We cannot house and feed everyone we have now, what's going to change if it keeps growing? Because it will, with more mouths to feed, what do you do? Sacrifice land for more housing? Or Sacrifice housing for farms?
Greg Sheldon 2 years ago
I'd argue the planet can only accommodate 4 billion
Load More Replies... Alun Jones 2 years ago
The absolute greatest thing a human can do to make this planet greener, cleaner, carbon neutral, healthier to live in, happier to live in is to not have kids. Global over-population is the root cause of our environmental disaster. Think about it......
Reinaldo Fuentes 2 years ago
And to think there are those currently pushing the "population collapse" panic.
RavenTheCat 2 years ago
Not according to the pedo- i mean the pope (seriously I'm waiting for the wave of downvotes)
Brittania Kelli 2 years ago
Instead, I'm giving you an upvote, truth hurts people who live lies.
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Isaac Harvey 2 years ago
The phrase "quality over quantity" deserves to apply to humanity as it is currently regarded.
#3
This curse ends with me.
Leigh 2 years ago
Amen. I have awful genetics. Addiction, depression learning disability the list is endless. I will not allow a child to go through the trauma I did.
Magpie 2 years ago
Thank you Leigh. Yes this exactly. I hope you are doing ok.
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Öz Deniz Boro 2 years ago
My family has a bipolar trend running in generations. I cannot burden my child with it.
Bookworm 2 years ago
It always kind of shocks me that people who know their families have Huntington's still have bio children. If you want kids, why not adopt a kid instead of bringing a child into the world who has a 50/50 chance of a horrible death?
pudgiegreg 2 years ago
Agreed. It's like child abuse to have that information and to continue to have children because you want a 'mini me'. I saw a family once with somethings like 5 kids, but parents knowingly has the gene and continued to gave children. I think only 2 were born without, and they made a gofundme asking people to support their children's medical expenses, while they knew the chances when having children. B******t!
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detective miller's hat 2 years ago
Yep. My mother's family is a hot mess of awful people. I refuse to continue that family line.
Öz Deniz Boro 2 years ago
I had an abusive family. One of my sisters committed suicide. These traumas can be cured by therapy or at least you learn to deal with it. But the rooth problem of all was due to my parent's and my sister's bipolar genes which cannot be cured by therapy. It requires medication. Why should I burden a child before he/she is born with a life-long medication. The problem of my traumatic childhood and my losses in the family was just that depression or manic depressive disorders were not well known then. The medicines were not yet invented. It is now well known that it is genetic and goes on in the families. I do not want to play russian rulette with my child. Or any child. Come to that.
Doodles1983 2 years ago
I feel that way too. Bad mental health, high prevalence of cancer and autoimmune issues.
Why Are More Couples Choosing Not To Have Kids?
In recent times, the decision to forgo parenthood has been increasingly prevalent among couples, and it reflects a blend of economic concerns, societal shifts, and personal considerations.
The rising cost of living presents a significant problem. The financial challenge begins right from childbirth — in the US, the average new mother with insurance additionally spends around $2,854 on labor, delivery, and post-partum care.
Changes in societal norms also play a part. A notable portion of modern adults now have no interest in having children, indicating a shift in societal attitudes toward childlessness. Additionally, environmental concerns, especially climate change, have begun influencing some couples’ decisions on parenthood, together with health issues and career aspirations.
This shift towards delaying or opting out of parenthood is further highlighted by demographic projections. In Australia, for example, it’s projected that couples without children will soon outnumber those with children and become the most common family type.
As we delve into the insights shared by u/ilovenosycats and the reasons to not have kids that the AskReddit community kindly provided, it becomes apparent that the decision to have children can be particularly complex.
#4
Sleep. I love sleep. I get up when I'm being paid to get up but otherwise my great and immediate joy is sleeping until I don't feel like sleeping anymore. I much prefer sleep to children.
Loverboy (He/him they/them) 2 years ago (edited)
I'm not a big sleeper, but i prefer to be doing something I enjoy while not sleeping.
Upstaged75 2 years ago
This is me exactly! I see how tired my brother and his wife are by 8pm every day. They haven't been able to sleep in for 8 years now. That might kill me. ;)
Ilyanna Gerzanich 2 years ago
Same but if you adopt an older kid or a teen I don't think you would have to worry about much. And I totally get you I'm not trying to be mean In anyway. That is a perfectly valid reason .
#5
I just dont feel like I want it badly enough, and one should really want to have a child in order to be able to give their 100% as a parent, every child deserves that
Loverboy (He/him they/them) 2 years ago
I like this. If I were to have a kid, I definitely wouldn't be 100% into it, I don't think I'd be able to give them all a good parent should.
Linda Riebel 2 years ago
Well said. I'd add that parenting is a sacred trust and (done right) the most demanding job in the world. Many people are not ready for it.
Ella Carzana 2 years ago
This is such an overlooked part of parenthood. Personally I've never reached anything more than to be a mum but I completely understand and support those that don't or aren't sure. It's a full time lifetimes commitment and not something you can play at these are people were creating and shaping not just pets to feed and water
LittleWombat 2 years ago (edited)
I think this comment is SO important! Parenting is hard. Wanting it, adoring your kids, makes it possible to do the best for them instead of just enough to get by. Or worse, getting overwhelmed and becoming a neglectful or abusive parent. I think as we see more people forced into parenthood that they don't want or don't want enough because of lack of abortion access here in the USA, we will see children suffering because parenting isn't something you can do well half-heartedly. But then, the GOP is only pro-birth, not pro-life. 😠
Al LeFeusch 2 years ago (edited)
All the power to them! I only raised one child and he was an adult by the time I was 35. Although i don't necessarily recommend that, it worked out perfect for me and i definitely would *not* want to have young kids right now in my 40's. I love the freedom i have these days.
Tiffany Sauter 2 years ago
Aside from the very good point, How cute is this family?!!! I mean, I just adore them!
Peeka_Mimi 2 years ago
Parenting should be a choice. Fwiw I often wish my mom had me aborted.
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#6
I just don't like them. I don't even like being around them.
Sr5turbo 2 years ago
Yes. Both my younger sisters have children. I have helped here and there. I seriously can't stand it. I understand an infant can't do anything for themselves. But God I can't stand the crying. I get why they go over "do not shake the baby" so many times with new parents.
Moo Moo Futch 2 years ago
Same. I don't like kids. I don't like being around them. I surely hate it when parents get on the bus and let their rotten crotch fruit sit away from them. The parent engrossed in their phone while the kid is disruptive and annoying. Take that s**t elsewhere!
ShutUpMeg 2 years ago
'rotten crotch fruit' 🤣🤣🤣 made me snort laugh! Take my freaking upvote!
Load More Replies... Isaac Harvey 2 years ago
I regularly work with kids (5-12 y/o's) during martial arts spring, summer, and winter camps, and they tend to get get chaotic- especially on Fridays. They're basically the equivalent of birth control for me.
Upstaged75 2 years ago (edited)
I actually love kids! Other people's kids. :) I'm an awesome aunt and I like to babysit. But I also like sending them home at the end of the day. Preferably after I get them hyped up on sugar. LOL!
Ilovenosycats revealed to Bored Panda the main reason behind her post. “I asked the question because I was curious, of course…” she said. “I was expecting people to tell me that they can't ‘afford’ to have children (I think many people wrote that — it’s a sad reason that needs to be solved by society).
“But there are, of course, many other reasons (good reasons), like health issues that won't allow people to have children. I wanted to learn about those reasons just to see if they reflect my own personal background... But honestly, I also wanted to see how many people would be triggered to give an opposite reaction. People that were hateful at people that can't have/don't want to have children…” the OP explained.
#7
1. The whole process seems incredibly painful and difficult.
2. I'd f**k my kids up. I have a fearful-avoidant attachment style as a result of my toxic parents. I wouldn't be able to properly parent.
3. I'm incredibly inpatient and would change my mind 3 months in, if I even made it through the whole pregnancy.
4. I want freedom. Having kids means being available and responsible. I am not and will not be these things. I wanna live for *me*, live to enjoy life, and I most definitely won't enjoy having kids.
5. The world is overpopulated and f****d. I don't see any point in bringing more people to this world.
I have more reasons but these are my top 5.
Best Behave 2 years ago
@flying How would you tell before kids whether you would raise kids well?
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The Other Guest 2 years ago
I don't know if you are being serious or sarcastic, but yes, actually, they ARE great reasons. Can you imagine the life of a child who is being raised by someone who is immature, impatient, and selfish? Also there is nothing wrong with wanting to live your life for yourself & actually enjoy it. Being miserable is not a virtue.
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Al LeFeusch 2 years ago
Or... hear me out... people who want to have kids can have kids and people who don't, don't have to.
Load More Replies... #8
Kids are great if you don’t like money or sleep
Margot Moser 2 years ago
Over 50 years ago, my husband and I decided not to have children but, despite being on the pill, we conceived and were not about to abort our son, the first of our 3 children. Although we have been extremely happy as parents, I cannot say with absolute certainty that we would not have been equally happy otherwise. You don't know what you don't know, right? Many of our friends have no children and apparently feel no regrets. There are joys to be found in both lifestyles. Still, my grandmother's (born 1902) words still resonate that it can be awfully lonely in old age NOT to have children and grandchildren in your life. I am now reaping the benefits of a growing family. Circumstances vary widely. We all try to make the best decisions we can based on the information and feelings we have at the time. I think the important thing to remember is that there is more than one way to be happy and fulfilled in life.
3 Owls In A Coat 2 years ago
Absolutely! Joys to be found in both lifestyles :) and having children just because you’re worried about being lonely in old age is a terrible reason (although I can’t say I haven’t wondered about what it’s going to be like, being child-free myself).
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JLS 2 years ago (edited)
No guarantees that you will have money if you have don't have children. I hear this a lot. People always think staying childless means being financially stable. I don't like these posts by the way, they pit people who don't want children against people who choose to have children. It's all a personal choice to be respected.
The Queen 2 years ago
Yes, a childless couple or single person may not have money or stability. But, at least they won't have to worry about that PLUS a child.
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Scott Rackley 2 years ago
Babysit a few for a week, you'll find out where what you did have went
Load More Replies... #9
I'm old and successfully avoided having kids. My great-great-grandmother abused and abandoned her son, my great-grandfather, who left England at age 14 and came to America. My great-grandfather then married, had kids, and abused and abandoned them when they were less than 10 years old. My grandfather was one of those three, and he married and had many children, which he treated as servants or slaves, or spoiled pets. He abandoned my grandmother and left her with a dozen children. One of those children was my father, a miserably unhappy and angry man, who abused me and my siblings, self-destructed and died young. In the four preceding generations of my family, there were zero examples of good parenting, and nearly everyone seemed to bitterly regret having children. I realized I had a very good chance of perpetuating more abuse and abandonment, and chose to make very certain I would not have children. Generational abuse is quite common. Too many people overconfidently think they will *never* treat their children the way they were treated.
Cynthia Souza 2 years ago
I was sixteen when I realized that if being a mother meant being like my mother (and her mother), then I wanted nothing to do with it.
Doodles1983 2 years ago
Yep. My Gran is a weird woman. She had my granddad beat my mum and siblings. (He never did it. She didn’t watch so he used to belt the chair and tell them to scream.) My mum was… unavailable? Certainly to me as her 4th child. I didn’t want to risk it. BUT on the flip side, my sister became a helicopter parent to right the wrongs and is also irritating as all heck. Another reason I haven’t and won’t have them.
Load More Replies... Margot Moser 2 years ago
And, for proof that evil passes down from generation to generation . . . Donald Trump’s Grandpa – Immigrant / Draft Dodger / Pimp Donald Trump’s Father – Racist / Slumlord / Tax Cheat Donald Trump – Racist / Slumlord / Tax Cheat / Grifter / Draft Dodger / Money Launderer / and much more
Pamela Blue 2 years ago
Fortunately there are times when a person is born into dreadful circumstances but manage to raise nice families regardless. They decide that the toxicity will end with them. They may have had friends whose families are "normal" (whatever that is LOL). It's too bad there aren't more of them.
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RagDollLali 2 years ago
This makes my heart so sad when I hear this from people. Not the part about not wanting kids because they're afraid of passing on the cycle of abuse, that's a hundred percent valid. It just makes me sad and angry that none of these abusers have stopped at any point to realize they're perpetuating the cycle and need to get professional help for their own sake and the sake of the child they have already had.
Samantha Ek Thorres Armendariz (Samantha) 1 month ago
Exactly, I realized by having a dog, I started saying and treating her as my mother and grandmother treated me, thankfully my dog didn't understand anything, but I realized the trauma is there, and it is not impossible to treat, but I'm not willing to put in the huge effort that's gonna take healing on top of not sleeping and having to pay so many things
Mandy Delaforce (PC Girl) 2 years ago
I wouldn't say I had the most loving upbringing. Probably distant and only when needed. It has never crossed my mind that I would be a parent like my parents were. I chose a couple of things that I would not also do, but I never thought in a hundred years that I would be like my parents. And never was.
S 2 years ago
I totally agree: Do what is best for you and your circumstance. I do want to say though, that it is possible to break the cycle- for some. After generations of awful, abusive, children=free labor, parenting, my dad and my uncles all managed to not only break the cycle, but also to become truly loving, present, and amazing fathers. (Just in case someone needed to hear that)
“I wasn’t aware how controversial that topic is,” the author of the post said. “I tried reading all the answers; some were heartbreaking, some were reflecting what I experienced myself. Some answers were surprisingly aggressive — I think we all connect emotions to that topic.”
The Redditor opened up about her personal experience and told Bored Panda she doesn’t have kids herself. “Having children for me personally was never a consideration for many reasons. As for many people, the economic situation led me to focus on my job. There simply wouldn’t have been time to even think about it.” In addition, u/Ilovenosycats revealed that she has health issues and wouldn’t want genetics to affect her child.
#10
I'm a teacher. Why the hell would I spend 8 hours a day with children only to come home to more??
crowspectre (he/they) 2 years ago
They is a pronoun and a word that you can use fairly easily yk
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Mav Mav 2 years ago
Wow BP fam, a lot of people are obviously really struggling with diverse perspectives on here. Downvote anyone you disagree with and let's cast everyone who differs from us off the platform. What a grand crowd of sheep we've become!!! Downvote me all you like, pathetic a.r.s.e.h.o.l.e.s., missing the point entirely that a healthy society thrives on a discourse between different voices.
Annabell 2 years ago
I‘m a Kindergarten teacher and come home to two little Boys. sometimes it feels like i never have a day off. but my kids are getting older and it won't always be like that. I don't regret my job choice or having become a mother. But I fully understand if you don't want it that way.
Michael Largey 2 years ago (edited)
Why would a teacher have children when they don't pay us enough to provide for those children properly?
Barong 2 years ago
I guess it depends on where you are. My sister in law makes very good money bought working as a teacher for a public middle school and in the US she has lots of time off that she’s used to go to school herself and also to make additional income. Once she gets her advanced degree she’ll be making even more.
Load More Replies... RavenTheCat 2 years ago
Thats a wholesome and fair opinion you dont deserve to be downvoted, i know its opposite to the point made, but its still wholesome
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It's ame Mario 2 years ago
Lol truth. I teach and have 2 children it is literally constant noise....
#11
I have no interest in being a parent, never really have. To me it's always looked miserable, plus the idea of being pregnant and what it can do to your mind and body is stomach churning. Having kids wouldn't suit my lifestyle or personality type. Plus climate change is happening and will likely continue to get worse. Basically every reason not to resonates with me so I didn't list them all just my top ones.
Loverboy (He/him they/them) 2 years ago
Having kids just takes a lot, a lot that I don't want to give. And I am terrified of the idea of losing my future wife because of pregnancy, a lot can go wrong and I don't want that.
Lauren S 2 years ago
Very understandable. It is a lot and there aren’t really days off, heck, you don’t really get nights off either! If kids are not for you that’s 100% okay. But with you sharing about a fear of losing your future wife, is that anxiety a primary reason? Or do you not want kiddos regardless? I only ask because if that’s the only reason that’s maybe something to talk through then. I don’t want fear or anxiety to hold you back from anything you want in your life. It’s hard to cope with those types of feelings but working past them with support can let you experience some wonderful joys and excitements of life. Easier said than done! I wish you luck, Loverboy.
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I just work here 2 years ago
My (grown adult) son has been the absolute love of my life. I suffered more than many with my pregnancy and then being a single mom, but I wouldn't make any different choice. But I fully respect people's choices to not have children. My son and his longtime girlfriend have decided they will never have children.
#12
I just never had a desire for it. I knew when I was seven years old that I didn't want to be a mom, it just filled me with a feeling of dread. Didn't need to articulate why, I just didn't want it. As an adult, I can point out a few things like my preferred lifestyle doesn't include kids, I wouldn't want to give up my career, and that the very concept of pregnancy and child birth is horrifying to me. I'm glad other women are capable of it, but I absolutely am not. And I got sterilized right before I turned 30, so I can live my life with one less worry.
Xenon 2 years ago
Hopefully you didn't need to go to 50+ different doctors to get one to do the procedure.
Hugh Cookson 2 years ago
If she's pretty much anywhere in Europe, this is accepted after evaluation. Not so much in the US..... pro life is brilliant isn't it ? (No is the right answer)
Load More Replies... Magpie 2 years ago
I gave up asking after about 11 doctors. .... Still no kids. Thank god for the feminists. They campaigned hard to make information about contraception legal!
Elio 2 years ago
You could try the friendly doctor list onbthe r/childfree reddit.
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Is It Natural Not to Have Kids?
The notion of whether it’s natural or not to have children often intertwines with societal expectations and biological inclinations. Some argue the “biological clock” in women, triggering an enhanced awareness of reproduction in their 30s, is a sign of natural selection at work.
However, the modern era presents a different landscape where the decision to have children extends beyond mere biological instincts.
Society often views parenthood as a natural progression post-marriage. Yet, an increasing number of individuals and couples are challenging this narrative by being child-free by choice.
Moreover, the evolving understanding of gender roles and family structures contributes to the broadening perspectives on childlessness. Traditionally seen as the primary caregivers, women now have more avenues to explore identities beyond motherhood. Similarly, men also engage in a wider range of roles within and outside the family.
On a broader spectrum, the concept of what constitutes a “natural” life choice is being re-evaluated. The option not to have children is gaining recognition as a valid and natural decision, aligning with individual autonomy and the diverse pathways to leading a fulfilling life.
#13
I just don’t want them. Nothing about being a parent is interesting or attractive to me.
RagDollLali 2 years ago
"I just don't want them" should be the only thing people need to hear to back off of anyone who wishes to remain childfree
#14
Clean house, financial comfort, ability to travel/leave the house whenever we want to.
Loverboy (He/him they/them) 2 years ago
Kids are so restricting, I don't like the idea of losing all my freedom so I can tend to a loud, gross, needy child. Children aren't bad, I just can't imagine that.
Brittania Kelli 2 years ago
It always amuses me that the people who don't want children often understand better the sacrifices a GOOD parent truly makes, than many people who have kids and then are rubbish parents because they weren't prepared for the reality of having someone be truly reliant on you for life.
LittleWombat 2 years ago
I want to upvote this 100 times!!!! That is exactly true!! It's the crappy parents who act like it's easy lol... yeah, it's easy to be a half-*ss crummy parent!
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Spocks's Mom 2 years ago (edited)
Why would you even WANT to be away from your dogs for more than 4 days?🤣🐶❤️❤️❤️❤️
Load More Replies... #15
It's pure egoism. Objectivly. **You** want a child **You** want family **You** always wanted to see **yourself** in little. **You** want to fulfill **yourself** a dream **you** always had to reproduce **You** want to feel good. **You** want a child that makes **You** happy. **You** don't want to be alone. **You** want someone to be there when **youy** come back home. It's always you you you..... It's never about the child. If it's not about you, why don't you adopt an already existing child, instead of creating a new one? The future your child will live in will be now one of the first generations that will live worse than you did. And it will continue this way. Why do you want people suffering only to feel good for yourself until you die? But they have to keep living in the mess you put them in after you death.
Tenacious Squirrel 2 years ago
I fully agree with this one. I’ve never heard of anyone I know in real life who says they want a child give a reason that doesn’t revolve around themselves. None of them have adopted, or expressed any interest in it. Zero. Given the utter state of the population/planet and if having children is such a selfless act, why wouldn’t that be the most obvious thing to at least consider first? People are only interested in a “genetic” child. Sadly people would also rather spend a fortune on IVF trying to create yet more people. Adoption is like the last resort that most people won’t even look at. It says a lot about people’s motivations.
Tamra 2 years ago
This is pretty much the only one I disagree with. By this person's argument, *everything* we do is, at some point, a selfish act. We make a lot of choices based on what we want for ourselves. Yes, deciding to have a child is a very personal decision based on self, but after you're a parent, much of that time is a practice in selfless sacrifice, which definitely has it's own rewards. That said, I'm not arguing either for, nor against, parenting...just saying that it's not always a selfish act.
Tenacious Squirrel 2 years ago
You can look at people’s decisions overall and weigh them up as being selfish or not, not everything has to be reduced down to everything being a selfish act (though that is an argument, but I don’t think it’s fair here). For example, someone who litters is selfish. You could argue, by your reasoning, that the person who picks up litter (not as a job, out of choice) is ultimately selfish because they’re doing it to feel good about themselves. But the actual decision of picking up someone else’s litter isn’t selfish. It prevents pollution and destruction of the environment. When you look at it compared to the alternative - to ignore it and walk past - it’s very much a considerate act objectively. In the example above the OP is talking about people making a decision to create another person on an overpopulated planet, versus adoption for example. There isn’t a demonstration here as to why this decision is not selfish.
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Alvia Vseobecna 2 years ago
this resonates with me.. that is how I too see people who have children
Grace and Lucy 2 years ago
Deciding to have children is something we agreed upon together. Yes, it sounds selfish but ultimately, having children is falling in love in a different way. After birth successful parenting is a sacrifice of the self by giving kids what they need on a physical, emotional and supportive level. Not always easy and not always successful but one day they walk out the door and your job is over.
Id row 2 years ago
This is incredibly accurate and I wish more people would take it into consideration when they think about having kids. So many parents don't care about the conditions in which they're brining kids into the world. Just like when they give their kids those stupid names that will get them bullied and laughed at. They don't think about the person they're creating, they just want a prop that makes *them* feel better.
JMil 2 years ago
Understood, and I 100% felt like this at some point in my life. And, yes, there is a selfish component in me starting a family. But the sh*t I do for my daughter, and only her, not me or my spouse, is a lot. I am working hard to give her the best life possible. It would be dandy (and selfish, let us consider the corollary) to spend all my time and money on fancy things and fancy vacations, but my ultimate goal is absolutely to set her up for a good, happy life, well after I am gone. But I suppose her happiness is my happiness... So selfish, sure. But so is many of the comments here, about having money, me time, vacations, etc. that are EXCLUSIVELY for oneself, having no effort into making another person happy.
cerinamroth 2 years ago
Wouldn't it be far worse if the sentence started: "I never wanted..." ? Of course you must want your children, otherwise they are destined for unhappiness. And if you make any other statement about children that doesn't start with your perspective, it becomes a huge generalisation - for example: "Children bring joy and teach you to see the world in a different way". For us, at least, we decided we wanted to share our home and happiness with a tiny person - either adopted or ours. We are a mixed race couple and we wanted our child to grow up looking like his/her parents. Now that our daughter is in the world, she has healed us, taught us and brings so much happiness. She now has a little brother because I wanted (so sorry to use those words) her to hopefully have the support of a sibling as she grows. I love my brother and sister beyond words and it was the best gift we could give her.
As u/ilovenosycats shared with Bored Panda, societal expectations often place undue pressure on individuals, especially women, regarding childbearing.
“In our society, there is that attitude — that expectation — that women should have children,” she told Bored Panda. “I think every woman has been in such a situation at one point or another — pressure from family, friends, and then you are exposed to colleagues. Everyone questions you; why no children? What is wrong with you? I personally was even asked about my sexual orientation…”
Be that as it may, the Redditor supports those who decide to have kids. “If people make the choice to have children, I feel happy for them. They have all my support. Where I live, I pay extra taxes so that they have benefits that help them raise their children. I wish that was the case in all other countries because children are our future — no doubt about it.”
#16
I think the correct question is "why would you want to have a kid?"
Bookworm 2 years ago
Great point! Rather than having kids unless you have a reason not to, we should normalize not having children unless you have a reason to do it. And that can be as simple as 'because you feel strongly that you want to love and raise a kid,' but it should be an opt-in, not an opt-out.
Lauren S 2 years ago
Because that love you feel for the child is unlike any other kind of love. I adore my son and wouldn’t change it for anything. Just looking at him or even thinking about him makes me feel like I’m going to burst from too much joy. That said, it is not for everyone and is something that should be thought about carefully before entering.
BenTevye 2 years ago
This dovetails nicely with the discussion above about the reasons being selfish. I'm glad YOU feel all those wonderful things, but let's see how this turns out for the human being you created. Whether they stay healthy, can get a job, make meaningful connections in their life, etc.
Load More Replies... It's ame Mario 2 years ago
I wanted to and had children because I wanted to....and I shouldn't have to defend my choice. Likewise anyone who choices not to have children should not have to defend their choice. It is horrific that this is a think. Everybsingle person should decide if they want kids or not....
Lauren S 2 years ago
Do your kids happen to be furry with tails and a sense of ownership over all of your stuff? 😸
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HARRY KOPPERS 2 years ago
To pass on any wisdom I have, and to know the pride and joy of 3 people that have exceeded me in all things.
#17
I would feel guilty bringing another human into this f****d up world.
Id row 2 years ago
Everyone having a kids should feel guilty. This planet is being destroyed by us. We're adding 80 million people a year to the global population. This is not sustainable, yet they're trying to force people to keep breeding. It's so wrong.
LittleWombat 2 years ago
Wow! Honestly, I'm all for people choosing not to have kids. But saying everyone who has them should feel guilty? If humans should feel guilty about overpopulation, should those of us who are alive off ourselves? Jail our parents for making us? Should only the brilliant people who can live with a zero carbon footprint be kept alive to then produce offspring once they solve the climate crisis? Obviously not. Nor are you above anyone else to pass judgment to determine that anyone who has offspring should feel guilty. No one is forcing you to breed. You should not be made to feel guilty for not having children, but neither should you pass judgment on others so extremely.
Load More Replies... Tenacious Squirrel 2 years ago
Yep. Messed up, overpopulated, under resourced, with things going to get much worse in your child’s life time. Why would you want that for them?
Immortal Jellyfish 2 years ago
I'm childless, but when I see the way my nieces and nephews are growing up and think about what the world might be like for them when they're my age it makes me cringe. Growing up without cell phones and internet was amazing. I know there's benefits too but I would not want to be growing up in today's world and who knows what the future will bring.
Best Behave 2 years ago
This is what I'm most scared about. I've brought two people who I love more than anything onto a dying planet - not just a dying planet, but one this being systematically butchered by its inhabitants, and there's nothing I can do to prevent it.
Carrie de Luka 2 years ago
But maybe one of them might? That's the only good reason to have children really - in amongst the future generations are the ones who might come up with the answers. We need to slow down and ease up so they have that chance.
Load More Replies... Pamela Blue 2 years ago
Problem is, the world has ALWAYS been f****d up. It's just that with 24/7 news and the internet, we hear and read about it constantly. Something previous generations didn't have to deal with. I hope there were more reasonable reasons you don't want children.
Carrie de Luka 2 years ago
No, not to this extent. We are on a downard trajectory. There have always been bad things, yes - wars and disease and so forth. The problems we face today are both more extreme - wars could go nuclear - and insidious with microplastics in the very food we eat, being passed to babies via the placenta. It would be ignorant to pretend there are not extremely serious issues and many worries today that have not been faced by previous generations. Antibiotic resistance for instance. People should think very seriously before having children as the problems aren't going to go away easily. https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2018/10/david-attenborough-warns-planet-cant-cope-with-overpopulation/
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#18
There is not a single thing in my life that would improve by having kids. I don't get the urge. I don't get the question. No hate, but the decision to have a child makes no sense to me. Pure insanity.
Guðrún Sveinsdóttir 2 years ago
I have one Child, á daughter Who Will become 20 this year. Shes my pride and Joy and our relationship is the most heartwarming thing í have ever had with someone. We support eachother no matter what and are as close as we can be and í feel blessed bý her. In no means was it easy tó raise her myself fór many years bút so worth it. Of she ís happy and Will outlive me then everything ís perfect 💜
Are There Benefits to Not Having Children?
When thinking about why not to have kids, there’s actually a variety of benefits that often get brushed under the rug.
- Financial Freedom: Less financial burden with fewer expenses, enabling more disposable income for travel, investments, or hobbies.
- Personal Independence: More freedom in making life choices without considering the impact on a child, leading to a more spontaneous lifestyle, allowing for last-minute plans and fewer daily obligations.
- Better Work-Life Balance: More time to balance professional and personal pursuits without the responsibilities of parenthood.
- Stronger Relationships: Some couples find that their relationships strengthen without the added stress and responsibilities of parenthood. Clinical psychologist Dr. Ellen Walker from Psychology Today states, “Marital satisfaction rates plummet after the birth of the first child.”
- Mental and Physical Health: Lower stress levels and potentially fewer health issues over time due to fewer day-to-day challenges associated with raising a child.
- Flexibility to Pursue Passions: More freedom to engage in interests and self-improvement.
These benefits collectively contribute to a life of personal fulfillment and freedom that a child-free choice can offer. Among these advantages, financial freedom stands out, leading to a pretty valid question — just how much money can one save by not having kids?
#19
I don't like anything about being a parent.
RavenTheCat 2 years ago
I wish mav mav would elaborate more. Personally im gay and even I sometimes get slightly curious as to what it'd be like, which is only natural . Doesn't mean i ever want it though
3 Owls In A Coat 2 years ago (edited)
Loud early weekend mornings, no sleeping in, not being able to watch whatever you want or listen to your music/podcasts because we gotta have Peppa Pig on, bad smells, crying over silly things they can’t understand, no time to yourself, no days off, stepping on legos, dealing with tantrums, kids breaking and ruining things, eating all your snacks, not letting you have naps, everything is sticky for some reason, there’s always cleaning to be done, gotta feed the kids before you feed yourself and can’t have any tasty treats without having to share, no time for hobbies or your own personal life, etc. I’m sure it’s bearable for a happy parent but for those of us who don’t enjoy the presence of children it’s like 😩😩😩 this is why child-free people shouldn’t be parents, we dont want it!! And if you don’t want it, you won’t be able to give a child the life they deserve. Kids deserve better than uncommitted and uncomfortable parents so let’s not force people like that to have kids!
Load More Replies... #20
I can barely look after myself let alone a kid
V33333P 2 years ago
I went to school a few times without my glasses, so. "That" else.
Load More Replies...How Much Money You Save by Not Having Kids?
Having a child definitely comes with a price tag. From the moment they arrive to the day they step out on their own, the costs stack up. Healthcare, schooling, groceries, clothing, and all the everyday essentials can sum up to a hefty amount.
According to a US Department of Agriculture report, it costs an estimated $233,610 to raise a child from birth to age 17. This figure doesn't even include the cost of college education, which can add tens of thousands of dollars to the total. Moreover, these estimates often understate the actual cost as they don't account for inflation or unexpected expenses.
On the flip side, individuals or couples who choose not to have children can redirect these funds toward savings, investments, travel, home ownership, retirement, or other financial goals. The economic freedom gained from not having children can provide a sense of security, allow for more comfortable living, and offer the opportunity to pursue personal and financial aspirations without the constraints of child-related expenses.
#21
1. Kids are expensive, I'd rather travel. 2. Kids are messy, and I spend enough time cleaning as is. 3. Kids are loud, I prefer quiet or music (of my own choosing) that I can actually hear. 4. Kids require more engagement than I have mental capacity for. I can handle a dog, that's about it. 5. Kids produce a lot of smells, and I am sensitive to bad smells. 6. My sleep schedule is already f****d from ADHD (I'm on the 1am-8am schedule) and I don't need kids making it worse. 7. ADHD is a curse and I'm not passing it on. Same goes for my garbage spine. 8. I don't want to have to explain to someone I love how my generation could have failed them so badly in not stopping climate change from making the planet unlivable. 9. Same as 8 but for working conditions and the economy. 10. Pregnancy looks like it sucks, and while I'm a man and wouldn't have to endure it, I don't want to put anyone else through it.
freakingbee (they/them) 2 years ago
ugh the spine thing. my mom feels guilty for my spine problems and i would hate to make a kid feel bad like i have if i pass it on.
Spocks's Mom 2 years ago
Yeah. Honestly, it sounds like something my son would write. Right down to the "garbage spine". Tallness coupled with a bad back isn't fun for him. And I do feel bad that he got my back problems. 😔
Load More Replies... 3 Owls In A Coat 2 years ago
#4 “Kids require more engagement than I have mental capacity for” I think this is an underrated statement!
I just work here 2 years ago
FYI, pregnancy does suck! Mine was hell! Sick 24/7 for 8 months. Hardly gained any weight. My baby was a little over 4 pounds. Left the hospital in pre-pregnancy jeans. Caused me severe hormonal problems. Never went through that again.
#22
I have OCD and trauma that would be entirely overwhelmed by a child. Children deserve to be annoying, gross, messy, and to have fun. I would not be able to foster an environment where a small child had the freedom to have fun without feeling bad about themself. Children are annoying but they’re supposed to be. It would be unfair for me to have a child that I know would overstimulate me. You don’t get breaks from being a parent and I just don’t think I’ll ever be ready for that. I would perhaps like to adopt or foster older children one day. I think I could help someone have a very nice life. I’d also like to give a child the adult guidance I needed and never had. Overall I think I’m more suited to be a cool uncle. I love kids and feel like they represent the best parts of personhood — love, trust, freedom of self expression without shame. I just don’t think I’d be a good fit for small kids long term. My own desires to nurture another don’t overpower the personal limitations I hold, I believe that would be selfish. On a personal level, I would also be horrified if I had a child with the same disorders that I have. I know the struggles and pains of growing up mentally ill and mistreated, and I never hope to make another person feel that way.
Jude Laskowski 2 years ago
Good for you! I once dated a guy who was the oldest of 9 kids. He had no desire to have any himself, as he helped raise his siblings. He took care of the issue himself. Said he loves being an uncle and going home to his own place.
cerinamroth 2 years ago
What you say is true - it is an overwhelming experience in so many ways. (I reach sensory overload very quickly due to PTSD, now being treated.) You know your limits and that's so good. I do have children and they have taught me what my limits are and when I need a break. Thankfully, I have a wonderful partner who understands me better now and who I can trust to look after the kids every now and then when I need to get away for a bit. (Not everyone is so lucky!) Enjoy being the cool uncle - they are so important!
#23
Why do I plan not to have children? Well...
*unrolls a list that's miles long*
#24
I don't see the upsides
Pamela Blue 2 years ago
I love these conversations. They are only relevant to my generation onwards (I'm old.) Up to the 60s, this question never arose, because if you married and had sex, you were going to have children, if you were both fertile. If you didn't like children - tough. But, of course, those were also the days when you didn't have your children underfoot all day. They played outside. Today's American culture of child raising would definitely have made me not want children either, and "the pill" was JUST becoming available as I was almost grown.
Will I Regret Not Having Kids?
The idea of future regret can be a big worry when thinking about whether to have kids. But times are changing, and so are people’s attitudes toward parenthood. Although there isn't a precise study on childless individuals expressing regret, we can still peek into what the available insights tell us.
A Pew Research poll shows a growing number of non-parents leaning toward not having children at all. Nearly half of non-parents aged 18-49 now think it’s unlikely they’ll step into parenthood, a sentiment that’s been growing over the past few years.
Things get interesting when we look at parents who actually regret having kids, which is another hush-hush topic by itself. Data from YouGov reveals a range of feelings among parents: while a massive 83% of British parents say they’ve never felt regret, a small but significant number, about one in twelve parents (8%), admit to feeling regret, with another 6% saying they’ve felt it in the past.
Expanding the view, a 2021 study published in PLOS ONE, with data from the US and Europe, finds that between 8-17% of parents regret having children.
The feeling, whether it comes from having or not having children, is complex and personal. While there’s a chance of regret either way, the growing conversation around this life-altering choice creates a more open, understanding space for people to figure out their own paths.
#25
Some people would say "selfishness" because really, my reason is : I'm not disillusioned and I don't romanticize parenthood, I don't want to make all the sacrifices that comes with being a parent. Little to no free time, insane patience is required, money and much more. I don't want to lose my life for the sake of something else. I'm already burnt out from working all the time at ridiculous schedule, when I come home, I want my day to be over, not for it to be "round two" of my day. Also, lets not talk about all the bodily sacrifices I'd have to make. Pregnancy wrecks your body, sometime permanently. It's not smooth sailing for everyone. Some people have debilitating nausea. Stretch marks, hips change position permanently after giving birth (not necessarily painful but thats a permanent change you can't go back from). Loosing pregnancy weight when you have baby to to take care off, lack of sleep, baby stress, etc all things that goes against you when trying to lose weight. And even if you manage to drop the weight, you body has change, the belly will have a different shape and no amount of loosing weight can bring you back to how you were before. Some people have permanent bladder issues after having kids : sneeze pee or some level of incontinence. Vaginal tearing during birth. After pregnancy hormones breasts tends to not return to normal and becomes saggy for some people. There's a risk of abdominal muscles stretch. I could go on and on. I'm not going through that for the sake of anyone. I'm just not that kind of person who think a hug compensate for every other c**p you have to go through. An A on a test doesn't pay the bills, a hug doesn't erase the fact you just screamed at the top of you lungs for the last 10 minutes trying to get me to buy you sometging. I don't have it in me to be a parent. That's all. Normal kids behavior makes me want to toss them out of a moving car. I don't care if it's normal, it's annoying. I don't need an extra dose of annoying in my life. I don't care if "it's different went the kid is yours" I don't care about blood relations, I don't care about countinuing the family name, all those things are not worth years of suffering and sacrifices.
Lauren S 2 years ago (edited)
So this story is TMI just as a heads up. So skip if you aren’t interested in a birth complication! When I gave birth to my son he twisted his body as he came out which caused significant tearing. (See? Feel free to stop here). The doc spent far more time (like a solid hour) sewing me up after I gave birth than actually delivering my child. Inside and out. The outside tear is very common; however my body didn’t heal like it was supposed to. So part of the stitching for the tear held and part didn’t resulting in a hole. Like if you zip up a jacket but somehow the bottom and top are zipped but it’s split in the middle. Fun right? So I had to then get an additional surgery to recut it open and restitch it closed again. (Here’s also a good spot to stop because here is much more TMI). Everything is all healed now but I have scars that change my… texture? we’ll call it texture. At least my husband says so. (Made it to the end? Well, aren’t you brave!)
Ditte 2 years ago
You can also get pudendal neuralgia, vulvodynia after childbirth. Then the scar tissue from each pregnancy in your uterus can develop to cancer. My mom just got her uterus removed because of that and she almost died during surgery. She is still very bad shape and in pain. Huge scars around her stomach.
I just work here 2 years ago
I don't think selfishness is not have a kid; I think selfishness is have 20+ kids. Yep, talking about you duggers!
3 Owls In A Coat 2 years ago
https://jezebel.com/pregnancy-childbirth-side-effects-truth-1850193233
#26
They are smelly, noisy, obnoxious, annoying, and cost way to much to upkeep.
Restless panda 🇫🇮 2 years ago
This! Kids under 5 are physically disgusting. I don't want to be in the same room with them.
Agamemnon Padar 2 years ago
I can understand not wanting to have children. But this statement is plain stupid.
Load More Replies... XenoMurph 2 years ago
Make choices for yourself, no need to be so nasty about other living people. You wouldn't get away with talking about any other group of people that way. "Urghh the elderly, so smelly and annoying!" No, it's not right.
V33333P 2 years ago
But they are making choices for themselves, and kids absolutely are smelly, noisy, obnoxious, annoying, and expensive... It's just facts.
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Larry XK 2 years ago
Bravo. Did you come up with this gem alone or someone actually helped?
Load More Replies... #27
Would rather help an existing life be better through adoption than to create another one. As well as not pass down my less than optimal genetics
Lauren S 2 years ago
I love the idea of adopting and it worries me. I have a son (biological) and I do worry I’ll feel differently if I adopt. I would feel like a hugely awful parent if I felt differently about two of my children because one was blood. And I would be a hugely awful parent if I ever let my child feel that difference. I would still love and protect them fiercely though.
The Queen 2 years ago (edited)
Lauren, I'm adopted. I felt nothing but love from my parents. They took the time to find a child and chose me. I never felt different.
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UnicornSnotRules 2 years ago
That's what we did - don't exactly have stellar genetics on either side of the family. We adopted our son from Russia 24 years ago this year, and I know we got him out of horrible circumstances. He has made our lives better as well!
Does a Child Make You Happier?
The age-old question of whether having children makes you happier isn't one with a simple yes or no answer — but let’s unpack what we know so far.
Research has shown a mixed bag of emotions when it comes to parenthood. On one side, having kids can bring immense joy, unconditional love, and a sense of fulfillment. Some studies suggest that people with children report being happier, more satisfied, and find more meaning in life than non-parents do. On the flip side, it also comes with challenges like sleep deprivation, financial strain, and less personal time, which can, at times, overshadow the joys of parenthood.
Several studies have looked into the happiness quotient of parents versus non-parents. Some indicate that parents experience higher levels of happiness and satisfaction, while others find no significant difference or even a dip in happiness levels post-parenthood.
In the grand scheme of things, whether or not having children makes you happier boils down to personal values, circumstances, and the support systems in place.
#28
Cost of raising a kid, and the lifelong stress of raising a kid.
Jake B 2 years ago
Once you have one you are always a parent and no matter their age you will think of and worry about them. It can never be undone.
3 Owls In A Coat 2 years ago
I’m 30 and going through a hard time with some people and my mum is SO MAD for me, she’s being a big mama bear about it but also very respectful of my own adult choices. I love her to death. I used to think I’d love an adult child if I could skip the childhood part, but I’ve recently realized it’s just friends and human connection I’m looking for :)
Load More Replies... CHRIS DOMRES 2 years ago
The way inflation is going and the fact that wages will never be increased to a livable level means only the one-percenters will be able to afford children.
#29
*gestures vaguely around myself* Um? Also I have illnesses that could pass on to my offspring. And I'd never wish manic depression coupled with addictive tendencies on anyone, let alone watch my child suffer through it.
June 2 years ago
I am autistic and I've often felt miserable during my life. Life is hard, and society is not great with us. I don't want another one to get through it. On top of the other reasons (climate, wars, pandemics...) . I don't believe anymore in humans. It won't get better. I got myself sterilized last month.
countrygurl 2 years ago
My daughter isn't planning on having children. She doesn't want to pass on her bipolar disorder or her addictive behaviors.
Shark Lady 2 years ago
I have an autoimmune condition that only showed itself after I had had my daughter, if I'd been diagnosed prior I wouldn't have had her. I wouldn't inflict this misery on my worst enemy.
Himiko 2 years ago
I have celiac and I would cry if I passed it on to another person
Load More Replies... #30
To quote Homer Simpson “aww I have 3 kids and no money. I wish I had 3 money and no kids”
I like my lifestyle. I am starting a “college fund, but instead of paying for a 3year degree I’m going to blow it on a looooonnngggg vacation
DingleTheDangler 2 years ago
Mav Mav commenting on every post: “What does not having the desire or ability to be a loving, dedicated parent have to do with your decision about having kids?”
Suzy Creamcheese 2 years ago
A little friendly advice: If you don't want to be banned permanently, you should probably stop commenting now.
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#31
Because I am scared of being a bad parent. I can't bring a life in this world just to screw it. Thanks for f*****g me up Narc dad.
I just work here 2 years ago
So yes, something else to think about is if you have an addict parent, you have a 50% chance of having an addict child.
LynzCatastrophe 2 years ago (edited)
Not responsible, but they have a hidden influence and lasting impact. Undoing a lifetime of learned behavior because of parents is a challenge.
Load More Replies... #32
Giving birth have some risk. And I don't want to risk my wife for child I don't even actually want. Why should I have kids anyway ?
#33
Autism. I'm autistic, my older brother has traits and our dad does too. I've been told it "isn't as genetic as I think" but that's not the only thing stopping me. There's anxiety and depression spanning three generations on my dad's side and I've got the anxiety and maybe depression. There's three auto immune diseases as well, rheumatoid arthritis with my mom and my late paternal grandmother, there's sjogrens disease with my mother and her sister has MS. And both my and my brother have displayed a couple of symptoms of sjogrens at times. And im terrified that my niece will end up with one of those f*****g auto immune diseases. But yeah having a kid is apparently the most wonderful thing you could or some s**t, idk. Did I mention the couple of different cancers? I'll have to double check which ones but at the end of the day, I'm not having kids.
Ronna Black 2 years ago
I am autistic. I have friends who are also autistic. One has two kids on the spectrum, both with more challenges than she had. The other has one of each, ASD and NT. The ASD child has more challenges than my friends had. I can barely keep myself functional, I didn’t think it wise to possibly give birth to a child with more challenges than I had/have, especially when I was younger.
Arazaniël 2 years ago
I'm autistic and have tendencies towards depression and GAD. My sister has bipolar disorder, my brother has BPD and ADHD. I am allergic to pollen, fresh fruit, fresh vegetables and nuts. When I was little I was allergic to all fruits and veggies that were yellow, orange, or red. From carrots to pineapple. Oh, and chocolate, too. I'm now (30+) starting to feel the beginnings of rheumatoid arthritis. My maternal grandfather had A LOT of autistic traits, more than me. He also had Sjögrens, while my maternal grandmother has psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis. My mother shows signs of both, but is waiting for diagnoses. My father has autistic traits, as well as rheumatoid arthritis, traits of BPD, ADHD, NPD, and bipolar. His father and grandmother were much the same. Prostate cancer seems to run in his side of the family. I... just should not breed. I don't want to give an innocent child these genes.
#34
Because I don’t want to. Love kids, they’re adorable and all, but no thanks.
Agnes Jekyll 2 years ago
I love my aunt. There are peripheral mothers and dads out there, and their love and support, and demonstration that there's another way to be are super important.
#35
Have you seen the world we live in? Global warming, wars, idiots ... Not bringing a child into a world like this.
Best Behave 2 years ago
@boatswain doesn't sound like they're the martyr at all. I'd say it's mostly parents that act the martyr
#36
Because it‘s excruciating for the body, and for your physical/emotional/hormonal/financial health. It makes your life harder for AT LEAST 18 years. And you can‘t gurantee that you‘ll be good enough for the child.
Jake B 2 years ago
As a parent of a special needs child who will live with us forever, I have to say be prepared just in case. We thought 18, college and they would be on their own. We love them to death but since we and our siblings are older and only a few in the next generation of the family we are worried what comes after us. And your night about the changes to your body. So be sure you want to be a parent before you are. It’s a forever job.
Magpie 2 years ago (edited)
Also this. No one can guarantee that the child about to be born is healthy. Life gives sometimes unwanted surprises and I've thought ah so many times that I am not a good person enough to take care of a severely disabled child.
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#37
Don’t have the patience for kids
Lauren S 2 years ago
I love this picture. And patience is one of the things I do have. Patience and empathy are probably my strengths.
Spocks's Mom 2 years ago
The child isn't covered in yellow dust and snot, so I'm going to guess it's water.
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#38
because kids are basically money-sucking vacuum cleaners with legs
whatever 2 years ago
So if my parent were to jump off a building I'm supposed to follow suit ? F**k that ......
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#39
It might be selfish but life is short, I don’t want to sacrifice 1/4 of it raising kids. And then when you finally get rid of the kids it’s the grandkids getting dumped on you
Best Behave 2 years ago
@spock's don't know why you were downvoted. Have an upvote
Load More Replies... cerinamroth 2 years ago
Saying life is short is not selfish - it's realistic. However, you definitely sound like you shouldn't have them: "get rid of the kids"?!!! Do you honestly not understand how joyful and beautiful children can be for other people, even if having kids is not for you?
#40
I have a hard time letting the dog out sometimes so I know I'm not going to feel like doing s**t for the kid. Too selfish
Sr5turbo 2 years ago
And it is acceptable to lock your dog in a crate while you go out. They frown upon locking a child in a crate even if you're there.
Bookworm 2 years ago
I'm near Philadelphia, and there's literally a horrible case in the news right now where CPS went into a home and found a kid locked in a dog crate and other siblings badly neglected.
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#41
Whenever I see women give their reason for being childless, they always reference how it would negatively impact on THEIR lives.. (which I definitely relate to so no shade) But despite the fact that I would hate being a mother.. I still don't hate the idea of having a kid someday. I've always sort of pictured myself with one. The reason I'm not gonna do it is for the child's sake. No kid deserves to be stuck with me as their mother for life. I know how I feel about my mother.. and I share all of her flaws and none of her coping skills. My kid would hate me and I would deserve it. This kid is pretty much guaranteed emotional instability and consequential trauma that I won't be able to control 100% of the time. And to consciously bring that kid into this pre-apocalyptic world of nonsensical tyranny?? This child would be a mess on the inside and on the outside. Pass.
June 2 years ago
Not exactly the same but the closest so far. I'm autistic and very likely to have autistic kids since the ND is strong in my family (both sides). And I believe that a NT kid would be miserable with me. Life is harsh, exhausting, I can barely cope myself. The world is burning. I don't want to bring a new human being into this world. We forked it up. I don't want to bring a new ND kid into this society. I don't want kids (and acted on it) because I don't want to bring a new human being into this world for them to feel miserable.
#42
Having kids is just too expensive
Spocks's Mom 2 years ago
It is. We found ways to make due, but it was always a struggle. We actually have a little disposable cash now that we are empty nesters.
#43
I like my life exactly like it is. Kids might make it better. They might make it worse. But, since this is awesome, I’m great with things staying the way they are.
#44
Infertility. We tried for years I wanted nothing more than to be a mother but it just didn’t happen. But though this process we have realized we really enjoy our no kids lifestyle. So as of now if it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t by the time I’m 40 we will adopt…maybe.
LeighAnne Brown-Pedersen 2 years ago
Infertility! I am 90% ok never getting to be a mom. 80% ok knowing by picking me, my husband will never be a dad. For all the above things people have said, I’m mostly ok being dual income, no kids, lots of sleep. But I don’t think I’ll ever be 100% ok with it.
3 Owls In A Coat 2 years ago
I’m sorry 🧡 I hope your life ends up being amazing and fantastic no matter what happens :)
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#45
Both I and the woman who would have been their mom are not mentally fit to be parents. Our house would not be a good place to grow up. We also have some bad physical traits that are best left out of the genepool.
#46
Bringing someone into this world is cruel
Alvia Vseobecna 2 years ago
Unless one is prepared to explain this cruelty to a child (at appropriate age), this should be considered! I have seen so many people just plain lie to their children at crucial moments.. it's insane
Ditte 2 years ago
There are wars, climate change, overpopulation etc. It's not a safe place to bring a kid to live a life where natural resources are being depleted. Every year, we use the Earth's resources 14 days earlier. It's now in early August or late July. Meaning it's unsustainable the way we live and use resources/food. Sooner or later it will collapse.
Load More Replies... Isaac Harvey 2 years ago
Considering how much the world has changed in the last *checks dates* four years, I don't want to risk another person becoming one of the hundreds of millions of individuals being forced into decades of potential unrest.
Larry XK 2 years ago
Stop for a sec and think back when you were born, was the world so much better?
Carrie de Luka 2 years ago
The simple answer to that one is yes. With wars, disease, famine etc always being a backdrop. Even with all the good things we have achieved in the advancement of science. Why? Because there weren't so many of us for starters. Then much of the progress we have made is harming the planet. Babies are being born with microplastics and nanoplastics in them. This list is long and depressing. I'm not saying people should not have children (needs slowing up, not stopping). We need people to come along and solve the problems that exist and the new ones people will inevitably make. On the course we're on right now? Not a good ending.
Load More Replies... #47
I'm living this life for me. I can go and do whatever I want, whenever I want, without thinking of anyone else and it doesn't impact anyone else whatsoever. Absolute freedom. Then there's the costs. Then there's the world going to s**t. Unless I can 100% guarantee they will be successful, healthy and happy, that's a No-Go for me.
Lauren S 2 years ago
Well, I can tell you with 100% certainty that they will fail at something at sometimes, they will be sick or injured at sometime, and they will be sad, angry, scared, etc and not happy at sometimes. That is life. But they will also have successes, joys, and wonderful things too. As I told my kid’s little league coach, we don’t need to protect them from being upset, we need to give them the space to be upset and learn to get through it with whatever level of support they need. We were talking about if every kid bats every inning or if we play the 3 outs or 5 runs rule. Team is 6-8 yos. Now, when my kid played at 3 and 4, he absolutely needed no strike outs, no outs, everyone bats, everyone scores. But 6 to 8? They are capable of learning to manage their emotions.
Shay Baranowski 2 years ago
I don't need guilt moms jumping in just to "be rosy about the other side" that's not what this was titled
#48
I had a vasectomy and I had a vasectomy
Himiko 2 years ago
Wtf is wrong with you? why would you ask that? That's so rude?!
Load More Replies... #49
1. I'm not ready financially, emotionally, physically, mentally capable and any other aspects right there 2. I am single, never been in a relationship, and currently no plans of having one. If I'll find for my parther, we should agree on the fact that we might choose not to have kids. 3. I am still spoiling my inner child. I need to focus on making myself better first 4. Even if I became the best parent in the world, giving everything to my child, I think the world isn't that sustainable anymore. You can give the best parenting method to your child but pollution, bad influence, discrimination, accidents, war, and potential pandemics will just make you think that this isn't the perfect place to live anymore
Mary August 2 years ago
I like #3 "still spoiling my inner child". I grew up rather poor. Now my finances are ok so I spoil myself all the time. I want to keep doing that.
June 2 years ago
I also do this, and it's delicious 🙃 But I like to "spoil" my loved ones too. I grew up rather poor but didn't really know. I turned out to be a very grateful person, and to me sharing make it even better 😌
Load More Replies... LynzCatastrophe 2 years ago (edited)
I too agree with number 3. I spent my adult life living paycheck to paycheck, now in my mid thirties, I have a job that let's me live life on my terms. I'm playing catch-up.
#50
Full transparency, and being a bit vulnerable here, it’s actually a combination of several things: 1) It’s hard to determine a consistent sense of self with the way American society is so fast paced now for me, and I cannot imagine having to navigate someone I’m responsible for through the world to help them determine their own sense of self 2) I’d think it would be selfish of me to produce a kid with the genes I’ve gotten from my family (bipolar depressive disorder, ADHD, heart disease, etc.) and then have them suffer through that stuff 3) I still struggle with my insecurities regarding my intelligence and knowledge basis on finances, household maintenance, car repairs, and consistency in my own life routines where I get a sense of fulfillment, so ineptitude essentially 4) I cannot afford that idea right now and likely won’t be able to because I don’t per se put a premium on the accumulation of capital and financial resources, nor do I necessarily want to 5) I read the 3 prominent Stoic philosophy texts by Seneca, Aurelius, and Epictetus and routinely they mentioned the things we “own” owning us due to the upkeep required for these “things”, and I hate the idea of being indebted to or forced to submit myself to anything really and daily have problems coming to grips with needing to do this to “play nice” in society at large Sorry, it seems like I ranted there…
MrsFettesVette 2 years ago
There is someone in the comments who seems pretty persistent in shooting down everyone's reasons on not having children; I wonder why they feel so invested in convincing us how great it is. One reason is enough and people definitely don't need to be talked out of making a responsible choice.
Load More Replies...We’ve sifted through a lot of thoughts and facts, and now we’d love to hear from you! Are you nodding along with some points or shaking your head at others? Whatever your take, drop a comment below and share your perspective. Your voice adds color to this ongoing conversation, and we’re here for it!
#53
Parent and sibling both have bipolar disorder. Early on I knew I didn't want to pass on my genes. Of course there are other ways to have kids, but I have never wanted them. I don't know if that's my nature of my nurture. In my mid-50s I see peers with adult kids and grandkids and envy that a little and worry for my older years without that connection and source of potential support. Even so, I don't have the desire to raise a child.
#54
Zero maternal instincts plus (likely) infertility. Even if I was on the fence about kids, I don't want them badly enough to go through fertility treatments to have them. I just never felt the desire to be a parent.
#55
Nunya. Nunya business. Seriously though, we just never had an overwhelming desire for kids. We figured if it was not something we felt really strongly about we should just pass. For me I think that is because I was the youngest and none of my siblings had kids either. My wife and I did foster a boy when he was 6 to 8 years old. It was a good experience, but at the end of it we both admitted not having the stress and expense of kids was a good thing. Although we did miss having him around and we did a lot of things, like going to movies and theme parks, that we would not have done had we not had a child in the house.
Freya the Wanderer 2 years ago
Right on! None of anybody's [bleep]ing business. You don't wanna have kids - great.
#56
I don't want to be a parent, I'm too selfish to have a child. I like my own time and to do what I want, when I want to. Also, there is NOTHING for kids coming into this world.
#57
Infertility f*****g sucks a*s dude
#58
I'm pro having kids, my problem is the people too stupid to have kids are too stupid to avoid it. Some of those people are going to be the comments here. It's of no benefit for me to try to convince stupid people to have kids.
#60
Because they're f*****g annoying and people who have them usually suck
RavenTheCat 2 years ago
Personally i feel this modern generation is way too privileged, but hey. Thats just my experience working retail
What do you think ?
Magpie 2 years ago
I constantly thank the feminists of previous generations: They made it possible and legal to know about contraception and how to use it. I can relate to many of the original posters.
ginny weasley 2 years ago
If you are in the US the Republicans are very quickly eroding those rights
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freakingbee (they/them) 2 years ago
even when i was younger i knew i never wanted to birth a child. adoption, maybe, when they're older. but i don't want to risk passing on various disorders cause of my genetics. and i don't want to waste half my life with a child i can't guarantee i will be able to stick it out with.
Elio 2 years ago
I'm a childfree person and I am just not interested and I think caregiving is kind of stressful and sucks. Another reason not mentioned here is having to deal with other parents. Sure there are good parents were it would be great to be friends with them and have the kids be friends. But it seems like being a conspiracy theory wackjob is acceptable. So I imagine it would suck if your kid had a real medical condition and couldn't get vaccines and there's all these plague rats running around. And what do you do if your kid is good friends with another kid, but then their parents are nutjobs who think the 5G is mind-controlling them. So having kids increases the likelihood of having to interact with weirdos.
ExistentialSoup 2 years ago (edited)
I don’t have kids. I don’t hate kids. I just generally dislike them. I don’t wish them ill will. I just wish they’d live their lives away from me.
Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
I'm just not the kind of person who's cut out for it, really. But I love my little nephew. One look at him and I was like "I WOULD DIE FOR THIS KID". And as a matter of fact, a while ago on this site I mentioned that said nephew was expecting a younger sibling and I was just positive it was going to be a girl. People said hey let us know how it turns out and well...
Ren Karlej 2 years ago
Congrats on becoming an aunt to a little girl (I assume!). I've a nephew I adore too. He's an adult now but I loved looking after him when he was small. I did want children when I was late teens/early 20s but always 'later' and then the desire just trickled away, funnily enough. So people couldn't say to me 'oh, you'll change your mind' as I already had!
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Michael Largey 2 years ago
"Having children is giving hostages to fortune." When I was fourteen, my father died suddenly leaving a wife, five children, and a pension stolen by his employer. I suspect that was the day I stopped thinking about becoming a father.
Cathy Lemay 2 years ago
People used to look at me with pity as I couldn't conceive and the notion was you would never find true happiness unless you did have a babby. My BIL chastised my husband because I would not go through all the c**p they went through to have baby #4. He felt a foot needed putting down. I was just fine without .
Carrie Laughs 2 years ago
My eldest sister never got pregnant despite choosing to try. She positively rejected the idea of going for IVF as she didn't want it to end up being something she had to work so hard for, the constant hope and then if it all ended up in failure. The percentage that is successful on first attempt is 55%. The failure rate was too high for her to risk putting all that hope into it. For some people acceptance that it's not meant to be is the easier option.
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Sivi 2 years ago
I did not have the greatest of luck in genes from either of my parents(siblings avoided it lol). Bad knees with a slight risk of cancer, epilepsy, learning problems, mental health issue, scared of carring something inside me for months, noise etc. brother got 3 kids anyways, the line can continue there. I am just going to be the crazy rabbitlady.
Magpie 2 years ago
I constantly thank the feminists of previous generations: They made it possible and legal to know about contraception and how to use it. I can relate to many of the original posters.
ginny weasley 2 years ago
If you are in the US the Republicans are very quickly eroding those rights
Load More Replies... freakingbee (they/them) 2 years ago
even when i was younger i knew i never wanted to birth a child. adoption, maybe, when they're older. but i don't want to risk passing on various disorders cause of my genetics. and i don't want to waste half my life with a child i can't guarantee i will be able to stick it out with.
Elio 2 years ago
I'm a childfree person and I am just not interested and I think caregiving is kind of stressful and sucks. Another reason not mentioned here is having to deal with other parents. Sure there are good parents were it would be great to be friends with them and have the kids be friends. But it seems like being a conspiracy theory wackjob is acceptable. So I imagine it would suck if your kid had a real medical condition and couldn't get vaccines and there's all these plague rats running around. And what do you do if your kid is good friends with another kid, but then their parents are nutjobs who think the 5G is mind-controlling them. So having kids increases the likelihood of having to interact with weirdos.
ExistentialSoup 2 years ago (edited)
I don’t have kids. I don’t hate kids. I just generally dislike them. I don’t wish them ill will. I just wish they’d live their lives away from me.
Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
I'm just not the kind of person who's cut out for it, really. But I love my little nephew. One look at him and I was like "I WOULD DIE FOR THIS KID". And as a matter of fact, a while ago on this site I mentioned that said nephew was expecting a younger sibling and I was just positive it was going to be a girl. People said hey let us know how it turns out and well...
Ren Karlej 2 years ago
Congrats on becoming an aunt to a little girl (I assume!). I've a nephew I adore too. He's an adult now but I loved looking after him when he was small. I did want children when I was late teens/early 20s but always 'later' and then the desire just trickled away, funnily enough. So people couldn't say to me 'oh, you'll change your mind' as I already had!
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 2 years ago
"Having children is giving hostages to fortune." When I was fourteen, my father died suddenly leaving a wife, five children, and a pension stolen by his employer. I suspect that was the day I stopped thinking about becoming a father.
Cathy Lemay 2 years ago
People used to look at me with pity as I couldn't conceive and the notion was you would never find true happiness unless you did have a babby. My BIL chastised my husband because I would not go through all the c**p they went through to have baby #4. He felt a foot needed putting down. I was just fine without .
Carrie Laughs 2 years ago
My eldest sister never got pregnant despite choosing to try. She positively rejected the idea of going for IVF as she didn't want it to end up being something she had to work so hard for, the constant hope and then if it all ended up in failure. The percentage that is successful on first attempt is 55%. The failure rate was too high for her to risk putting all that hope into it. For some people acceptance that it's not meant to be is the easier option.
Load More Replies... Sivi 2 years ago
I did not have the greatest of luck in genes from either of my parents(siblings avoided it lol). Bad knees with a slight risk of cancer, epilepsy, learning problems, mental health issue, scared of carring something inside me for months, noise etc. brother got 3 kids anyways, the line can continue there. I am just going to be the crazy rabbitlady.
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