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“I Haven’t Spoken In A Decade”: 30 People Reveal Why They Disowned Their Siblings
It’s pretty normal for brothers and/or sisters to kind of not always get along. From competition to just good natured ribbing, sibling relationships are special. But the truth is that everyone is their own person and sometimes it’s good to have some boundaries.
Someone asked “Siblings who no longer speak, what caused the divide?” and netizens who have cut ties with some family members shared what happened. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorites and be sure to add your own thoughts and experiences in the comments section below.
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#1
He sexually abused me.
I told my mother. Begged her for help. She said she believed me, but that she couldn’t take action because “he’s my son.”
One day when I was 16, he started in on me as usual. But something abruptly changed. I knew now that my mother wouldn’t protect me, and my brother would never stop—so it had to be me. Some animal part of me woke up. I felt like I’d grabbed a live wire. In that instant, if he took one more step toward me, I was going to attack him like a wildcat. I would fight him until one of us was unconscious or dead. Nothing was said, but he stared at me in shock like he could see it in my face. He retreated to his bedroom. I picked up my backpack and left. I never lived there again, I found my own way in life.
That was the last time we interacted. It was 21 years ago.
**Edit:** Wanted to add that, in my experience, estrangement is *amazing.* You can’t heal from an abusive dynamic while you’re still trapped inside it. Out in the wide world, I discovered a self that was sooooo different from the person I’d learned to be around them. Today I have happiness, stability, and a loving new family. I go months without thinking of it. Choosing estrangement might feel like opening a golden door to the good life you deserved all along. Don’t be afraid to give it a try.
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#2
They asked my kids who are adopted to step out of a family picture “because they are not really family.” I gave them a chance to think about what they just said and silently counted to 10. They doubled down. And that was the last time I (or other family members) spoke to them.
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 4 months ago
My cousin is adopted. She's my cousin. End of story.
#3
My sister has never liked me. She's six years younger than me. Years ago the mother of my children and I divorced and she has sided with my ex on everything. I'm the main breadwinner and live on one coast due to the industry I work in, my ex lives across the country with the kids to be by family. I see the kids several times through the year and I wish we were geographically closer.
A couple of years a go my ex was acting erratic and come to find out she was going through either addiction issues or mental health issues. I offered to move her and the family to my city and take custody of the kids. That way my ex could be in their lives but also not have the monetary and day-to-day stress.
My sister, without ever once talking to me about it or asking questions, went to my kids and told them I was trying to steal them from their mom. It caused incredible turmoil and has taken a ton of time from my side to repair things with them. Things are much better now with my kids through a ton of effort but I'll never speak to my sister again. She's dead to me.
#4
Edit: realized I should have put a trigger warning for emotional abuse.
I wouldn’t say we don’t speak. When we see each other at family events, we say hello. That’s about it.
But in reality, it was my mom. She pitted us against each other, made him her precious baby boy (infantilized him), golden child, always yelling at me for not tending to his needs enough, and just wouldn’t let us be siblings and do normal sibling things (from playing together to fighting).
I used to resent him a lot but as I’ve gotten older I just pity him. He has no skills, no love life or friends, still lives at home. She has ruined his life by not letting him be his own person.
We still don’t speak because we’re essentially not allowed to. My mom thinks anyone speaking to him is being mean to him and stops the conversations. She ruined all of his friendships he had in school.
I hope he gets out someday.
#5
They didn't like how I posted mean memes about trump.
Crystal Spencer 4 months ago
Well boo hoo. Trump is mean to the depths of his soul... so why not expose that?!
#6
I cared for our terminally ill dad for 2.5 years until his subsequent death and can count on one hand how many times my siblings came by or helped.
#7
My brother turned into a parasite, preying on elderly women - our grandmother, a wealthy aunt, and our own demented mother, over the years. Hey even tried to get me to fund his life. When I took over our mother's finances and refused any payments, he dropped out of my life. He does not need to come back.
#8
My sister moved her massive 4 kid family and her husband into my dementia-ridden father's house under the pretext of "helping take care of him" since I live in another state.
Proceeded to steal every dime out of his pension check for almost a decade, drain the rest of his bank accounts, rack up hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt in his name, buy out his house from him for pennies on the dollar, and essentially leave him alone in his room deteriorating in front of a TV eating Wonder Bread sandwiches while her family regularly live it up - eating out, season passes to theme parks, super expensive car and vacations. The works.
When I discovered the depths to which she'd abused him and filed for a (third-party) conservatorship, she had the gall to say that I was doing it to steal his money.
The next time I plan to see her is when I'm pissing on her grave.
#9
At a certain point, I realized every time I talked to my sister she wanted me to do something for her.
Every single time. We could not chat without her asking me for a favor of some kind.
She’s older than me and got into the habit of bossing me around in our childhood I think.
The straw that broke the camel’s back was our aunt. She’s in poor health and her children aren’t taking care of her. My sister straight up said I should be her caretaker. I told her no, for the first time in my life, and she lost her s**t.
I held my ground, but she wouldn’t let it go so I eventually blocked her phone number, blocked her on social media, etc.
I miss her sometimes, but I also think family should not be about how much you can use one another and she treated me like I was her personal assistant.
#10
Sister being a religious fanatic and being cruel to me and my husband because she hates gay people.
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 4 months ago
Religious fanatics are NOT believers who are trying to better themselves and the world upon which we live. Religious fanatics are power-hungry, selfish narcissists who offer nothing.
#11
She lied about having cancer. I'll just never be able to trust anyone like that in my house and around my family. There's really nothing that can fix it either, I think you need to have something really broken in your brain to do something like that, like unrepairable damage.
#12
My sister and I were really close growing up. People always asked us if we were twins, not just because we look so alike but because we were best friends and had the same friend group.
When she started dating, she’d always absorb the personality of the guys she dated. Some were better than others, but her husband is the worst of them all.
He comes from a very sketchy family and has done some sketchy things. My family merely tolerated him and we were always kind even when we didn’t want to be. They had a 3 week engagement because she was pregnant and even 10 years later they still deny it even though the timing of their full term healthy baby’s birth is obvious. They have a lot of kids now and there was a period of time where they were legally separated because he was abusing her. It broke me when she got back with him, and I told her that I would never, ever be able to forgive him for how he treats her.
Fast forward, I start dating my husband. My sister has never made an effort to get to know him, in fact she’s always made it a point to be rude to him and make snide remarks towards the both of us. We always just tolerated it. When we got engaged she was suddenly so excited and wanted to be involved in everything. I think she was trying to make up for her fast engagement and rushed wedding planning by trying to be involved in mine. She would throw out suggestions and get mad when I told her I already had this and that covered. I had told her ahead of time that I wanted all sisters in a certain color for the wedding, and I guess she misinterpreted it as bridesmaid colors. She was pissed when she showed up to the wedding and saw that my friends were bridesmaids in a different color and matching dresses. I never lied to her or tried to hide it from her that she wasn’t a bridesmaid, she just made that assumption.
She went back to being rotten and snide. Then I got pregnant and then the fake kindness and desire to make it about her started up again. She wanted to plan my baby shower and I point blank told her that she was not invited. We haven’t spoken since. We’ve seen each other at family functions but we don’t talk to each other, which I am fine with. I’ll take silence over snide remarks any day.
So there you have it.
#13
I escaped the toxic cult-like religion we grew up in and am healing and doing quite well, he’s still stuck there so that already drives a deep divide just in worldview and lifestyle.
He wanted another shot to reconnect last year and I granted it to him, but during a long conversation over dinner I found out that he doesn’t view women as equal to men. His views on marriage and a married woman’s right to autonomy (nonexistent…) are slavery under a different name. A wolf in sheep’s clothing that he thinks is love. I tried everything I had in me to ask him questions and to see if he could realize himself how twisted that view is, since just telling someone they’re wrong doesn’t often go anywhere. Once it became clear he was committed to those ugly morals I told him never to contact me unless he changed. Haven’t spoken to him since.
Bernd Herbert 4 months ago
There simply are people you cannot reason with. They didn't get their worldview because of reason therefore reason will not connect with them.
#14
My brother has a massive ego and truly thinks he's perfect. He's an agressive emotional and physical bully. He's jacked up on steroids, and does a lot of d***s. He's brainwashed by Joe Rogan, Trump, Alex Jones, Putin, Tate etc.. I had a major, soul crushing, life altering thing happen to me and he thinks I'm overreacting to my injuries that have left me a shadow of my former self. After a lot of deep thought and anguish, I just don't speak to him anymore. I'm better off not having him in my life.
Jodie daubenmire 4 months ago
Who needs a Magat cult party member? I have not, nor will I ever speak to my 3rd eldest brother. He has lost his job, his family, and home. He is a squatter on a State Park, and owes 40k in child support. He claims his savior trump will excuse him for the debt. He is dead to my remaining 5 very Republican siblings. Magats are not Republicans.
#15
He bragged about torturing someone. He works as a prison guard and was once spit on. He said he'd beaten the guy with another guard then put him on "property restriction" which was to just strip him naked and leave him cuffed in a cell. But before that he sprayed the man from head to toe, front then back, with pepper spray. Pepper spray is not meant to be left on skin and especially not any mucus membranes. He said the guy was just writhing around yelling. I can't get past the thought of it.
I work in the field of socialwork and do my best to help as many people as I can. And he's out there proud of having done something incredibly vile.
#16
When my sister got married for the first time, she became a monster. She started treating everyone who was not her husband as if they were s**t, demanding money from my parents (which they gave her, they even made me sleep on the floor so they can sell my bed and give her the money) and guilt tripping everyone who didn't jump on the spot to babysit whenever she wanted. She started to look down on me.
My parents lost everything to help her and now they're literally broke, just surviving with what me and my uncles give to them. And my sister claims nobody helps her.
I just can't.
#17
I don't need people who make me feel like s**t and treat me like trash in my life.
#18
I haven’t spoken to my sister in a decade, and don’t attend family events where she will be present. She stole my mom’s identity and wracked up almost 20k in unpaid debt. My mom plays is off as a childish mistake (my sister was 27 at the time) and despite my pressing her, my mom refused to press charges. Without her help the police just had to let it go and my mom paid off the debt.
DEW 4 months ago (edited)
My sister has lied about me, my dad and my mom. But my mom just thinks she will come back to the "fold". I'm here doing everything I can for my mom and it's never good enough.The last time I spoke to my sister was on my father's death bed. She came in with her boys and left I got up and went to the doorway and said you guys can come in I've been here all day. She yelled in this high pitched voice if she could have her private time then. The doctor came in while I was down the hall waiting and said my dad was dying. She didn't tell me what the doctor said. She got done and came down the hall and Thanked me for letting her have her privacy time and left. The nurse who was standing with me was shocked. My sister later told my mom that I told her to get out because our father wasn't her dad. My dad died in 2011 and my mom still talks to my sister and wants her back. My sister is a liar. She constantly tells lies. My mom believes everything she says.
#19
They never reach out and hardly ever reply so I dropped the rope. No animosity, just no desire to keep reaching out and having my feelings hurt. Can't be disappointed if you don't have expectations.
#20
Because my sister is a psycho b***h that brings unnecessary drama into everything. I love her but I’m better off loving her from afar. I wish nothing but the best for her, as long as she’s over there and I’m over here.
Edit: damn I have a lot more relatives than I thought. My dad cheated on my mom a lot, so it’s not too far fetched lol.
#21
My brother got arrested for distribution of something I won't type out, but let's leave it at illegal and unethical images of people below a certain age. The day that happened, I made my first visit to the VA because I had already started compulsively planning to kill him and I needed someone to talk me out of it. And that would've left my parents with a dead son and me probably doing life in prison.
He got the plea deal of the century and did two years in prison. On the registry for life and some wild probation requirements(no internet access for over a decade). Somehow he got that instead of 200+ consecutive life sentences. My parents have the mindset that he "made a mistake." I've told them there's a lot of serious mistakes that I could forgive. Hell, even a DUI causing a fatality I could've seen past. What he did was a repeated choice with absolutely no excuse.
The extended family is divided on it. I think it's a bunch of cognitive dissonance all around. I don't speak to him or acknowledge his existence, and some family have tried to get us to reconnect. But I've made it clear that it won't happen but they're welcome to pick between having one or the other of us around if they keep pushing the topic.
Haywood Jablome 4 months ago
OP: "I won't type out "child pornagraphy" so let me just explain what that is instead"
#22
I’ve posted about my half sister years ago. She is nine years older than me and in my life, I’ve lived in the same house as her for less than a year. She lived with her mom most of her childhood. She got married at 21 or 22 years old and was, what we used to call a “bridezilla”. I was around 13 years old and was supposed to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.
She was very set on a hairstyle she wanted all her bridesmaids to have, and she wanted them all done at a certain salon. The salon was very far from where I lived and we had to be there early, like 7am. So my mom made an appointment for me to have my hair done at a salon near my house, and even gave them a picture of what my hair was supposed to look like. The night of the rehearsal, my half sister and my mom got into an argument about my hair and my sister kicked me out of the wedding. Her mom told my mom that because I was no longer in the wedding, we had to leave, but my mom pointed out that my brother and dad were still in the wedding, so we didn’t have to.
Long story short, her mom slapped my mom across the face, police were called, and nobody from my dad’s side of the family went to her wedding. As adults, she is very close to my dad and brother, but I have next to nothing to do with her. I’ll see her at family get togethers, but I have no interest in having her in my life outside of that. I was still a kid and she did irreparable damage to our relationship because of a hair style. All these years later and she still has not apologized for that night. What’s funny too is that, based on wedding pictures, none of her bridesmaids ended up with the hair style she wanted them to have because everyone had different types and lengths of hair. I hope it was worth it to her.
#23
I always thought I had a good relationship with my sister. We both moved a lot, and lived in different cities, but we regularly called and sometimes visited. At a certain point we lived in the same city and I visited her a few times, I even remember borrowing her car for something. At a certain point I noticed I was making more of an effort than she was, so I asked her and she said she's just busy. We had a day planned where she would visit me, so I took off from work but she never showed up. I called and texted but she didn't answer. 2 days later she apologized and said something came up, she never said what. We made other plans and she cancelled an hour before. I got pissed cause again I took off from work and made arrangements. She apologized, we tried a third time, I told her this was the last chance, she promised to be there but again she didn't show up. I decided I had tried and I never initiated contact again, it's now been 15 years since we last spoke. I went to her diploma ceremony a few months after this all happened where we didn't speak and she actually didn't even look at me. Nobody in the family ever mentions this, it's like it never happened.
Regina Holt 4 months ago
I hate when something like this goes on and the family ignores it. That will only make things worse.
#24
Both my younger sister and I were horribly abused by both parents. There were three older siblings that were wanted and were treated like gold. I moved away and was in therapy for 13 years. Both parents are dead now. She did no therapy, had two kids, one which she can't shut up about and one she can't ever mention. Two years ago she took an inheritance that was meant for me and spent it on her house. It was the worst betrayal I have ever experienced, did not see it coming. Still causes painful rage, slowly getting better. Will never talk to her again, will never have to see that she, has become what abused us both. Still feel like an idiot.
#25
Let’s name all the reasons.
As a kid, he constantly destroyed my things. My Barney stuffed animal was strung up with razor wire to the ceiling fan and beheaded. My huge Pokémon collection, which would’ve been worth millions of dollars today, were shredded and burned.
He’s the reason my bio mom abandoned me. He started a dog fight between my biological mom’s pit bulls and blamed me so my biological mother blamed me for the death of her dog, which is a huge reason why she stopped coming around and I didn’t get to see her for 10 years before she died.
He, as a 24 year old, knocked up a 16 year old. Tried to say she said she was older but she looks like a literal child so I don’t buy it. Then two years later, he knocks up another 17 year old. Somehow he avoided charges on both, but I think he should’ve been taken out back and taken care of after the first one.
He tried to kill someone and is currently in prison.
His current girlfriend sends me messages asking me to subscribe to her onlyfans, I block her, and she makes new accounts.
#26
She had a bad habit of continually trying to convince my husband that I was the shittiest person to be married to. She constantly assassinated my character to anyone who would listen.
When I finally had enough I went no contact. My husband also did, he was furious with her antics.
That driver her a bit nuts. I didn’t care, and instead enjoyed the blessed relief.
Some people do not feel good about themselves unless they are destroying others.
Patti Hampton 4 months ago
I have 3 sisters and 1 of those is exactly what was described. She's tried to convince people I didn't go through something I did... and 'you believe everything that comes out of her mouth! She was not abused!' Oh, but I was and everyone knew that because they saw some of that with their own eyes. If she's not the center of attention, she manages to wreak havoc - doesn't matter if it's a wedding or a funeral. She was the only one who didn't show up for my surprise birthday party in 2021. The others at least made an effort. My son-in-law's birthday party was with mine - as we were born on the same day. Sister didn't even show up for him. She was probably jealous because she wasn't the center of attention. Less drama at that party, thankfully.
#27
Alcohol.
My sibling has been drinking for 30 years.
She's in her mid 40s, drunk most days, and posts her relationship drama all over social media.
She wore a white ball gown to my wedding, stole items, money, etc from me and my family.
I don't follow them on social media and I don't see them when I travel near where they live.
They are unable to respect boundaries so they are choosing to not participate in my life.
Ephemera Image 4 months ago
I have no time for drunks. They suck the life and joy out of everything and then play victim about 'fighting their demons' while destroying other people's lives. No sympathy whatsoever for them.
#28
My brother and I inherited a house together when our parents passed away. It's a nice house in a nice neighborhood with a half acre of property with plenty of room. It would have been ideal because there was no way either of us could have afforded a place like this on our own. But he had to go and turn into a raging, insane, alcoholic. The alcohol over the years has rotted his brain. Everything in the house that broke was my fault according to him. He would be ranting and raving over some stupid thing every day, usually about what a crappy person I am or some decision I made in my life. The situation devolved into threatening violence and death threats. The problem is, the few times he is sober, he does not remember a lot of what happens. I eventually moved out. I'm so much happier now. It got to the point where I feared for my life. So I will not contact him for any reason or respond to emails or phone calls. Usually on Friday nights he leaves me long rambling messages on my voice mail where I can't even understand what he's saying because he's so drunk.
Crystal Spencer 4 months ago
There is hope, OP, if you ever see this. I almost lost my little sister to alcohol a fewtime.s. she was so bad and drank so much. Getting sober nearly killed her but she is indeed sober and has been for nearly 15 years . Everyone thought is was impossible. She has a beautiful family and life now. Don't give up hope. Not saying you don't get to remove him, because he is toxic nor do you have to be the one to help him... but don't lose hope for him.
#29
She's a psychopath. Manipulative, self-centered, lies for no reason but to get you to believe lies, has never once acknowledged fault and always turns it around on her accuser. She doesn't operate on, "Better to ask forgiveness than permission,", she'll lie until she can lie no more and then stand firm at, "What are you going to do about it?" She has never moved an inch for anyone and tramples over everyone deflecting with a, "tee hee!"
Nobody likes her but nobody but me understands why they don't like her and they keep engaging with her to their detriment.
#30
Moved to different locations, nothing in common, no reason to stay in touch.
What do you think ?
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 4 months ago
My brother was very disturbed as a child. He had ADD, was on the spectrum, and had learning difficulties, although he was very bright. He could not always control his behavior, and was very physically and emotionally abusive towards me. I am also on the spectrum, but despite my issues, I've always been able to relate to others much better. I think now that he abused me out of jealousy that I was more able than he. When I was 14, he joined the Navy, and was gone for two years. When he came back, he had learned a great deal about getting along with people, about self-control, and about helping people. I had learned how to be a teenager. I had real friends, and did many of the normal teenage things. I wasn't the scared little mouse he'd left. We were never close, exactly, but we were able to co-exist and be civil to each other. We could even sit down and play a board game. I bought him a watch for Christmas. He always played Santa, and Mom would have to tell him to open his presents. He'd rip them open, set them aside, and get back to passing out. When he unwrapped the watch, he stopped passing presents long enough to open the package, set, and put on the watch. Most successful present I've ever given. That same year, he gave me a hairbrush and comb. This was the first time he'd ever attempted to get me something that I might like or need. He had no idea what a young woman might like, and he tried his best. It wasn't long after that he had his accident. I made the hour drive in about 40 minutes. There was a brother-shaped body lying on the bed, but he wasn't inside any longer. I took his hand, and I gave him the only thing I could -- my forgiveness. This past winter, my dad died. A few days before he went, he could see my brother waiting to take him home. Okay, I'm completely crying now. Maybe Bouche will get on to be superior to everyone.
Spencer's slave no longer 4 months ago
Much love and hugs from me and my two deck cats, James-Shere Khan and MooMoo.
Load More Replies...
Brian Beck 4 months ago
After the second time my bother tried to kill me I decided not to give him a third chance. We haven't spoken in close to 20 years, I don't miss him.
Sky Render 4 months ago
My SIL got enraged that we didn't out her daughter's asexuality to her. Her daughter specifically asked us not to tell her parents, and furthermore, you don't out people without their consent. My brother doubled down on supporting his wife's poor respect of her own daughter's right to privacy. Haven't spoken with either in over half a year, though I'm sure we'll hear from their daughter in a few years when she moves out.
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 4 months ago
My brother was very disturbed as a child. He had ADD, was on the spectrum, and had learning difficulties, although he was very bright. He could not always control his behavior, and was very physically and emotionally abusive towards me. I am also on the spectrum, but despite my issues, I've always been able to relate to others much better. I think now that he abused me out of jealousy that I was more able than he. When I was 14, he joined the Navy, and was gone for two years. When he came back, he had learned a great deal about getting along with people, about self-control, and about helping people. I had learned how to be a teenager. I had real friends, and did many of the normal teenage things. I wasn't the scared little mouse he'd left. We were never close, exactly, but we were able to co-exist and be civil to each other. We could even sit down and play a board game. I bought him a watch for Christmas. He always played Santa, and Mom would have to tell him to open his presents. He'd rip them open, set them aside, and get back to passing out. When he unwrapped the watch, he stopped passing presents long enough to open the package, set, and put on the watch. Most successful present I've ever given. That same year, he gave me a hairbrush and comb. This was the first time he'd ever attempted to get me something that I might like or need. He had no idea what a young woman might like, and he tried his best. It wasn't long after that he had his accident. I made the hour drive in about 40 minutes. There was a brother-shaped body lying on the bed, but he wasn't inside any longer. I took his hand, and I gave him the only thing I could -- my forgiveness. This past winter, my dad died. A few days before he went, he could see my brother waiting to take him home. Okay, I'm completely crying now. Maybe Bouche will get on to be superior to everyone.
Spencer's slave no longer 4 months ago
Much love and hugs from me and my two deck cats, James-Shere Khan and MooMoo.
Load More Replies... Brian Beck 4 months ago
After the second time my bother tried to kill me I decided not to give him a third chance. We haven't spoken in close to 20 years, I don't miss him.
Sky Render 4 months ago
My SIL got enraged that we didn't out her daughter's asexuality to her. Her daughter specifically asked us not to tell her parents, and furthermore, you don't out people without their consent. My brother doubled down on supporting his wife's poor respect of her own daughter's right to privacy. Haven't spoken with either in over half a year, though I'm sure we'll hear from their daughter in a few years when she moves out.
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