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From the moment you come into this world, there is this thing that happens around you that can sometimes be delightful but at times drives you crazy or leaves you completely baffled. You know, life. And if you find yourself in the middle of an experience that leaves you with more questions than answers, it’s absolutely okay to ask for advice.
Did you know that giving good advice is actually as much of an art (or science) as any other job? It’s not only about knowing things but also being able to find the right words of advice. But on the other hand, even after you have received the best piece of advice possible, it doesn’t automatically imply you are obliged to follow it.
It doesn’t matter how experienced the person giving advice is or how well they know you; if whatever they say you should do doesn’t sit right with you, you probably should follow your gut. And don’t even get me started on people who think they are authorized to share their life wisdom with you “just because,” even though the words “I need advice” have never left your lips.
Advice doesn’t always have to be serious or life-changing. Sometimes funny life advice about random situations is the best thing you need. There are a lot of unexpected things in life, and advice that not only makes you chuckle, but all of a sudden comes in handy is surely useful.
For this article, we have collected a bunch of funny quotes about life and pieces of advice for all sorts of situations. Which one do you find the most useful? If you have any funny words of wisdom to add to this collection, share them with us in the comments.
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#1
Carry a fork with you. If someone tries to rob you, pull it out of your pocket and say, ‘thank you Lord for this meal I’m about to have’ and charge at them with the fork.
Alexandru Bucur 2 years ago (edited)
Oh god, this reminds me of a thing I did when back in college - I started to be interested in militaria and I had just bought a German WW2 bayonet from an antique shop and afterwards went to a pub with some mates. As I was walking home afterwards, more than a bit buzzed, I decided to take shortcut through a park, and this guy walks out from behind a bush intending to rob me. So with the "clarity" of the drunk I reached into my jacket pocket, pulled out the bayonet, held it aloft and, gazing at it I lovingly said "we will drink his blood, won't we?" And the guy just goggled at me, muttered "excuse me" and walked back into his bush... And the kicker? About a week later I took the same shortcut, this time stone cold sober and without the bayonet, and the same guy walks out, takes one look at me, goes "What, you again?" and gestures me along...
ohjojo (you/your's) 2 years ago
Fork to the neck or face can do a lot of damage and you won't be accused of carrying a concealed weapon
Lolo Caty 2 years ago
I remember some years ago, when I had just accepted islam, I had to go alone for the Eid prayer just after the sunrise. It was a bit far and it was the first time i was going out wearing hijab. My roommate was concerned and just as I was going out handled me her bag and said: "Here, take my bag, if anyone tries to harm you just shout Allahu Akbar, throw the bag at them and run". I couldn't stop laughing but it was sad that soon after people started these stupid "pranks" of throwing packs while shouting Allahu Akbar
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#2
If you teach a man to fish, you feed him for one day. If you feed him to the fishes then he’ll never be hungry again.
How Do You Advise Someone About Life?
Giving advice about life, be it a serious one or maybe sharing a couple of funny sayings about life, is no easy task! In fact, sharing advice is as much of a science as it is subjective and elusive since everyone’s experiences, understandings, and goals differ greatly.
Here’s what you should do before giving your advice in the first place – figure out whether the person you’re giving it to needs a real solution to their problem or merely something to take their mind off of the things they're experiencing. If it’s the latter, just pick one of these funny life quotes from our list, and if it’s a serious scenario, we have some general principles of giving life advice prepared for you:
Listen Attentively. Before you give your advice, listen carefully to what the person you’re about to give it to is saying. Understanding their perspective is crucial for good advice!
Show Empathy. Let them know that you care about their problems and appreciate their feelings, and it might help just as much as the advice itself.
No Judging. We’ve all been in all kinds of dubious situations and know that judging doesn’t help, right? Focus on understanding instead.
It’s All About Perspective. Do you know what the best part of talking to someone is? You’re right; it’s a different perspective to look at things. Share your own experiences if you feel it’s fitting.
Solution Time. Offering solutions to problems is probably the best thing you could do for someone in need. Even if a solution is a bunch of funny life advice quotes shared around to soften the hard blows of life!
All in all, advising someone about life is a very personal and subjective thing. While we can give you some pointers, it’s up to you, the situation and the person you’re talking with that defines the best way to approach the situation at hand. However, funny advice or serious advice, know that if someone is coming up to you for it, it means they trust and cherish you!
#4
If you hear weird noises in the night, simply make weirder noises to assert dominance.
#6
Don't yell at your kids, lean in close and whisper, it's much scarier.
Whitefox 2 years ago
I can confirm. I used to know some people who yelled a lot and made empty threats. One of their crotch goblins was dancing a jig on my very last nerve. He dang near peed himself when I took him out back got down at his level and whispered that if he did not stop pestering me, I'd put him straight to bed with no dinner or dessert. He was a perfect angle all night after that and rarely ever gave me trouble again.
What is the Best Advice Ever Given?
It’s safe to say that a lot of us have received a piece of advice that not only changed the way we see things but also stuck with us for quite some time. While naming the ultimate best life advice ever given is a tricky task, here are some serious, empowering, and even funny life advice pieces that made it into our top list:
- Your life is your responsibility;
- The way someone treats you is a reflection they feel about themselves;
- Life is all about managing expectations — most of it your own;
- When you know better, do better;
- Your word is your bond;
- Just keep going. No matter what;
- Don’t dwell on the idea that thighs could’ve been any other way;
- Do what you’re afraid to do;
- Listen more than you speak;
- Always be kind.
As it happens, these excellent words of wisdom which we think you’d agree, are also some of the most often ignored pieces of advice ever! And if you think that this list should be expanded with anything else, be it funny sayings about life or serious pieces of advice, be sure to share it in the comments section!
#7
If you attempt to rob a bank, you will have no trouble with rent or bills for the next ten years, whether you are successful or not.
Headless Roach 2 years ago
How is it that if you rob a bank you have a problem, but when the bank robs you they don't?
#8
If you don’t know where your kids are in the house, turn off the internet and watch them magically appear.
#9
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
What are Some Short Life Quotes You Could Use as Advice?
Advice can come in many forms – a shared experience, a kind word, a solution to a problem, or even a short saying about life. Picking a quote about life might often be an excellent choice! A quote is often both wise and leaves enough room to interpret and make it your own. So, if you were looking for empowering, thoughtful, or maybe even funny quotes about life, here are some of our favorites:
- “The purpose of our lives is to be happy.” — Dalai Lama;
- “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” — John Lennon;
- “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” — Mae West;
- "Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game." — Babe Ruth
- "Not how long, but how well you have lived is the main thing.” — Seneca
If none of these quotes speak to you, you can always continue reading our list where, hopefully, you’ll find the funny life advice you’ve been looking for all along!
#10
If your kids suddenly start getting along and are nice to each other for no reason, be very suspicious.
Jordi Sharpe 2 years ago
The first of many Oaths of Secrecy to cover their asses. You'll hear all about them when they're in their 30s.
#11
No matter how nice the hand soap smells, don’t leave the restroom smelling your fingers.
#12
If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a water gun and shoot other people in the eyes.
crow_commits_murder 2 years ago
“All right, I've been thinking, when life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade! Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man whose gonna burn your house down - with the lemons!” - Cave Johnson
#13
If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it, then how bad of a decision can it really be?
#14
Eat whatever you want, and if someone calls you fat, eat them too.
Deborah Harris2 2 years ago
I got a 24 hour ban for making this joke ..... and now you print it!!!! Oh the freaking irony ....
#15
If you are not happy where you are, move. You are not a tree.
#16
Drinking can cause memory loss, or even worse, memory loss.
Headless Roach 2 years ago
Alcohol does not give you answers, but it certainly helps forget the question.
#17
Ladies, if a man says he'll fix something, he will. There's no point in telling him about it every six months.
#18
If you swim with a friend, your chances of getting eaten by a shark will drop by 50%.
Headless Roach 2 years ago
And the friend is like.. "what am I doing here? why are my hands tied?"
#19
If you can’t blind them with brilliance, baffle them with nonsense.
#20
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You only need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
#21
Marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you so they won't eat all of yours.
#23
Be a Caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep a lot. Wake up beautiful.
#24
Don't let go of your wife's hand at the mall, because she will start shopping. It might look romantic, but it's actually economic.
#25
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job, slowly raise the head and say in Jesus name, Amen.
#26
In case of fire, exit the building before tweeting about it.
#27
If you break your bone in two places, don’t go to those places again.
#28
Eggs are good for your health. But sometimes we get fed up with them. Add some butter, chocolate, sugar, flour, and then bake. Now it’s not so boring to eat them every day.
#29
When you fart in public, yell "Jet power!" and walk faster.
#30
If you wait until the last minute to do it, it only takes a minute to do.
#31
Never use your favorite song as an alarm. You'll start to hate it.
#32
Writing. Like. This. Doesn't. Make. Your. Point. Any. Stronger.
TheAquarius1978 2 years ago
Of course it doesn't, NOW IF YOU USE ALL CAPITAL LETTERS ON THE OTHERHAND....
#34
Do not think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a majestic baboon.
#35
For $1, you can buy a candy bar from a vending machine. For $2, you can buy a brick, and get all the candy in the vending machine.
#36
The best defense against somebody videotaping you is to blast a song by an artist that is serious about copyright infringement.
#37
Don't be sad, because sad backward is das and das not good.
#38
Put a teabag in your whiskey, so you can day drink without being judged.
#39
My father once told me, "Son, if you want people to listen to what you have to say, claim it's something your father told you."
#41
Never walk on the ice with your hands in your pockets.
#42
The first time your toddler sneezes in your face, even if it is super funny when it happens, do not laugh. You will be sentencing yourself to years of purposeful in-your-face sneezes.
#43
If your dog blinks at you blink back. It could be a code.
TheAquarius1978 2 years ago
I dunno about dogs, but that actually how you conquer a cat ( no Im not jocking, you slow Blink to a cat untill the cat slow Blink a at you, at that moment it just told you it trusts you and doesn't see you as a threat)
#44
Don’t be ashamed of yourself — that’s a job for your parents.
#45
Don't lick the bowl, flush it like a normal person.
#46
Listen to really bad music when going through something terrible in your life. If you listen to music you love, it will become a constant reminder of bad times.
The_Tired_Artist 2 years ago
*Listens to Justin Bieber cause his music is weird* his fans: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
#48
Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘would an idiot do that?’ if they would, I do not do that thing.
#49
When you want to annoy someone at work, use air quotes when addressing their work title.
#50
Oil floats on water, so cover yourself in oil, wait for it to rain, and fly.
What do you think ?
RandomHumanBean 2 years ago
Always hike with a friend. that way, if you get chased by a bear, you don't have to outrun it. you only need to outrun your friend.
Doc Thissen 2 years ago
The loser in a fight is the one who has to go to the hospital before going to jail.
Will Cable 2 years ago
Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get...especially if one is a laxative
Ruth Hempsey 2 years ago
Some of these made me chuckle so I'll refrain from criticising this time. 😉
martin ginsberg 11 months ago
Advice should always be pithy and never punny. I pithy the fools who ignore this.
Horst 2 years ago
If someone is following you, follow them back. No matter what, you don’t stop following.
RandomHumanBean 2 years ago
Always hike with a friend. that way, if you get chased by a bear, you don't have to outrun it. you only need to outrun your friend.
Doc Thissen 2 years ago
The loser in a fight is the one who has to go to the hospital before going to jail.
Will Cable 2 years ago
Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get...especially if one is a laxative
Ruth Hempsey 2 years ago
Some of these made me chuckle so I'll refrain from criticising this time. 😉
martin ginsberg 11 months ago
Advice should always be pithy and never punny. I pithy the fools who ignore this.
Horst 2 years ago
If someone is following you, follow them back. No matter what, you don’t stop following.
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