Whether you’re excited to finally meet your baby or a bit overwhelmed by the thought of becoming a parent, it’s normal to have all types of emotions during the eighth month of pregnancy.

Since you may also be feeling very tired at this point, taking some time to relax can put a spring in your step.

But when this woman went on vacation with her family, she quickly got into an argument with her in-laws over the bikini she was wearing. Turns out, they hated seeing her belly.

So she explained the situation in a post on the subreddit ‘Am I the [Jerk]?’, asking its members to share their opinions on the conflict. Continue scrolling to read the woman’s story and the talk we had on the subject with our parenting expert Vicki Broadbent.

This woman went on a family holiday during her eighth month of pregnancy

Image credits: Isabela Martins (not the actual photo)

But she got berated for putting on a bikini

Image credits: vladans (not the actual photo)

Image source: [deleted]

Vicki Broadbent of Honest Mum thinks there’s way too much “backseat parenting” going on

Image credits: honestmum.com

Nowadays, pregnancy clothes aren’t a problem. “It’s now relatively easy to find maternity swimwear online and in-store, whether that’s a one-piece or bikini,” writer, director, broadcaster, and creator of the parenting blog Honest Mum, Vicki Broadbent, told Bored Panda. “However, many expectant mums often size up on their usual swimwear to save money and to get longer wear out of it. It’s entirely the pregnant woman’s prerogative on what they choose to wear however months pregnant they are, and otherwise.”

It’s usually us who make things awkward and uncomfortable.

“Something odd seems to happen in pregnancy with some people as they either become excited or triggered when they see pregnant women,” Broadbent said. “Some [examples] are understandable (for instance, if they’d suffered a loss) but there’s a lot of entitlement that comes with witnessing [and] spending time with those who are pregnant, be it offering unsolicited advice from food choices to how to raise your unborn baby, to touching the bump without asking.”

Unfortunately, Vicki, who is a mom of three herself, has experienced this firsthand, too. “Whilst pregnant with my first two, I had strangers, both times, touching my bump, without asking first, in public spaces like the supermarket. They simply reached out, and had they asked, it would have been a firm no. Thankfully, I was pregnant during the pandemic with my third child so I didn’t get close to strangers. Well-meaning or otherwise, once you become pregnant or have a child, particularly your first, everyone and their gran seem to think they have a duty to advise [and] lecture you.”

Broadbent calls this backseat parenting. “If advice is asked, give it but don’t provide it unsolicited, and keep your opinions on dress code and anything else relating to personal choice, to yourself. It’s someone else’s baby and body, remember that.”

Sadly, this case isn’t a standalone example

Image credits: Ivan Samkov (not the actual photo)

Many more mothers are familiar with such a scenario.

Brand strategist Alexandra Carello is one of them. “When you’re pregnant, finding clothes that you feel good in can be difficult, especially if you’re trying to be conscious of your consumption and avoid buying new pieces,” she wrote on The Telegraph. “Clothes become a faff and almost always feel restricting.”

“With a bikini, there’s nothing digging in, nothing pulling at your body. Fewer clothes definitely equals fewer problems for me – I love getting to wear just bikinis and cover-ups all day. Being nearly naked is basically the best,” the woman explained.

“I haven’t felt this way through my entire pregnancy. In the beginning, just looking or feeling a bit bloated or bigger isn’t fun. And you always feel more pregnant than you look in the early stages. It’s liberating to be enormously pregnant in a bikini when no one can wonder. I think the more skin you show, the better.”

Carello has also had to deal with disdainful glares. But she thinks it’s best to distance yourself from them as much as possible. “My attitude is, ‘Yeah, I’m pregnant – so what? Judge me if you dare.’ I feel more confident in a bikini now than when I’m not pregnant, and also very free.”

Of course, maintaining this attitude is much more difficult when your relatives keep criticizing your attire.

“If you’re the pregnant woman in question, exercise boundaries and become firm about what you will listen to and take on board,” our parenting expert Vicki Broadbent suggested.

“If someone provides an opinion, depending on the gravity of it, thank them for it then promptly change the topic. If it’s rude and uncalled for as this example is, be clear that you have the human right to wear and do as you please as an adult and won’t be made to feel bad about other people’s ‘mommy issues’ or anything else that requires a therapist to work through and not you!”

Just like in-law conflicts

Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)

Let’s hope that the author of the post and her in-laws will find a way to patch things up because fights like this one can take a serious toll on them.

Terri Apter, a psychologist and senior tutor at Newnham College, Cambridge University, who conducted more than two decades of research in the field, found that 60% of women admitted the relationship with their female in-law caused them long-term unhappiness and stress.

Apter discovered that two-thirds of daughters-in-law believed that their husband’s mother frequently exhibited jealous, maternal love towards their son.

In fact, 75% percent of couples reported having problems with an in-law. Many young adults found that in-law conflict increased after the birth of their first child, with the shared interest of a grandchild providing fresh reasons for grandparents to “influence and interfere in the lives of other family members.”

So if the Redditor and her relatives won’t settle their differences, the tension might keep rising in the future as well.

People unanimously said that the woman did nothing wrong

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