Women’s bodies can change quite a bit after they give birth—it’s a natural part of life. However, some moms’ sense of confidence can take a huge hit because they’re not comfortable with the way they look now. Naturally, they feel a bit more sensitive about showing more skin in public. And they might ask their nearest and dearest for their support.

Redditor u/Silver-Cattle7362 raised a sensitive issue on the AITA online group. She asked the net for advice and wanted a verdict on whether she was wrong to wear a bikini at the beach when her postpartum sister asked her not to. You’ll find the whole story and the internet’s reactions as you scroll down.

Moms’ bodies change after giving birth, and some of them may lose confidence in themselves

Image credits: Wendy Hero (not the actual photo)

One woman shared how her postpartum sister asked her to refrain from wearing a bikini at the beach

Image credits: molenira (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Silver-Cattle7362

The woman supported her sister but also didn’t want to suffer because of her wishes

Confidence and self-compassion play vital roles in people’s lives. When we accept ourselves for who we are and what we look like, with all our strengths and flaws, we become more resilient and less prone to anger and jealousy. Deep-set issues with one’s body image won’t disappear overnight, however. And the question is, whether someone’s right to ask everyone else to tiptoe around them, and if so, where the limits are.

That’s the main dilemma that redditor u/Silver-Cattle7362 was grappling with. She opened up to Reddit that she has had surgery and “various non-invasive treatments” after giving birth to her daughter. According to her, it was these factors, not her diet and exercise regimens, which helped her the most after giving birth.

The OP explained that she wasn’t going to suffer at the beach by dressing in more layers, especially considering that there were lots of women in bikinis there. However, her sister took it very hard and “was a wreck all day.”

Image credits: Gustavo Fring (not the actual photo)

Body neutrality, rather than body positivity, may be healthier

While it was clear that the author of the post wanted to support her sister, she also drew some healthy boundaries. The situation also highlights an important fact about life: if we want to be happy, we can’t go about comparing ourselves to everyone else all the time. There will always be someone out there who’s prettier, smarter, and more talented than us. However, that doesn’t invalidate how amazing, capable, and skilled we are.

Lancaster General Health notes that embracing body neutrality, rather than body positivity, can be healthy. “Rather than focusing on feeling great about your appearance, try working on radically accepting that your body is different, neither good nor bad, just different,” explains fitness instructor Darian Healy.

She suggests that new moms listen to their bodies’ needs and give themselves permission to eat the foods they enjoy because this allows for moderation.

“Keep in mind that you’re also still in the process of healing, possibly breastfeeding, not getting much sleep, and carrying around an extra little bundle of joy. All of these things require more energy and may mean that you have a bigger appetite than you did even during pregnancy,” Healy explains.

Image credits: nd3000 (not the actual photo)

Moderate cardio and core strengthening exercises can be useful parts of new moms’ workouts

Meanwhile, when it comes to exercise, more of it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s better for the mom. They should feel happier, strong, and energized after a workout, not exhausted.

“Make sure that the movement you’re choosing to do is supporting your new life as a parent and not making it harder or more stressful. Choose exercises you like to do over ones that you think will give you the ‘best’ workout. Moving in a way that is joyful means that you are more likely to continue exercising consistently and in a way that feels good,” the trainer says.

Johns Hopkins Hospital suggests that postpartum workouts include moderate cardio and exercise that builds up the muscles of the torso. In short, moms need to strengthen their cores. However, it might be a good idea to talk to your doctor before you start any new exercise regimen. Especially if it’s been a while since you’ve been active.

Image credits: Andres Ayrton (not the actual photo)

The author elaborated a bit more in the comments of the discussion that she started

Here’s what some other readers said. Many of them thought the sister’s husband may have been to blame

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