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Self-care is important to our mental, emotional, and physical health. But somewhere down the road, it has become a mere buzzword.
Content creators are teaching us about morning meditation, daily journaling, the ideal bedtime, practicing gratitude, walking, sugar detoxes, caffeine detoxes, digital detoxes—seriously, how many forms of detoxes?—and businesses are selling bath bombs, essential oils, mindfulness apps, fitness trackers, aromatherapy diffusers, weighted blankets, stress-relief candles, ambient sound machines, massage guns…
Don't get me wrong; none of these things are bad per se. It's just that consumerism has taken over what was supposed to be a personal and meaningful habit, and now we're being led to believe that we have to buy into the latest fad if we want to stay well.
So Reddit user Kendraxquinn asked people to list widespread self-care trends that they think are actually toxic. And they responded. Below, you will find some of the most popular entries and a chat we had with psychologist Lindsay Staples in between them!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Toxic positivity.
"Your own thinking is the cause for all your hardships. Just think positive and all your problems will go away. If they don't, you're not thinking positive enough."
Congratulations, now people going through true hardships that have no or no easy solutions feel a giant amount of guilt on top of it.
"The term 'self-care' started out as a gentle reminder to treat yourself as human, and has become a superficial prescription for a narrow list of activities that don't do much to actually solve our problems," Lindsay Staples, PhD, who provides individual therapy for adults exclusively by telehealth to maximize accessibility and convenience, told Bored Panda.
"My job as a psychologist is hard sometimes. I absolutely need to take care of myself, but if one more person suggests I just take a bubble bath, I'm going to throw something."
RELATED:
#2
Letting your children do a beauty regime. 9 year olds do not need to exfoliate, use night cream and day serum, and beg their mommie to spend $50 on special face potions and silk pillowcases
Slap some sunscreen and a big hat on them, and keep them the f**k off social media.
#3
Any kind of “cleanse”. That’s what your liver and kidneys do.
Gavin Johnson 4 months ago
Superfoods are just foods, rehydration works with water, cleansing foods / drinks don’t, they are dealt with in exactly the same way as other foodstuffs by your body, your body is very good at sorting itself out so long as you swerve the processed foods.
Staples thinks of the whole thing a little differently. "Rather than a list of superficial self-care activities, I have a list of personal limits," she shared.
"For example, I do not schedule more than three clients in a row without a break. I make time for my dogs every day. I don't let a full week go by without spending at least some time with a friend."
"Sometimes the demands of my job cause me to compromise on these limits temporarily. But if I'm not following these personal rules of thumb for an extended period, then I am living unsustainably," Staples added.
#4
Mistaking things within the normal range of human emotion as mental illness.
You're *supposed* to feel anxious sometimes. Anger, disappointment, sadness? They're all valid emotions you will sometimes feel.
#5
HAES, "Healthy at every size," has been distorted to mean you're healthy no matter what and that's just not true. Nobody should be fat shamed, but being overweight isn't a healthy choice.
"Taking care of myself means being aware of what I need and being careful not to make too many compromises. So if you're trying to bring more self-care into your life, observe what feeds you and what drains you, and name some flexible rules for yourself."
"Always dragging on Monday mornings? Don't schedule meetings then unless you really need to. Haven't been making time for leisure and enjoyment? Start protecting Saturday afternoons and say no to extra demands unless you can name a really good reason to say yes."
#6
Radical selfishness to the point that you don't think you should ever have to compromise, sacrifice, be inconvenienced by, or have an imperfect interaction with someone.
Koalafied to komment 4 months ago
This one! Making yourself a priority does not mean that you can do whatever you want, hurt others or behave like a general ässhole.
#7
Carbs are not bad for you. Gluten is not bad for you. Calories are not evil. Dairy is not bad for you. Grains are not bad for you. Sugar is not bad for you.
These things BECOME bad for you if a) you're allergic to them or otherwise intolerant, b) it's the only thing you eat, c) it's ultraprocessed and not balanced out with unprocessed foods.
With all this diet culture c**p people have no idea what an actual healthy, balanced diet looks like any more. Eat a mix of foods, mostly unprocessed, and don't punish yourself for indulging in the occasional piece of cake. Hating yourself into better habits does not work.
Nea 4 months ago
It is sad how most people attach negative emotions to food and eating these days. Immediately feeling guilt because you indulged in a meal for a couple of days. Constantly thinking about how ‘much’ less you should be eating. Food nourishes body and soul, it deserves positive emotions.
While it may feel like we are inundated with information about what we should eat and how much we should move, there often remains a disconnect between what we know and what we do.
To set ourselves up for success on our personal self-improvement journey, Staples believes there are a few strategies we can try.
"One is to stop and observe the things you do to feel better in the short term that have unwanted consequences in the long term," she said. "Those are usually the things keeping you stuck."
#8
"You have to love yourself before someone else will love you." I can say from experience that sometimes you need someone else to love you first. There was a time when my girlfriend saw value in me before I saw it in myself.
#9
That constant pressure to always look on the bright side and be positive no matter what. A friend of mine "Jessie" went through a really tough time and every time she tried to open up about how she was feeling, people just told her to "stay positive" or "look on the bright side." instead of helping. Sometimes, it's okay to feel down and talk about it because forcing positivity can actually make things worse.
Another strategy, according to Staples, is to take time and try to articulate your own personal values. To do that, the psychologist suggests asking yourself questions such as what goals or principles are most important to you. Is it family? Success? Compassion for others? Your own health?
Then, create mini-goals around them. "Make sure your goals are specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound. Don't say 'I'm going to stop getting takeout all the time.' Say 'I'm going to start going to the grocery store every Thursday and making a meal at home, and after a month I'll see how I feel.'"
#10
That whole 'hustle culture' thing. It's like society is telling us to burn out for the sake of productivity.
Wintermute 4 months ago
The fun part is when the "economy" adjusts to the side hustle culture and now all the extra money you make in your spare time goes towards paying basic living expenses instead of getting you ahead at all.
#11
Toxic Christianity.. I know far too many country club Christians who use their religious status as a way to never be wrong, to have no integrity because they were “called”, and to go fill up their cup (self care) every Sunday in an expensive outfit to then go treat people like garbage every other minute of the week.
While the beginning might be difficult, keep in mind that it takes 7 to 15 weeks to form a strong habit, and research shows that the key to doing so is gradual and consistent behavior change—with incentives often providing a helpful kickstart. A gradual step progression yields higher achievement levels and lower drop-offs than an abrupt and/or overly ambitious approach.
#12
The "how not to give a f**k" nonsense. I agree, don't give a f**k what people think if you enjoy a certain type of music. But do give a f**k about how your actions affect other people. Unfortunately, it seems that many people just take it to mean "don't care that you might hurt other people."
In order to self-care and self-love, it is important to consider what consequences your actions have on the world around you.
#13
Mommy wine/booze culture!!! Multiple drinks every night should not be the way you destress and look after yourself!!
Lame Llama 4 months ago
This seems to have staged a comeback since the pandemic. This is just rebranding functioning alcoholics.
#14
Waking up at 5/6am to be ultra productive as early as possible. Prioritise your sleep, guys
Edit: being a morning person is different and obviously if this sleep schedule works for you then great. But what's toxic is that it's pushed that waking up as early as possible is the best thing for everyone to be doing which is not true.
Roger9er 4 months ago
I get up at 6 when I have to leave home at 7, but that is solely because I need that time to get started and wake up properly. Shower, get dressed, make breakfast and lunch, eat and drink coffee while watching news, brush teeth, getting my stuff ready. All at a slow and chill pace.
#15
A popular self-care trend that’s actually toxic is constantly practicing ‘cutting off’ anyone who doesn’t agree with you. Sometimes, it’s important to have tough conversations, even if they’re uncomfortable. Isolating yourself from any criticism doesn’t help with personal growth.😌.
Koalafied to komment 4 months ago
Well, it depends on. Should I cut off a person that disagrees with me on something that doesn't touch our relationship at all? Naw. Should I cut off a person who constantly treats me like shît? Hell yeah.
#16
Self-prioritization to the extent that it morphs into main character syndrome or some other sort of extreme selfishness.
Other people matter too and I think we often need reminders of that.
BoredPossum 4 months ago
Hmm, maybe this concept comes from a place where they think that socialism is evil and the same as communism.
#17
Selfdiagnosing ADHD, OCD all those kinds of things. Lets leave that to the professionals. Feeling a bit of chaos in your head sometimes does not automatically make you have adhd.
cerinamroth 4 months ago
Yes! And it makes it harder for people with life-affecting conditions to get the help they need. My personal bugbear is PTSD. No, falling out with your friend does not give you PTSD.
#18
Neglecting sleep to get ahead in school or your career. Not getting enough sleep will catch up to you.
#19
Therapy speak as a whole. People parrot it with no real understanding and next thing it's being misused and abused everywhere. Words like "triggered" and "boundaries" do my head in. They both mean something very important and significant, but they don't mean what the internet uses them as.
cerinamroth 4 months ago
The big daddy of them all is surely "trauma". Along with "depressed" for just feeling a little bit sad about something.
#20
The Law of Attraction.
No one wants cancer, depression or a s****y spouse.
Stop telling people they can solve these things with positive thinking.
Do the therapy, take the meds, he's not going to change!
#21
I swear to God. The blatant selfishness I’ve seen under the guise of “protecting your boundaries”.
Yes, boundaries are important, but sometimes you should show up even when you’re not in the perfect mood. Sometimes you should do the favor without keeping score. And sometimes you should have the uncomfortable conversation even though you’d rather stick your head in the sand to protect your peace.
I completely forgot where I read/saw/heard this but it was something along the lines of “These people are going to end up with perfect boundaries and no friends” and that rang so true for me.
Lame Llama 4 months ago
I have dropped 2 friends in the last 2 years because they are so protective of their own boundaries that they were never there for their friends/me, but expect everyone to drop everything when they want to vent.
#22
Obsessively tracking every detail of your health can lead to more stress than benefits.
#23
Only doing things that feel good or spark joy. Sometimes for your own long term health and future you must do things that aren’t super duper fun.
#24
Those “aLpHa” boot camps are bad news.
The whole concept is nonsense, and a trap to exploit insecure men and take their money.
I think the female equivalent is those trips where they pay to go into the woods and scream and break things.
Just get a real therapist. It might even be covered by your health insurance.
#25
Every fad diet ever.
PeepPeep the duck 4 months ago (edited)
I hate that when I explain my usual eating habits to people who want to know how I keep my shape at my age etc they go ‘oh you’re on the keto diet’ and I’m like no I’m not on a diet I eat what I want, I just predominantly (cos my body prefers it) eat a high fat diet (bacon and steak fats etc) eggs everyday and salad to round it off. I still eat anything I feel but I keep in mind how much energy I’d be using that day and how big a stomach is and not overeat. I naturally don’t like snacks/ chocolate etc. if I’m sitting around getting stoned all day I’m not going to eat too much but if I’m swimming all day I’ll eat a whole pizza after (in between my normal meals) and maybe a pastry with custard or donuts etc
#26
Conflating “beauty culture” with self care. Patriarchy and capitalism convincing you to obsess over wrinkles showing, etc and making you engage in a million step beauty routine is not healthy or actually Caring for yourself, it’s actually unhealthy for your mind and body .. and wallet.
#27
Avoiding difficult conversations in the name of positive vibes.
#28
Thinking so highly of yourself that constructive criticism appears to be hateful.
#29
Insisting that self-care needs to be solitary and cost money. For most people, the self-care they really need is quality time with friends, family, and community, not buying some c**p to put on your face while you're alone in the tub.
Don't get me wrong, I'm an introvert and alone time keeps me sane, but I don't know if I've ever seen people celebrate "self-care" as being social.
Say No to Downvoting 4 months ago
I always feel like I am in the minority of this “ugh - people” narrative. Being with people fills my cup, energizes me and makes me a better mother and person. However, I have kids with special needs and a husband who works long hours. So I’m the only adult in my life for most of them time. I would love to be more social - but everyone else I know is so desperate to be away from people at the end of the day, I don’t really get the opportunity.
#30
Too much retail therapy/little treat culture. Obviously sometimes buying yourself something nice or getting a little treat because you did something great or had a bad day is fine and good. You can’t just constantly deprive yourself. But there’s a fine line between “I had a bad day, gotta get a Starbucks/cave in and buy that thing I’ve been looking for” and coffee out every day and a constant stream of Amazon boxes full of trinkets you don’t truly desire coming to the house. I’ve seen people put themselves into bad financial situations or turn into borderline hoarders because “I deserve a little treat” but it’s literally every day.
What do you think ?
Ellinor 4 months ago
I've seen a cute TikTok of a woman giving her recipe for a breakfast toast (bread, banana, chocolate drizzle and peanut butter), and all people were talking about in the comments were the calories that toast had. It made me a bit sad and scared, it must be awful not to be able just to enjoy good food...
Aerial (Any pronouns/Canadian/Jewish) 4 months ago
Oohh, that sounds like a really good combo. I'd try it if I was ever awake enough in the morning to make something with more than 2 steps!
Load More Replies...
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 4 months ago
A lot of these people are just seeing in extremes and don't get the point of the seld care in my opinion
Pheebs 4 months ago
That’s the point. They’re pointing out things that are reasonable for self-care, but are frequently taken to extremes. Or done without actually considering if it’s the self-care you need.
Load More Replies... Ellinor 4 months ago
I've seen a cute TikTok of a woman giving her recipe for a breakfast toast (bread, banana, chocolate drizzle and peanut butter), and all people were talking about in the comments were the calories that toast had. It made me a bit sad and scared, it must be awful not to be able just to enjoy good food...
Aerial (Any pronouns/Canadian/Jewish) 4 months ago
Oohh, that sounds like a really good combo. I'd try it if I was ever awake enough in the morning to make something with more than 2 steps!
Load More Replies... Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 4 months ago
A lot of these people are just seeing in extremes and don't get the point of the seld care in my opinion
Pheebs 4 months ago
That’s the point. They’re pointing out things that are reasonable for self-care, but are frequently taken to extremes. Or done without actually considering if it’s the self-care you need.
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