It was recently found out that a third of dog lovers would pick their furry pet over their partner if they were forced to choose between the two. These statistics might make some of you feel suddenly threatened by the presence of your partner’s four-legged best friend. However, keeping in mind how unpredictable and not-fluffy-enough humans are — we can’t help but wonder why the numbers aren’t a bit higher.

As it happens, u/throwdog1111 belongs to this camp of devoted dog owners. But as this 32-year-old reveals in her ‘Am I The [Jerk]‘ story full of plot twists, she was left with no other choice but to pick her 2-year-old Husky over her ungrateful little sister. After all, she tried to get rid of her furry best friend and not the other way around.

Feeling confident that her chosen punishment fits the crime— despite everyone’s opposing judgment from the sidelines—the author took this case before the ‘jury’ of the ‘Am I The A-Hole’ community to set things straight.

What separates dogs from humans is their unconditional love and everlasting loyalty

Dogs, like siblings or that one weird uncle who always shows up at family gatherings uninvited, are complex creatures. While they can occasionally turn on their owners—just like our beloved partners or best friends—they cannot feel betrayed because they do not have any concept of what it means to be betrayed. Nor can they betray you. Which makes it easier to understand why you’re likely going to find one in every household.

In order to learn more about the psychology behind betrayal and what it does to our mushy brains, we reached out to Dan Bates, a licensed professional counselor and a ‘mental health nerd‘, as he likes to call himself, who often writes about stress, family disputes and other unpleasant emotions.

A few moments after we start talking, Dan reminds us that the feeling of betrayal brings out emotions, like anger or pain, that hijacks even the strongest of minds. “That’s a natural response,” Bates reassured Bored Panda. “It’s appropriate to feel angry in those unfortunate situations. But what’s more important is not giving yourself over to anger and letting it dominate your decision-making.”

Of course, Dan acknowledges that this is easier said than done. So, we wonder if there’s a rule of thumb for catching your negative emotions before they take over you? “The first step is one that doesn’t involve any words or interaction with the person who may have caused it. It’s a rule that virtually everyone forgets, but it’s actually simple self-awareness — understanding how their behavior affected you,” he explained, adding that most opt to head straight for the confrontation and in worst cases — revenge.

Something that even our own family tends to forget when feeling threatened by man’s best friend

Image credits: Tranmautritam (not the actual photo)

After seeing how captivated people were with her story, the author filled in the gaps with additional information

Image credits: throwdog1111

In the article titled ‘6 Ways to De-Escalate a Heated Argument,’ Dan highlights the importance of self-control. “It’s never too late to turn a conflict around,” he argues there. When asked about self-control in the middle of the argument— which, as most of us will know, feels like steering a car with a steering wheel suddenly detached — Dan brings attention to the way we breathe.

“‘You’re a mental health professional. You went to school and you’re telling me about breathing? Right?’ But it has more to do with the mind-body connection than you’d think,” he explained. “Attending to your breathing” during difficult, all-engulfing arguments, Dan says, is like the last frontier which keeps us level-headed. Lose track of your breathing and something you might regret later will likely be said and done.

But what if, let’s say, your own flesh and blood tries to get rid of your dog? Or you have a BFF crashing for a week or so and all of a sudden your patience runs dry after all the futile requests they have simply ignored? Naturally, you’ll want to tell them off. Dan says there are two equally-correct approaches: one that involves burning all bridges, while another — preserving it.

“If you want to save a relationship with that person — in the way, honor your own self-dignity and self-respect — you ought to focus on the problem and not the person,” he said. Not only will this underline the boundaries you’re expecting not to be breached in the relationship but keep you appropriately assertive. Which, as Dan argues, “is really important” and helps to “voice feelings and concerns in a respectful way.”

Clearly, the judgment was pretty one-sided as people deemed the author ‘Not the a-hole’

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