“She’s not like other girls!” We’re all familiar with this phrase that became an internet phenomenon in the early 2010s. Girls who love eating pizza, who drink beer but never gain weight, girls who look like models without wearing makeup and girls who are just “one of the boys” because women never want to be friends with them.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with being unique, and we all have special quirks that will make us stand out. But the idea of claiming that you’re “not like other girls” doesn’t just celebrate one person’s uniqueness, it also implies that all other women are a monolith. And it perpetuates the idea that interesting women who may not like stereotypically feminine things are rare. 

The Not Like The Other Girls subreddit has been around for years now, and it has never had a shortage of content. The community has 944k members, and it’s one of the largest subreddits on the platform. But just like everything else, it has changed a bit over time. A few years ago, the posts may have been more focused on girls who want everyone to know that they don’t wear makeup, don’t like “girly” things and don’t ever plan on getting married.  

Today, however, there seems to be an influx of women posting online about how they’re not like other girls because they’re not feminists. Trad wives are becoming increasingly popular online, and today, lots of “pick me” girls seem to be conservative, anti-abortion and really into drinking raw milk for some reason. 

Regardless of what makes a woman believe that she’s not like the rest of us, it’s sad to see girls who want to separate themselves from other women. The women that I know are strong, brilliant, brave, creative, intelligent, hilarious and fascinating. I would love to be like them! But sadly, many of us have been taught from a young age that we should be in competition with other women and should compare ourselves to other girls, so unless we unlearn that toxic idea, it can be easy to fall into a pattern of trying to prove that we’re better than other women. 

Recently, the “not like other girls” women have also been labeled “pick me girls.” But they’re essentially the same archetype, women who go out of their way to separate themselves from other girls and gain male approval. But according to life coach Bayu Prihandito, we should approach this topic with empathy.

“People, especially young women as they continue to grow up, have to navigate a society filled with mixed messages about their worth, identity, and the roles they are expected to play,” Prihandito told CNN. “And you have social media, the usual suspect, amplifying these messages and creating an environment where external validation is not just sought after but often seems necessary.”

Internalized misogyny is a powerful and insidious thing that women need to be aware of to be able to break. Society tells us that women are one-dimensional beings who should love the color pink, taking care of the home, raising children and being submissive. And while there’s absolutely nothing wrong with any of those things if you genuinely want and enjoy them, the problem arises when girls are told that if they’re not like that, they must be super special and unique and quirky.   

It’s not these women’s fault that they’ve been sold the idea that most girls fit into a cookie-cutter mold. They did not come up with this idea themselves. However, in this day and age, we should not be perpetuating the belief that some women are better than others or that being “unique” makes you more valuable or attractive. Sadly, the media has done a great job at convincing men and women that girls who eat pizza or drink beer or actually like to spend all day in the kitchen are incredibly rare. 

The manic pixie dream girl is a prime example of a “not like the other girls” woman that often appears in TV shows and films. This could be Alaska in Looking for Alaska, Ramona Flowers in Scott Pilgrim v. The World, Clementine in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Summer in 500 Days of Summer and countless other female characters. This archetype is often portrayed through the male gaze and only there to enhance the male protagonist’s life or story. They usually don’t have much of a plot or development of their own and often leave him once they’ve served their purpose.   

Overall, the world should be much kinder to women. It seems like we can never win, whether we love Taylor Swift and Stanley cups or sports and metal music. Someone will always be judging us for our choices, so the least we can do is not judge each other and instead lift one another up. Women are awesome, regardless of what career path they choose and what they order at a restaurant! And we’re even more powerful when we work together.