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Person Considers Skipping Best Friend’s Wedding Over Her “Crazy” Gift Expectations
Attending your best friend’s wedding can be almost as exciting as planning your own. Being by their side to support one of the people you love most in the world can be an emotional experience. And you better make sure you have some tissues by your side when they walk down the aisle!
But after one bride informed her best friend that she was expecting an extravagant gift on her big day, the friend began to wonder if they should attend the celebration at all. Below, you’ll find the full story that was recently posted on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit, as well as some advice readers left the author.
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Guests usually bring a nice gift with them when attending a wedding
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
But when a bride revealed that she was expecting extravagant presents, her friend began to wonder if they should attend the celebration at all
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
Image credits: dang_zoey
On average, guests typically spend about $150 on wedding gifts
image credits: LightFieldStudios / Envato (not the actual photo)
We all know that throwing a wedding can take a huge chunk out of your budget, but what brides and grooms often forget is that attending weddings can be quite expensive as well. According to The Knot, the average cost of attending a wedding in 2024 was a whopping $580.
When you factor in the price of travel, accommodation, attire and gifts, agreeing to go to a wedding requires spending a lot more than just an afternoon and evening on the couple. So how much should we really be shelling out for wedding gifts? Isn’t your presence at the celebration enough of a present?
Experts at Zola note that how much you should spend on a wedding gift depends on your relationship to the bride and groom. For example, if you’re attending a colleague or a distant relative’s wedding, $75 to $100 should be plenty. For a friend or closer relative’s wedding, you might want to spend between $100 to $150.
And if the bride or groom is a close friend, immediate family member or you’re part of the wedding party, you should be prepared to spend at least $150 on a present. You might even want to spend more if you’re bringing a plus one to the occasion.
There’s also a general rule that some guests follow, which is to “cover your plate.” In other words, you may want to gift at least as much as the bride and groom spent per person on their wedding. But another important factor to consider is how much you can actually afford.
But guests can always get creative if they can’t afford an expensive present
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages / Envato (not the actual photo)
The Knot notes that, even though the bride and groom might be expecting more, $100 is a perfectly fine amount for a wedding gift if that’s all you can afford at the moment. In fact, guests were spending an average of $150 per wedding present in 2023. So asking friends and family members to spend $1,000 on a gift for the happy couple is simply unrealistic.
But what about wedding guests who can’t afford to purchase a present at all? Is it still worth it for them to attend? HuffPost got in touch with some etiquette experts to get to the bottom of this.
According to Jodi RR Smith, president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting, guests should simply ignore the “cover your plate” rule if money is tight. “Your gift budget is not a reflection of the couple’s budget,” she told HuffPost. “Your gift is reflective of your finances.”
And if you don’t want to show up to the wedding empty-handed, don’t hesitate to think outside the box. You can always write a meaningful, heartfelt card to the couple. Or gift them something that can’t be bought at the store, like help planting their first vegetable garden together or freshly baked bread and pastries from your own kitchen. Thrift stores can also be gold mines for anyone in search of a budget-friendly gift.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think it’s worth it for the author to attend the wedding with a modest gift? Or should they skip their best friend’s celebration altogether? And if you’d like to check out another Bored Panda article discussing similar themes, we recommend reading this one next!
The majority of readers agreed that the bride was being unreasonable
However, some thought the author was wrong for even considering skipping the event
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What do you think ?
Isa 6 days ago
Why this girl think that the bride is her friend? Specially after the comment saying if she couldn't give the bride the extravaganza present, that would be poorly considered in her friendship??? Friends don't make this kind of demand... and by the way, to tell people that they expect presents in the range of 1000 dollars/ euros its extremely tacky...as someone suggested, she should give the bride a book how to have good manners and don't go to the wedding..
SpiderWoman13 6 days ago
Honestly, this goes beyond the pale. What "best friend"? OP should skip the wedding and the friendship. NTA and "the bride" has terrible manners and poor etiquette.
Load More Replies...
CanadianDimes 6 days ago
Gifts are given; they shouldn’t be demanded. I think if you get married, you shouldn’t expect gifts at all - if people want to give them, that’s an added bonus. Treating your wedding as a cash grab is tacky AF
Crystal M 5 days ago
I know a couple getting married soon, they have spent nearly $100,000 so far. The invitation is requesting donations to the honeymoon fund!!!
Load More Replies...
The Other Guest 5 days ago
This bride is more interested in her friends' presents than she is in their presence. Tacky, greedy, and rude.
Tyke 6 days ago
OP should ask if it's going to reflect badly on her - who's doing the reflecting? Is it the Bride in which case she can admit she's a money grabber and doesn't value their friendship. If it's other guests then ask why they're being given full information on who gave what and why they know the financial values. I wouldn't go, and I wouldn't be friends with the bride anymore either.
Libstak 6 days ago (edited)
If she was the best friend, shouldn't she be the maid of honour? No, then wtf, that's not even a friend much less a bestie. A best friend would already know and have compassion for their friends difficulties to the point of ensuring that you knew just your presence was more than enough to complete their day.
Ima Manimal 3 days ago
“Oh sweetie, I put a card with ten $100 bills in it on the gift table. You didn’t get it?”
Michael Largey 5 days ago
The math is simple. Any "friend" who demands a $1,000 gift doesn't even deserve a $10 one.
Michelle Randazzo 5 days ago
Send her a nice card ,skip the wedding and cross her off your friends list.
WayoftheStarPrincess 4 days ago
When I go to weddings, my gift is usually that I show up.Most of my friends live at the literal opposite end of the country (which for pandas in the states is likeme living in the middle of South Dakota and them living in the south of New Mexico) and just travelling there would be around 1000$, let alone a place to stay, food and other stuff that comes with travelling. I didn't expect them to bring anything when they came to my wedding, they don't expect me to bring anything to their weddings/birthdays/etc. I show up with myself, a card and probably some local delicacy from the town I live in and if anyone complains, we ain't friends.
Dave Morris 5 days ago
It reflects poorly on her that she has that expectation. Not your friend, don't go, worth it.
Shaggy 5 days ago
Thing is, in the past, I don't recall any family members getting married actually going through the gifts until after the wedding, like the next day or 2. Have things changed?? I know we went through the gifts 25+ years ago a couple of days later. Frankly, we got the usual stuff, but my sister in law, who had no$$ at the time regifted us an electric grill from the 70's.. Yes it was used, but we knew they did not have much so did not really care. Are people actually going through the registry before the wedding and Judging their guests during?? Can't imagine that would be a good use of your time/emotions on your frigging wedding day...
KatSaidWhat 5 days ago
"It will reflect poorly"... nope, Felicia, it reflects poorly that you don't understand that people are not going to go for broke because you are getting married. This friendship has run its course, this is a cash grab.
Isa 6 days ago
Why this girl think that the bride is her friend? Specially after the comment saying if she couldn't give the bride the extravaganza present, that would be poorly considered in her friendship??? Friends don't make this kind of demand... and by the way, to tell people that they expect presents in the range of 1000 dollars/ euros its extremely tacky...as someone suggested, she should give the bride a book how to have good manners and don't go to the wedding..
SpiderWoman13 6 days ago
Honestly, this goes beyond the pale. What "best friend"? OP should skip the wedding and the friendship. NTA and "the bride" has terrible manners and poor etiquette.
Load More Replies... CanadianDimes 6 days ago
Gifts are given; they shouldn’t be demanded. I think if you get married, you shouldn’t expect gifts at all - if people want to give them, that’s an added bonus. Treating your wedding as a cash grab is tacky AF
Crystal M 5 days ago
I know a couple getting married soon, they have spent nearly $100,000 so far. The invitation is requesting donations to the honeymoon fund!!!
Load More Replies... The Other Guest 5 days ago
This bride is more interested in her friends' presents than she is in their presence. Tacky, greedy, and rude.
Tyke 6 days ago
OP should ask if it's going to reflect badly on her - who's doing the reflecting? Is it the Bride in which case she can admit she's a money grabber and doesn't value their friendship. If it's other guests then ask why they're being given full information on who gave what and why they know the financial values. I wouldn't go, and I wouldn't be friends with the bride anymore either.
Libstak 6 days ago (edited)
If she was the best friend, shouldn't she be the maid of honour? No, then wtf, that's not even a friend much less a bestie. A best friend would already know and have compassion for their friends difficulties to the point of ensuring that you knew just your presence was more than enough to complete their day.
Ima Manimal 3 days ago
“Oh sweetie, I put a card with ten $100 bills in it on the gift table. You didn’t get it?”
Michael Largey 5 days ago
The math is simple. Any "friend" who demands a $1,000 gift doesn't even deserve a $10 one.
Michelle Randazzo 5 days ago
Send her a nice card ,skip the wedding and cross her off your friends list.
WayoftheStarPrincess 4 days ago
When I go to weddings, my gift is usually that I show up.Most of my friends live at the literal opposite end of the country (which for pandas in the states is likeme living in the middle of South Dakota and them living in the south of New Mexico) and just travelling there would be around 1000$, let alone a place to stay, food and other stuff that comes with travelling. I didn't expect them to bring anything when they came to my wedding, they don't expect me to bring anything to their weddings/birthdays/etc. I show up with myself, a card and probably some local delicacy from the town I live in and if anyone complains, we ain't friends.
Dave Morris 5 days ago
It reflects poorly on her that she has that expectation. Not your friend, don't go, worth it.
Shaggy 5 days ago
Thing is, in the past, I don't recall any family members getting married actually going through the gifts until after the wedding, like the next day or 2. Have things changed?? I know we went through the gifts 25+ years ago a couple of days later. Frankly, we got the usual stuff, but my sister in law, who had no$$ at the time regifted us an electric grill from the 70's.. Yes it was used, but we knew they did not have much so did not really care. Are people actually going through the registry before the wedding and Judging their guests during?? Can't imagine that would be a good use of your time/emotions on your frigging wedding day...
KatSaidWhat 5 days ago
"It will reflect poorly"... nope, Felicia, it reflects poorly that you don't understand that people are not going to go for broke because you are getting married. This friendship has run its course, this is a cash grab.
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