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30 Couples Who Married Young Open Up About How It’s Going Years Later
Interview With Expert
“When you know, you know!” Lots of couples love using this saying to explain why they’ve decided to tie the knot soon into their relationships or before their brains are fully developed. And sometimes, they do know! Nearly half of people who marry their high school sweethearts stay together for good. But the other half, on the other hand, realizes that it’s impossible to see the future. And being in love while you’re young isn’t always enough to sustain a marriage forever.
Redditors who married young have recently been opening up about how their relationships are going now, a decade or more later. Below, you’ll find some of their most powerful stories, including some that are heartwarming and others that are heartbreaking. Keep reading to find a conversation with therapist Dr. Kathy McMahon, and be sure to upvote the stories that touch you!
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#1
I was 19, he was 20. I was four months pregnant. We were planning on getting married when we found out I was pregnant. People made bets we wouldn’t last 5 years. Then 10 years. We just celebrated 40 years. FORTY YEARS. My oldest brother has died, my two oldest sisters and younger brother are divorced. My next older sister literally hates me and punishes me, throwing my pregnancy and “sex before marriage” in my face…still, 40 years later. I don’t take it personally because I know her bitter-twice divorced a*s just can’t handle we’ve done well and she is still struggling. I’m not saying we haven’t seen a lot of ups and downs in 40 years, because we have seen a LOT of s**t. 40 years is a long time. There’s been a LOT of s**t, a LOT of great stuff, a LOT of s**t, a lot of laughs, a lot of boring times. Two kids and three grandkids later. Lots of jobs, vacations, trips. Fights, arguments, joy, sex, dry spells, love, lots of love, nights on the couch, nights away, nights intertwined. We’ve been through practically everything together. Loves and losses. And here we are….STILL. Are we still “in-love” with each other? I don’t know. Some days yes, some days no. Sometimes we can’t stand each other. But here we are. Forty f**king years. Yeah, f**king, not as much f**king, but still, here we are. Mostly because of our sense of humor. And really, who wants to do jail time.
To find out how this conversation started in the first place, we reached out to Reddit user 2moms1bun, who posed the question, "Those who got married young (under 25), how is it going 10+ years later?" She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and shared that she was inspired to ask the question because she and her wife hit a big milestone this year - their 15th wedding anniversary.
"I was thinking of being young and having important people in our lives, on both sides of our families, tell us not to get married," the OP said. "The two reasons were that they were against gay marriage that they didn’t like that we were ‘too young.’ So, I wanted to see what other experiences had been. Was there a higher divorce rate if people were 'too young'?"
RELATED:
#2
We've been best friends since high school. We met when I was 14 and he was 16. We dated when I was 18 and got married when I was 22. I am now 32 and he's 34, and four kids later, I forget we aren't teenagers anymore. We crawled out of poverty; broke away from our highly abusive, narcissistic, and racist families (we are a biracial couple) together; and broke generational curses with zero support systems. For better or worse...I always look forward to better with him, especially when it looks like every odd is stacked against us. One day we will get that vacation, baby. We just gotta hold on a little longer, and we will be laughing all the way to the bank, the same way we laughed together in the cardboard box!
2moms1bun shared that she doesn't believe there’s such thing as marrying too young, as long as both parties are around the same age and over 18. "I don’t think older couples fair better for having waited," she noted.
And as far as the replies to her post, the OP says, "There were some responses from people who had been married 50 and 60 years! Talk about couple goals! The idea of 70 and 80-year-olds taking to Reddit to brag about their spouse made my heart melt!"
#3
Married 30 years. Still happy. Life changes and gives you different challenges and it's great to have a real partner to meet them with you.
I just noticed that he's getting a little silver in his hair and I thought, what a privilege that I'm still here with him to see it. Maybe that's stupid but that's how I feel.
We also asked 2moms1bun if she had any wisdom to share with young couples who are planning on tying the knot soon. "What I do find makes the difference in any marriage is being best friends," she told Bored Panda. "I think it’s the best, most effective way to make a marriage last. A best friend is someone who will see you through anything, which is what a spouse should be! I’m so grateful that I married mine."
"My advice to anyone would be to ask yourself if the person beside you looked different, got sick, lost their career, or had another change, would you want to still be with them? Can you tell them anything? If the answer is yes, it’s likely that you are best friends and likely to do the work to make it last!" the OP added. "I’d like to thank my wife, Katie, for being my best friend, a wonderful mother, and my rock. Here’s to 50 more years!"
#4
Married at 19. Still together after 34 years. Not gonna say it's a perfect partnership but we both roll with the changes. Started out with him working and me at home with our son. Now I'm working full time and he's the househusband. Tell you the truth, he's better at it than I was.
#5
Together since we were 15/14…. Married at 23/22 … just turned (turning) 50. Still in love, and happy.
All marriages have their tough times, our is no exception but we always made the effort to work through it, rather than running.
Could be also because both of us come from divorce and didn’t want that for us or our kids.
Nicoletta Cattalani 9 months ago
"Together since we were 15/14" and "both of us come from divorce " ..... am I missing something?
We were also lucky enough to get in touch with psychologist and founder of Couples Therapy Inc., Dr. Kathy McMahon. She had a chat with Bored Panda and discussed some of the pros and cons of tying the knot young. “Consider marrying younger versus older as the difference a colleague described as a ‘cornerstone’ vs. ‘capstone’ marriage,” the therapist shared.
“We’ve Only Just Begun was a famous Carpenters wedding song because it was so true of most weddings a generation or two ago. These couples were just starting out in adulthood, defining their goals, careers, notions of family and intimate life,” Dr. McMahon continued. “They grew together. Had children younger, and grew along with their children. The older couple can better sing All of Me by John Legend. There is an ‘all of me,’ and they are in love ‘under water’ but are still doing fine.”
#6
Married at 20. We celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary next year. Traveled, bought a home, and thoroughly enjoyed each other for 7 years before having a child. I think sometimes people get really caught up in the idea of having a wedding and then they immediately have children. Don’t get me wrong, that’s totally great for some people. But my nugget of advice for all newly engaged/married couples is to really enjoy your marriage first. Give it the time it needs to flourish, because if things end up not working out in the end, you can amicably split with no children involved or affected. Just my two cents.
Ephemera Image 9 months ago
Give it time to mature into a solid relationship before bringing other souls into it.
People might also have different expectations coming into marriage depending on their ages. Dr. McMahon says that the immaturity of the cornerstone couple can produce problems, but their insecurities will keep them together in all but the most challenging situations. “And time does heal wounds in all but the worst marriages. Many ‘outlast’ their problems,” the expert shared.
“In the capstone wedding, these people have finished college and grad school, got settled in their careers, maybe a house, car, (and sometimes a child or two) and then looked for that ‘perfect mate’ who they could settle down and commit themselves to,” Dr. McMahon continued. “They realize that ‘perfect’ doesn’t exist.”
#7
Married at 18. Been together 20+ years. Still happily married.
I love the man, he's my rock, we have 3 kids, two with special needs, and instead of pulling us apart, it has brought us closer. We've had a few issues (mostly because we both grew up in conservative homes with traditional gender roles and we had to negotiate that quagmire to get to a healthier place) but for the most part we are super close, he writes me love notes on the bathroom mirror and we spend all our free time together. He's truly my best friend.
BUT when we got married we just "settled down." We live in the same small town, neither of us finished college. We've worked a series of jobs (not a career, just jobs to pay the bills) We don't have much of a social life outside our small friend group (who we rarely see face-to-face). We are happy in our little home but when we became adults, our world never got bigger. We aren't much different than we were as broke teenagers.
We don't go on grand adventures, we don't have fun stores from past vacations/times in our lives. I feel like we skipped out on the whole "adventure" part of being an adult and went straight to the "old, boring, bill paying" middle aged years.
Maybe it would have been different if we didn't have kids right away. Honestly, we had them early thinking that we'd be empty nesters by our mid-40s, but due to life circumstances (specifically my kids special needs, that we could have never planned for-no family history, etc) this is going to be our forever.
Honestly, I think I got lucky in my choice of partner. I was a depressed teen in a bad situation and and I hopped on the first lifeboat out. It was 100% luck that he ended up being such a great guy, because I honestly did not have the best handle on what a healthy relationship was supposed to look like. We were just very, very lucky.
Adjusting to living together might also be different for younger vs. older couples. “The cornerstone couple needs the wedding showers for the pots and pans and blenders. The capstone couple have had double of those, and often have had to make hard choices about living in ‘your place, my place’ or get a new home together,” Dr. McMahon explained.
“The cornerstone couple needed to learn to live with each other after living with their parents or roommates. The capstone couple have often gone past that stage and learned to live alone and establish a life that is ‘just so’ the way they like it,” the expert continued.
“There are conflicts in both, but these are different issues, as the younger couple might not have firm opinions, while the older couple might have tried several options before settling on what each likes best. The older couple might have the ability to compromise, but also the time to be whetted to why they think their way is best.”
#8
I had just turned 24, she was 22. I told her right off that I loved her and was going to marry her and we eloped about a month later. We celebrated our 23rd anniversary in December. We have a son, and are still very in love with each other. I’ve done a lot of dumb things in my life, getting married is the smartest thing I’ve done. Unfortunately she is very sick and will only get worse as time goes on, but I wouldn’t change our time together for anything. I love her and being with her is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
#9
Got hitched at 21, and it lasted for four years. As soon as the ink was dry on the marriage license, the real abuse began. We separated for six months before filing, and while waiting for our court date, I met someone new. My ex was already seeing someone (whom he cheated with), so I didn't feel bad dating. That 'someone new' is watching TV in the living room right now. We'll celebrate 24 years of marriage in May. He's a peach, and I'm a very lucky woman to have him.
Dr. McMahon also says that younger couples often bring children into a jello that has not yet firmly formed. “These women may delay career advancement to stay home with children, and their earlier-career incomes make this appear more doable. Maybe they work a part-time job, when a parent or partner can care for the children.”
On the other hand, older couples have likely put off children for a long time and now feel the biological pressure to start a family sooner rather than later. “They might have saved for an extended maternity leave, or have the seniority to rework their jobs for a while. But leaving their careers entirely is often impractical and undesirable for financial and emotional reasons,” Dr. McMahon shared. “The offspring ‘move in with’ these capstone parents, whereas the cornerstone parents ‘move in’ with their child(ren).”
#10
Married at 25 divorcing at 47. Communication is key. Try to argue a little too, we never did.
Flora Porter 9 months ago
If one or both partners is afraid to show anger, things are going to stay hidden that need daylight.
#11
I married my high school sweetheart when I was 23 and he was 25 after we'd dated for nine years. We just celebrated our 10-year wedding anniversary and are expecting our first kiddo in a couple of months. We started seeing each other when we were young, and we sort of shaped each other's personality. We are still independent people and definitely have our own likes/dislikes/hobbies/etc., but we do share a lot of interests, and there is an inherent comfort and understanding between us, since we have now been together for over half of our lives.
#12
Married at 23, over 20 years later the kids are grown, we're still together and happy. Kids have actually thanked us at different points for still being together because their friends always had f****d up family situations and we didn't.
It's not always easy. If you start from a place of "we said for as long as we live, and we mean it" solving marital arguments/problems promptly, fairly, and lovingly becomes the most important thing in life.
Michael Danhauer 9 months ago
Im divorced twice from the same woman... We both are good people who don't live well together... We tried so hard but sometimes the pieces don't fit no matter how much it looks like they should... My daughter is much happier with us apart and tells us how much better we are as parents too
But regardless of when couples are getting married, Dr. McMahon says we see a much deeper commitment to working on marriages and an acceptance of getting help in this generation. “The shame of ‘getting help’ is dramatically lessened regardless of the age of marriage,” she told Bored Panda. “Many see it as preventative. It might be SES that enables the capstone couples from getting it, rather than the fact that they ‘cherish’ their marriage more.”
“But that might be true as the capstone couple have ‘worked for’ their relationships from the beginning,” the expert added. “The capstone couple often have had a prior dating history and know what ‘fish in the sea’ are out there. It might be that having married earlier, the cornerstone couple imagine that they ‘married the wrong Ms/Mr Right’ and divorce holds greater promise.”
#13
Married at 23 and divorced by 27. He wanted to move back to his hometown. I fought it kicking and screaming. I was basically told to go or kick rocks. I went. I fell into a deep, dark depression from the lack of support from my husband and his family. I went home and filed for divorce. He had a new girl moved in before I could even file. That was 10 years ago. Took a lot of time for myself, then I finally met the man of my dreams. We got married a year ago and have one child together. My ex-husband is now in the sex offender registry. No idea why.
Rostit.. . 9 months ago
I suspect he commited a crime that put him on the list, Just a guess...
#14
Been with my wife since high school. 16 yrs later, 2 miscarriages, 1 child(7) later and this woman greets me at the door when I come home. We still just sit around laughing about any and everything, we understand we are a couple but we are individuals so we don’t take away from each others hobbies but instead celebrate them and grow them—I buy her crochet things and she gets me gaming stuff. I work and she stays home but she only wants to stay home until our kid is more capable of being alone cause she just misses it. We’ve won big and we’ve lost big together. During Covid we lost our house and all are things, I went into a deep depression and she talked me OUT OF WORKING and encouraged me to stay home and it took me awhile to adjust but I stayed home for a couple of YEARS and all she did was love me more. Our role switch was dope, I kept the house together, her clothes and our daughter’s clothes. I missed the first years of my daughters life so when Covid happened and I started to stay home it seemed like a reward cause I was able to build even further my relationship with my little girl. We are nowhere near where we want to be, it’s hard to go back when you’ve reached the proverbial “top” and lose it all but now we’re in a familiar city and we’re rebuilding—-together. More than anything I’m glad I didn’t let depression win, she’s been worth every bit of this life and thankfully I’ve been able to reciprocate….now for the adult part—man we been at it since we were kids and I’m telling she still get into a whole a*s waterfall and I’m still getting up on demand. In spite of everything we’ve gone thru in our life, we still love each other mentally and physically. It’s going freakin great
Nicoletta Cattalani 9 months ago
This is nowhere near where I feel in my current relationship of 10 years. Makes me wanna cry
#15
Married at 22. I was too immature to make such a decision. I woke up one morning and looked at my sleeping wife and said, to myself, who is this person and how and why am I even here?
We divorced and I'm happily remarried.
Dr. McMahon also noted that the cornerstone women who put off careers in favor of children do make a contribution to society too; they just do it when they’re older. “By their 40’s, the kids are grown, and it is often a time they focus on themselves,” she explained. “These cornerstone couples may have more economic stress as a result, earlier on, and a smaller retirement account for the women to rely on if they divorce.”
#16
We met and started dating in 8th grade at 14, married at 23, and will be celebrating our 16 year anniversary this year. When you find the right person to make a team with, it’s easy to wake up every day and look forward to life with her!.
Nika the Great 9 months ago (edited)
So meeting your soulmate at 14 IS possible! Guys should I ask him out? UPDATE: he has a gf. Thank God I overheard before I asked him. Me rn: 😎🕶️🤏🥲
#17
I had turned 20 less than a week before and he'd just turned 19. We stayed married for 5 miserable years and 2 kids before I asked for a divorce. And it truly was misery the entire time.
We've now been divorced for over 10 years and there's an ocean between us and we have a great sibling-like relationship lol.
#18
We were in the same dorm and met her first day of college. Instant connection. Started dating officially like 3 days later. Married at 22 and 21 respectively. 14 years later we have three kids including newborn twins. Life is as good as can be.
"Disembodied voice" 9 months ago
My partner was also my college room mate, been together for 11 years 😁
At the end of the day, the therapist says there’s no wrong age to get married. “Other than in pure financial terms (and this is a big ‘but’ as money worries do impact marriage greatly) let me use this metaphor about these marriages: The cornerstone marriage might be thought of as a shimmering dress with hundreds of jewels, whereas a capstone marriage might be more like a satin dress with a large diamond necklace. Both are gorgeous if you have the opportunity to wear them, they are just different.”
If you’d like to hear more wise words about marriage and relationships, be sure to visit Couples Therapy Inc!
#19
Married at 19, still married to the same guy at 63. For all of the ups and downs of our marriage there is still great love there BUT I do wish that I had experienced a more independent, adult life, since I never went to college and I also went directly from my parents’ house to my married house.
Also, in 1980 if was so much more the norm to get married rather than live together, so there was that pressure too, to get married before settling down.
#20
Both under 25. Marriage lasted a year and a month. Too young, too poor, too idealistic. We both went on to happy and successful long term second marriages. My wife and I were married for 38 years.
#21
Not only did I marry young, I married my first boyfriend and he was long distance for 3 years before we even physically met. He's from Kazakhstan and I'm American. We are still happily married and we're going back to Kazakhstan to visit his family soon. He stayed by my side through my cancer treatments and he's been incredibly kind to me.
#22
We were both 25 when my husband and I got married. Had been together since age 18 & 19, had our daughter at 21, and married at 25.
It’s going fairly well by all accounts, but not without any problems or things to work through. It helped for us that we already had our daughter, we had already been living together and already had agreed upon financial stuff long before we even talked about marriage.
I think the biggest piece of advice or wisdom I have, is find a partner who is willing to let you grow. Someone who sees you in any season of life and wants to be around you. Someone who you in return will let grow, change and see through different seasons of life.
There are huge changes that happen after age 25-26 and even more after you turn 30. And if you are with someone who is expecting the same old you, it’s never going to work, no matter what age you were when you got married. Marriage means constantly and actively choosing that person over and over again. Everyday. In every part of your lives together.
#23
Got married at 23 and became parents at 24. We're now 15 years in, and we’re doing fine. He’s still my best friend and we rarely fight. We started dating at 17 and 18, so it’s not as if it was a short relationship. Honestly, I’m sure part of the reason we’re never going to get divorced is that neither one of us has any desire at all to date again. It sounds terrible.
#25
I got married at 18, decided to leave at 19, found out I was pregnant so I stayed, tried to make it work, had another kid at 23 and asked for a divorce at 25. Finalized in 1992. Have not remarried because that one was enough for 10 lifetimes.
#26
I married at 19 & my husband was 21, we just celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary. It's going good, I'd say. There is nothing better than going through life with your best friend by your side. We've raised 2 kids, own a home, 2 dogs and now that the kids are grown we can mess around with our hobbies to our hearts content.
I have multiple health issues and he has been my rock throughout the 28 years since my MS diagnosis. It hasn't always been easy, and we do get on each other's nerves now and again, but we always get passed the rough parts. Jealousy and insecurity are things of the past and learning to trust and communicate was difficult from me coming from a childhood filled with DV, and he was up to the challenge and helped me get past a lot of my childhood issues and fears of abandonment. We've supported each other through health problems, job loss, loss of both of his parents, my Grandparents (they raised me after Mom was m*****ed), and both of my younger sisters. Knowing my other half is always there to reach out to at any time is comforting in a way I never expected. I love him more with each passing year.
#27
Met senior year of college. Dated a year before we got engaged and then married a year later. Married at 23 and will be celebrating our 28th anniversary this year! We have 2 kids and we love each other more than ever.
#28
Married at 23, will be married 19 years this year. Going great, he's my best friend. We have 2 kids out of the house and 2 still home (1 in college, 1 in high school). It's fun planning for retirement and being able to travel now that the kids are older (sometimes with them, sometimes without). It wasn't always easy, and we did marriage counseling twice, but our love never wavered and we meant our vows.
#29
Married at 18 husband 21. He died when he was 49. He told me when we got married and all the way through our marriage he wouldn’t reach 50.
#30
We are 40. Started dating at 16 (2000) Got married in our 20s (2009). We have 2 kids. . . I love him very much & think he is a pretty amazing husband over all. But I do sometimes think picking your forever at a young age isn’t great. I think we both could have found people we have more in common with . . . We were just teens/young adults who kept not wanting to go thru the heartache of breaking up for good (we would split & get back together frequently until we had a kid together.) . . We love each other. But sometimes I think we both could have done better if we didnt try so hard to stick it out. But that’s ok. I’m happy if he is my forever.
What do you think ?
Ziggyc 9 months ago
I met my now Husband when I was 16,we had our first baby at 18..married at 19..another baby at 20.We are celebrating our 35th wedding anniversary this September.We are still madly in love and each other's best friends ,have seen a lot of hard times together but also alot of amazing times.We now have two little Grandchildren and I couldn't imagine navigating life without my Husband
gmf 9 months ago
People will either grow together, or grow apart for innumerable reasons - it doesn't matter whether they're 20 or 50. There's no magic recipe for success. Saying this doesn't sell books, though.
Becca not Becky 9 months ago
Yup. I know people who dated for years and divorced within 2 years of marriage, and I know people who were super young but stayed together for decades (and counting). It's less about the age and time spent dating, and all about the people themselves.
Load More Replies...
Auntriarch 9 months ago (edited)
My parents married when she was 21 and he was 20. If they both make it to November 10, they will have been married 68 years. When I'm having a particularly morbid moment, I wish that they both go together in an instantaneous single-car accident.
Ziggyc 9 months ago
I met my now Husband when I was 16,we had our first baby at 18..married at 19..another baby at 20.We are celebrating our 35th wedding anniversary this September.We are still madly in love and each other's best friends ,have seen a lot of hard times together but also alot of amazing times.We now have two little Grandchildren and I couldn't imagine navigating life without my Husband
gmf 9 months ago
People will either grow together, or grow apart for innumerable reasons - it doesn't matter whether they're 20 or 50. There's no magic recipe for success. Saying this doesn't sell books, though.
Becca not Becky 9 months ago
Yup. I know people who dated for years and divorced within 2 years of marriage, and I know people who were super young but stayed together for decades (and counting). It's less about the age and time spent dating, and all about the people themselves.
Load More Replies... Auntriarch 9 months ago (edited)
My parents married when she was 21 and he was 20. If they both make it to November 10, they will have been married 68 years. When I'm having a particularly morbid moment, I wish that they both go together in an instantaneous single-car accident.
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